A Christian Marriage
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A Christian Marriage
A Christian Marriage
eph
22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
Intoduction on the text
Introduction on the text
This verse, taken out of context, has caused many husbands to repress their wives and many wives to be resentful and rebellious. Standing alone, this verse seems arbitrary and unfair.
But it does not stand alone. No verse of Scripture stands alone.
This verse is preceded by the command that we submit ourselves one to another in the fear of God.
The context includes not only the Holy Spirit’s instruction for mutual submission, but also His teaching about the Holy Spirit’s infilling—the blessed oil that makes the machinery of marriage run smoothly.
Illustration - marriage and submission
Ann and I
I The Wife: Loyalty Revealed in Surrender (5:22–24)
I The Wife: Loyalty Revealed in Surrender (5:22–24)
The Exhortation (5:22)
22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
reph 5.22
But it does not stand alone. No verse of Scripture stands alone.
This verse is preceded by the command that we submit ourselves one to another in the fear of God.
The context includes not only the Holy Spirit’s instruction for mutual submission, but also His teaching about the Holy Spirit’s infilling—the blessed oil that makes the machinery of marriage run smoothly.
Two words dominate the Biblical teaching in : submission and love.
The Greek word translated “husband” in is anēr. Anēr is one of the words translated “man” in the New Testament.
Paul was telling the wife to submit herself to her own man.
The wife is required by the Holy Spirit to submit to her man—her husband—“as unto the Lord.”
That perspective lifts this command to a higher, holier, and more heavenly plane.
What woman in all the world who has met and fallen in love with Jesus would not willingly do anything for Him?
Never in the Gospels do we find a woman treating Him badly, speaking against Him, or doing anything to harm Him.
The women of the New Testament loved and honored Jesus.
The Example (5:23)
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
God has ordained a hierarchal structure throughout the universe.
God has ordained a hierarchal structure throughout the universe.
3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
Reveals that God has established the principle of hierarchal structure in all of life’s relationships:
“The head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.”
A hierarchy is discernible also in the unseen spirit world.
We read about principalities and powers, the rulers of this world’s darkness, and wicked spirits in high places.
We read about Satan as the prince of the power of the air who presides over all these fallen demonic forces.
There are also hints of a hierarchy in the ranks of the unfallen angels—thrones and dominions, angels and archangels, cherubim and seraphim.
Indeed, order is the unifying factor in all of God’s creation.
Sin introduced disorder and chaos into the universe. Sin began on earth when Satan challenged our first parents to defy God’s authority.
God’s order in human relationships goes back to the garden of Eden.
God created the man first, investing in Adam the position of headship.
God created the woman second, giving Eve a subordinate (but not subservient) position in relation to the man.
Everything is lifted to a higher plane.
The church owes its obedience to its head—to Christ. The wife owes her obedience to her husband, who is to mirror the Lord Jesus to her through his behavior. Just as Christ is the Savior—the deliverer and defender of the church—so the husband is to be the protector of his wife, who is one flesh with him.
The Expectation (5:24)
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
(c) The Expectation (5:24)
“As the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.”
The point here is that since the brides of the Bible are obviously intended to typify the unique relationship between Christ and His church, the marriage of every believer should do the same.
Every married Christian couple should be an illustration to the world of the relationship that exists between Christ and His church.
II The Husband: Love Revealed in Sacrifice (5:25–29)
II The Husband: Love Revealed in Sacrifice (5:25–29)
) The Exhortation (5:25a)
The Exhortation (5:25a)
The Exhortation (5:25a)
“Husbands, love your wives.”
The Holy Spirit’s word translated “love” here is agapaō, the highest kind of love—spontaneous love, love irrespective of rights.
The word carries the idea of “making much of a person.”
When a wife knows that her husband loves her with this highest kind of love—love irrespective of rights, love that makes so much of her—she feels no resentment over her responsibility to render loyal submission to him.
God, however, relates love to the will rather than to emotions.
He commands us to love. He commands us to love Him:
“Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength” (). He commands us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves.
He commands us to love one another. That is because God is love.
Love is the greatest revelation of God. “God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” ().
