FIVE HABITS OF HEALTHY HOMES: HABIT #3 - FORGIVENESS

FIVE HABITS OF HEALTHY HOMES: HABIT #3 - FORGIVENESS Ephesians 4:31-32 September 23,  2001 Given by: Pastor Rich Bersett [Index of Past Messages] Introductory Aaron was a student in a seminary in northern Illinois. He was a deeply devout and sensitive to God, a gentle servant. Late one Spring, after failing to land a summer ministry internship, he reluctantly took a job as a bus driver in a dangerous section of Chicago. A small group of tough hoodlums spotted the young rookie driver, and began to take advantage of him. For several mornings in a row they got on, walked right past him without paying, ignored his warnings and rode until they decided to get off. Finally he had decided this had gone on long enough, so, seeing a police officer at one of his corner stops, he pulled over and reported the offense. The officer told the group to pay or get off the bus. They paid. Unfortunately, the officer got off and they stayed on. When the bus turned another corner or two, the gang assaulted Aaron. When he came to, blood was all over his shirt, two teeth had been knocked out, both eyes were swollen, the bus was empty and his money gone. He returned to the station and was given the weekend off. He lay across his bed staring at the ceiling, resentful, confused and angry. He wrestled with the Lord through the night "How can this be? Where's God in all this? I wanted to serve Him. I prayed for a ministry. I was willing to go anywhere, do anything…and this is the thanks I get!" Monday morning Aaron decided to press charges. With the help of the police officer and some rides who could identify the thugs, they were rounded up and taken to jail. Aaron and his attorney walked into the courtroom a couple days later and they sat down across the room from the angry gang members. Suddenly, he was seized with a whole new way of looking at them. Not with bitterness, but with compassion. Under the Holy Spirit's control, he no longer hated them, but pitied them. They needed help, not more hate. After the guilty plea was lodged, Aaron surprised his attorney and everyone else when he stood and said, "Your honor, I would like you to total up all the days of punishment against these men-all the time sentenced against them-and I request that you allow me to go to jail in their place." The gang members, whose eyes looked like saucers, stared at Aaron in disbelief. He smiled back and said, "I forgive you." The dumbfounded judge found his composure. "Young man, you're out of order. You can't do this sort of thing. It's unprecedented!" Aaron responded, "Yes it is precedented. Over nineteen centuries ago a man paid the penalty for all of mankind." And, for the next 3-4 minutes, Aaron shared the good news with everyone in the courtroom. His request was not granted-the courts don't know what to do with forgiveness. But Aaron visited the gang members in jail over the course of the summer, and led most of them to faith in Christ. Forgiveness - when it is given and when it is received, it sets the stage for a move of God in people's lives. Psalm 32:1-2 - "Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord does count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit." Matthew 18:21-22 - "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?' Jesus answered, 'I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.'" Colossians 3:12-13 - "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32- "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. God forgave us in order to set us free from the guilt of our sins. Moreover, in His forgiveness of us, He modeled for us how to forgive and empowered us to forgive. The Lord wants us to create a culture, in His church and in our families--an environment of forgiveness; a community where forgiveness is regularly sought and granted, all under the canopy of His grace toward us. As we grow in our ability to extend forgiveness to those who have wronged us, and in our ability to seek forgiveness quickly when we have wronged God and others, we get healthier and happier, and those around us benefit as well, making the community healthier and happier. The Benefits of giving and receiving forgiveness 1. Forgiveness reconciles relationships This may seem all too obvious, but consider it for a moment. The Holy Spirit directed Paul to write to the church these directions on how to make their community stronger and holier. He exhorted them: practice truth in love; don't lie to each other and don't stay angry with each other. When you speak make sure that everything you say will edify everyone who hears you say it, and it will benefit those who listen. Now he says "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Do you want to know how to create a healthy and happy environment in the faith community of your church, your cell group, and in your home? Cultivate a climate of forgiveness. Make it a place where it is normal behavior to forgive the others around you, and where it is safe to ask for forgiveness when you are wrong. This will establish a healthy spiritual environment where