KIDS & DADS: RECIPROCAL BLESSINGS

KIDS & DADS: RECIPROCAL BLESSINGS Exodus 20:12 Ephesians 6:1-4 June 15, 2003 [Additional Notes] Given by: Pastor Rich Bersett [Index of Past Messages] Introductory I want to say a word of thanks for Billy's good teaching last week. I can't get the imagery of "sucking on pebbles" out of my mind. It was just 5 weeks ago that I brought a Mother's Day message. Two weeks ago, we shared a teaching on children. This being Father's Day, can you guess what I'd like to speak to this morning? That's right! But here's the catch: you're going to help me. In just a few minutes, I want to open the floor for some testimonials in the form of blessings. I will invite anyone who'd like to do so to stand and share a word or two of blessing concerning their own father (earthly) or the heavenly Father or a even fatherhood in general. I ask you to begin thinking about what it is you are thankful for in relation to your Father, and be ready to share a brief blessing. Before we do, there are a couple of passages of scripture that have been on my mind for the past couple weeks as I've studied and prepared for this morning. I'd like to look at them with you. The first is at 1 Thessalonians 2:5-12. Once again Paul found himself in the place of having to defend his ministry in answer to the accusations of naysayers who had come in and tried to run him down among the church there. They brought accusations that Paul's ministry there was a failure, that he was manipulative and self-serving. The apostle answers by simply reminding them what he and his apostolic entourage were really like among them. "You know we never used flattery, nor did we put on a mask to cover up greed-God is our witness. We were not looking for praise from men, not from you or anyone else. As apostles of Christ we could have been a burden to you, but we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children. We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us. Surely you remember, brothers, our toil and hardship; we worked night and day in order not to be a burden to anyone while we preached the gospel of God to you. You are witnesses, and so is God, of how holy, righteous and blameless we were among you who believed. For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory." The next passage is Psalm 103:11-14 - "For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust." And the third set of verses comes from the fourth and eighth chapters of Romans. "…he is the father of all who believe…" (Romans 4:11) "…you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, 'ABBA, FATHER'. The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children." (Romans 8:15-16) We ought always give praise to our Father who, out of His great love for us, adopted us, forgave us, had compassion on us, understands us, encourages us, comforts us, urges and empowers us to live holy lives before Him, and gives us the inner testimony that we are His children through the Holy Spirit. Galatians 4:6-7 tells us, "Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out 'ABBA, FATHER'. So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir." Testimonies - Blessings - What about fatherhood blesses you, church? Kids & Dads - Reciprocal Blessings When Moses came down from the mountain with the Ten Commandments, one of those weighty commandments was, "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you." [webmasters note: Exodus 20:12] I want to point out this morning that when we are commanded to HONOR our parents, it means more than obedience. It means esteem them, hold them in high regard, bless them, serve them, pray for them. It means speak respectfully TO them and, when you are not with them, speak respectfully ABOUT them. Honor them. Paul picks up on this commandment in his letter to the Ephesians, chapter 6, verses 1-4. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother'-which is the first commandment with a promise-that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.' Fathers, do no exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear a Dad Say 10. Well, how 'bout that? I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions. 9. You know, Pumpkin, now that you're 13, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun? 8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain hostile attitude. I like that. 7. Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car. GO CRAZY!! 6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating's not good enough for you, son? 5. Your mother and I are going away for the weekend. You might want to consider throwing a party. 4. Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies - ya know - that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks. 3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring. Now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall. 2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend. 1.    