Obviously if love can be commanded, it does not belong solely to the realm of emotions.
The emotions we associate with falling in love sometimes fluctuate. Sometimes they fade away altogether. Emotions need to be cultivated.
The word agapē refers to love as a principle.
The New Testament reserves another word, phileō, for love as a feeling. Phileō is distinct from love as a fact and is associated instead with the ideas of kissing and fondness.
Agapē, not phileō, is always used to describe man’s love for God. God does not tell us to be fond of Him; He commands us to love (agapaō) Him.
The Example (5:25b–27)
Love That Travails (5:25b)
“Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.”
Such was the love of the Lord Jesus that He “gave himself” (literally, “gave up Himself”) for His beloved. He died that she might live. “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends” ().
Any woman would find it easier to defer to a husband she knew would die for her.
The husband is to make sure that his love for his wife is of such a quality that, come what may, she will reign so supremely in his heart that no sacrifice would seem too great for him to make for her.
He must keep before him the example of Jesus and His great love for His church.
Love That Transforms (5:26–27)
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
eph 5.27
Paul’s eloquence began to soar above time and sense. In
husbands, wives, and the ordinary and orderly arrangements of a human home are left behind.
All we see here are Christ and His church. We see love that finds us in our sins, love that regenerates, love that transforms, love that enables, and love that ennobles.
We see love that is not content with leaving us as it found us; it is actively at work making us beautiful beyond description.
All too often we only see the spots, blemishes, faults, and failings of God’s people.
We major on the negatives. We see that the church is weak and divided.
We do not yet see the church as Christ sees it, as He has always seen it. He sees it as perfect and complete, glorious, bright as the morning, fairer than day, lovely as the flowers of paradise, sweeter than the dawn. He sees the church as it will be when His transforming work is done.
He sees it without spot or wrinkle. Without spot—beyond the reach of temptation. Without wrinkle—beyond the reach of time.
Christ sees the church as holy and without blemish. He sees it as the mirror image of Himself.
The Expectation (5:28–29)
The Self Motive (5:28–29a)
“So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it.”
Paul was concerned in , however, with the husband’s duty to love his wife. He particularly emphasized the husband’s duty to love his wife as much as he loves his own body.
The “self motive” is here. Most well-adjusted people love themselves.
The believer’s motivation goes far beyond mere selfishness; it is based on the essence of what God planned marriage to be. In marriage two persons become one person. After God married Adam and Eve, He “called their name Adam” (, italics added). They were two people with one name. This precedent is followed today when a bride gives up her family name and takes her husband’s family name. In a sense, she loses her identity in his.
A man is to love his wife in the tender, caring way he loves his own body. A man instinctively provides for the comfort of his body.
Using plain common sense, he protects his body from harm, heeds its signals, and desires its well-being.
When a man becomes overtired, famished, or gnawed by a toothache, he will do whatever he can to solve the problem.
Life is too uncomfortable when we ignore bodily demands, so we usually waste little time responding to them. For better or for worse, we are wedded to our bodies.
Just as a man must take care of his body, a husband must see to his wife’s comfort.
Just as a man must take care of his body, a husband must see to his wife’s comfort.
He must protect her from harm, desire her well-being, and pay close attention to the signals that she sends.
She can, after all, make his life blissful or tormenting. He needs to help her develop her potential, nourish her, and cherish her. These are the sensible things to do if he wants to live in peace and comfort. Paul, however, did not end his injunction to husbands on the level of selfish motivation.
The Supreme Motive (5:29b)
“Even as the Lord the church.”
A man should view his wife in the same way. He should not use his wife’s faults and weaknesses as reasons for neglecting her or for failing to give her the love and attention he vowed to her.
Does not the Lord see many imperfections in His church? Of course He does. But with love and patience, kindness and forbearance, He ministers to His church. He knows that the day will come when the church will be perfect, glorious, and all that He meant it to be.
Love covers a multitude of sins ().
8 And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.
The kind of love described in is divine. Such love is a fruit of the Spirit and is possible only through a filling of the Holy Spirit.
Every husband should take a weekly tour of that chapter and apply each of its clauses to himself and his attitude toward his wife.