Language of Love
Last week we watched a video of a Joyce Meyer conference. Near then end of the video Joyce and her husband Dave talked about way Dave shows his love for Joyce. And Joyce said that after 37 years of marriage she has finally come to realize that’s what he was doing. Until God reveled this to her Joyce thought Dave’s actions were just something he did that annoyed her.
On the way home, Dave reminded me about a teaching Gary Smalley did back in the 80’s about how to identify the
5 love languages. Gary said that the purpose of identifying a person’s love language was so that we could love them in the way they identified love.
To me learning a person’s love language makes good sense. If I gave you a gift and you didn’t know what it was, or what you were supposed to do with it, it wouldn’t benefit you.
If you grew up in a household where no one told you they loved you, or they were proud of you, you would be suspicious of people who gave compliments.
If you were deeply troubled about something and went to someone for help or counsel and they played with their cell phone or watched TV the whole time you talking, you wouldn’t feel that you had been heard. Learning how people receive love, and loving them that way is important.
That got me to thinking: Does God have a love language or will He accept our choice of how we want to love him?
1 John 4:19 says,
19 We love [God] because he first loved us.
How did God love us first?
John 3:16 says:
16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
God showed that He loved us by giving us His Son. The God whom we cannot see or touch gave us His Son in flesh & blood.
What did Jesus give us? How did He show us not only His love, but the Father’s as well?
Turn to 2 Corinthians 8:9.
9 For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich.
Love costs something.
Jesus became poor in order to make us rich. What did it cost Jesus to leave heaven and take on a human body?
1. He left His Father. It would be more than thirty years before he could be with the Father again. How long would you be willing to be away from your spouse, or child, or closest friend in order to help a group of people—especially if you knew that most of them would hate you, and might even kill you?
2. He also left a group of believers that included Abraham, Daniel, & David, and all the saints and angels, who were worshiping Him before he became a man. Could you leave a position of honor to go help people who would by and large treat you like dirt?
What else did it cost Him?
3. He left his heavenly home that far exceeded anything we could ever imagine -- for a home we would call primitive. He was born in a cave. His first bed was an animal’s feeding trough. Would you give up the best accommodations this earth has to offer in order to help needy people in a poverty neighborhood?
4. He put aside his God-life, without limitations, to take on a physical body subject to fatigue, aches, and pains. Would you accept hunger, thirst, fatigue, pain, and limited physical abilities to help people who didn’t even care whether you came or not?
What a price to pay! And yet Jesus did it willingly to show us his love. His agape love. You know the word, it mean sacrificial love. Sacrifice can mean giving up something you really want in order for someone else to have it. But an even greater sacrifice involves taking on something that you really do not want so that someone else will not have to bear it. That is what Jesus did when He was “bruised for our iniquities” and “wounded for our transgressions” (Is. 53:5). We deserved punishment for our sins but Jesus loved us so much he paid the price.
What else does Scripture say about God’s love?
Turn to Psalms 117
1 Praise the Lord, all you nations;
extol him, all you peoples.
2 For great is his love toward us,
and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever.
Praise the Lord.
God’s love is great, other translations say strong and faithful.
How great?
Turn to Romans 8:28-39
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
God’s love is so great that he works all things out for our good.
31 What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?
And 33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God
has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.
God’s love is so great that He is our champion, our advocate & intercessor.
35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,
39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
God’s love is so strong that nothing can separate us from Him.
Now go back to the first question I asked: Does God have a love language or way he wants us to show him love? Or will he accept our choice of how we want to love him?
I think scripture is clear on the subject.
Turn to John 14:15
15 “If you love me, you will obey what I command.
and
21 Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him.”
and
23 Jesus replied, “If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.
Do you see a pattern here? What does it mean when scripture says the same thing again and again? This is important!
24 He who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me.
Jesus said this for one reason:
31 but the world must learn that I love the Father and that I do exactly what my Father has commanded me.
Even Jesus showed his love for the Father by obeying his commandments! How can we ignore his commandments and still love God? We can’t.
When Jesus was asked which was the greatest commandment what did he say?
(Matt 22) 37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment.
And then what did He say?
39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
Did you see that? Love your neighbor as yourself. In this passage Jesus is actually quoting Lev. 19:18. And for that reason, it is important for us not to take His words out of context. Jesus is not talking about self-love, instead he is talking about the kind of love we identify with the Golden Rule – treating others the way we want them to treat us.
This mean that Gary Smalley wasn’t so far off when he suggested we learn the love languages of the people who we want to show love to so we can love them the way they receive love.
To wrap up, we’ll take a quick look at the 5 language of love.
Gary defined the 5 love languages as
1. Words of affirmation: statements—either spoken or written—that show you value the other person: Statements such as "You look nice today." "I love you." "Thanks for taking the garbage out." These are statements that focus on something someone has done or something he or she is.
Let me ask you a question: is this biblical?
Absolutely! What does the word of God say we are?
The head and not the tail, above only and not beneath.
The righteousness of God in Christ Jesus
Holy, Beloved
2. Giving and receiving gifts: You know the old saying "It's the thought that counts." But it's not the thought left in your head that counts, it's the gift that comes out of the thought. It doesn't have to be expensive; it can be anything that shows had that person in mind when you selected the gift.
Is this biblical? Who gave the greatest offering in the temple? The widow with the 2 mites,
Jesus said They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on. (Mark 12:41-44)
3. Quality time: which means giving your undivided attention. It could be going out to eat together; or taking a walk, or not doing anything while the other person is talking.
Is this biblical? We know that after long days of ministry, Jesus would get away with the disciples to teach and minister to them privately. He went to the home of Lazarus, Mary & Martha, where Mary gave him her undivided attention while Martha worked in the kitchen, When Martha complained, Jesus rebuked her saying Mary had chosen the better thing.
4. Physical touch: includes things like hugs, pats on the back, holding hands. This is a nonsexual touch, holding a sick child, or embracing the bereaved.
Is this biblical?
Paul tells us in 4 different letters to greet one another with a holy kiss.
5. Acts of service: anything you know that person would like you to do. It could be cooking a meal, babysitting the grandkids, or picking someone up for church.
Is this biblical?
Matt 25
34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
40 “The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’
What better way can we show our love for another than by loving them, the way they want to be loved?