The Posture of a Godly Marriage

The sweetness has evaporated from their marriage. The friendship has faded away. The person they courted doesn’t seem to be the person they are now living with. There is distance, coldness, impatience, and conflict that weren’t there in the beginning. Sometimes a couple will settle for cold war, sometimes they will settle into marital truce, and sometimes they will nip at one another as if they are looking for any opportunity to express their dissatisfaction. Sometimes it becomes all-out war. Sometimes couples hide behind their busyness. Sadly, many couples just walk away, never fully understanding what happened to the relationship that once brought them so much joy.

But the worst is “Everybody Love Raymond”

There are few couples that understand the one thing they need to understand in order for lasting change to take place in their marriage. They think their battle is with the other, or they think the circumstances in which they find themselves are what need to change. But here is the reality: all of the horizontal battles are the fruit of a deeper war. The most important war, the one that needs to be won, is not the war they are having with each other, but a war that wages within them individually. Real change is all about winning this war.”

I admit it is funny, but i can’t stand how horrible they depict marriage and family in the show.

A dopey husband who avoids responsibilities not associated with golf or sports.

A overbearing and demanding wife who makes the husband look like a bigger goof every chance she get.

They took the stereotypes of husbands and wives and built stories around them.

They make humor out of dysfunction and poke fun at marital norms that destroy families and hurt and scare those involved.

They put out a

behind their busyness. Sadly, many couples just walk away, never fully understanding what happened to the relationship that once brought them so much joy. There are few couples that understand the one thing they need to understand in order for lasting change to take place in their marriage. They think their battle is with the other, or they think the circumstances in which they find themselves are what need to change. But here is the reality: all of the horizontal battles are the fruit of a deeper war. The most important war, the one that needs to be won, is not the war they are hav- ing with each other, but a war that wages within them individually. Real change is all about winning this war.”

What did you expect? by Paul David Tripp

Maybe I take it too serious and need to relax, but I can’t laugh at something I hear so often in marriages.

What did you expect? by Paul David Tripp

I shared the war analogy last week, husbands and wives on their hills battling for position, fighting to win the battles only to lose the war.

I believe the root of this issue is the posture of our marriages.

Posture is an attitude that is often expressed in our bodily position

Anger, sadness, joy, envy...

How we think of ourselves affect our posture

If I think I am important, or loved...

If I think I am right or wrong...

The posture we take in marriage and in our biblical roles deeply effects the health and joy we have in our marriages.

But proper posture in marriage starts with proper posture in relation to Christ.

Ephesians 5:21 ESV

21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

The proper posture of a follower of Christ is humble submission.

The verb is in the middle voice, indicated that one should voluntarily submit themselves in love to another.

This verse is the final verb in a list of verb describing the actions of those who have the Spirit of God.

Paul has been making the case “The life of a Christian should look like this…”

In this verse he is saying the life of a Christian should be a life of humble, selfless submission to others.

A parallel verse would be “In humility consider others [all 📷 lous, the same word as in Ephesians] better than yourselves”.

Philippians 2:3 ESV

3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.

- Paul’s thought process is the same in both verses as in Ephesians he says that our submission to one another is a response of our reverence (respect for and honor of) Jesus.

Paul’s thought process is the same in both verses as in Ephesians he says that our submission to one another is a response of our reverence (respect for and honor of) Jesus.

In the Philippians passage he points to the example of Jesus as the example we should live after—“humbled himself to the point of death, even death on the cross…”

Philippians 2:5 ESV

5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,

Ephesians 5:21 ESV

21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Christians aren’t required to be humble

As if there was a moral obligation to be humbly submissive.

Our humble submission is a response to our adoration for Christ

We submit to Christ because He is worth and because of what He has done through the cross and resurrection.

Paul says in that, because of Jesus’ sacrifice, God has “highly exalted” him, so that “every knee shall bow and tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord!”

Philippians 2:9–11 ESV

9 Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, 10 so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

phil 2

This is proper submission to Christ Jesus for those who have trusted in Him.

Husbands love your wives by humbly and sacrificially leading.

In the passage husbands represent Christ in the marital relationship.

Ephesians 5:25 ESV

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

eph 5

Being the head does not mean you make all the decisions, it means you take responsibility.

If a team loses who takes responsibility? If a squad fails a mission in the military who takes responsibility? If a company struggles who takes responsibility?

There is always someone who is looked at to take responsibility—known at the HEAD.

John Piper “sense of benevolent responsibility to lead, provide for, and protect”

- John Piper “sense of benevolent responsibility to lead, provide for, and protect”

Benevolent means to seek the good of your wife. Do what is best for her.

Husbands, take responsibility for the growth of your wives.

1) Husbands take responsibility for the growth of our wives.

we take responsibility for the good of our wives:

vs 26-27—Jesus takes the responsibility for our sin, not that we are not accountable, but Jesus, through the cross has taken the responsibility.

o vs 26-27—Jesus takes the responsibility for our sin, not that we are not accountable, but Jesus, through the cross has taken the responsibility.

Ephesians 5:26–27 ESV

26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

Take responsibility for the spiritual growth of our families.

Also Jesus has taken the responsibility to see us grow in holiness.

Husbands take responsibility for the well-being of our wives

Husbands, take responsibility for the well-being of your wives.

Take responsibility for the safety and security of our families.

Makes sure our homes are safe

Ensure our finances are in order (not necessarily in charge of it)

Protect your wife and kids from harm

o Take responsibility for providing for our families

Take responsibility for providing for our families

1 timothy 5:8—worse than an unbeliever

1 Timothy 5:8 ESV

8 But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

God has charged us men with the task of providing for our families.