What do I want for my birthday? Aahh - don't worry about that. It's no big deal. (Okay, they might say it. But they don't mean it) We are living in an age when there is a re-discovery of the important role of dads in the life and development of children. For the longest time, dads have been considered, at worst, obsolete, at best, optional. But serious research is proving what the Bible has taught for centuries-that fathers are more than sperm donors. There is a most important role for the father in the maturation process of children. One way of analyzing that role is to look at a couple of the basic needs of children, needs that fathers are uniquely equipped to provide. Need #1 - Security Have you ever wondered why giant asteroids don't randomly collide with planet earth? You may be surprised to learn that one big reason that doesn't happen is the planet Jupiter. Allen Boss is an astrophysicist at the Carnegie Institution of Washington, and he says that Jupiter is our "first line of defense." "It is something like 99.9 percent efficient at throwing dangerous space junk, asteroids, and meteorites back out into interstellar space." How does that happen? Jupiter is 318 times heavier than earth. Because of its mass, Jupiter creates a huge gravitational field that acts as a giant cosmic vacuum cleaner, drawing the "junk" that floats into the gravitational field toward it and away from other planets. Jupiter displayed its protective power a few years ago when a monster comet broke into fragments and bombarded the planet Jupiter with more destructive power than all the atomic bombs on earth. Living in Jupiter's gravitational field minimizes the destructive forces that enter the earth's atmosphere. Considering Jupiter's protective role, the ancient Romans unknowingly named the mighty planet well. In Old Latin, Jupiter means "Sky-Father." Dads are part of God's plan to provide protection from the dangers they face until they've grown up. Armed with a knowledge of God's Word and His will, dad's a designed to bring wisdom to their children that shields them from the destructive forces of the world, the flesh and the devil. But how do dads do that? Primarily through relationship. The child who has been convinced he is loved and valued by his father is a SECURE child. What modern research is showing is that when fathers take time with their kids to talk with them, do projects and recreation and meaningfully relate with them about life's issues, their children enter adulthood more secure and more prepared to face the inevitable challenges to their faith and character. But what research is also showing is an alarming trend. This trend began in the 50's in America and blossomed into full-scale catastrophe in the 70's. Dr. Urie Bronfenbrenner, a leading expert in child development, published his findings in Scientific American a few years back. Dr. James Dobson picked up this seminal work one of his books, from which I want to quote just a few lines: "A team of researchers wanted to learn how much time middle-class fathers spend playing and interacting with their small children. First they asked a group of fathers to estimate the time spent with their one-year-old youngsters each day, and received an average reply of fifteen to twenty minutes. To verify these claims, the investigators attached microphones to the shirts of small children for the purpose of recording actual parental verbalization. The results of this study are shocking. The average amount of time spent by these middle-class fathers with their small children was thirty-seven seconds per day! Their direct interaction was limited to 2.7 encounters daily, lasting ten to fifteen seconds each! That represented the contribution of fatherhood for millions of America's children in the 1970's, and I believe the findings would be even more depressing today." Children need the emotional protection of a caring father. Thank God for that nurturing, loving and irreplaceable ministry of moms in their kids' lives, but it is not enough. In the same way that the Thessalonian believers were pastorally cared for through ministry that was motherly and fatherly, so children need both kinds of love. I read again the other day that strawberries have loads of essential vitamins, and that eating a couple a day helps insure a healthy, balanced diet. There are emotional and spiritual nutrients mysteriously locked inside the voice, the strength and the touch of a dad. Blessed and healthy are those who are near a godly, unselfish and caring father. Need #2 - Direction In a chapter entitled "The Priority of Fathering", Dr. Dobson shared this story: "I was walking toward my car outside a shopping center a few weeks ago, when I heard a loud and impassioned howl. "Auggghh!' groaned the masculine voice. I spotted a man about 50 feet away who was in great distress (and for a very good reason). His fingers were caught in the jamb of a car door that had obviously been slammed unexpectedly. Then the rest of the story unfolded. Crouching in the front seat was an impish little three-year-old boy who had apparently decided to 'close the door on dad.' The father was pointing frantically at his fingers with his free hand, and saying, 'Oh! Oh! Open the door, Chuckie! They're caught…hurry!