people are not afraid of being truthful and edifying with their speech; a place where they can be honest; and a safe place, where they are free to be themselves and courageously grow, knowing that when they make mistakes, it won't be the end of the world and they won't be repudiated. I'm not talking about not being responsible or not taking sin and disobedience seriously. Consider the short-term and long-term benefits for a new believer in Christ if, when his behaviors don't yet measure up to holy living, he is scolded and then treated as if he were going to hell. In this kind of environment he is not free to grow, and the rest of the community is always going around talking about his bad behavior to one another, and warning other new people about him. The newer people get the idea this is a dangerous place-I can't possibly fail and in living up to their expectations or I'll be an outcast, too. So he either leaves or becomes a hypocrite (like everyone around him). OR, when he makes his mistake, mature members of the Body approach him in love, explain exactly how he was wrong and then they forgive him. What does this do? It creates a climate of freedom and responsibility where the believer feels loved and cared for, while also sensing the security that when he is wrong he will be able to receive forgiveness and help, not condemnation and judgment. This is what our children and spouses need, too-a home environment where they are allowed to make mistakes and can live free of any fear of losing the love of their parents if they make the wrong mistake. While parents are to teach right and wrong behavior, they are also to model forgiveness. When Dad brings inappropriate punishment for misbehavior and he spanks a little too hard our of anger, or overreacts with retribution, he should be able to sit down with the child and say, "I'm sorry for my anger. You needed to be punished, but I did wrong when I grounded you for 10 years…" Children should have the privilege of hearing their parents apologize to one another when they have wronged each other. Giving and seeking forgiveness is healthy because it honors the others in community, and it keeps us from the pride that stifles good relationships. Children who experience an environment of forgiveness are healthier and happier because they live among a family of reconciled people. Forgiveness reconciles relationships, and 2. Forgiveness releases us from unnecessary suffering The power of Dead Man Walking was its portrayal of the inherent dignity and value of even a hardened criminal. But the story behind the story -- the story of the victim -- goes even further, depicting the uniquely Christian message of forgiveness. Sixteen-year-old Debbie Morris was out on a date with her boyfriend, Mark, one Friday evening. After pizza and a movie, they stopped for milkshakes. But when a stranger put a revolver to Mark's head, their pleasant night out turned into several hours of torture, rape, and attempted murder. It ended with Mark shot, but alive, and Debbie deeply wounded. But Debbie would not find true healing until she was able to comprehend and embrace the forgiveness only God can provide. Although the film Dead Man Walking depicted Debbie's kidnappers as one man, there were actually two: Robert Lee Willie and Joe Vaccaro. They kidnapped and robbed them, leaving Mark for dead. Before releasing Debbie, they tormented and raped her repeatedly. When the two men were captured, Vaccaro received five life sentences and, as the film showed, Willie was executed for his crimes -- he eventually admitted involvement in several murders, including butchering another girl. But Debbie's anguish did not end when Willie was sentenced to die. Despite those who urged her to "get on with her life," her emotional ordeal continued. As Debbie writes in her book, Forgiving the Dead Man Walking, "Justice doesn't really heal all the wounds." It was when Debbie found the grace to forgive Robert Willie, the day he was to be executed, that she finally knew release from suffering. In prayer - for herself and for Willie -- she discovered that only God's grace is sufficient to bind up the wounds of the human heart. Forgiveness, you see, is much more than telling ourselves that an offense just doesn't matter anymore. On the contrary, forgiveness recognizes the debt for what it is. And it doesn't just liberate the debtor from his debt-- it transforms the heart of the one who forgives. In fact, forgiveness is an imitation of God's own act of forgiveness on the Cross. By forsaking what we are legitimately owed, we recognize that we, too, have been forgiven a debt we can never repay. And that's why true forgiveness is both a beacon and a scandal to the secular mind. Sinful culture has nothing that resembles the forgiveness that the Gospel makes possible, what Debbie Morris experienced. Buddy Hackett once said, "I've had a few arguments with people-but I never carry a grudge. You know why? Because while you're carrying a grudge, they're out dancing!" You see, when God asks of us that we forgive one another, He isn't trying to make our lives