WHEN RESPECT ERODES

WHEN RESPECT ERODES Proverbs 30:17 August 14. 2011 Given by: Pastor Rich Bersett [Index of Past Messages] Introduction In London and other cities and boroughs in England rioting and looting has been going on for over a week. On August 4 a 29-year old man, Mark Duggan, was shot to death in Tottenham, England under suspicious circumstances. That sparked what were at first peaceful protests. But quickly violence broke out as gangs of young people started breaking into stores and looting and mugging and robbing people. Buildings have been set on fire and aided by the use of Blackberries the mayhem has been “flash”-style and popping up in multiple locations. Authorities are saying that none of what is going on is related to the Duggan killing, but it is now all the work of “opportunistic criminals” taking advantage of the moment to act out their aggression and greed as they steal and vandalize. Pedestrians have been mugged, sexually assaulted and intimidated so badly that no one ventures outdoors toward evening. “opportunistic criminals” not a matter of being a reaction to the police shooting of Mark Duggan on August 4. What’s behind this madness? Whatever else it is, it is an appalling disregard for law, a brazen lack of respect and consideration for others. It is, in short, it is the mixture of pure greed and mob behavior. This morning’s text is a short, but dramatic verse from the book of Proverbs—a proverb in itself—speaks to this kind of frightening human behavior. Chapter 30, verse 17, reads: The eye that mocks a father, that scorns obedience to a mother, will be pecked out by the ravens of the valley, will be eaten by the vultures. Speaking to us from 3,000 years ago, the wise man Agur tells us that the kind of unbridled selfishness and malevolent violence human beings can sometimes unleash begins in the sinful heart of a child early in his life. If the child does not receive proper training, or, if he does and he persists in rebelling against it, he will end up in a horrible state. Unpacking the Meaning The proverb typifies those consequences in graphic pictorial language: his eyes will be pecked out by the ravens of the valley and eaten by the vultures. Chase this terminology down in linguistic studies and you’ll find it even more grotesque. Originally it implied that a person was either hanged or had drowned and the eyes of the corpse were open and bulging, providing ready and tasty appetizers for scavenging birds. A word to children (of all ages) The obvious point of the proverb is that growing up without the benefit of learning self-discipline and respect for authority is a recipe for disaster. The warning is clear to anyone who will listen, especially a child, although respect for parents is a life-long calling for the faithful of God: it is not only wrong to disrespect your mother or father with what the text describes as mocking eyes and stubborn disobedience, it complicates your life by multiplying the sinful habit. Disrespect must be dealt with when a person is young, because it is a much more difficult lesson as he gets older, and the negative consequences become exponentially greater. For example, if a child steals a candy bar from a store shelf, she’s going to be in trouble, and the punishment will be tough. It could be a stern talking-to from the store owner and/or the police officer. In addition, there’s the parental response to deal with: corporeal punishment, grounding, withholding of privileges. I can remember multiple occasions when my privileges were yanked, my weekends were tanked and my rear end was spanked. And, looking back, I can honestly say I am glad – now. And, I might add, I probably could have used more applied discipline—you know, for all those times I got away with my shenanigans. You have your stories to tell, too, about the days of answering to your parents and other authorities—if you are fortunate enough to have had authority figures who loved you and were watching out for your best interests. But, it is quite another story for a grown-up child to continue in those patterns of immaturity, robbing convenience stores, defying authorities and ending up in prisons where recidivism is predictable and rehabilitation is improbable. It is true that the kids of good parents who tried hard and prayed for them sometimes still turn out bad, but would you rather be a parent or grandparent who tried and failed or one who looks back with regret and guilt for ignoring God and letting your children down? A word to parents The exhortation here is not only for the young and disobedient, it is also for the parents of these young ones needing discipline. Here is a direct, unvarnished word of wisdom: if you love your child, if you do not want your child to have his eyes pecked out by a raven and devoured by a vulture, figuratively speaking, you must carry out your God-given stewardship of teaching your children respect for authority. It’s hard; it’s threatening; it worries us that we might alienate little Petey or Pattie. A couple of generations of misguided know-it-alls disguised as family therapists and child advocates have unfortunately convinced parents that we must be our children’s friends instead of their parents. As a result there are hundreds of thousands of bratty, sassy and disrespectful children who are becoming bratty, sassy and disrespectful children. Out of the hallowed pages of God’s book of wisdom, with three millennia of proven track record, comes simple, straightforward, slap-in-the-face counsel. Do everything you can to help your children learn to be considerate of others and respect authority. Don’t leave it to the schools—they can’t do it for you; if they show up already spoiled at age five, those teachers can’t do much of anything for Petey and Pattie. It’s not their job. It’s your job. And if your child grows up untrained, s/he will be ill-equipped to train their children, and your grandchildren are going to worry you sick just like your kids did. Ask any public school teacher what makes it hard to teach these days, and they’ll tell you: undisciplined kids and unloved kids (because an undisciplined child is an unloved child). There was an interesting bright spot coming out of the press releases in London. Mr. and Mrs. Ives were watching the news report the other night and saw