R-E-S-P-E-C-T: FIND OUT WHAT IT MEANS TO ME

R-E-S-P-E-C-T: FIND OUT WHAT IT MEANS TO ME Exodus 20:12 October 19, 2008 Given by: Pastor Rich Bersett [Index of Past Messages] Introduction One comedian said he decided to stop worrying about his teenage son's driving and take advantage of it. He said, “I got one of those bumper stickers that says, ‘How's my driving?’ and put a 900 number on it. At 50 cents a call, I've been averaging $38 a week.” Raising kids is a worrisome and wearying thing. You spend the first two years of their life desperately teaching them to walk and talk, then the next 16 years telling them to sit down and be quiet. One woman said she finally realized that the main purpose of hosting children's parties is to remind yourself that there are actually some children who behave worse than your own. A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, Guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The mother, more than a little surprised, asked fearfully, "That's interesting. Tell me, how do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'." Our text this morning is the fifth commandment, found at Exodus 20:12 – Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you. The most complete companion text in the New Testament is found at Ephesians 6:1-3 – Children, obey your parents in the LORD, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—“that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” A Word to the Children About Obedience In my years of studying scripture I have come to the conclusion that the Bible is not written to children. I don’t know if you’ve ever thought about that, but God did not direct His inspired authors to pen their words for non-reading pre-schoolers and immature fourth graders. He had them write His wisdom for adults, and then directed those adults to teach their children. In keeping with that conclusion, though I do believe the fifth commandment does apply to children, it is the job of us parents to teach them to honor and obey their parents. The other thing we adults are to learn is that there is no expiration date on this commandment, and we are called to honor our parents all of our lives. Many of us in this room this morning are painfully aware of the important responsibility of honoring aging parents. The issues of failing health, dementia, round-the-clock care, nursing homes, when to demand that a parent stop driving because they are a danger to themselves and others. These are delicate issues. The psalmist wrote, “Forsake me not in my old age.” The primary word from the Lord for us is this one: “Honor your father and you mother.” This is a Command – “Obey (honor) your parents” Parents and children need to understand that this is a command from God, which is God saying, Get this principle down—it is important for you. The first authorities in our lives are our parents. Because He loves us, He tells us that children are to honor (obey is used interchangeably in both testaments), and the word suggests that children are to consider their parents as “heavy”—not overweight, but very substantial, consequential. Now, it would be easier if the Word said, Honor your parents as long as they are honorable. Not every parent is honorable, and certainly no parent behaves honorably at all times. We don’t get to choose our parents, and there are no loopholes. We are to honor and respect them simply because they are our parents. There is a Provision - “in the Lord” The good news is that you have the ability in you, if you are a believer and follower of Christ to accomplish His will in this matter no matter what your parents are like. The Word says His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness . . . (2 Peter 1:3) Frankly, there isn’t anything you can’t do that God has told you to do if you have laid hold of salvation through faith in Jesus. This is what Paul means at Philippians 4:13, I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Having that assurance, here’s what you do the next time you face something He has told you to do that you are finding very difficult to do. Pray and do it. Step right into it simply trusting God who promises with my strength you can. Brothers and sisters, that is the “stuff” of living in faith. Likewise, when a Christian child finds it difficult to obey her parent, she should pray and do it. Never forget those three words when honoring your parents, or any other authority in your life, for that matter: IN THE LORD. There is also a Promise – “that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you” Ephesians 6 said specifically that this commandment is the first commandment with a promise attached. The others we have considered have simply been commands: no other gods before me, no idols, don’t use my name in vain, and remember the Sabbath. #5 includes a promise for those who keep it—you will live long in the land, NT interpretation: it will go well with you. Here’s the simple truth, perfectly laid out for us to teach our children: Honor your parents because it is the right thing to do, because God says to do it and He pledges to empower you for the task, and you will be blessed. It WILL go well for you. A promise from God. God knows kids need bribes! A Word to the Parents: Help Your Child Honor & Obey You Directive Discipline