miserable-He's trying to make them better. Forgiveness reconciles relationships, releases us from unnecessary suffering, and 3. Forgiveness restores our health (spiritual, emotional, physical) Like a festering cancer, unforgiveness eats away at us. And it makes no difference if you need to BE forgiven or if you need to forgive. The Bible teaches that an unforgiven person gets more and more miserable. So do unforgiving people. We already read the first two verses of Psalm 32. Look at the next three. "When I kept silent (about my sin), my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, 'I will confess my transgressions to the Lord'-and you forgave the guilt of my sin." (Psalm 32:3-5) Likewise, the person who is unforgiving gets more and more miserable. The Bible talks about the danger of growing a "root of bitterness" at Hebrews 12:15. When you find mention of bitterness it is always in the context of not forgiving. Ephesians 4:31-32         One author graphically described unforgiveness and its effect on the unforgiver: "When you hold onto unforgiveness it's like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." If you don't forgive your spouse, you will continue to hold onto resentment and it will become bitterness in short order, and your relationship can never be what you want it to be-until forgiveness is experienced between you. One man was complaining to his counselor about his wife: "Every time I argue with her she gets historical." "Do you mean 'hysterical'." "No, I mean historical-she always dredges up the past and reminds me of every way I've failed her before." Ronald Reagan's attitude after the 1982 attempt on his life made an impression on his daughter, Patti Davis: "The following day my father said he knew his physical healing was directly dependent on his ability to forgive John Hinckley. By showing me that forgiveness is the key to everything, including physical health and healing, he gave me an example of Christ-like thinking." To be healthy, and to create a healthy and holy environment in our homes and in our cell groups, we must practice the art of Christian forgiveness. Everyone benefits when we forgive. When we fail to forgive, no one benefits, except Satan, who wants to steal, kill and destroy. When we forgive, our forgiveness needs to be complete (when God forgives us He buries our sins in the deepest sea, then puts up a sign that says NO FISHING). Clara Barton, founder of the Red Cross, was talking with a friend one day. The name of a person they both know came up. Years before that person had done some very mean things to Clara. The friend asked Barton, "Don't you remember when she did that to you?" "No" she replied, "I distinctly remember forgetting that." 4. Forgiveness allows us to rewrite our future When we allow ourselves to be forgiven by those we have wounded we are granted instant freedom from guilt and broken relationship from that moment on. God wants us to have that freedom. In fact, Jesus died that we might have that freedom. The most important relationship we need to get healed is that between ourselves and God. We are utterly unable to make amends before our holy God. So God took care of it for us, by sending Jesus.         Forgiveness between people is quite different from that forgiveness God offers us in Christ. We tend to forgive conditionally. God forgives completely, freely, every time. "There is, therefore, now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1) Once reconciled with God, we turn our attention to reconciling with others around us. For the sake of healthier, happier and holier homes, let us commit to creating a climate of forgiveness. May we start right now? Consider for a moment all your relationships. Whom have you not forgiven? From whom do you need to ask forgiveness? Is it time for you to be released from the tortuous place of unforgiveness? God wants you to have reconciled relationships, to be delivered from the suffering, to have your spiritual, emotional and physical health restored, and He wants to give you the chance to re-write your future. If you honestly feel you are just too hurt to forgive, and you have genuinely tried and really WANT to forgive, but have found it impossible, you need to get some help. DELIVERANCE (Christian counselor, trusted Christian elder, the elders of the church, your cell group, or come for prayer this morning…) Heavenly Father, in the name of the Lord, Jesus Christ, I have a confession to make. First, I acknowledge that I am forgiven, through the grace and mercy you gave me through Your Son. I confess, though, that I have not loved, but have resented certain people and have carried unforgiveness, even bitterness, in my heart. In obedience to Your Word, I now rebuke any spirit of unforgiveness, bitterness, sorrow, anger, rage, hurt, self-centeredness and pride-all related spirits, and command them in the name of Jesus to loosen their grip on me. You have freely forgiven me. Now I forgive these. In the Name of the Lord Jesus, I now forgive:         Spouse, child, parent (alive or dead), friend, church, pastor, God [Back to Top]