DIVORCE: WHAT JESUS Taught

DIVORCE: WHAT JESUS Taught Matthew 19:1-9 September 17, 2006 Given by: Pastor Rich Bersett [Index of Past Messages] Introduction Marriages don’t last long—especially among the wealthier and the celebrities. Divorce is so popular it is considered a status symbol. As the divorce rate approaches 50%, some men are married and remarried eight and nine times. Wait, this is not from today’s newspaper; it is a cultural analysis of first century Palestine. And things are even worse among the Romans. The similarities between the cultural view of marriage and divorce in the first century and the twenty first century is striking. That means Jesus spoke into a culture with very similar issues as ours. In Matthew 19 Jesus deals directly with the subject of divorce. And I, for one, welcome a fresh word from God on this most abused subject. We’ve heard the opinions of liberal elitists, Hollywood entertainers, pagans and sociologists. And I’m sorry to say, their unwise opinions have held sway in our world and have come to influence the even the thinking of Christians. Would you like to study together this morning and try to find out how God, the creator and sustainer of marriage, feels about it all? The Text When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan. Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there. This is the beginning now of Jesus’ ministry in the region of Perea. This is the area where John the Baptist had been at work. Now, of course, he had been arrested and ultimately beheaded. Why? For denouncing Herod Antipas, the king, for taking his brother Philip’s wife, Herodias (Matthew 14:3-5). John publicly called that adultery and quickly paid for it with his life. Now the Pharisees want Jesus’ head. That incident has caused no little trouble for the Jews under Roman rule. Because of the likes of Jesus and John the Baptist the Romans were looking at all religious practice with renewed suspicion. And here we find the Pharisees up to their old tricks, attempting to trap Jesus into saying something they can arrest Him for. Verse 3 of Matthew 19: Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” What everyone there and then knew, but is not so obvious to us, is that there was an ongoing debate between two rabbinic schools—those of Rabbi Hillel and Rabbi Shammai. On the subject of divorce these two great Jewish teachers disagreed. Shammai, the conservative scholar, taught that the Law clearly favored the position that there should be no divorce, except when there was marital unfaithfulness. Hillel on the other hand taught the liberal perspective—that divorce was allowable under the law in all cases, provided the husband provided a bill of divorce for his wife. When the Pharisees posed the question they were in essence putting Jesus on the ropes concerning which interpretation of the Law He held concerning divorce. How would Jesus answer this question? It is of interest to us as well, isn’t it? Especially since He immediately clarifies that the argument isn’t with Jesus, the Teacher--their argument is with God. Verse 4: “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” What a great technique for handling religious controversialists and cynics! Well, I guess we should just turn to the scriptures and see what God says about it, because that would be my position on the matter. Whom would we ever have to fear if we are following His Word? If someone says they think I’m wrong on a matter, my response could simply be, “Take it up with God.” So Jesus begins his answer with the Genesis, clarifying the most important issues: God created us male and female and He did so for a reason—for a marriage relationship. And it has been this way from the beginning. God’s intention and will was always that a man and a woman bond in a relationship of marriage wherein the two become one. And the rest is easy. If that’s the way God wants it, don’t do something so insolent as separating them. Now that Jesus has taught the basic, eternal truth of God’s Word, they open their trap. “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” Yes, indeed, that’s the idea found in Deuteronomy 24—men divorcing their wives for any number of reasons and sending them away, though the passage contextually is about remarriage and the technical issue of whether a man who has divorced his wife, who then remarries and her new husband dies. Can the first husband marry her again? No. The Tricky Question and the Scriptural Answer Their intentions were clear in the way they asked the question. They smuggled in a subtle nuance – Well, if you knew the book of Deuteronomy you would have dealt with the teachings of Moses. You’re not much of a student of scripture are you? Their other intention was to pick a fight, that is, to start a religious debate. They wanted to use their well-rehearsed lines in the same way they’d spoken them hundreds of times before in the familiar hackneyed discussions that occupied them back at synagogue. They had these lines well polished by now and couldn’t wait to use them in a heated dialogue with Jesus. So what was Jesus’ response to these Pharisees and their trick question? Let’s listen in at verses 8 and 9: Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.” There was a problem with the way the Pharisees handled the Mosaic teaching, though, and Jesus picked up immediately on it. Did you notice that they twisted the Word ever so slightly? They asked Why did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away? Frankly, that’s not what Moses commanded at all. If they were talking about what he commanded, here’s what Moses commanded. He commanded that if a man divorced his wife he must give her a certificate of divorce. But Moses