Jesus our Foundation
Jesus The Foundation of the Family
November 11, 2007
Ephesians 5:21-6:9
There is a parable in Luke 15 about the lost coin. The woman searches diligently until she finds it. At the end of the parable, Jesus equates one lost coin and the joy she feels to the angels in heaven rejoicing over one sinner who repents. Every soul who repents is precious to Jesus. And Jesus Himself becomes precious to every repentant believer.
Jesus is precious because he removes our guilt. He is precious because he gives us eternal life.. Jesus Christ is the most important man that ever lived. To know him is more valuable than knowing all the most famous and powerful people of history. To be known and loved by him is a greater honor than if all the heads of state were to bow in your presence. When this world is over and we stand before the judgment seat of God, many of you will look back with shame and dismay at how small was the place granted to the precious Son of God: how seldom you spoke to him, how little of his Word you learned, how half-hearted your resolve to obey Him, how narrow the sphere in which you eagerly sought his lordship. And on that day you will wonder no more why you were so discontented in your earthly life: discontent at work, discontent in school, discontent at church, discontent at home. It will all become clear: half-hearted allegiance to the lordship of Christ not only robs Jesus of the honor we owe him, but also robs us of joy and purpose.
As we see in Romans 14:9: “For to this end Christ died and lived again, that He might be Lord both of the dead and of the living”, that Jesus desires so much to be Lord in your life that he died for that purpose, then is it not plain that in every part of your life Jesus wants to be Lord? There is no time or place or activity in your daily routine where Jesus does not want to be your owner, your provider, and your commander. And you will never know joy and authenticity in the minute by minute until you are wholly surrendered to him. That is, until at work you say, "Anything you ask, Jesus. Anything you say, Jesus, at school. Anything you say, Jesus, at church. Jesus, I will do anything, anything you say at home."
Everybody wants a contented home. And most people want a purposeful home—a home with a mission beyond the mere satisfaction of daily desires. We want homes where each person flowers rather than fades. Homes with the aroma of respect rather than the odor of continual belittling. Homes with laughter instead of bitterness, eye to eye conversations instead of sporadic comments, peace instead of conflict. We all want this kind of home, don’t we? But how can we achieve it? That is where our key passage for today comes in, a passage which has been known to provoke intense feelings. Let’s look at it now. Please turn to Ephesians 5 and we’ll read from verse 21 through to chapter 6, verse 9: “and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to subject their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body.
FOR THIS CAUSE A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER, AND SHALL CLEAVE TO HIS WIFE; AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise),
THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH. And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Slaves, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in the sincerity of your heart, as to Christ; not by way of eye-service, as men-pleasers, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart. With good will render service, as to the Lord, and not to men, knowing that whatever good thing each one does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether slave or free. And, masters, do the same things to them, and give up threatening, knowing that both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no partiality with Him.
The importance of family life can scarcely be exaggerated. O how crucial in the development of a child is his family. And not only children—but also husbands and wives are made more or less fruitful by their home. We want a happy home and a family with a purpose and a mission. And my message today is that the lordship of Jesus Christ is the only lasting foundation of such a home. Trusting Christ as Savior, surrendering to him as Lord, and orienting all of your family relations to him, transforms the home into a little heaven on earth. And even if some member of your family is not a believer, there is more grace and power under the lordship of Jesus than anywhere else. He is precious as the foundation of the family.
What I want to do this morning from our text in Ephesians 5 is make one main point. The main point is this: Christian family life is a work of God's Spirit in the lives of those who do everything for Christ's sake.
Ephesians 5:21–6:9 is a fairly familiar text. It deals with wives and husbands, children and fathers, slaves and masters. In a typical household of that time, those were the three dominant relationships that needed to be regulated. Paul was answering the question: what difference does it make in a family when its members become Christians? The very existence of such a text in the New Testament (and there are several of them—Colossians 3:18–4:1; 1 Peter 2:18–3:7; Titus 2:4–10) shows that God is not indifferent about the ordinary give and take of home-life. If Christ is your Lord, he is Lord of your daily life.
