All the Feels

Jesus meets us in our grief. Jesus models for us how to meet others in theirs. This is love.

I heard the news that Pastor Rod Henry had passed this Wednesday morning, and I rejoiced. My friend is home at last, finally whole, breathing deeply in the presence of the God He loved so tenderly and served so faithfully.

Twenty minutes later, one of those waves of grief and loss. The world has changed, and I felt that! I had one of those moment, one of many, of weeping sorrow. I wept.

As I wept, my dog pressed in by my side and, tenderly, vomited on the carpet.

I laughed... and I thought even as it happened: Pastor Rod would love this story! I laughed... and this honors him... and then I went about cleaning up the mess.

All the Feels

That was a whirlwind of emotion! Joy and sorrow and laughter all in a breath! And this week, it wasn’t one or the other at distinct times: it was all the feels… and different ones would rise to the surface for its own moment.

Thank you for all the things. You know I love you. I'll go about serving and loving our peoples however I can in the mess, in the tears, and in the laughter.

Two Encounters

We see two people who encounter Jesus in the midst of their pain. And Jesus responds to each of them. And I think, because he is Jesus, he responds to each of them in precisely the perfect way.

There is this amazing miracle coming (more about this next week). There is profound revelation of who Jesus is and a foreshadowing of the triumphant Resurrection to come. But John takes the time, in the midst of it, to talk about Jesus’ motivations, to dwell upon the pain of the women grieving, and to show us Jesus’ beautiful response to those who are hurting.

John 11:20–21 ESV

So when Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went and met him, but Mary remained seated in the house. Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.

John 11:20-21

Now it is hard to read tone, but even as I hear that as a statement of faith, I also hear it as a cry of pain, and a bit of an accusation at Jesus.

IF YOU HAD BEEN HERE… My brother would not have died!

A whole subtext. Why weren’t you here? We sent a messenger as fast as we could. You know things, you see things, you love us… and if you had been here, my brother would be alive right now. With us right now.

Martha being Martha, she follows that up. And what she follows up with is another statement of faith.

22 But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.”

John 11:22 ESV

But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.”

It is easy to conclude from that statement that Martha is expecting or anticipating an ongoing miracle here… but we see from later in the story, Martha doesn’t see the resurrection coming. She dissuades Jesus from opening the tomb with the great King James line: “he stinketh!”

I think, and it becomes more clear as the conversation develops, that Martha is following up her honest statement of pain and anger at Jesus with a kind of intellectual retreat.

Martha retreats into theological platitudes. But Jesus I still kind of believe, I still do believe… like in a general way, I recognize that.

Now I am not condemning that, in fact I completely identify with Martha. I sanitize my prayers this way, as if I am afraid just to leave it in raw emotion, I baptize it at the end with “But you know, God, I know that you are God and your ways are higher, etc…”

Meanwhile, Jesus is offering her hope now

23 Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” 24 Martha said to him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.”

John 11:23–24 ESV

Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” Martha said to him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.”

She sanitizes it again. Jesus’ statement is ambiguous and Martha doesn’t allow herself to hope for a moment. Without hesitation, it is all about the future resurrection, the someday distant.

25 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, 26 and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?”

John 11:25 ESV

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live,

Profound revelation of Jesus here. Number 5 of the Great I AM statements in John. This is a huge reveal on who Jesus is and what is coming… but we are not really going to dive that today. Jesus gives profound answers in response to her question.

Meanwhile, Jesus is again speaking to Martha about hope NOW, life NOW, resurrection NOW. And she theologizes it. He asks her Do you believe that no one who believes in me shall die… and do you believe this?

And she answers in faith. But again, it is abstracted, theologized.

27 She said to him, “Yes, Lord; I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who is coming into the world.”

John 11:27 ESV

She said to him, “Yes, Lord; I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who is coming into the world.”

Yes, Jesus, I believe in you. And it is a profound confession of faith in Jesus as the Christ, the Messiah, the Son of God. Martha gets it in a deep way. She has been listening, she is smart, she has been paying attention.

But Jesus said “do you believe in this…” speaking of the undying of believers, the resurrection about to occur, the miracle about to happen.

And Martha says, I believe in you. Generally. Theologically. Because her brother just died and he believed in Jesus so how could “everyone who lives and believes in Jesus never die???”

Jesus doesn’t rebuke her. He doesn’t require that she understand the hope and miracle about to occur. He is just going to show her.

