MOM: THE FAMILY NAVIGATOR

MOM: THE FAMILY NAVIGATOR Colossians 3:18-21 May 12, 2002 Given by: Pastor Rich Bersett [Index of Past Messages] Introductory It's Mother's Day, so let me begin this teaching by saying to each and every mom and grandmother here - on behalf of every man, woman and child in this room (and all their pets), thank you for doing it all and doing it so well. You've spent the greatest years of your life: Doing the laundry…..singing "Jesus Loves Me" to sleepy three-year olds….. being up and around while everyone else had the flu…..championing causes…..kissing where it hurts, perspiring over math…..doing the laundry…..popping corn at the school festival…..taking away privileges…..changing diapers…..pushing piano practice….. doing the laundry…..extracting splinters…..after cooking the whole thing, eating only the chicken wings, leaving the breast and drumsticks for the family…..hosting the kids' friends at sleepovers that includes everything BUT sleep…..AND doing the laundry. You'll know you're a mom if you ever said these things, or at least recognize them: Take your plate into the kitchen, please … Take it downstairs when you go … Don't leave it there, take it upstairs … Is that yours? … Don't hit your brother … I'm talking to you … Just a minute, please, can't you see I'm talking? … I said, don't interrupt … Did you brush your teeth? … What are you doing out of bed? … Go back to bed … You can't watch TV in the afternoon … What do you mean, there's nothing to do? … Go outside … read a gook … Turn it down … Get off the phone … Tell your friend you'll call her back … Right now! … Hello. No, she's not home … She's still not home … She'll call you when she gets home …Take a jacket .. Take a sweater, then … Take one anyway … Someone left his shoes in front of the TV … Get the toys out of the hall … Get the toys out of the bathtub … Get the toys off the stairs … Do realize that could kill someone? … Hurry up … Hurry up. Everyone's waiting … I'll count to ten and then we're going without you … Did you go to the bathroom? If you don't go, you're not going … I mean it … Why didn't you go before we left? … Can you hold it? … What's going on back there? …Stop it … I said, stop it! … I don't want to hear about it. …Stop it, or I'm taking you home right now … That's it. We're going home … Give me a kiss … I need a hub … Make your bed. … clean up your room .. Set the table … I need you to set the table! … Don't tell me it's not your turn … Please move your chair in to the table … Sit up … Just try a little. You don't have to eat the whole thing … Stop playing and eat … Would you watch what you're doing? … Move your glass, it's too close to the edge … Clean it up … of course it's not your fault, but would you please clean it up? … More, what? … More, please That's better … Just eat one bite of salad … You don't always get what you want. That's life … Don't argue with me. I'm not discussing this anymore … Go to your room …No, ten minutes are not up yet … One more minute … How many times have I told you, don't do that … Where did all the cookies go? … Eat the old fruit before you eat the new fruit … I'm not giving you mushrooms-see, I've taken all the mushrooms out, OK? … Is your homework done? … I thought you told me your homework was done? … Stop yelling. If you want to ask me something, come here … STOP YELLING. IF YOU WANT TO ASK ME SOMETHING, COME HERE … I'll think about it … Not now … Ask your father … We'll see … Don't sit so close to the television, it's bad for your eyes … Calm down … Calm down and start over … Is that the truth? … Fasten your seat belt … did everyone fasten their seat belts? … I'm sorry, that's the rule … I'm sorry, that's the rule … I'm sorry, that's the rule! This is your special day. We love you and we thank you. Beyond that, we thank God for you. Ten years ago, then-vice president Dan Quayle made a speech on cultural values. An eight-second remark got the attention of liberal journalists. The remark was about how single-motherhood, as an intentional thing, is bad for mothers and bad for children. He cited the popular TV show, Murphy Brown, and how the show featured a woman's decision to have a child without the benefit of a father in the home to help raise the child. Quayle'' problem was the way single motherhood was played out as a perfectly fine alternative family plan and "just another lifestyle choice." Months of harassing commentary on news programs and haranguing by late night comedians ensued. But by April, 1993, the Atlantic Monthly came out with an editorial which agreed with Mr. Quayle, saying, "single parenting dramatically weakens and undermines society." In 1998, even actress Candace Bergen, who played the title role on Murphy Brown, went public with her agreement that "Dan Quayle was right." Just Thursday, Mr. Quayle spoke before the National Press club, and entitled his speech, "Ten Years after Murphy Brown: A Mother's Day Progress Report on the American Family". Reams of research has come out in the past decade which unanimously establishes the importance of the dual-parented nuclear family as unquestionably the best environment in which to raise children. And by dual-parented, they mean (sorry, Rosie), a father and a mother. But you won't hear much on the liberal news about it. Funny thing, we come full circle to re-discover that God's original design is still the best. When all else fails, read the Manufacturer's instructions! To a group of believers in 1st century Colosse, who had no problem with the nuclear family concept, Paul wrote to remind them a little bit more about God's design for making families work. I'd like for us to look a few minutes at this brief text (Colossians 3:18-21), and then I'd like to close with a few more remarks about the role of moms in God's family design. Three quick verses, three clear commands. Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord (verse 18) Many have trouble with the word "submit" - feminists say it is demeaning. I know I don't have to explain to you that Paul is not talking about the degrading kind of groveling that comes to most people's minds here. Those who whine "why don't men have to submit?" have never read Ephesians 5:20, and have never really understood the full nature of the mutually blessing relationships in marriage that God intended. The word "submit" was a military term in the first century, and meant "acknowledge designated authority" and "to arrange oneself under rank. Biblically, God calls women to a challenging and dignified role. Not only is she called to support and honor the man she loves and to do so out of reverence for Christ, but she also, in that vital role serves as a blessing to him, to their children and to many others who regard her witness. I'd like to save a few remarks about the wife and mother's decisive role until the end. God did not offer any exceptions here, like if your husband doesn't have as high an IQ as you do, or he career isn't as lucrative as his wife's, or her personality is stronger or she's got leadership skills. The quarterback on the team has been designated the leader on the field. He may not be the best athlete, or the smartest player, and he might even have the least amount of experience of all the other players-but if the team is going to play well, they have to line up under his leadership. They have to submit. When I was drafted into Uncle Sam's army and shipped off to Ft. Leonard Wood, I had already been working jobs for several years, and I knew what it meant to listen to my boss and do what he says. But I did not know what I was about to encounter as I stepped off that big green bus and met my drill instructors. The two most memorable sergeants were men I knew right off that I didn't respect. One was big and mean and used language that actually embarrassed me (and I thought I'd heard it all!). The other was mean and not so big, but had terrible grammar. I was certain he had all of a third grade education, but no more. What I learned, without a doubt, in those long weeks was, when it comes to working together as a unit in a group that is responsible for one another's lives, you listen to and obey to the letter what your designated superior tells you, no matter how it comes out. But wives are not drafted-they are volunteers; and they're not in an army-they're in a relationship with someone who loves them and whom they love; and she and he are the ones responsible to make their love and relationship grow. Here is a man who has vowed to love and cherish and protect and honor and bless and encourage her. Hey, it beats a drill sergeant any day! Moreover, her loving submission to her husband and to her Lord, actually serves to help him love her even more. Wives, your role model is none other than Jesus Christ. Ephesians 5:20 - "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Philippians 2:5-6 - "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God…made himself nothing…he humbled himself" And, back to Colossians 3 - "Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord." Submission is the voluntary lifestyle of the Christian, and when any one of us says, "I am not going to be anyone's servant!", we simply do not have the mind of Christ. This is an interactive program. The way it works is, you submit and love and honor him, and he is blessed (aren't we, men?), and is more powerfully motivated to love, submit and honor you. You are not responsible to change your husband-God will do that. But He is counting on you to do your part. Yes, his job is to love you and be gentle with you. Do your part with love and commitment and you'll be making it easier for him to do his part. And when he does his part it will make it that much easier for your to do your part… Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked. Wives know they hold a great deal of power practically. Someone said, the husband is the head of the home, but the wife is the neck and she can turn him any way she wants to. That is no surprise to God. Listen, the godly woman who wants God's best for herself and her husband will use those intuitive and amorous powers for good. And he will love you for it. Wives, every poll I've ever read says your husband wants to be admired. Pick out some of his very best qualities and tell him about them every chance you get. Let him know you love him, and he's your man, and you're still glad you married him, and he's everything you ever dreamed of. He'll know you're manipulating him-and he'll love every minute of it! A teenage boy asked his grandfather once how he and grandma had lived together so happily for over 50 years. Grandpa said, "We decided when we got married that grandma would take care of all the small decisions and I would take care of all the big decisions and, well, so far nothing big has come up. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them (verse 19) Notice, this is a double command-two things-LOVE and DON'T BE HARSH. It appears to me that one helps to define the other. The hardest thing for a man to do, it seems, is to be gentle and loving. It's a learned art. Being gentle and loving is not just a lover's tactic; it is a way of life for Christian men. Now, men take it on the chin a lot of the time when it comes to marriage. I want to go on record as saying that it sometimes isn't fair how the guys get picked on all the time. Our culture makes the husband out to be a buffoon most of the time, and as a result there is very little out there as a model of a man as a good husband, a lover of God, a good dad and head of his home. And that's too bad. Boys need those kinds of heroes. My point here this morning is to simply stress the message of this text and try to make a couple of practical suggestions. Avoid all manner of harshness, men. Never degrade your wife in public-and don't do it in private either. My point is, it is too easy to be sarcastic and supposedly witty, and pretty soon, you end up saying something you're going to regret. I heard about the time when Bill Gaither stood on stage and called his wife up to join him. Most know that Gloria gained quite a bit of weight in the past years, and when she joined him on that stage at the Praise Gathering in front of thousands of people, he put his arm around her and said, "I love my Gloria, and these days there's a lot more of her to love!" Don't do that. Yeah, that crowd reacted about the same. Hey, guys, when's the last time you yelled at your best friend? I mean really yelled at him? Why would you do that to your life-long lover, the mother of your children, the dear lady you're going to grow old with? ON A BUSINESS TRIP in California, a man realized that he had forgotten his wife's birthday the day before. Assuming he was in big trouble, he went to the jewelry section of a San Francisco department store. After explaining to the saleswoman that he desperately needed a gift to make up for his forgetfulness, she quipped, "I'm sorry, but we don't have anything that expensive." Suggestion - men, you know how, on the job, every once in awhile, there's a meeting to try to decide what can be done to make the company more efficient, more productive, more employee-friendly? If you're fortunate enough to work in such a company, do you remember how it felt when your supervisor said to you, "Sam, how can this company serve you better so you can serve us better?" Oh, you only WISH they would do that? So does she. Take time sometime and ask your bride, "Honey, what can I do to make it easier for you as my wife and our kids' mother? How can I serve you better, since you serve us so well?" Wives, you can try this one, too. Ask one another, "What can we do, should we do, to make our family better for all of us and more pleasing to the Lord?" After a few years things can grow stale in a marriage and it takes work to maintain a healthy and happy marriage. One guy said "You know, when we first got married my wife would bring my slippers and the dog would come barking. Now the dog brings my slippers..." I'll stop right there. Actually, if that were a true situation, it would be very plain that it is his turn to activate some love and gentleness. William James once said, "If you act the way you WISH you felt, you'll eventually feel the way you act." Even if you don't feel tender, or loving, start deliberately acting tender and loving. If you don't think you can even muster and act, pray and ask God to help you. Do you think He'll hold back from giving you what you need to bless your spouse? I don't think so either. A man accompanied his friend home for dinner and was impressed by the way he entered his house, asked his wife how her day went, and told her she looked pretty. Then, after they embraced, she served dinner. After they ate, the husband complimented his wife on the meal and thanked her for it. When the two fellows were alone, the visitor asked, "Why do you treat your wife so well?" "Because she deserves it, and it makes our marriage happier," replied the host. Impressed, the visitor decided to adopt the idea. Arriving home, he embraced his wife and said, "You look wonderful!" For good measure he added, "Sweetheart, I'm the luckiest guy in the world." His wife burst into tears. Bewildered, he asked her, "What in the world's the matter?" She wept, "What a day! Billy fought at school. The refrigerator quit and spoiled the groceries. And now you've come home drunk!" Now, if you're going to change into a more gentle and loving man for your wife, you might want to sort of ease into it! Remember, men, this is an interactive program. The way it works is, you shower her with love and gentleness, and she is blessed (right, ladies?), and is more powerfully motivated to submit and honor and love you (and, I'm sure you'll agree, that ain't all bad!). You are not responsible to change your wife-God will do that. But He is counting on you to do your part. Yes, her job is to submit to you and respect and love you. Do your part with love and gentleness and you'll be making it easier for her to do her part. And when she does her part it will make it that much easier for you to do your part… Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. (verse 20) Clearly, this is a message for the kids, and it is not complicated. The commandment from Sinai read that children were to honor their parents. Certainly a great part of honoring is obeying. In fact, when kids honor their parents (respect, revere them) they have a lot easier time obeying them. I've learned one thing, moms and dads. Just as husbands make it easier for their wives to submit to them by loving their wives, and just as wives make it easier for their husbands to love them by submitting to them, PARENTS MAKE IT EASIER FOR THEIR CHILDREN TO OBEY THEM BY TREATING THEM WITH LOVING