But what is not as familiar about this text is the context in which Paul puts it. Look back to verse 15: "Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, making the most of the time because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit." And then comes a series of phrases which tell us the effect of being filled with the Spirit of God: "addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with all your heart, always and for everything giving thanks in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God the Father." And then most of the English versions do something that makes it very hard to see Paul's intention. They put a period or semicolon at the end of verse 20 and translate verse 21, "Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ." But in the original, "Be subject" is not a new sentence or a main verb. It is another participle like "addressing," "singing," "making melody," and "giving thanks” and “being subject." Verse 21 is an explanation of what it means to be filled with the Spirit. Literally, then, the passage reads: "Be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord in your heart, always and for everything giving thanks in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God the Father, being subject to one another out of reverence for Christ." The purpose this passage is to spell out what happens when you are filled with the Holy Spirit. Your heart overflows in song to each other and to the Lord. Thankfulness is at the center of those heart songs. And when you are filled with the Spirit, you will submit to one another.
When the Holy Spirit is holding full sway in your life, then your heart brims with gratitude and your heart humbly submits to serve those around you. Submit translates a military term (hupotasso – Greek) which means “to place under” or “subordinate.” One of life’s most important lessons is the necessity of submission to the will of God. Therefore God uses relationships to teach submissiveness to Him. Submission implies no coercion or condescension but a voluntary recognition of God-ordained leadership: wife to husband, children to parents, workers to employer, etc. Submitting yourself to someone means not rebelling with a sense of superiority or a feeling that you are too good to stoop and help when someone asks you for service. It's what Paul means when he says in Ephesians 4:1–2, "Lead a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called in all lowliness and meekness, with patience, forbearing one another in love." And in Romans 15:2, "Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to edify him." And Romans 12:10, "Outdo one another in showing honor." And Philippians 2:3, "Do nothing from selfishness or conceit, but in lowliness count each other better than yourselves." That kind of humility and readiness to serve rather than be served, to honor rather than be honored, is a fruit of the Spirit. And when we are filled with the Spirit, we will be submissive to each other in this way. That is the connection between verses 18 and 21.
But now comes the crucial connection with family life. Verses 22 forward. are clearly an extension and application of the principle in verse 21 of submitting in fear of God. We know this mainly from the grammar of the text. The command in verse 22, "Wives be subject to your husbands," has no verb in the original. It simply says, "Wives submit to your own husbands." Which means it is a continuation of the previous verse. The flow of thought then would be: "Be filled with the Spirit . . . submitting to each other out of reverence for Christ, wives to your own husbands as to the Lord."
So now it should be evident where I got my main point: Christian family life is a work of God's Spirit. The submission of a wife to her husband and a husband's love to his wife (vv. 22–33),the obedience of children and their nurturing by parents (6:1–4), the obedience of servants and the forbearance of masters (6:5–9) all are expansions of the principle in: "submitting to each other in reverence to Christ." And this submission in is a description of how people act when they are filled with the Holy Spirit. Therefore, all of Christian family life is a work of God's Spirit. Jesus is the Foundation of the Family.
But my main point had another part. I said, "Christian family life is a work of God's Spirit in the lives of those who do everything for Christ's sake." Even though the Spirit of God is free to blow where he wills, there is a God-ordained correlation between submission to Jesus as Lord and the work of the Spirit. Paul said in 1 Corinthians 12:3, "No one speaking by the Spirit of God ever says 'Jesus be accursed!' and no one can say 'Jesus is Lord' except by the Holy Spirit." Wherever a person bows in humility under the lordship of Christ, there the Spirit of God is at work. It is the mission of the Spirit to exalt Jesus Christ. Jesus said in John 16:14, when the Spirit comes, "He will glorify me." Therefore, when we are filled with the Spirit, we are in love with the glory of Christ and we delight to bow to him as Lord. Or to put it the other way around, if we desire to see the Spirit of God transform our family life, we must surrender totally to Jesus as Lord and turn all our daily doings into an offering of worship to him. When the Spirit reigns in your life, you do everything with a view to honoring Jesus. And in that way Jesus becomes the foundation and focus and goal of your family, and do you think life at home is transformed? You bet! I usually begin my day at 6:30. After I make coffee I head to my office for my quiet time with the Lord. Two hours later I emerge. Do you think I emerge the same as I go into my devotions? No! I go into my closet time, groggy and grump (says Marcy). I come out transformed. After 2 hours of being in the Word and in prayer, I come out energized yet full of inner peace. That is what happens when I spend two hours in the presence of God! And, I’m sure, the same would happen to you if you gave Him quality time at the beginning of your day. Try it! And don’t use tired the old excuse, “I’m too busy or I don’t have time.” If you’re that busy you need this quality time with Him even more. You may have to get up earlier, but it will be worth it for the sake of your family, if not for yourself. You will bless your family with the overflow of blessing you receive by honoring God by giving Him the firstfruits of your day. Now, back to our text.