never commanded divorce. He simply insisted that those who were divorcing be humane to their wives. In the day of Moses, and to a large degree still in the days of Jesus’ earthly ministry, if a woman were sent away from her marriage she was condemned to a life of prostitution or of being a lowly concubine at best. Without an official document of divorce she could not prove she ever was married or that she was set free from her marriage by consent of her husband. Moses said that to be fair to the woman the divorcing husband must provide at least this much for his ex—a divorce decree. And this would cost him time and effort, maybe some embarrassment and of course legal fees (payable to the Palestinian law firm of Dewey, Cheatham and Howe). But Moses insisted, for the sake of the woman, that proper legal protection be provided for her. Jesus’ response was direct: Moses didn’t command divorce! He was as against it on principle as was Jehovah God, who said through His prophet that He hated divorce. Moses simply allowed it because of the hardness of people’s hearts. All he commanded was that if you must divorce at least have some compassion for your wife and make it legal. The point in both of the Lord’s responses is clear—and it is that divorce is not the point—marriage is! Everyone was all worried about divorce and when it was okay to dissolve a marriage and when it was wrong, and what was the right way to do it and the wrong way to do it. The Word is delightfully positive. Don’t focus on divorce—build a good marriage and divorce isn’t an issue! Be the kind of godly men that make good husbands; be the kind of godly women that make good wives. Too many enter marriage today with a round trip ticket. If I don’t like the destination, I can always come back to singleness. You sabotage your success with that approach. What God calls each spouse to is a full commitment to the other person for life. Wow, dude, that’s pretty scary! Of course it’s scary—it’s supposed to be scary! We are not supposed to enter into such covenants lightly. From the beginning, God’s intent was that two partners agree to spend the rest of their lives together making Godly unity work, gutting out the hard times, working together as spiritual team, rejoicing in the good, working through the bad and all the while receiving God’s blessing of a deepening love relationship because of these shared experiences. The exception clause Almost in defiance of the point I just made, we must study to understand what Jesus meant when He said …except… What does the Lord say is justifiable cause for divorce? Some are interested in the answer because it a great theological puzzle; some want to know Did I sin badly in a past divorce? Still others are in a marriage that right now feels like a life sentence and if you were honest you’d say I want to get out! But I don’t want to incur God’s wrath. Is there a loophole? Jesus is primarily positive on marriage, but He includes the so-called “exception clause” here (and in Matthew 5:32). What is the “marital unfaithfulness” Jesus refers to here in the exception clause? Most understand that term as adultery. But it might surprise you to know that it is actually a broader term than “adultery”. Though Jesus uses the word for adultery at the end of the verse (MOICHEA), in this section of His sentence He reaches back for another word. The word He uses is PORNEIA. If that word sounded like “porn” to you, it should because it is the root word from which we get terms like pornography. It is the more general term for sexual sin. The word is used 22 times in the New Testament, and it always keeps company with terms like homosexuality, bestiality, lesbianism, sodomy, incest. PORNEIA is the more general term for sexual sin which subsumes all these other illicit behaviors, and adultery. The specific sin of MOICHEA, or adultery, refers to sexual sin between persons, one of whom is married to another person. To clarify, PORNEIA represents the large category all sexual sin. MOICHEA is the particular sin of sex with a married person if you’re not that person’s spouse. All moicheia is porneia, not all porneia is moicheia. Why is sexual sin an exception? Why is it more ruinous or threatening to a marriage than, say, mental cruelty or drunkenness or meanness? We do not have a direct explanation in scripture of why the sexual relationship is so crucial to marriage, but we can easily conjecture. Sexuality is so much a part of one’s being, one’s soul and identity that giving it over to the care of another is extremely threatening. You are in essence saying to your spouse, Here is all of who I am—this is my raw personage with all of its vulnerabilities and passions. If give this—myself—to you. If that kind of extravagant gift is mistreated, if that intimate relational connection is vitiated and perversely offended by seeking such intimacy elsewhere, the soul of the offended spouse is wounded so deeply, so seemingly irreparably, that healing it is nearly impossible. Marriage relationships, once stabbed by such a sword, are more deeply infected by strong emotions that threaten to close every vital part of the relationship. More so than any other attack on their relationship and unity, sexual betrayal is a mortal or near mortal blow because it so completely devastates the soul of the faithful partner. Even when forgiveness is given and received, the marriage wracked by sexual unfaithfulness is irretrievably hobbled. So our Creator, who built us as sexual beings, Who designed us with such a high investment in our sexuality and our extreme desire to be one, body, soul and spirit, with another human being, understands (better than we) the vital place that the sexual intimacy of husband and wife