their 18-year old daughter among the crowd throwing rocks at the police in their cars and riot gear. So they called the police station and turned her in. “It was hard,” said Mrs. Ives. She said they love their daughter, and it was an “act of love” to turn her in. Applying the Truth When should parents start loving their child enough to provide them training and discipline? Nine months before they’re born! There is an intentionality about parenting that is so important. Before your little one takes his first breath, mom and dad, you should have prayed to God and counseled with experienced others about how you will agree in areas of discipline. Ask your parents—especially if they did a good job (and if they didn’t, go visit the parents of a friend who was raised well). Invite your counselors over for dinner a few times and pick their brains, squeeze wisdom out of their experience and beg them to pray for you. You’re going to need it. If you are a single parent, you will have your work cut out for you. I pray for you often, as do others. I urge you to draw near to a few brothers and sisters in Christ, cultivate that fellowship and let them circle their wagons of love and care around you and your child. God can do miraculous things for your child, and He always brings blessings through those who care for you in Him. When do I begin training? Just as soon as your child can understand you, and just as soon as he demonstrates any sign of rebellion. Proverbs 30:17 gives a clue: watch for that mocking eye. The mischief will betray itself in the eyes. When they are young, their eyes squint and dart; when they are teens, they divert their eyes from looking at you and they roll their eyes. Do whatever you can to step in and communicate love and truth to them. Remember, it’s not a dialogue. It’s a monologue and you are the pedagogue. Teach from the Word the wisdom God has taught you in all matters. Confront disobedience immediately. I have a hint from experience: say it clearly, and say it once. Don’t rant, don’t raise your voice and don’t go ballistic. Do not repeat yourself—that is nagging. You will have to say it again and again, later, but in any encounter, you must not nag. Get your child used to listening to you. Don’t turn them off by nagging. You have loving truth to impart. That’s your job. Deliver, and move on. Find some time soon afterwards to affirm your love and bring a loving touch to that child. Loving touch and parental hugs are the healing elixir of your relationship with your child. Do not withhold touch; even if you’re uncomfortable, do it. Never be afraid to confront, and never be afraid to punish. Be Mrs. Ives. You are the parent, not the buddy. Confrontation and corporeal punishment don’t mean you don’t love your child; they are in fact evidence that you do love them. But he always makes me feel bad, like I’m tormenting him! Of course he does! He’s the child! Proverbs 22:15 says, Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him. Proverbs 23:13-14 – Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death (& his eyes from the vultures!). How do I teach respect to my child? 1. Practice respect. Demonstrate with your life that you are submissive to authority and that you respect other people, their feelings and their needs. These things are more caught than taught. 2. Provide discipline: direction and punishment. *Direction is preventive discipline and involves giving your child responsibilities. Make them do chores! It also involves teaching opportunistically. Make it a conversation topic, point out good and bad examples. Illustrate examples of disrespect/consequences and apply correction as needed. *Punishment is corrective discipline (the “rod”) and acts decisively when disrespect occurs and is a corrective measure. What kind and how much? Know your child and ask the Spirit. You will make mistakes – great chance to admit you were wrong and ask for forgiveness. 3. Teach God’s Word opportunistically (Dt. 6:1-4) and creatively. Serve as an example of someone who reads, studies and relies on the Bible for life direction and work it into your natural conversation and formal times of teaching. Why do teach respect to your child? Because you love God and you love your child and you don’t want her eyes pecked out and eaten! If you don’t teach your child to respect, the ravens and vultures will have to. Victoria Ruvolo, 45, of Lake Ronkonkoma, New York, was selected as the "Most Inspiring Person of 2005" by Beliefnet, and for good reason. Victoria was driving to her niece's voice recital when she passed another car driven by 19-year-old Ryan Cushing. Cushing was riding with five other teens, and had just used a stolen credit card to go on a spending spree. One of their purchases was a frozen turkey, which Cushing decided to toss into oncoming traffic. The 20-lb. projectile smashed through Ruvolo's windshield, crushing her face. Amazingly, Ruvolo survived, although she spent 10 hours in an operating room while doctors repaired her face. When she finally went home, she brought a tracheotomy tube and endured months of painful rehabilitation. On October 17, 2005, Ruvolo attended Cushing's sentencing and asked his judge for leniency. Part of her statement read: "Despite all the fear and the pain, I have learned from this horrific experience, and I have much to be thankful for…. Each day when I wake up, I thank God simply because I'm alive. I sincerely hope you have also learned from this awful experience, Ryan. There is no room for vengeance in my life, and I do not believe a long, hard prison term would do you, me, or society any good." Cushing, who wept and expressed remorse for his action, was sentenced to six months in jail. He could have gotten a 25-year prison sentence if Mrs. Ruvolo had not intervened. Ruvolo added: "I truly hope that by demonstrating compassion and leniency I have encouraged you to seek an honorable life. If my generosity will help you mature into a responsible, honest man whose graciousness is a source of pride to your loved ones and your community, then I will be truly gratified, and my suffering will not have been in vain…. Ryan, prove me right." Conclusion When Mrs. Ruvolo forgave, she epitomized the character and love of God in Christ. In Him we have redemption through His blood. (Eph. 1:7)     [ Back to Top]