TOWARD EMOTIONAL-SPIRITUAL HEALTH: SELF-ESTEEM

TOWARD EMOTIONAL-SPIRITUAL HEALTH: SELF-ESTEEM Philippians 3:4-9 November  7, 1999 Given by: Pastor Rich Bersett [Index of Past Messages] Introductory The 1992 November ballot in the state of Washington carried a candidate named "Absolutely Nobody." David Powers had his name legally changed to capitalize on voter frustration and promised to abolish the office of Lieutenant Governor if elected. He lost the election, but amazingly garnered 6% of the popular vote. But just imagine if he had won--the headlines would have read "Absolutely Nobody Wins!" Do you ever feel like Absolutely Nobody? If you do, you're not alone. A few years ago, Dr. Maxwell Maltz did some interesting research on a cross section of Americans, and concluded that 95% of people suffer from low self-esteem. A week ago Thursday we were checking into a hotel in Indianapolis where we stayed for the Praise Gathering. As I waited fifth or so in line, there was a woman, forty-something two places ahead of me. Her husband and their gangly, pimple-faced teenage daughter were off to the side about 25 feet away. I noticed them because, as I was looking over my reservation material I heard this sound of fury coming from off to my left. I looked over, as did many others to see this man, red-faced, yelling at his daughter--something about how she would not put the hand bag down with the rest of the luggage. She was complaining that she just wanted to hold it, and he was insisting that she shut up and do as he said or he was going to pop her ugly face. This kind of thing went on for several embarrassing minutes. The girl looked totally empty and whipped. I was personally proud of the witness as all three members of this family wore badges indicating they were attending the Praise Gathering for Believers. It saddened me most, however, as I stood there projecting into this girl's future, wondering how she would grow up thinking so little of herself--the ugly girl whose dad had convinced her she was totally stupid and was always just a moment away from being clobbered because she wanted the audacious independence of holding her own suitcase! Would she ever have any esteem? Last week, according to the Associated Press, a herd of 15 elephants descended on the village of Prajapatibosti in the state of Assam, India. The elephants were apparently out for a good time. They entered the village and went straight for the thatched huts in the center of the village where the villagers manufactured rice beer. The elephants flattened the huts and began drinking the rice beer. Afterwards, the now inebriated pachyderms went on a drunken rampage. They trampled the entire village and the surrounding rice paddies, injuring six and killing an entire family of four. Just like the girl in the hotel lobby, there are wild elephants all around us in our lives that threaten to destroy our healthy self-esteem. 1. FAULTY THEOLOGY. One such rampaging elephant is bad theology. There is often a misunderstanding about the human condition--that people are rotten and worthless. Well-meaning Christians ride this elephant when they teach that because human beings are sinful, they are therefore of no value. A few lines from some hymns of Christendom are given unwarranted emphasis: "Would He devote that sacred head for such a WORM as I?" and "Amazing grace...that saved a WRETCH like me." Don't get me wrong--these are great hymns and great lyrics, but when lifted from the context of those hymns (which actually celebrate grace and mercy) these phrases can promote an unbiblical picture of human kind. Please understand: we are sinners who have fallen short of the glory of God, but we are still the objects of God's love, made in His image, with a destiny to bring glory to Him, and we are those "for whom Christ died." God is never pictured in the scripture as hating and disowning people who sin and rebel against Him. Rather He is always pictured as the loving, waiting Father who will do anything He can to win His wayward children back. But a faulty "worm" theology keeps many people prisoners of their own, devil-inspired sense of worthlessness before God. Do you remember that great, inspiring text at Jeremiah 29:11? For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Who was it to whom He spoke these words? It was rebellious Judah who had defied the Lord so badly they were now being punished in Babylonian captivity, but the Lord still valued and loved them. 2. The second destructive wild elephant is SIN. When God first created mankind, He gave us a standard of right and wrong--not because He was some sort of a cosmic kill-joy, but because he wanted us to be happy and fulfilled creatures, protected from the evil consequences of sin. When Adam and Eve (and you and I) violated those standards, we entered into a state of guilt and separation from our God. We began to feel remorse, disappointment in ourselves and alienation from God (which also results in alienation from one another, the creation around us, and even from ourselves). Once alienated, human beings then fall victim to feelings of despair and inferiority. This does no favors to our self-esteem, of course. 3. The third destroyer of self-esteem is PAST EXPERIENCE. Every failure or problem a person faces becomes an opportunity for the elephants to trample their esteem. Belittling experiences, too, make it easy for the fragile sinner to conclude, "I'm no good. Look at what other people think of me." misinterpreted signals from significant other people in our lives often destroy our sense of self-worth--"I always mess things up. I'm such a loser!." Then, armed with an attitude of failure, we expect to fail, and we do, and self-esteem is further eroded. 4. UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS. Fallen human beings turn in desperation to other systems of thought which, they hope, can rebuild their trampled sense of self-value. Their minds being blinded by sin, they reject the idea of regaining mental and emotional health by turning to the God they have offended ("after all, He hates me!"), so societies erect new standards of personal value. Success, good looks, winning, mental skill and wisdom, athletic or sexual prowess, popularity, fame, financial success. Then, out of their own insecurity, they people withhold affection and esteem from those who don't "measure up" to these new idolatrous standards. People turn on one another and the alienation grows. Parents hold their children up to unrealistic standards and goals. Praise is withheld, as are compliments and words of encouragement, no one is interested in making anyone else feel worthwhile or valuable because they might feel more worthless themselves by comparison. The result is a world full of self-esteem-stomping elephants, and, again, "absolutely nobody wins." 5. UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS. Unhealthy people continue to develop unhealthy patterns of thinking about themselves. As we grow up we create expectations for the future and ideals we would like to attain. Remember, these are largely built on the standards of the world around us--standards that are unhealthy to begin with. A few years of experience and we discover that our goals were set unrealistically high, and we have been set up for failure and the feeling of inferiority that often follows. Unrealistic expectations are often esteem-killing elephants. There are three false, but widely-held beliefs that undermine self-esteem: 1) I must meet other people's standards and expectations if I am to be accepted and loved, 2) Whenever I fail to reach my goals and expectations (or those of other people) I need to be pressured, shamed, frightened or punished, and 3) I must seek to master my world, to be in charge, to be smart, to be the center of my environment, and to make my own decisions. 6. CULTURAL MYTHS. A kissing cousin to "unrealistic expectations" is another destructive elephant, ready to trample your self-esteem. Society sets up certain values which are emphasized by the media, and adopted by families, governments, schools and other social organizations around us. It is widely assumed that a person's worth depends on his or her attractiveness or intelligence, or one's wealth, status or social achievements. So, clamoring for this kind of esteeming from others, people use and abuse one another, and even themselves, to get these things. They wrongfully assume that having this or that, or looking this way or dressing that way is the fast road to self-esteem. But it always disappoints. Self-esteem built this way is always unstable and unsatisfying, and the elephant wins again, and self-esteem plummets. There are two extremes that we uncover as we dig into this subject of self-esteem: One is the dangerous notion that once we convince ourselves that we are pretty good because of something we think we've done pretty well, we can forget our real need and go on ignoring what makes us miserable. Worldly self-esteem is nothing more than a cosmetic cover-up of our misery as creatures estranged from God. How does the Christian handle the esteem-smashing elephants? Is it right for the Christian to even be concerned with self-esteem? How can we strike a healthy balance between worm theology and preoccupation with ourselves? I think the answer can be found in our text. Philippians 3:4-9. Here Paul wrestles with his own admirable, ego-building accomplishments. Look first at verses 4-6. Here Paul itemizes the things that, from a worldly perspective, might make him look like someone important, someone with intrinsic worth. They are all religious, political and career advantages and accomplishments. ...though I myself have reasons for such confidence. If anyone else thinks he has reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more: circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee; as for zeal, persecuting the church; as for legalistic righteousness, faultless. Then, in verses 7-8, he comments on the real value of such things, by saying that he has learned to treat these things like garbage. These are things that nearly everyone strives to achieve, things that hard-working people of all times have considered desirable, things that human being universally want for themselves and for their children. But he says there is something greater - the "surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord." But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish that I may gain Christ. Please notice the oil-and-water nature of self-righteousness and God-righteousness. They don't mix--you can't have both together. If a person wants to return to the favor of God through Jesus, that is by repenting and exercising faith in Him, he cannot drag his own goodness and merit in with him. Real faith in Jesus demands that you disown any of your own worthiness and merit and simply say, "I am a sinner because I have rebelled against God. I recognize that anything I might have accomplished is worthless to save me. I have no righteousness of my own. I need Jesus!" This is, in fact, what Paul says (vs. 9 ...and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ--the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. Illustration of a man who has a successful business, buys 20 acres and builds manufacturing and warehouse buildings, fills them up. Then he discovers there is oil under those buildings worth more than his business could ever produce. What does he do? Razes those buildings and considers them a loss. he is willing to give up what seems valuable to gain what is beyond valuation. Let's take a few minutes to see what the Bible has to say about self-esteem, because it is an important part of who we are. But where we receive our self-esteem is a very important issue. If we go on trying to build our own value, the elephants will get us. But if we learn to get our esteem from God, our Creator and redeemer, then our self-esteem will be healthy & balanced. 