Win Your Sibling Over

Dearly loved people of God,

Many believers find comfort in Jesus’ assurance that whenever 2-3 are gathered in his name, Jesus is there too. We hear this verse recited when only a few people make it to a Bible study. It gets mentioned when church attendance is low on a Sunday evening. Jesus’ promise to be there applies to such situations, but such situations aren’t top of mind when Jesus made this promise.

Jesus promised his presence among 2-3 followers when they were settling disputes and exercising Christian Discipline. This passage is closely related to the verses we read from , two weeks ago:

If you forgive anyone his sins, they are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven. , NIV

, NIV

Our passage this evening is some of Jesus’ clearest teaching on reconciling with someone who has sinned against you.

My understanding of this passage on Christian Discipline in was shaped by a course I took in seminary on Admonition and Discipline in the Church Order. The diagram I use and the application of this passage are taken from one of the books I read for that course. I’ve been using that material for the past 13-14 years and have adopted it for myself.

Right off the top, I want to remind you that the point of Christian Discipline is reconciliation and forgiveness. Talking about sin and offenses is important because forgiveness and reconciliation are made possible and made necessary by the grace and forgiveness we enjoy as Jesus Christ. Our forgiveness from God is connected to the forgiveness we extend to others in the petition of the Lord’s Prayer, “forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.” Jesus reinforces that in The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant.

Jesus’ teaching in can be depicted in a diagram.

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It’s an angle showing various stages of discipline. What’s the first step of discipline? That’s something of a trick question, because Jesus doesn’t mention it in this passage.

Self-discipline or self-control. This is our ability to keep our actions under control or to apologize when we hurt or offend someone else.

Where do we learn about self-control? Among other places in the OT and NT, self-control is mentioned among the fruit of the Spirit:

The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace,

patience, kindness, goodness,

faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. , NIV

Ok, let’s say someone’s self-control breaks down and they sin against you. What do you do?

You have two options: you can simply let it go. Forgive them and absorb the hurt feelings. Don’t make an issue. Forget about it and continue to treat them with respect.

But if the relationship is damaged so that you need to seek reconciliation, you’re called to repair the relationship: “If your brother sins against you, go . . . just between the two of you. The whole point is to win your brother over.

One of two things will happen. Either they’ll see how you were hurt, they’ll apologize, and you’ll be reconciled or they won’t work with you to sort things out.

Again, you’ll have two options. You could let the matter drop. There’s no obligation to pursue the matter further. You may decide you’re making a mountain out of a molehill.

Sometimes it is possible and helpful to let something go. That’s what Peter is asking about at the end of our reading, “How many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” That’s lots of forgiving: “giving up anger that you have a right to.”

But if you’re really convinced the situation is serious and needs to be set straight sit down with a trusted friend or two. Get their opinion. If they agree that it’s serious and are willing to help, take them with you to set the matter right. The angle of the diagram indicates the increasing seriousness of the situation and the larger number of people involved in seeking reconciliation.

The setting becomes more formal as well. When Jesus mentions “establishing the matter by the testimony of 2-3 witnesses,” he’s quoting from which are part of God’s instructions for court proceedings. There’s continuity between OT and NT in settling disputes and fostering reconciliation. This is also where we remember Jesus’ promise to be there when 2-3 come together in his name.

Hopefully this is successful. The idea is that you and the others are able to win your brother over and enjoyed reconciliation and healing. In that case everyone can go on their way rejoicing.

The limiting factor to this conversation is the refusal to listen. You only move on with 1-2 others when your brother won’t listen to you. Similar here: you don’t move on to the next step of Christian Discipline unless the person refuses to listen to the 2-3 of you.

If that’s the case and you and those working with you agree that it is serious and necessary to pursue the matter further, Jesus tells us to “tell it to the church.” It becomes the responsibility of the elders and pastor to deal with the matter. They would listen to the concerns, talking with both sides. This type of conversation can take a long time, but if the process is successful at bringing reconciliation it’s a major win for the church and the work of the Kingdom of God.

There are debates about how public these matters should be when it gets to this stage. It can be particularly thorny to speak openly about such situations with current legislation about privacy. It becomes especially challenging since deacons, elders, and pastors are obligated to maintain a level of confidentiality, yet the individual who is being called to reconciliation isn’t bound by confidentiality. They can speak publicly about their side of the story without opportunity for the officers of the church to give a rebuttal.

In a small congregation like ours, many people become aware of what’s going on. If that fuels gossip or causes people to takes sides and the congregation becomes polarized, it can be harmful. But if knowledge of efforts to fix a broken relationship causes people to pray about the situation, to pray for soft hearts, open ears, and seek God’s grace to overwhelm resistance so reconciliation can result, it can be a good thing.

But it’s not always successful. There’s another step to church discipline if the individual refuses to listen even to the church. If that’s the case, Jesus tells us to “treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector” . . . and no longer as a brother or sister in the Lord. This is where the power to bind and loose is invoked. What is done in Jesus’ name is effective.

But it begs the question: How do you treat a pagan or a tax collector?

Everyone who isn’t part of the church – who isn’t a brother or sister in the Lord – is treated with as a dearly-loved, image-bearer of God’s. There’s no shunning involved. Nobody is cut out. They might not be welcomed to the Lord’s Table, but they are welcome in the church.

Remember how Jesus treated pagan and tax collectors? He ate and drank with them. He taught them. He called them to repentance.

Zacchaeus was probably the most famous tax collector who spent time with Jesus. Jesus’ visit led to all kinds of reconciliation between Zacchaeus and people he had wronged. Jesus was able to proclaim: “Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost” ().

As we discussed 2 weeks ago, our mission and ministry as Jesus’ disciples is to continue the work he began. We continue his work of seeking and saving what was lost. Speaking the truth with love is still our mandate, esp. when the gospel message calls people to repentance.

Even when this kind of discipline leads to excommunication, there is still hope. There was a neighbouring church in St. Catharines that followed all these steps. A man was excommunicated for his unwillingness to be reconciled to people he had sinned against and hurt.

Several years later, there was a positive ending. He came back to the congregation with a changed heart and a desire to seek reconciliation. The form of re-admittance which is placed so hopefully behind the form for excommunication in the PsH was read. He was restored to fellowship with the church of Jesus Christ. And if Jesus’ parables of the Lost sheep, the Lost Coin, and the Lost Sons in is any indication, there was a celebration among the angels, for Jesus reveals:

I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” , NIV