Kids need to be discipled. This is the word used here, and it has to do with the application of extrinsic discipline and the impartation of intrinsic discipline (self-discipline). Directive discipline is the teaching and training we give our kids in a preventive fashion. Don’t hit your little brother. It’s not nice, God tells us to be kind and not mean. I’m telling you the rule: don’t hit your little brother. That’s directive discipline. She hits her little brother. Now it’s time for corrective discipline to back up and reinforce the corrective discipline. Corrective Discipline Proverbs 29:15  teaches us that Folly is bound up in the heart of the child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him. What does that mean? It means your daughter is going to hit her little brother—that’s what that means! It also means it is appropriate at times to respond to the folly with a little good golly, Miss Molly! I don’t want to defend either position this morning on the spank-or-don’t-spank issue, but I will say this: if you don’t act decisively with effective corrective discipline when the foolishness of the child erupts and challenges God’s authority through you, then you’re the fool. And I’ll go a step farther with the book of Proverbs: if you don’t correct your child with some effective discipline, you don’t love your child! We parents represent God to our kids. That’s an awesome responsibility. And if we act on a tender but ill-advised soft sentimentality when our young children are willfully disobedient we have misrepresented the God of justice to them. We have told them a lie about how God feels about sin. Sure, He forgives, but only through the great cost of the blood of His Son. And the scripture says unequivocally in both testaments: Be not deceived; God is not mocked. Whatever a man sows that will he also reap. [webmasters note: Galatians 6:7] Be consistent and be loving. Don’t be so afraid of offending your child or losing his friendship that you fail to follow through with godly discipline. When you are faithful to scold and punish appropriately, you bless your child with something far more valuable than your otherwise misguided mercy. And they know it. Look, their job is to test the fence; yours is to keep the barb wire sharp. But it is equally bad to go overboard. Ephesians 6:4 warns the dads, Do not exasperate your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the LORD. Exasperation occurs when there is much scolding and emphasis on wrong behavior, but little positive reinforcement. That’s not hard to understand, is it? We’re all little children at heart, and we tend to take directive and corrective counsel better from someone we trust—someone we know loves us and would never harm us. Gary Wills wrote: The parent who exerts his or her power most drastically over children loses all power over them, except the power to twist and hurt and destroy. A Word to All of Us About Authority God’s Design and Will It is no accident—this whole idea of learning about obedience and honor in family systems. God is the unmistakable author of the plan. In His infinite wisdom God determined to bring us to maturity through learning to submit to authority. And He begins that process by placing us under the authority of parents who will teach us right from wrong, righteousness and justice, grace and mercy, as well as faith, as His representatives. Parents are God’s designated authority for children. Many fail to learn the lessons and they limp into adulthood and life in the larger society with a whole set of problems. They have not learned to honor those who have authority: bosses, teachers, police, government officials, spiritual leaders. So they face the natural consequences when they rebel in any number of ways. Life becomes miserable as they not only ignore, but also despise, anyone who assumes a place of authority over them. Oh, they finally learn to knuckle under regarding the police, the judges, the IRS and maybe even their boss, simply because survival depends on it. But when it comes to other authority relationships that are more or less voluntary, it just doesn’t happen. And when it comes to the complexities of relationship with a spouse in a mutual submission role as outlined in Ephesians 5—well, forget it. The lessons of learning to respect, honor and obey authority are designed to be learned in the early days, at the knee of loving parents who are wise enough to prepare their children for the future. They steadily, progressively and sensitively set more and greater responsibilities before their children, and lovingly reinforce their obedient response and redirect their disobedience through discipline. When parents fail to carry out their awesome responsibility, and their children remain boundary-less, not only is the child headed for a much more difficult adulthood, but just try to imagine this child, who has never been adequately instructed, or has developed an ingrained habit of rebelling against discipline, trying to help his child to understand submission to authority. Submission to Authority Submission to authority is one of God’s highest priority lessons. He knows infinitely better than we that the one who learns the valuable lessons about authority at a young age will be a happier, more well-adjusted person for the rest