ATTENTION. A couple of children told their mother she was not to lift a finger on Mother's Day. They were going to do the cooking. So they got out three pots, two frying pans, a double boiler, three mixing bowls, a chopping board, six measuring spoons, eight serving dishes--and Mom was delighted. She said it was the best Jell-O she ever tasted. Children really do WANT to respect and honor their parents, but parents have to earn that kind of respect. It is the responsibility of parents to teach their kids to respect authority. This must include appropriate discipline. Most parents don't exercise discipline, or fail to maintain consistent discipline, because it takes time and effort. Parenting is all about time and effort. I heard that health authorities are considering bringing back the smallpox vaccinations. When I was very young I had to get this shot. I remember it being a very large needle and very painful, and thinking this isn't fair! But now I know it was for my own good. Biblically speaking we apply discipline to our kids to teach them there are painful consequences to disobedience to authority. We discipline our children NOW to immunize them against a terrible fall later. The child who nags and gets his way, the child who continues in disobedience while his parent recites an endless stream of threats that are never followed through, the child who is never taught there are behavioral boundaries and consequences when they are crossed, is a child at risk. In discipline, there must be consistency and restraint. If the child is deliberately misbehaving in a noisy way during a church service, for example, and the parent says, "Stop it now, or I'm going to take you out!" had better be ready to get up and leave the service. Why? Two reasons: one, the child is going to test you, and two, you have got to follow through. One mother had had enough of her three-year-olds misbehavior during a church service, so she picked him up and started down the aisle. His little head was sticking out and he said to an elderly lady as he passed, "Pray for me!" Parents' responsibilities toward their children are, first, teach them to respect authority through godly discipline, and, secondly, encourage them. Parents, your kids want to make you proud of them. So, when they do, even in little ways, heap it on them. It's a big, fearsome world out there for children, and they need the security of an encouraging home. If you give tem that security and lots of encouragement, you'll not only help them through their fears, you'll give them a head start on success in whatever they do. A famous artist told that when he was young he once was left in a room alone long enough to make a real mess. Looking back on it he realized he made a huge mess as he drew a picture for his mother. There was paint everywhere, on the floor and the walls as well as on him. When his mother walked into the room her mouth dropped open in horror. When he handed her the picture, tears came to her eyes and she smiled. He said, "My mother's smile made me an artist!" Just yesterday we had the grandchildren for a couple of hours. Charlotte said, "I'm going to wash me car-do you want to come with me and help?" Alli jumped up and said, "Yeah! What will you give us?" Grandma answered, tell you what, we'll wash the car and then we'll stop for an ice cream." Nine-year-old Gage said, "I'd rather have the cash-my friends and I are saving to buy a house!" They got the ice cream and seventy-five cents. Dads get a special word from the apostle here in verse 20: Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. That's how we know that encouragement is important. While we do what we can to encourage them, we also, especially dads, need to be careful not to discourage them. Dads, I'd like to suggest the principle of 9-1-1. For every one word of correction you speak to your child, speak nine words of encouragement and give him one hug. This will go a long way in encouraging your child, and making you more obey-able. Encourage everything good in your kids, especially their faith. If we are going to cheer the kids on in soccer, we ought to get excited about their Bible memory work. If being in school is important, being in Kid City, Celebration and VBS ought to be at least as important. If talking to your child about sports, school, and the little things of everyday life, how about equal time on Jesus, scripture and the big things of the Christian life? "Raise a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." Now a concluding word to moms. Because God made you that way, you have a unique ability to comfort and bless. You are the most huggable one in the family. Your husband and your kids need your hugs. You are the patient listener. You are the approachable one. And you see things, not only with your eyes, but also with your heart. God made your husband the pilot of your marriage and home. You are the navigator. That is God's role for you. You steer the rest of us in the directions set by dad and God the Father. Without your vital work of reading souls and making those personal adjustments in the family, we'd all be off course. Be reminded that all your past mistakes are forgiven in Christ, and there is a new start in Him every day. Stay close to Him, let His Spirit fill you and lead you.. Let his Word be your instrument panel and your source of direction. And your whole family will be blessed, and they will rise up and call you blessed! We love you, moms, and we thank God for giving you to us, and we thank you for being all he intended you to be for us. Happy mother's day.   [Back to Top]