Notice the evidence for transformation in the text. After commanding us to be filled with the Spirit in verse 18, almost every verse that follows all the way to 6:9 shows that the Spirit's work is to exalt Christ and orient all of life (especially family life) on him. Let's follow his thought. First, in verse 19 the Spirit produces songs to the Lord (Jesus). Then, in verse 20 he produces gratitude to God in the name of the Lord Jesus. Then, in verse 21 he produces submission in reverence for Christ. In verse 22 wives submit themselves to their husbands as to the Lord. In verse 25 husbands love their wives as Christ loved the church. In 6:1 children obey their parents in the Lord. In verse 4 fathers bring up their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. In verse 5 slaves obey their earthly masters in singleness of heart as to Christ. And in verse 9 masters leave off threatening because they too have a Master in heaven. When a family is filled with the Spirit, everything is oriented on Christ. Christian family life is a work of God's Spirit in the lives of those who do everything for Christ's sake. That's the main point.
And now I want to look briefly at two of Paul's applications of this truth in our text: first a word to husbands, then to wives, then a closing challenge to all to be filled with the Spirit, yielded to the lordship of Christ for the sake of our families. The word to husbands is this: Be filled with the Spirit! Yield to the lordship of Christ! And then recognize this: your God-appointed headship in the family is to be exercised in love on the pattern of Christ's love for the church and we all know what Christ’s love of the church cost Him? Christ’s pattern for love is sacrificial. I believe many people today make the mistake of saying that since mutual submission of all believers to each other is taught in verse 21, therefore there is no distinction between the roles of husband and wife. But the text simply will not allow this. What these verses do is spell out the peculiar forms that lowliness and submissiveness of husband and wife will take. And they are not the same. The wife is compared to the church, the husband compared to Christ. The husband is compared to the head, the wife is compared to his body. If all Paul wanted to say was "Submit to each other," he could have left out verses 22–33 altogether. But we know from other letters he wrote (1 Corinthians 11, 1 Timothy 2) that Paul sees in the created order a God-appointed distinction between male and female that makes the man's headship or leadership in marriage fitting and beautiful.
Satan in Church
A few minutes before the church services started, the
congregation was sitting in their pews and talking..
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front
entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to
get away from evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly
gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving,
seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate
enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?”
'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.
'Nope, sure ain't.' said the man.
'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.
'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man,
in an even tone.
'Did you know that I can cause you profound,
horrifying AGONY for all eternity?' persisted Satan.
'Yep,' was the calm reply.
'And you are still not afraid?' asked Satan.
'Nope,' said the old man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't
you afraid of me?'
The man calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister
for 48 years.'
But what the apostle stresses here in Ephesians 5:25–33 is that husbands should be filled with the Holy Spirit, eager to exalt Jesus Christ, and therefore ready to conform their leadership to Christ's. Christ fulfilled his headship or leadership over the disciples through sacrificial service. Jesus did not cease to be the leader of the disciples when he stooped to wash their feet (John 13:13–15). And when he hung on the cross, the weakest of the weak for the sake of his bride, the church, he was no less her head. Woe to the husband who thinks that his maleness requires of him a domineering, demanding attitude toward his wife. This is not the mark of a Christ-like head but the mark of a childish bully.