…Chuckie…please…open…OPEN!' Chuckie finally got the message and unlocked the door, releasing Dad's blue fingers. The father then hopped and jumped around the aisles of the parking lot, alternately kissing and caressing his battered hand. Chuckie sat unmoved in the front seat of their car, waiting for Pop to settle down." Chuckie's dad's experience symbolizes the enormous cost of parenthood. It is expensive, and often painful, to raise boys and girls. Parents, do you ever feel like you give the best you have to your kids, only to have them respond by slamming the door on your fingers? If you have young ones that help you identify with that scenario, let me caution you-it gets worse during adolescence! What's the best way to meet your children's need for direction? Example. You can't beat example. You can teach with words and you can correct with discipline, but there is no better way than modeling. A survey by the National Study of Youth and Religion at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill found that adolescents ages 12 to 14 reared in religious households are more likely than their peers from nonreligious families to admire their mother and father, to not run away from home, to eat dinner with their parents and to have Mom and Dad involved in their social lives. "There is a consistent association across a variety of measures that more religiously active families with early adolescents in the household exhibit signs of stronger family relationships," said Christian Smith, study director. Seventy percent of religious youth wanted to be like their parents, and 90 percent enjoyed spending time with their parents - versus half and three-quarters respectively of nonreligious youth. The best thing you can do for your child, Dad, to help her or him to feel the security and direction they need, is to voluntarily give up strategic time to be with them, fully involved, and modeling your faith and character in real life situations. That's what they need and, even though they may deny it, that's what they want. "I Am Sam," the film starring Sean Penn and Michelle Pfeiffer, is about a mentally handicapped single father whose intelligence level is that of a six-year-old. He is allowed to raise his daughter, Lucy, up to the age of six, but then is forced give her up to a foster family. One scene depicts Sam and Lucy having a fun time together in the park. During the scene there is a voice-over of Lucy asking several questions and Sam attempting to answer them. Lucy asks questions like, "Daddy, why are men bald?" Sam answers, "Sometimes they're bald because their head is shiny and they don't have any hair on it." The scene ends with Lucy asking, "Daddy, do I look more like you or mommy?" Later, at their favorite restaurant, Lucy asks, "Daddy, do you think she will ever come back?" Sam thinks for a moment and responds, "Paul McCartney lost his mother when he was little. And John Lennon lost his mother when he was little. And he says that sometimes God picks the special people." "Daddy, did God mean for you to be like this, or was it an accident?" "Okay, what, what do you mean?" Sam responds. Lucy kindly explains, "I mean you're different. You're not like other daddies." Sam is unsure about what to say, then softly utters, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Lucy places her hand on his. "It's okay, Daddy. Don't be sorry. I love you. Nobody else's daddy ever comes to the park." Sam ponders this, and his face lights up. "Yeah. Yeah. We are lucky. Aren't we lucky? Yeah." Need #3 - Confidence One of your kids' greatest needs is to know who they are in God's world. Identity, self-esteem, personhood, destiny-call it what you will, your kids need this "something" from you, dad. For some reason, locked up in the mind of God, it has to come from you. Moms don't deliver it like dads do. Years ago, Gary Smalley and John Trent teamed up to write what became a best-selling Christian book. It is entitled, The Blessing. In it they dealt with this intangible inheritance. The study found its biblical underpinning in the account of Jacob blessing his twelve sons (Genesis 49). There in that great text, the patriarch pronounces a blessing over each one which served both as an acknowledgement of who and what each one of those men already was, and as a prophetic blessing over their future. Judah, for example, he called a "lion's cub". Father Jacob said "your brothers will praise you; your hand will be on the neck of your enemies…the scepter will not depart from Judah, nor the ruler's staff from between his feet; until he comes to whom it belongs and the obedience of the nations is his." (Genesis 49:8-10) Each of the twelve sons received a similar blessing, each in keeping with their godly destiny. Smalley and Trent make a very good case, then, that it is an important parental responsibility to pass along "the blessing" to children. When a father does this he instills confidence and vision and purpose in his child. I want to encourage the fathers of this church to follow that plan. Somewhere around the 12th or 13th year, take your son or daughter aside in some meaningful way (a day away, a camping trip, whatever). Pray in advance, of course, about what you believe God would have you tell them. Speak to them of your pride in their development, your respect for them as they enter adulthood, and your delight in their faith. Ask if you might speak into their lives for a few minutes. Pour out your heart (it will probably be an emotional experience) as you tell them, not what you want them to be or do, but what