THE HEALING OF OUR ANGER

THE HEALING OF OUR ANGER Matthew 5:21-26 With grateful acknowledgement of these sources of direction and inspiration: the Holy Spirit; the Word of God; C. F. Allison, Guilt, Anger and God; Steven Arterburn and Jack Felton, More Jesus, Less Religion; Andrew Lester, Coping With Your Anger; Mark Richison, "Getting a Grip on Life"; Neil Clark Warren, Make Anger Your Ally May 30, 2004 Given by: Pastor Rich Bersett [Index of Past Messages] Introductory Because he was angry one day, Alexander the Great struck his favorite general in a fit of rage. The blow killed the man Alexander considered his best friend. He cried out, "I've conquered the world but I can't even conquer my own soul!" Will Rogers once said, "People who fly into a rage seldom make a good landing." Thomas Jefferson said, "When you're angry you count to ten. When you're very angry you count to 100." If you're still angry you keep on counting. Jesus dealt with the issue of anger in the Sermon on the Mount, but He came in a side door. Believe it or not He was talking about the commandment, "Thou shalt not murder," when the subject came up. Let's see what He had to say in Matthew 5:21-26. As we return to the series, please remember that Jesus has just said, in verses 17-20, that His intention was not to destroy the law or the prophets. They are still to be the conscience of the God-fearing person. But the Scribes and Pharisees, Judaism's religious leaders, were no long to be their rulers and law interpreters. In the rest of chapter 5 Jesus speaks to various topics under the Law. He adds nothing new to them, but he radically reinterprets them. Jesus clarifies the true intent and nature of the Law by explaining its breadth, strictness and spirituality. Remember, He was preaching to pre-Christian disciples. The effect of this law clarification was 1) to reveal anew the heart and holiness of God, 2) to crystallize the law's true meaning and it's purpose-to enhance life, and 3) to make it very clear that we have not adequately obeyed the law. When we hear Jesus speak we realize we have not even come close to measuring up to God's holy expectations of us. When we hear Jesus, we ultimately understand we need a Savior. "You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.' But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, 'Raca,' is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell. "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift. "Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. I tell you the truth, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny." Understanding the Text Let's study what Jesus said and then look together at what it means for us. The quote "You shall not murder" is from Exodus 20:13, the sixth commandment, adding the warning of judgment. But Jesus brings added stringency to the Law by teaching that it isn't just the act of murder that is wrong, but the underlying anger is also a sin: "Anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment." One of Jesus' primary messages was that a relationship with God is more important than anything else. And since God looks on the heart, being honest with ourselves and with Him are central to the faith life. And it is what is going on in a person's heart that eclipses even his most religiously pious behavior. In fact, Jesus was in line with the Old Testament prophets who repeatedly chastised the people of God for their emphasis on religious behavior to the exclusion of a pure heart. Once when Jesus was enjoying a dinner at Matthew's home, some Pharisees dropped in and started asking sarcastic questions about the sort of company He was keeping (tax collectors and other sinners). Jesus quoted Hosea 6:6 where the Lord said, "I desire mercy (a heart attitude), not sacrifice (a religious activity)." You know, you can perform a hundred good, religious activities and, if your heart is not right toward God, none of them count for anything? That's not because the religious activities are bad-they are certainly acts of righteousness toward God-but only when the heart motive behind the action is healthy. Religious behaviors are fine, but they are a distant second to a pure heart. Don't focus on what you do for God-focus on your relationship with Him, then you are not only free, but empowered to serve Him in healthy, holy ways. Jesus illustrates the murderous power of anger by referring to two words of that day's vernacular that, when used in anger, were very strong and offensive. "Raca" is an Aramaic word of severe disdain for someone. To speak this word to someone in anger amounts to a very humiliating attack on that person. Speaking Raca to another person puts you the speaker in a place of pride and arrogance. I heard a man say to his seven year old son the other day, after he had mistakenly spilled something, "You are such an idiot!" That's Raca. The other term is "You fool!" which was an even more spiteful attack on someone. To speak to another person in such malicious fashion is to demean and malign them. Now, interestingly, the words themselves are not so bad-it is only when they are spoken in anger that they become vicious attacks. In fact, Jesus, Paul and James used the same terms, though not in contempt and anger. They are used appropriately and redemptively to encourage helpful change in others' lives, not to decimate them. Anger makes us destroyers instead of builders. The biblical perspective is that it is beneath human beings made in the image of God to do anything