of his life. He will be more prone to understand the person and nature of God, who is pure justice and pure love wonderfully blended into divine authority. He’ll most likely do well in academics and a career, because nothing warms up teachers and bosses like cooperative and obedient students and employees. But this is a much bigger issue than being a bootlicker or a sycophant. The Word says: It will go well with you… That’s God’s will for you! Might I suggest a short chart to emphasize where God is going in our lives with the notion of our learning to submit to authority? I think it is safe to say that ultimately God wants us to HAVE authority. In fact, the whole process of learning submission to authority is in one sense just getting us ready to for exercising authority. I’ve been meditating quite a bit lately on the parable of the talents in Matthew 25. Do you remember what the master said to those first two stewards who were found faithful? You’ve been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness! But a cardinal rule of authority is this: you will never exercise genuine authority if you never learn to submit to authority. So this whole concept of learning to submit to authority is really GOING SOMEWHERE. Let me suggest that one of the end stages of authority is a bit like being in the graduate level of college. The goal of the disciple is eventually to be governed not by commandments and rules, but by the Spirit of God and the godly discipline he has learned—to be self-governed, in a godly sense. This is the person who has learned to submit to authority out of the deepest and purest motive, love. Love for God, love for the Word, and the will, and ways of God. He knows so intimately the will of God that he gladly and wholeheartedly submits to every authority. He even submits to everyone else around him. Ephesians 5:21 commands the mature to Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Christ is the perfect model, who gave it all up and lovingly died for the sake of others. On the way to graduate school, the disciple first pays his dues by going through secondary education and college level course work. We might refer to this level of maturity as the secondary or “sophomoric” approach to submission to authority. The word sophomore combines the two root words for wise and fool. The idea is that by the time a student has reached the second year of an academic endeavor, he starts to really feel he’s something, because of his accomplishments. But he has yet to learn such bragging is foolish; he has no idea about all he has yet to learn.   This is the fate of the “somewhat” mature Christian who has dabbled in submission to authority, certainly having submitted to Christ as Lord. He’s even done pretty well in respecting the human authorities God has put over him in different realms. But he has yet to discover that the reason the submission he has been involved in has been so difficult and trying for him is that, though his behavior has been submissive, his heart has yet to be delivered from pride. He’s not yet submissive in a pure sense. He’s having to work at being submissive because his pride is not yet broken. The mature, graduate level disciple has come to realize his deep sinfulness and the deadly presence of ride lurking deep within. But the sophomoric believer is not there yet. These are the disciples who must be continually reminded to submit to authority, because it is as yet not a natural tendency to submit, the hunger to rule over others and be authorities themselves yet being so strong in them. They still need the exhortations like Romans 13, Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. The sophomore still argues that some authorities should not be in the place of authority. He still doesn’t fully trust God’s work in human authority. He has to be reminded often like Hebrews 13:17, Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as me who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you. And the third level, as we are obviously working backwards—or downwards, is the Primary or elementary level. Here is the not-yet-mature disciple. He’s the believer who is like a child still at home needing to learn the very basic commandments and obeying them only when the rewards seem immediate and self-gratifying. Being disciplined and voluntarily submissive to authority is still a foreign and unlikable prospect for him. Submission comes only under the pressure of extrinsic motivation and the threat of applied corrective discipline. The Bible pictures this one as a child, or sometimes a stubborn mule. This one still needs the milk of the Word, a steady diet of commandments and rules until he grows in his faith to the point he can trust God at work through authorities in his life. So he can’t bring himself to easily or voluntarily be submissive to authority. Where are you in the School of spiritual submission? A better way to ask might be, How do you respond to the commandments, Honor your father and your mother; Submit yourself for the Lord’s sake to every authority instituted among men; Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king; submit yourselves to your earthly masters; in humility consider others better than yourselves; submit to one another out of reverence to Christ?     [Back to Top]