you believe God has destined them for. Talk about their strengths, their dreams, their qualities, their ambitions and their faith. This is a watershed experience, and well it should be. Every other culture has a way of marking a child's entry into adulthood, why shouldn't the Christian family? If you will pass this blessing on to your child, you will help insure that he or she has a sense of direction and confidence while entering adulthood. I recommend you get the book and seriously consider cultivating such a tradition. Need #4 - Faith Be careful here. Parents can't GIVE faith to their children, or simply "wish" it into them, any more than you can create a watermelon. It is something that is planted and nurtured for an entire season, and then it predictably comes to a ripened state. If you genuinely love God and serve Him in a sincere faith, the likelihood that your children will do the same is VERY high. And, again, it is interesting how terribly important the father's role is in this cultivation process. The Southern Baptist Convention is big on religious research-and thank God for their good work in this area. Recently reported in the Baptist Press was a statistical report that clearly showed that if a man is the first in his family to come to faith in Christ, 93 percent of his family will follow his faith example. Proverbs 22:6 - "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." In closing, I want to offer a word of encouragement to every dad in this room who feels like he's really blown it. God is all about fixing what's wrong. He's all about meeting you right where you are and helping you to where you need to be. If you need forgiveness, and you are willing to come to Him in repentance, you will be forgiven. If you are not yet a Christian, He is waiting for you to place your faith in Christ, who is the way, the truth and the life. Chuck Swindoll said it well, "Dad is not perfect; he would be the first to admit it. Nor is he infallible, much to his own disappointment. Nor altogether fair . . . nor always right. But there's one thing he is - always - he is your dad . . . the only one you'll ever have. Take it from me, there's only one thing he needs on Fathers Day. Plain and simple, he needs to hear you say, "Dad, I love you." "That's the best gift you can give. Nothing you can buy will bring him anywhere near the satisfaction that four-word gift will provide. 'Dad, I love you.'" In his book The Wisdom of Tenderness, Brennan Manning tells the following story: Several years ago, Edward Farrell of Detroit took his two-week vacation to Ireland to celebrate his favorite uncle's 80th birthday. On the morning of the great day, Ed and his uncle got up before dawn, dressed in silence, and went for a walk along the shores of Lake Killarney. Just as the sun rose, his uncle turned and stared straight at the rising orb. Ed stood beside him for 20 minutes with not a single word exchanged. Then the elderly uncle began to skip along the shoreline, a radiant smile on his face. After catching up with him, Ed commented, "Uncle Seamus, you look very happy. Do you want to tell my why?" "Yes, lad," the old man said, tears washing down his face. "You see, the Father is fond of me. Ah, me Father is so very fond of me." Author and speaker Phil Callaway, responding to a letter from a frightened soon-to-be dad who asked for advice on how to prepare for fatherhood. May 31, 1986, was a Saturday. My friends played softball that day. I paced a hospital hallway with my wife. At least I think it was my wife. Whereas Ramona had always been rather sweet and soft-spoken, this woman was more like Attila the Hun in a hospital gown. "Rub my back," she commanded. I pulled out the tennis ball. "Don't touch me!" She hollered. This continued for what seemed like 14 days, until I found myself face to face with my firstborn son. Sure, he was a little wrinkly, but who could blame him? I held him close. I touched his tiny fingers, and counted his toes-all ten of them. I looked into his eyes. They were blue. Like mine. Then the most amazing thing happened. A revival, I suppose. As I looked into those blue eyes, it was as if I heard these words: "Callaway, for the first 25 years of your life you've been a hypocrite. You've been close to the church but far from God. You are holding in your arms the one person you'll never be able to hide it from. If you think this little guy won't see it, you're naive." People ask me when I became a Christian, and I say May 31, 1986. You see, that night for the first time in my life, I bowed my head and said, "Dear God, I'm sorry. Make me real. I want my precious little boy to hunger and thirst after righteousness. If he won't learn to from me, he has two strikes against him already." I meant every word. It's been slow-going sometimes, but I believe God heard that prayer. Five years later this same little boy looked up at me one night and said, "Daddy, I wanna be like you," and tears came to my eyes. I don't have all the child-rearing answers for you. But I do know this: If you want your child to love God, love Him first. If you want your son to obey, be obedient to the still small voice of God. If you want to change your life to change for good, have children. Lots of them.     [Back to Top]