1. Biblical Teaching about Human Worth The Bible's consistent message about human beings is that they are of extreme value in God's sight. We were created in the very image of God, installed as ruling princes and princesses over the created order. We were given the awesome freedom to make choices. Even after the Fall, we are described as a "little lower than the angels" and "crowned with glory and honor." God gave us angels to guard us, His Spirit to guide us once we return to Him, we are then called the salt of the earth, the light of the world and the prime occupants of heaven once this world system passes. Bruce Narramore: "Compared with secular perspectives, the Christian view of self-esteem is in a category by itself. it alone elevates man above the animals. it alone provides a solid foundation on which to build self-esteem. The biblical view of man acknowledges our sins and failures, but it doesn't demean our deepest significance as creations of the living God...Because we are created in the image of God, we possess great worth, significance, and value. We are loved by God and deserving of the love of ourselves and others." 2. The Biblical Teaching About Human Sin. The Bible teaches that since Adam and Eve fell, everyone who likewise sins becomes alienated from God and condemned because they are sinners. Sin produces guilt within us and evil around us. This begins to influence the way we feel about ourselves, each other, the world around us and, most importantly, God. But even in our fallen state God still loves and values us. God never refers to sinful men and women as those He hates or as being worthless. Rather, in His love and mercy, He sent His Son to die for us so we could receive the righteousness we need to be reconciled to Him. So, sin breaks our relationship with God, but does not destroy His love for us. He longs to make us whole again, restore us to our potential as image-bearers. 3. The Biblical Teaching About Pride. Pride is an arrogant, haughty estimation of oneself in comparison with others. As such it is chief among the sins God abhors in us - "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble." Pride involves taking a superior position in an attempt to claim for oneself the glory that rightly only belongs to God. By contrast, humility is characterized by "accurate self-appraisal, responsiveness to the concerns, opinions and needs of others. The humble person accepts his imperfections, sins and failures, but also acknowledges his gifts, abilities and achievements as blessings from God. Humility is a grateful dependence on God, and a realistic appraisal of both our strengths and our weaknesses. In our text, Paul is painfully aware of his past sins and his past accomplishments. He had a realistic self-image, and he went one step further, as he said that all that he might have accomplished he gave up and counted as garbage, in order to exercise the humility he needed to accept God's grace and mercy in his life. Self-esteem and humility go together in the life of someone who is rightly God-related. 4. The Biblical Teaching About Self-love. In the greatest commandment of all is the assumption that we will love ourselves: "Love your neighbor as yourself." Because we are sinful and our perceptions are distorted, we have a hard time with this concept. We think "self-love" is evil or self-centered or weirdly erotic. But, biblically speaking, self-love means to see ourselves as worthwhile creatures, valued and loved by God, bearers of the divine image. We can love ourselves because God loves us, and we do not deny the abilities and opportunities God has given us. This is our basis of self-esteem. The Great Trade The key to a mentally and emotionally healthy self-esteem which is genuine and biblical is to make the right trade. Listen to how Paul describes the great trade: whatever was to my profit, I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord For His sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ Would you like to stop worrying about "measuring up"? Would you like to find rest in your relationship with the Lord, knowing that He knows all your faults, but He still loves you and accepts you? You can. "Nothing in my hand I bring. Only to His cross I cling." The poster child for this kind of life-change, I think, is Zaccheus, the "wee little man" of Luke 19. Here is a short, insecure man who tries to satisfy himself by choosing the unpopular career of a tax collector so that ultimately he could feel good about himself because he is rich and has control over other people. But he never really got what he wanted. Power and riches didn't satisfy. When he met Jesus he realized how miserable he was, and he had the kind of change of heart that was necessary to step out of his miserable self-reliance and step into the loving accepting arms of the Lord. In that joyous moment, he gave half of his possessions to the poor and promised to pay back those he had cheated four times the amount he had ripped them off. This is real freedom and joy - to trade in all of your toys for an eternal relationship with the only one who can really satisfy you. The one who can give you true self-esteem that this world's elephants can't destroy.                   [Back to Top]