holds in a marriage. So holy is this physical union He blessed marriage with that He vested it with the miracle of conception and child-bearing. To God our Creator, the sexual union of a married couple is a beautiful pearl, a glorious reflection of the unity of God and the image of God in the human soul. For that very reason, when that pearl is crushed, it can never be restored to what it was intended to be. That is why God regretfully, sorrowfully allows divorce in the case of marital infidelity. I must add a thought on what the exception clause is NOT. It is not an excuse. I’ve actually counseled couples who had let their relationship so deteriorate that one spouse confessed to depriving the other of sexual fulfillment in order to drive that spouse into an illicit sexual affair, thereby providing a biblical “way out”. How seditious is the sinful human heart! The exception is not an excuse; neither is it a command. If a marriage encounters infidelity, it is far more noble for the two who have vowed to love each other and covenanted for life, if there is forgiveness sought and granted, to work through the very painful ordeal of reconstructing the soul of their marriage. And this can prove a mighty testimony to the reconciling power of God in a marriage—but it is a very tough and demanding thing. I thank God for His wondrous work in the few marriages I know that are healing themselves from tragic histories of infidelity. There are two remaining issues in this text that I will not be dealing with this morning. One is the subject of singleness and celibacy. I am saving that subject for the preaching prowess of brother Shawn Willis, who has not only agreed to tackle the subject but actually volunteered enthusiastically for it. Shawn will preach on Sunday, October 1, and I know will bring an insightful and thoroughly biblical treatment of this subject. The other topic that remains is found in the last part of verse 9. It is that elusive and difficult teaching on remarriage as adultery, along with the related text from Matthew 5:32. I have three reasons for not dealing with it this morning in context with what I have shared: one, there wouldn’t be time to do it justice; two, I don’t want to deal with it and I’m putting it off, quite honestly. Third, and related to #2, I am not fully prepared to teach on it. So, the Lord willing, I will tackle Matthew 19:9b and Matthew 5:32 next Sunday—you will pray for me in my study and preparation, won’t you? That will be September 24, and Shawn will preach the following Sunday while we are off on a Leaders’ Retreat. Conclusion I want to close by underscoring a couple of important points from our study and embellished by related biblical teaching. 1. Marriage is a challenge. Done right, to the glory of God and the mutual blessing of both partners, marriage takes conscientious devotion and hard work. But it is worth it! To the married I say, stay married and stay committed to your mission: to bless and edify this treasured other God has given you. To the singles I say be careful. Hear the wisdom of life that screams to you that marriage is more than exchanging rings with the first thing with pretty eyes. It is a calling—a high calling—one created and cherished by the Lord your God. If and when you enter into a marriage, approach this covenant for life. To the divorced and remarried I say: Like all the rest of us you have sin and failure in your past, but you may find grace and forgiveness in the Lord. Work hard in the strength of the Lord to do better, much better this time. 2. Divorce is not the will of God. Don’t capitulate to its lure. Like every other device of the enemy it promises to the currently unhappily married person freedom, happiness, a chance at real love, relief, but the devil’s promises never pay off. God says what pays off always is keeping covenant, both with Him and with your spouse. Again, divorce is allowable in the case of infidelity, but it is never to be an excuse to opt quickly and carelessly out of a covenant relationship. 3. Sin is forgivable. Bob Sheffield of the Navigators tells the moving account of his life before Christ. Bob played professional hockey in Canada. He was tough, loved to fight, and found himself in jail one night after a barroom brawl. Later, Bob and his wife became Christians. They…accepted a temporary assignment with The Navigators…in the States. Bob had to apply for landed immigrant status, which would allow him and his wife to continue in ministry in the United States. But because he had a criminal record, his request was denied….They decided to apply in Canada for what is called the "Queen's Pardon." Following thorough investigation, the pardon was granted. Bob Sheffield received this notice in the mail: Whereas we have since been implored on behalf of the said Robert Jones Sheffield to extend a pardon to him in respect to the convictions against him, and whereas the solicitor general here submitted a report to us, now know ye therefore, having taken these things into consideration, that we are willing to extend the royal clemency on him, the said Robert J. Sheffield. We have pardoned, remitted, and released him of every penalty to which he was liable in pursuance thereof. On any document from that time forward on which Bob was asked if he had a criminal record, he could honestly answer no. The pardon meant he was released from any possible punishment for the crimes, and the record of the crimes themselves was completely erased. That is the kind of pardon we have in Jesus Christ. We are set free from any penalty or punishment. When asked, the answer is, "no record, pardoned by the blood of Christ." There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.   [Back to Top]