THE SPIRITUAL POWER OF GENUINE FRIENDSHIP

THE SPIRITUAL POWER OF GENUINE FRIENDSHIP 1 Samuel 18-20 June 12, 2011 Given by: Pastor Rich Bersett [Index of Past Messages] Introduction One of the most basic, most important and, sadly, one of the most neglected factors of our Christian life is friendship. Being and having good friends has always been in the plan of God for His children. In the Garden at the dawn of creation He said, It is not good for a man to be alone. And he provided for Adam that most perfect friend, a wife. In His wisdom book, Proverbs, He said, A friend loves at all times (17:17)and there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (18:24). He says, Do not forsake your friend not the friend of your father, and there are the profound words of Proverbs 27:17 – As iron sharpen iron, so one man sharpens another. The even deeper insights of wisdom come our way through the book of Ecclesiastes: Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work . . . If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! And Jesus epitomized the giant relational leap between the old covenant law and the new covenant gospel when He spoke these words to His disciples: I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. So, as a matter of good, practical theology, we should consider what it means to have a friend and to be a friend. As we think together for a few minutes on the subject of friendship, I pray, and ask you to pray, that we can see clearly the integrating connection between genuine friendships and God’s strategy for our lives that we would grow into the image and nature of Christ. Biblically speaking, I don’t know of a better place to turn than to the excellent example of godly friendship found between David and Jonathan. Jonathan’s father, Saul, is the lame duck king of Israel when we get to 1 Samuel 18-20. His pride and disobedience has hamstrung him spiritually and he is growing increasingly delusional. While David has pledged his loyalty to Saul, Saul has become deeply jealous of David’s popularity and is looking to kill him. Jonathan, Saul’s eldest son, was heir to the throne, but he understood the intrigue surrounding his father, that the Lord had rejected Saul’s kingship and he knew that the priest-prophet Samuel had already anointed David as the next king in waiting. And David has become Jonathan’s very close friend, while the whole time, still remaining loyal to Saul, the deranged king. As David waits for the Lord’s timing, he has to dodge a total of six attempts on his life by Saul, barely escaping each time. Jonathan finally understands his father’s murderous intent, only after his dad hurls a spear at him, accusing him of siding with David. Moved by love for his friend that overcame toxic relationship with his father, Jonathan did, in fact, side with his beloved friend. Chapter 20, verse 34 said he was grieved at his father’s shameful treatment of David. The deep love David and Jonathan had for one another had grown continually stronger, in spite of, perhaps because of the threats they faced. Many of the strongest friendships have been those between soldiers who’ve stood side to side in the worst of battles, risking their lives for one another and forging an unbreakable bond of trust and dependence. Earl C. Willer tells the story of two men who grew up best friends: Though Jim was just a little older than Phillip and often assumed the role of leader, they did everything together. even going to high school and college together. After college they decided to join the marines. By unique series of circumstances they were sent to Germany together where they fought side by side in one of history's ugliest wars. One sweltering day during a fierce battle, and amid heavy gunfire, bombing, and close-quarters combat, they were given the command to retreat. As the men were running back, Jim noticed Phillip had not returned with the others. Panic gripped his heart. Jim knew if Phillip was not back in another minute or two, then he wouldn't make it. Jim begged his commanding officer to let him go after his friend, but the officer denied the request, saying it would be suicide. Risking his own life and military discipline, Jim disobeyed and went after Phillip. Heart pounding, he ran into the gunfire, calling out for Phillip. A short time later, his platoon saw him hobbling across the field carrying a limp body in his arms. Jim's commanding officer upbraided him, shouting that it was a foolish waste of time and an outrageous risk. "Your friend is dead," he added, "and there was nothing you could do." "No sir, you're wrong," Jim replied. "I got there just in time. Before he died, his last words were 'I knew you would come.'" David and Jonathan had a friendship that was rooted in their common love and devotion toward God. That makes a friendship stronger than your ordinary garden variety. Because of their faith they were able to lay hold of deeply powerful resources, and the strength of those resources were multiplied in their agreement. Their friendship was deep and honest. How easy it would have been for them to just be buddies, and ignore the issue of Jonathan’s dad and the strained relationship with David. But, as in every genuine friendship, everything had to be out on the table, nothing hidden. And theirs was a friendship marked by deep loyalty. They had a fierce devotion to honor and bless one another even beyond the bonds of family. They were as committed to one another as was their common commitment to God. In everything they did, they each tried their best to do the right thing by God, and the right thing by one another. Seek this kind of friendship, brothers and sisters: friendship marked by devotion to God, truth and love and deep loyalty. David was in a battle, a