Now here comes Mary. Everyone sees Mary leave and follows her, so what follows is not a private conversation like Martha got but a bit of a public display. That may well shape what Jesus doesn’t and doesn’t say… but I don’t think it shapes Jesus’ reaction. Jesus responds to Mary’s pain in a perfect way just as he did to Martha’s. To Martha, he gave revelation and truth. To Martha he gave answers. To Mary he gives something else.

32 Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet, saying to him, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”

John 11:32 ESV

Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet, saying to him, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”

The very same words. The very same pain. But Mary is even more emotional. She is weeping, wailing. And the Jews who came with her were also weeping. In that culture, and still today, they hire professional mourners who could powerfully express with weeping and wailing the pain in the family’s own heart where maybe they had trouble showing the emotion of it. So Mary is weeping and wailing before Jesus and the crowd is looking on and they are weeping and wailing. Loud. Dramatic. And Mary says

IF YOU HAD BEEN HERE… My brother would not have died.

It is still a statement of faith. But one of pain and anger.

33 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled.

John 11:33 ESV

When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled.

Deeply moved. Man does that not cut it. The Greek word here invariably suggests anger, outrage or emotional indignation! It’s root is in the snorting of horses to display their fury. It was outraged in his spirit.

And not at Mary, that doesn’t make any sense with his preceding actions. He hasn’t responded to them in anger. Not at the crowd, he prays on behalf of the crowd in a moment, the crowd is part of the process. Here is my guess:

Even as he is going to use this moment for the glory of God, to reveal his glory, as an act of love for Mary, Martha and Lazarus and to teach his disciples to believe, even with all of those things… and the solution minutes away.

Jesus enters fully into the pain and anger of Martha and Mary. He is angry with them, not at them. He is angry at a fallen world where sin, illness and death give rise to this kind of loss and grief and agony. He is angry with them, not only sympathizing but empathizing. In his very spirit, he is outraged. And that’s not all, it is not just anger. Jesus adds this:

34 And he said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to him, “Lord, come and see.” 35 Jesus wept.

John 11:34–35 ESV

And he said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to him, “Lord, come and see.” Jesus wept.

Shortest verse in the whole Bible there. So incredibly full of truth and significance for us. Jesus wept. At the death of his friend Lazarus. Taking on the pain of Martha and Mary and the crowd, even as he took on their anger.

The miracle, the moment, the solution is seconds away. But even then, Jesus takes on, in his spirit, the outrage of Martha and Mary at death and loss, and Jesus wept.

Jesus wept. He wept with them, he wept for them. Perhaps he wept for himself, for even knowing he would soon be reconciled, could the fully human Jesus still know and feel the pain of losing his own friend Lazarus. Jesus wept. Not a single manly tear. He wept. What a perfect word, we know what that looks like.

Tears pouring down, nose running, shoulders shaking. Weeping is beyond cry, isn’t it. That is the depth of Jesus’ ability, of God’s ability, to feel and know their pain.

To feel and know our pain and our anger… all at once… even as he brings on the miracle.

This is the Incarnation. Fully human, fully God. Able to resurrect the dead and able to enter fully into our moment of pain and grief and anger, even when it is shortsighted and momentary.

This is God entering into the emotion of the moment. Does God feel emotion? True emotion? Yes. First, who do we think invented emotion in the first place? That’d be God. Does God really feel that? All throughout Scripture we see that, but most especially, in the incarnate Son of God: Jesus Christ.

And beautifully, here, by the grave of his friend, we see him enter in to the anger of the moment: deeply moved. The sorrow of the moment: he wept. Even though he knows that ridiculous joy and surprise, maybe even laughter is coming.

Jesus, God himself, enters into the emotion of the moment.

To feel all the feels.

To be all the feels.

This tells us about God, but in the person of Jesus Christ, it also gives us a model of how to do this for one another. Paul says it this way, in that long chapter in of all the ways in which our “view of the mercies of God” expresses itself in living sacrifice: dedicated in our ministry and dedicated in our love.

In the midst of telling us how to love one another, he talks about how we enter into emotion with and for one another.

Romans 12:15 ESV

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.

That’s what Jesus did here, isn’t it?

Jesus enters into all the emotions of the moment as he and his friends grieved.

Even though he is about to heal completely.

God always enters into all the emotions of the moments… and often that is how he heals us. That is the process.

God models for us and commands us, in our love for one another, to enter into each other’s emotions. This is part of the healing process.

What does “enter into” mean? “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”

So today and in future days, there is no shame in feeling all the things. Joy and laughter, anger and sorrow, and everything in between. Our Great Healer is there in the midst of all of those. And, one for another, let us love one another in this way:

To Rejoice and Weep together. Amen.

All the Feels

Grieving with Vin

Two Encounters

Martha

Mary

All the Feels