to tear down other human beings made in God's image. That we would be angry with another child of God is evidence of the deep degree of sin in our hearts and our culture. And it is even more obvious when so much of it turns violent. A little boy was playing in the street. A rat darted from behind the garbage can. He killed it and picked it up by the tail and started to the house. In his excitement, he failed to notice that the preacher had come to pay a visit on the family. He bounded in the door holding the rat and said, "I jumped on him, I kicked him, I hit with my baseball bat," just then he noticed the preacher sitting at the table. He removed his baseball cap and placed it over his heart and continued, "And then the Lord called him home." Jesus is pointing out that feeling anger toward another human being is always wrong, whether it leads to physical assault or slander, and when it doesn't lead to such outward behavior. Anger that is destructive toward others is sinful. There is a righteous anger-it is alright, for example to be angry with injustice, with sin with the mistreatment of the poor, the helpless or the marginalized. And that anger can and should be expressed in ways that lead to change and blessing. One little kid was reprimanded for cursing in school. The teacher said, "I bet you don't even know what those words mean." He said, "I do too, it means the lawn mower won't start." How serious an issue is it that Christ followers not participate in anger that is aimed at the destruction of others? Jesus says it is serious enough that when you realize you have it you should take care of it right away. If you don't it can lead to deeper anger, bitterness and even outright murder on your part. That's not to mention the devastating effect it can have in the life of the person with whom you are angry, and among the faith community you share. Paul saw this clearly and he quoted Psalm 4:4 in his letter to the Ephesians: "'In your anger do not sin' : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry." [webmasters note: Ephesians 4:26] The apostle's practical advice was get over it before you go to bed. The encouraging thing about that verse is that it doesn't say you mustn't ever get angry. The Lord knows us and knows that anger is a very human and inevitable reaction. But once you become angry with someone, take appropriate action right away to get healed. Jesus goes a step further and warns that if you don't take care of anger between you and someone who is angry with you, angry enough to take you to court, you're going to be sorry. It is even financially expedient to take care of it quickly. By the way, did you pick up on the twist in the final four verses? Those illustrations are not dealing with situations wherein you are the angry party. Verse 23 gives the picture of you at church ready to receive communion and make your offering and you remember that your brother has something against you! If that is the case, Jesus says, leave right away and go get it fixed. Why? Because it is deadly for you and it is deadly for the guy who is angry with you to continue in this unresolved conflict. Neither your nor his communion and offering will be worth anything until the matter is straightened out. What is so wrong with anger that it is comparable to murder? There are three reasons why anger is wrong: 1. Anger displeases the Lord who intends for us to honor life and people. 2. Anger injures us, and God wants us to prosper and be blessed. Everett Worthington, author of Forgiving and Reconciling, says people who forgive and do not hang on to their anger have lower blood pressure and are less likely to suffer from anxiety disorders. This secular Ph.D. says it's best to not try to get even with the person who hurt you, and you should replace negative emotions with positive ones. Easier said than done! Anger hurts the angry one! Anger displease the Lord, it injures the angry person and 3. It is destructive of the community. Article in James Dobson's magazine, "When You feel like screaming." They took a survey of 9-12 year olds and asked them two questions: What do you like most about your mother? and What do you dislike most about your mother? Although the answers to the first question were very varied, the second answer was not. It was unanimous. Almost every child used the phrase, "Her screaming! I can't stand it when she screams." Why do we scream? Why do we lose our temper? Because it works. There's a short-term effect. Psychologists know this. When you yell and get angry at somebody most of the time most people will comply just out of fear, but in the long run you lose. Anger alienates. In the long run you can loose the relationship. Here's God's take on what relationships in the Christian community should look like: I want men everywhere to lift up holy hands in prayer, without anger or disputing. (1 Timothy 2:8) Live in harmony with one another (Romans 12:16 and 1 Peter 3:8) Maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace (Ephesians 4:3) And Matthew 18 teaches that if your brother sins against you, go and talk with him about the matter right away, instead of holding a grudge. [webmasters note: Matthew 18:15] How can I find healing for my anger? What do I do when I encounter anger in my spirit? How do I handle it when that sudden hurt someone delivers to me turns to vitriol against him? The older I get the less excited I am about "how to" lists, but this short list of biblical advice might be helpful to you. 1. Recognition - Recognize your anger. Sometimes it's hard to know that you are angry, because it's not obvious to you. First, know that the Holy Spirit is vitally interested in your dealing quickly and healthily with your feelings of anger, so He will help you if you will seek wisdom from him. There are physical clues (heart rate, blood pressure, grinding teeth, clenched fists, neck and back pain, stomach problems/indigestion). Get familiar with your unique ways of manifesting symptoms of anger. There are behavioral clues. Nervous laughter, eating, smoking, escaping, TV watching, sarcasm (humor with sharp edge), passive aggression. A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable. Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The farmer said, "Having some problems with them circle flies there, are ya?" The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what they are called - I never heard of circle flies. So the farmer says, "Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the pigs." The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, "Hey...wait a minute, are you calling me a pig?" The farmer says, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement to even think about calling you such a name." The trooper says, "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket. After a long pause, the farmer says, "Hard to fool them flies though." You recognize anger in your soul by literally asking yourself, "Might I be angry about something or at someone?" Once you recognize it . . . 2. Confession - Confess it; own up to it. Admit to yourself that you are angry with so-and-so. You may not like it that you are, but lying to yourself and remaining in denial will drive it deeper into realms of resentment and bitterness. You have to accept responsibility for your anger. By the way, part of that ownership has to do with the truth that no one MADE you angry. The anger came from within your sinful self. If you are a believer you have the power of the Spirit to handle such feelings and you need not be overwhelmed by them. Just admitting that you are angry will help you. Confess how you feel to God, and ask Him to help you not to sin in your anger. Ask Him to lead and empower you to bring healthy resolution to the anger and the issues that provoked it. It is always a good idea to pray, "Lord, help me to learn what You want me to learn in this situation." 3. Confrontation - The only way to truly get beyond your anger and the potential of deepening resentment is to confront the source of the anger. Best thing to say? "I'm angry!" No attack on the person, no accusations, just a plain statement that you are in fact angry, and here's why… This is exactly what Jesus is getting at in Matthew 18 and in Matthew 5:23-24. You shouldn't nurse your anger nor deny it. Talk it out with the person involved. Don't raise your voice-you're not trying to aggravate the situation; you're trying to heal it in a manner that pleases the Lord. On occasion it will be impossible to confront the person with whom you are angry (distance, danger). In this case, first pray and release it to the Lord, then find another trusted believer-someone you trust completely, someone who will be discreet and who will not hesitate to deal with you straightforwardly and hold you accountable when necessary. Pray with that person and ask for the Lord's deliverance. On June 17, 1966, two black men strode into the Lafayette Grill in Paterson, New Jersey, and shot three people to death. Rubin "Hurricane" Carter, a celebrated black boxer, and an acquaintance were falsely charged and wrongly convicted of the murders in a highly publicized and racially charged trial. The fiercely outspoken boxer maintained his claims of innocence and became his own jailhouse lawyer. After serving nineteen years, Carter was released. As a free man, Carter reflected on how he has responded to injustice in his life. The question invariably arises, it has before and it will again: "Rubin, are you bitter?" And in answer to that I will say, "After all that's been said and done-the fact that the most productive years of my life, between the ages of twenty-nine and fifty, have been stolen; the fact that I was deprived of seeing my children grow up-wouldn't you think I would have a right to be bitter? Wouldn't anyone under those circumstances have a right to be bitter? In fact, it would be very easy to be bitter. But that has never been my nature, or my lot, to do things the easy way. If I have learned nothing else in my life, I've learned that bitterness only consumes the vessel that contains it. And for me to permit bitterness to control or to infect my life in any way whatsoever would be to allow those who imprisoned me to take even more than the 22 years they've already taken. Now that would make me an accomplice to their crime. Conclusion We need healing - from our anger and from our sinful condition. We've talked about relationships that have become strained and distanced. There is one relationship in which we have all experienced enmity. Our relationship with God has been shattered by our sin. God in His holiness cannot remain where there is sin. As a result of our sin we are distanced from Him. But Jesus came to be our reconciler. The Bible says that in the cross there is power to make two one. 2 Corinthians 5 says that God "reconciled us to himself through Christ" (verse 18). "God made him who had no sin to be sin for us so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." (verse 21)   [Back to Top]