political, spiritual and physically life-threatening struggle. It was war in more ways than one. Called to be king, but prevented from taking the throne prematurely. Called by God but the time not yet right, David had to be patient. He couldn’t allow bitterness or resentment to sour his heart—he would be as unfit a king as Saul in that case. Nor could he allow fear and cowardice to drive him to despair or desperation. And taking the life of Saul was a temptation he overcame repeatedly. What did God do? In the midst of the battle, God doesn’t deliver David from the chaos and threat; instead He sent a friend, a real friend who had a heart for God and a deep desire for His will just like David had. He sent David a friend—one who would be fair and loyal, who would fight for and with his friend, even to death. He sent a man named Jonathan. The final verse of chapter 20 describes what would be their final meeting: Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the Lord, say, ‘The Lord is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever.’” Then David left and Jonathan went back to the town. When we find ourselves hopeless and confused, ready to throw in the towel or give in to Satan, we ought to look around and see what friends God has sent us to walk through our storms with us. Friendship is a valuable treasure; George Eliot wrote that Christian friendship is even infinitely better. “In fact,” wrote Evans, “it would be correct to say that only Christians can experience true friendship.” George Eliot was actually the pen name of a 19th century woman, a gifted writer named Mary Anne Evans. Listen to what she wrote, and see if it makes sense: Friendship is a wonderful thing. Christian friendship is infinitely better. In fact, I think it would be correct to say that only Christians can experience true friendship. From a biblical standpoint, one's will and affections are ultimately rooted in his heart. If the heart of an individual is unregenerate, his only love is self-love; he only seeks his pleasure, his heart is proud, and he delights in evil. His will and affections, then, from whence friendship must flow are perverted. But the heart of a Christian is different. The heart of a Christian is primarily oriented towards the worship and enjoyment of God. From this type of heart, friendship will simply be a partnership in achieving this goal. In other words, a friend is one who loves God by displaying God to me, that in our friendship I might see more of God and thus love God more. In our friendship, I will enjoy God to greater degrees than I had previously known, because I experience the life of God and the mercy and love of God in my friendship with another Christian. Would it not be true that those who have tasted the kindness of the Lord’s forgiveness and salvation would be those most perfectly able be gracious and forgiving toward those they love; and wouldn’t those who’ve received the perfect love of God the Father be the more prepared to give it to others? First John says, We love because He first loved us. Believers have the Spirit of God in them, sharing with them the heart and mind of God, bearing within them the fruit of His Spirit: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Gentleness, Goodness, Humility, Self-control, Faith. I ask you—are these the kind of qualities you might look for in a good friend? Let’s go a step further: Paul warns believers against “bad company,” as bad company corrupts good morals (1Cor. 15:33). It is uniquely the Christian the desire of whose redeemed heart is to please God and no longer offend Him who has the mind of Christ and is wise to discern the kind of good and edifying friends to have so they are strengthened in their Christian walk. Christians have every reason to desire good, godly friends. They naturally seek the kind of fellowship the New Testament describes as loving and encouraging. New believers will want to be part of a community of like-minded, spiritually-oriented others who will help them by example and instruction to live for the Lord. The great philosopher and theologian, Augustine, when writing about friendship referred to the “theocentricity of friendship.” Philosophers before him had tried to define true friendship as “a search together for beauty, truth and wisdom,” and in Christian friendship the search leads naturally and easily to the source of beauty, truth and wisdom—God, being the ultimate object of all human desire. There is where friends find “the very basis of all real friendship, helping each other pursue our Sovereign Joy.” Augustine reasoned, you are obeying the Great Commandment within the bounds of friendship: you are loving God and loving another as yourself by helping him to love God, which is his greatest good, and which in turn he will do for you, as this is your greatest wish for yourself as well. It is no longer Friendship for the mere sake of friendship—but Friendship for God’s sake. The lesson for us in this is to pursue God and to pursue friendships in which we can push others in their pursuit of God and find ourselves encouraged as well. Do you see how this wonderful gift of God folds into the Christian life? The church? George Eliot: Oh, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out, just as they are . . . knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away. In understanding what a good and wholesome friend it, Oswald Chambers put this way: A friend is one who makes me do my best. And don’t forget the twist of modern wisdom: Friends don’t give friends fruitcakes. If that model of David and Jonathan’s friendship helps you to understand the key spiritual dimensions of genuine friendship, the logical question is, Where can I find this kind of friend? Our modern culture doesn’t exactly value