But the subordinate point of this text for husbands is just as needed today as the main point, namely, you are to be the leader and head of your household under Christ. Do not let the rhetoric of contemporary feminism cow you into thinking that Christ-like leadership in the home is bad. It is what our homes need more than anything. Husbands, for all your meekness and all your servanthood and all your submission to your wife's deep desires and needs, you are still the head, the leader. What I mean is this: it is you who should take the lead in the things of the Spirit; it is you who should lead the family in prayer, in the study of God's Word, in worship; it is you who should lead out in giving the family a vision of its mission; it is you who should take the lead in shaping the moral fabric of the home and in governing its happy peace. I have never yet met a woman who chafes under such Christ-like leadership. But I know of many women whose lives are unhappy because their husbands have no moral vision, no spiritual conception of what a family is for, and therefore no desire to lead anyone anywhere.
Have you seen the Camel Cigarette billboards—the curly-headed, bronze-faced, muscular macho with the cigarette hanging out the side of his mouth? The sign says, "Where a man belongs." You know what I pray when I think about that sign? I pray that Good Shepherd Community Church will be filled with men who, when they see that sign, say, "To hell with such lies!"—men who know that where a man belongs is on his knees beside his wife, leading in prayer. Where a man belongs is at the bedside of his children, leading in devotion and prayer. Where a man belongs is in the driver's seat, leading his family to the house of God. Where a man belongs is up early and alone with God, seeking vision and direction for the family. Men, I challenge you in the name of Jesus Christ our King, be where you belong!
And now a brief word to wives. There is a species of praying mantis which has an unusual mating habit. The female begins to eat the male while they are mating; when she reaches his abdomen, the mating is completed. The father becomes a nourishing meal, providing food for the eggs that become his children. Now, why do you think I inserted this interesting tidbit right here? Does your marriage have a quality of praying mantis in it? In its context Ephesians 5:22 means: if you are filled with the Spirit and yielded to the lordship of Christ, then you will be subject to your husbands as to the Lord. That little phrase "as to the Lord" has two implications. One is that a woman's first and ultimate allegiance is to the Lord Jesus and that other allegiances are subordinate to and derived from this one. The other implication is that a wife's submission will vary according to the quality of her husband's leadership. Let me explain: If the husband is a godly man who has a biblical vision for the family and leads out in the things of the Spirit, a godly woman will rejoice in this leadership and support him in it. She will no more be squelched by this leadership than disciples are squelched by the leadership of Jesus. If she thinks his vision is distorted or his direction is unbiblical, she will not sit in dumb silence but query him in a spirit of meekness and may often save his foot from stumbling. For husband-headship does not mean infallibility or hostility to correction. Nor does the wife's involvement in shaping the direction of the family involve insubordination.
But if a Christian woman is married to a man who provides no vision, gives no moral direction, takes no lead in the things of the Spirit, the form of her submission will be different. Under the lordship of Christ she will not join her husband in sin, even if he wants her to. And where she can, she will give a spiritual vision and moral direction to her children. But even in this she need not communicate a cocky spirit of insubordination. Even when she must, for Christ's sake, do what her husband does not approve of, she can try to explain in a tranquil and gentle spirit that it is not because she wants to go against him but because she is bound to Christ. Yet it will do no good to preach at him. At the root of his being he is dreadfully guilty that he is not assuming the moral leadership of his house. She must give him room and in quietness and prayerfulness win him by her powerful and sacrificial love (1 Peter 3:1–6).
In conclusion, there is a God-ordained pattern of headship and submission, of leadership and joyful support of that leadership, within the family. It has been conceived by God and revealed to us that we might discover happiness at home and a meaningful mission for our family. It is the work of the Spirit of God in the lives of those who do everything for Christ's sake. Therefore, the question for you who want a happy home and a meaningful mission for your family is: Are you filled with the Spirit of God and yielded to the lordship of Christ? Is Jesus the foundation of your family?