The Gospelized Marriage

INTRODUCTION

OPENING STORY: MAKE VERY BRIEF…TOO LONG HERE...

ON JANUARY 13, 1996, 9 YEAR OLD AMBER RENE HAGERMAN WAS ABDUCTED FROM HER HOME NEAR ARLINGTON TEXAS WHILE RIDING HER BIKE. FOUR DAYS LATER HER LIFELESS BODY WAS FOUND. THIS TRAGIC CIRCUMSTANCE CREATED A SENSE OF PROFOUND GRIEF AND URGENCY IN AMBER’S PARENTS. AFTER MANY MEETINGS AND HARD LOBBYING, A BILL WAS SIGNED INTO LAW BY PRESIDENT BILL CLINTON THAT WOULD CREATE A NATIONAL SEX OFFENDER REGISTRY. WHAT’S MORE WAS THAT AMBER’S DEATH CREATED WHAT’S NOW KNOWN AS THE AMBER ALERT- A SIGNAL THAT IS SENT OUT ACROSS EMERGENCY SYSTEMS ASKING FOR HELP IN FINDING LOST CHILDREN.

POINT: IN SOME SENSE WE NEED AMBER ALERT’S FOR MARRIAGES. MOST MARRIAGES ARE TERRIBLY LOST. 40-50% OF ALL MARRIAGES END IN DIVORCE. IN 2011, THE MARRIAGE RATE BEGAN TO DECLINE. MANY FORECAST THAT MARRIAGE WILL CONTINUE TO DECLINE. QUOTE KELLER ON PAGE 22.

IN SOME SENSES THIS MAKES SENSE…IF 40-50% OF ALL AIRPLANES CRASHED WOULD YOU FLY?

KORIE ANALOGY. SHE’S A CHILD OF DIVORCE…GOT SAVED LATER ON IN LIFE AT THE CHURCH I WAS WORKING, AND ONE OF HER FIRST OBSERVATIONS ABOUT CHRISTIANS WAS WHEN SHE REMARKED, “WHY DO CHRISTIANS MAKE SUCH A BIG DEAL ABOUT MARRIAGE”. KORIE HAD NOT GIVEN UP WHOLE SALE ON MARRIAGE, BUT AS A CHILD OF DIVORCE SHE WAS IN NO RUSH BECAUSE SHE KNEW THE PAIN.

A WORD TO SINGLES…TODAY WE BEGIN A SERIES ON MARRIAGE, AND WHILE OF COURSE, THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE MARRIED WILL FIND THIS RIGHT UP YOUR ALLY, I WANT TO ENCOURAGE SINGLES NOT TO CHECK OUT ON ME…YOU NEED THIS. TWO GREAT DANGERS SINGLES HAVE WITH THE SUBJECT OF MARRIAGE. ONE IS TO OBSESS OVER MARRIAGE TO THE POINT WHERE YOUR SENSE OF SELF WORTH AND ESTEEM IS WRAPPED UP IN IT…LET ME REIND YOU THAT DANIEL, JESUS AND PAUL WERE NOT MARRIED. AND THEY LEAD COMPLETELY FULFILLING LIVES. THE OTHER EXTREME IS TO UNDERVALUE IT. READ THE BIBLE AND WE WILL SEE THAT THE BIBLE HAS A LOT TO SAY ABOUT MARRIAGE! IN FACT THE BIBLE BEGINS AND ENDS WITH A WEDDING!

A VISION FOR MARRIAGE: I WANT TO BEGIN BY GIVING YOU A VISION FOR MARRIAGE. WHY MARRIAGE? WHAT IS MARRIAGE ALL ABOUT? HELEN KELLER- ONLY THING WORSE THAN BEING BLIND IS HAVING SIGHT WITH NO VISION…TEMPTATION IN MARRIAGE. MARRIAGE IS OH SO DAILY. PAINT THE PICTURE. OF A HARD DAYS WORK AND FALLING INTO BED, STRING ENOUGH OF THESE TOGETHER AND YOU WILLD DRIFT. SO WHAT’S THE VISION.