this kind of friendship! In an article for The Chronicle of Higher Education, William Deresiewicz examines the new forms of friendship that have emerged in the age of Facebook. While social media has allowed us the opportunity to be connected to everyone, it more often than not comes at the expense of deep, meaningful, shaping friendship. Deresiewicz writes: [Concerning] the moral content of classical friendship, its commitment to virtue and mutual improvement, that … has been lost. We have ceased to believe that a friend's highest purpose is to summon us to the good by offering moral advice and correction. We practice, instead, the nonjudgmental friendship of unconditional acceptance and support—"therapeutic" friendship, [to quote] Robert N. Bellah's scornful term. We seem to be terribly fragile now. A friend fulfills her duty, we suppose, by taking our side—validating our feelings, supporting our decisions, helping us to feel good about ourselves. We tell white lies, make excuses when a friend does something wrong, do what we can to keep the boat steady. We're busy people; we want our friendships fun and friction-free …. With the social-networking sites of the new century—Friendster and MySpace were launched in 2003, Facebook in 2004—the friendship circle has expanded to engulf the whole of the social world, and in so doing, destroyed both its own nature and that of the individual friendship itself. Facebook's very premise—and promise—is that it makes our friendship circles visible. There they are, my friends, all in the same place. Except, of course, they're not in the same place, or, rather, they're not my friends. They're a [superficial likeness or semblance] of my friends—little dehydrated packets of images and information, no more my friends than a set of baseball cards is the New York Mets …. Deresiewicz concludes: "Friendship is devolving, in other words, from a relationship to a feeling—from something people share to something each of us hugs privately to ourselves in the loneliness of our electronic caves." Back to our question: Where are you going to go to find this kind of genuine friendship? Well, if you’re looking for real relationship, you need to start looking in a place where openness is cherished and being real is a high value. If you’re fishing for good, nutritious blue fin tuna, you don’t go to Richland Creek; you go to the cool, clear waters of the eastern Pacific. If you’re looking for a good friend, don’t start in a tavern or a club. If I’m looking for genuineness in relationship I wouldn’t begin my search in some exclusive professional organization where looking and acting sophisticated is the mode du jour. Go where people are really trying to be honest, mature and authentic. If you’re in the market for high quality tools, don’t go to the Dollar Store; and if you want friends who value things like grace, acceptance and forgiveness, go shopping in the right place. And that is not likely on line, where anyone can pretend to be anything. If I’m beginning to sound like a dating service, there may just be something to that. I’d say if you’re looking for a future spouse, the same rules apply, wouldn’t you? Your odds of finding a marriage partner who is mature, genuine, godly, honest and loving in some honky-tonk with loud music, liquored up people and a dance pole are fairly slim. You know where I’m going, don’t you? It’s not always the case, sad to say, but you need to take another look at a good church. In a healthy church, though they may not be perfect or thoroughly mature yet, they’re working on it. Go to the church where you are much more likely to find people who are saved and letting God sanctify them. There uniquely you can find people who are together giving their lives over to a worthy, eternal purpose. And they have that in common, so they can help each other get it done. I’ve said it before, and I will say it again, the church must be a place where people who are looking for more of God can BELONG AND BECOME. I close with two words of exhortation: 1. Find a friend who will authentically love you for who you are and be devoted to helping you become who God wants you to be. Someone already committed to the Lord’s church, who will not lie to you about anything, especially when you are wrong or spiritually slipping. Get into a small group—a study group, a ministry group, a prayer group—any small group where you can experience deepening fellowship with other believers. Find someone who is also genuinely in pursuit of God and cultivate a friendship with him as if it were your spiritual life at stake. You say you’ve tried and can’t find a good friend? Have you asked God to bring you a Jonathan-like friend? Pray, be patient and watch. And consider my second point. 2. Be a friend. The best way to be a good qualified friend is to get yourself right with God first. Come to Him through faith in Jesus, repent of your sins and failure and let Him forgive you. Trust in Him and His Word, the gospel. Devote yourself to God first, and He will teach you to love others and be a real friend. View your friendship as your opportunity to minister to this person and allow them to minister to you (none of this one-sided stuff; that’s not relationship, that’s selfishness). Be committed to grow in Christ personally, and be committed to your role of helping your friend do the same. Again, if you do not have a good friend or if you’ve been trying to find one, start with #2. If you will BE a good friend you will attract a good friend. I went out to find a friend, but could not find one there. I went out to be a friend, and friends were everywhere. IMAGINE A CHURCH FULL OF GROUPS OF PEOPLE IN WHICH PEOPLE ARE GENUINE FRIENDS IN CHRIST! IMAGINE YOURSELF IN THE MIDDLE OF THAT!       [ Back to Top]