May require us to lower our standards of living to ensure this happens.

Husbands, take responsibility to nurture your wives.

Nurturing our wives means spending intentional time teaching, listening, instructing, admonishing, singing, pray with/for, and many other things.

You may not have time for hobbies (fishing, hunting, golfing, video games…)

You cannot be overly obsessed with a job, a hobby, personal time, or your buddies.

Require Jesus like selflessness that makes Jesus primary, your wife second, and your family third.

Command to loving Headship- vs 25 “Love your wife”

- The Gospel is the clearest picture for us husbands to follow in loving our wives.

- True, God honoring, benevolent headship begins and ends with sacrificial love.

The loving headship of husbands frees wives to lovingly submit to their leadership and serve their families without fear, frustration, insecurity, or defiance.

Wives love your husbands by humbly and sacrificially following.

Ephesians 5:22–24 ESV

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

eph 5 22

Submission is not the admission of inferiority or weakness.

- 11:22 “As a ring of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a lovely woman who lacks discretion.”

- 12:4 “[A wife] who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.”

- 21:9 “Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman.”

- 27:15 “A continual dripping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.”

a) Vs 22 and 24- submission means to be place under the authority of someone or something. It is voluntarily deciding to follow the lead of your husband.

submission means to place under the authority of someone or something. It is voluntarily deciding to follow the lead of your husband.

b) V. 33- Submission is the response of the Gospel and a loving husband (not always the second)

in V. 33- Submission is the response of the Gospel as it relates to the relationship between Christ and the Church

The Expositor’s Bible Commentary, Volume 11: Ephesians through Philemon E. Christian Relationships: Marriage (5:21–33)

Christ loves the church; the church’s love for Christ is expressed in submission and obedience.

c) The out workings of submission is respect - Respect is “to notice, regard, honor, prefer, defer to, encourage, love, and admire.”

The out workings of submission is respect - Respect is “to regard, honor, prefer, defer to, encourage, love, and admire.”

Wives, submit to your husbands because God is trustworthy.

You are not acknowledging your husbands trustworthiness, but God’s trustworthiness.

“Biblical submission is primarily about my respecting, reverencing, honoring, and trusting God in His sovereignty, and it is about my willingness to live in obedience and submission to Him.” The Peaceful Wife by April Cassidy

Biblical submission has nothing to do with value or capacity to make decisions.

Biblical submission is God’s design, just like God’s design for the water cycle.

Husbands are not more qualified to lead, they were given the responsibility by God.

When God’s created order is

Our roles have the intended purpose of Glorifying God as we live out who we were created to be in honor of God’s design.

are things that she does voluntarily out of obedience and submission to God, because she wants to honor Christ as Lord.

“A wife’s biblical submission to her husband and her respect for him are things that she does voluntarily out of obedience and submission to God, because she wants to honor Christ as Lord.” The Peaceful Wife by April Cassidy

Wives, submit to your husbands by helping him lead.

Submission is not about husbands having all the right answers.

Genesis 2:18 ESV

18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

Submission does not mean wives do not get a voice in decisions.

In God told Adam he was in need of help, someone to navigate this world with him.

Adam was given the responsibility to shoulder the burden, but he needed help.

God has called husbands to provide, protect, and nurture, but husbands cannot effectively be who God created them to be without the help of their wives.

Husbands need your thoughtful, humble prayers for their leadership. (Do you pray for you husband?)

Husbands need your wise, humble counsel and expertise in their leadership. (Do you offer help or fight for your way?)

Proverbs 21:9 ESV

9 It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.

21:9 “Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman.”

Proverbs 21:19 ESV

19 It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.

Proverbs 27:15 ESV

15 A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike;

Proverbs 27:

Your words can be used as tools for good or as weapons for war.

Husbands need your gifts and talents in their leadership. (How can you use your gifts to HELP your husband, not handicap him.)

Are you good with finances, a better planner, more social or hospitable…?

Use your strengths to build your husband up not tear him down.

Wives, submit to your husbands for your freedom and his growth.

Paul’s intention (actually God’s intention through Paul) is to set us free to be who God has created us to be.

He is talking about the freedom from sin, the slavery to sin and the penalty of sin.

He has created these role relationship for our good and for His glory (two things that are vitally connected).

You will not find freedom and security in your marriage if you are in a constant battle for control.

You might not like these verses and this concept, but

Freedom in found when you embrace your calling as a woman, created in God’s image for His glory.

Not only that 1 Peter says that your obedience has the power to transform your husband.

1 Peter 3:1–2 ESV

1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

Do you desire a loving, Godly husband? Help him be that- don’t nag.

Do you desire romance (not what hollywood sells, but true romantic connection with your husband? Allow him to be your hero.

This is not a promise, but it is God’s way.

The proper posture of a Godly marriage is humble submission.

A humble husband submitting to Christ as his example of leadership.

A humble wife submitting to her husband our of reverence for Christ.

It is a beautiful picture.

Husbands, your loving leadership of your wife is not dependent on her submission to you, it is an imperative.

Wives, your respectful submission to your husband is not dependent on his loving leadership, it is an imperative.

You are

Practical Example

1 Corinthians 7:1–6 ESV

1 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 Now as a concession, not a command, I say this.

1 Corinthians 71-6

Response

How is your posture?

Pray for your spouse?

Pray that God would humble you and convict you where your heart is calloused and filled with pride.

God’s design for marriage is beautiful, pray that God would make that picture bright in your eyes.

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