ONE OF THREE INSTITUTIONS GOD CREATED. PARENTS DEFINITION OF MARRIAGE: “Marriage is the sacred conduit by which God’s plan and purposes are passed on from one generation to the next”- Crawford and Karen Loritts, Your Marriage Today…And Tomorrow.

. AS THEY PREPARE TO ENTER A PAGAN, SECULAR SOCIETY, GOD SAYS MY PRIMARY WEAPON IN REACHING THE CULTURE IS NOT THE SYNAGOGUE, THE TEMPLE OR EVEN PREACHING, BUT IT’S GOING TO BE THE FAMILY! YOUR FAMILY MATTERS! YOUR MARRIAGE MATTERS! IT IS TO SERVE AS A WITNESS TO THE WORLD.

ILLUSTRATION OF ROBERTSON MCQUILKEN CHASING HIS EARLY ALZHEIMER’S WIFE DOWN AN ATLANTA AIRPORT TERMINAL AND A YOUNG WOMAN ON HER LAPTOP SAYING, I HOPE I CAN FIND A MAN TO LOVE ME LIKE THAT. OUR WORLD WANTS IT, THEY JUST NEED TO SEE IT!

(SO HOW DO WE HAVE THIS PROFOUND WITNESS?)

YOU MARRIED A SINNER

EXPLANATION: VERSE 25- “AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH”. PAUL SAYS SOMETHING SO PROFOUND IN THIS VERSE THAT I CAN’T EVEN GET PAST THIS PHRASE. HE TETHERS MARRIAGE TO THE GOSPEL. OUR MARRIAGES WILL NEVER LIVE INTO WHAT GOD FULLY INTENDED UNLESS WE TIE THEM ON THE ALTAR OF THE GOSPEL.

“If God had the gospel of Jesus’ salvation in mind when he established marriage, then marriage only ‘works’ to the degree that approximates the pattern of God’s self-giving love in Christ”- Tim Keller, The Meaning of Marriage.

BUT WHAT DOES THAT MEAN TO HAVE THE GOSPEL OF JESUS CHRIST AS THE FRAMEWORK FOR OUR MARRIAGES? FOUR POWERFUL TRUTHS.

EXPLANATION: YOU MARRIED A SINNER. THE GOSPEL IS PREDICATED ON OUR NEED, OUR PROFOUND SIN. , (ORIGINAL SIN) AND . WE WERE COMPLETELY BROKEN AND HOPELESS BECAUSE OF OUR SIN AND GOD JUMPS IN AND MARRIES US, WE BROKEN SINFUL PEOPLE.

HOSEA ANALOGY. IN FACT THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT GOD HAD IN MIND WHEN HE TOLD HOSEA TO MARRY A DEEPLY SINFUL AND FLAWED PERSON, A PROSTITUTE NAMED GOMER. WHY? HE WANTED TO MIRROR HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH US AS A POWERFUL WITNESS TO HIS PEOPLE.

APPLICATION: YOU MARRIED A DEEPLY BROKEN AND SINFUL PERSON. THAT’S WHERE MARRIAGE BEGINS. WE WERE BORN INTO THIS WORLD SINNERS, AND OUR EXPERIENCES HAS ONLY ADDED TO THE BROKENNESS. NATURE AND NURTURE. AND, MARRIAGE IS LIKE AN MRI THAT ONLY ILLUMINES THE DEEP SIN THAT RESIDES IN ALL OF US.

ILLUSTRATION OF MARRIAGE AS A BRIDGE. THE CRACKS WERE THERE, THE WEIGHT OF THE TRUCK JUST EXPOSED THEM. THE WEIGHT OF MARRIAGE EXPOSES THEM.

ILLUSTRATION: KORIE AND I. CHILD OF DIVORCE WHOSE DAD LEFT HER AT A VERY VULNERABLE TIME IN HER LIFE. HUGE INTIMACY NEEDS. ME. MY DAD TRAVELED A LOT AND MY MOTHER BECAUSE OF HER BROKEN HOME DIDN’T HAVE THE TOOLS AT THE TIME TO REALLY CONNECT WITH ME. SEE THE PICTURE? MY WIFE HAS THESE HUGE INTIMACY NEEDS THAT I CAN’T MEET! TIME SHE BROKE DOWN AND I SAID I AM GOING TO PLAY GOLF! WHAT AN IDIOT.

APPLICATION: WHEN WE UNDERSTAND THIS, HERE’S WHAT WE ARE FORCED TO CONCLUDE- MY SPOUSE IS NOT GIVEN TO ME BY GOD TO SATISFY THE DEEPEST LONGING’S OF MY LIFE. THAT’S HIS JOB, NOT KORIE’S. THEY ARE NOT EQUIPPED FOR THAT. BUT BECAUSE WE ENTER MARRIAGE WITH A SINNER EXPECTING THEM TO MAKE ME HAPPY, WE FIND OURSELVES WOEFULLY DISAPPOINTED, AND NOT LONG WE WILL SEE THE EXITS.

“The notion that the best marriages are those that bring satisfaction to the individual may seem counterintuitive. After all, isn’t marriage supposed to be about putting the relationship first? Not anymore. For centuries marriage was viewed as an economic and social institution, and the emotional and intellectual needs of the spouses were secondary to the survival of the marriage itself. But in modern relationships, people are looking for a partnership, and they want partners who make their lives interesting…who help each of them attain valued goals”- Tara Parker-Pope, “The Happy Marriage Is the ‘Me’ Marriage,” NYT.

MARRIAGE IS A JOINT VENTURE BETWEEN TWO SINNERS, AND THOSE SINNERS CANNOT MAKE EACH OTHER HAPPY, BUT IF THEY LEAN INTO THE GOSPEL THEY CAN.

SERVE UP FORGIVENESS

EXPLANATION: PAUL IS TETHERING MARRIAGE TO THE GOSPEL. FOR THOSE OF US WHO ARE CHRISTIANS THE BIBLE SAYS THAT WE ARE SINNERS WHO ARE FORGIVEN. …AS FAR AS THE EAST IS FROM THE WEST- . THAT’S POWERFUL. “God invented forgiveness as the only way to keep His romance with the human race alive”.

MARRIAGE- WE ALL SIN AND DO THINGS TO HURT PEOPLE. WE GET THAT. BUT THE UNIQUENESS OF MARRIAGE IS THAT THE ONE HUMAN WHO LOVES US THE MOST, WHO HOLDS MY HEART IN HER HAND IS THE ONE WHO IS HURT MORE DEEPLY BY MY SINS THAN ANYONE ELSE. THIS IS THE GREAT PROBLEM OF MARRIAGE.

ILLUSTRATION OF THE TIME I SAID TO KORIE THE BED IS FOR TWO THINGS AND TALKING AINT ONE OF THEM. WHAT AN IDIOT. BUT THAT’S WHAT MARRIAGE IS- TWO IDIOTS WHO HURT EACH OTHER. OUR ONLY HOPE IS TO FORGIVE.

ANALOGY. FORGIVE FROM THE HEART. SO HARD- SUNFLOWER AND THE COMPLEXITIES OF IT.

NO FUTURE WITHOUT FORGIVENESS- TURNS BEASTS INTO BEAUTIES. FORGIVENESS TRANSFORMS US.

STEPS TO FORGIVENESS.

REMEMBER GOD HAS FORGIVEN YOU. THIS IS THE MESSAGE OF THE GOSPEL, AND IT MUST BE WITH YOU, NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES. OF COURSE THERE’S LOOPHOLES LIKE INFIDELITY AND ABUSE.

SPEAK THE TRUTH IN LOVE- THINK FOR GENUINE FORGIVENESS TO HAPPEN, THERE MUST BE THE EXPRESSION OF THE HURT.

DON’T GENERALIZE. DON’T SAY YOU ALWAYS, OR YOU NEVER.

LISTEN ATTENTIVELY.

APOLOGIZE APPROPRIATELY. NOT I’M SORRY YOU TOOK IT THAT WAY. I’M SORRY, AND MAKE IT SPECIFIC.

CLOSING STORY OF NANA AND POP POP IN THE KITCHEN. HE’S LAYING INTO HER PRETTY GOOD. NANA SAYS, “I HEAR YOU,” IN A SOMBER MOMENT, “BUT REMEMBER, WE ARE ALL WE GOT”.