The Gospelized Marriage, II

INTRODUCTION

OPENING STORY: IN HOMER’S CLASSIC WORK, THE ODYSSEY WE ENCOUNTER THE STORY OF ULYSSES AND THE ISLAND OF THE SIRENS. ULYSSES KNEW HE WOULD GO MAD WHEN HE HEARD THE WOMEN SINGING ON THE ROCKS, BUT HE ALSO KNEW THIS WOULD BE A TEMPORARY SEASON OF MADNESS, AND THAT IF HE COULD JUST RIDE IT OUT ALL WOULD BE WELL. SO HE INSTRUCTED HIS SOLDIERS TO TIE HIM TO THE MAST, AND PUT WAX IN HIS HEARS, AND INSTRUCTED THE MEN TO KEEP HIM ON COURSE NO MATTER WHAT. HE KNEW THAT THE ONLY WAY HE WOULD GET THROUGH THIS ROUGH, TEMPTING SEASON WAS COMMITMENT.

APPLICATION: MARRIAGE IS FILLED WITH MANY SEASONS OF “THE WOMEN OF SIRENS”- TEMPTATIONS COMING AT US…AFFAIRS, WORK AFFAIR, HARD SEASONS IN LIFE WITH HEALTH STUFF, UNEXPECTED PREGNANCIES, WAYWARD CHILDREN…ALL OF THESE AND MORE ARE PRESSING IN ON YOUR MARRIAGE TEMPTING YOU. BUT WHAT’S GOING TO GET YOU THROUGH IS FOR HUSBAND AND WIFE TO LEAN INTO EACH OTHER AND NOT AWAY, TO PUT WAX IN THEIR EARS AND HUNKER DOWN AND BE TIED EVEN MORE…COMMITMENT IS THE KEY. I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS TODAY.

WHY SHOULD I LISTEN: YOUR MARRIAGE MATTERS. - GOSPEL AND MARRIAGE. OUR MARRIAGES ARE TO LOUDLY PRONOUNCE THE GOSPEL!

“Marriage is God’s gift to the church. Through Christian marriages, the story of the gospel- of sin, grace, and restoration- can be seen and heard both inside the church and out in the world. Christian marriages proclaim the gospel”- Tim Keller, The Meaning of Marriage.

RECAP: MARRIAGE IS BUILT ON THE FOURFOLD FRAMEWORK OF THE GOSPEL- 1. SINNERS. WHAT THIS MEANS IS YOUR SPOUSE DOES NOT HAVE THE CAPACITY TO MEET YOUR DEEPEST NEEDS. RECALLS IN THE WORLD- INCOMPLETE OR SOME FLAW SO LET’S RECALL IT. ALL OF US ARE FLAWED AND THERE ARE NO RECALLS. 2. FORGIVENESS. LEWIS SMEDES FORGIVENESS- “God invented forgiveness as the only way to keep His romance with the human race alive”- Lewis Smedes.

TODAY WE LOOK AT THE FINAL TWO THINGS THE GOSPELIZED MARRIAGE IS BUILT ON, AND BOTH HAVE TO DO WITH COMMITMENT.

THE CORNERSTONE OF MARRIAGE- JESUS!

EXPLANATION: HOW DOES THE GOSPEL WORK. THE SIMPLE MESSAGE OF THE GOSPEL IS THAT GOD SEES US AS IS…AND THIS HAPPENS THROUGH THE FINISHED WORK OF JESUS CHRIST. . IS SO KEY. JESUS IS THE ONLY WAY, HE IS THE COMMON DENOMINATOR TO A RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD! NO OTHER NAME. RIFF HERE…JAZZ PREACHING.

ILLUSTRATION: WHEN I FIRST STARTED WORKING WITH FRACTIONS ONE OF THE FIRST RULES I LEARNED WAS THAT IF YOU WERE GOING TO ADD OR SUBTRACT FRACTIONS YOU HAD TO FIRST FIND THE COMMON DENOMINATOR…IN OTHER WORDS, UNTIL WE CAN GET THE DENOMINATOR’S ON THE SAME PAGE THIS WON’T WORK! AND SO IT IS WITH GOD- YOU AND GOD WILL NEVER BE ON THE SAME PAGE UNTIL YOU COME THROUGH HIS SON JESUS CHRIST, WHO IS THE COMMON DENOMINATOR…WHEN WE ACCEPT THE COMMON DENOMINATOR OF JESUS THEN ALL WILL BE WELL…AND SO IT IS WITH MARRIAGE.

POINT: MARRIAGE WON’T WORK IN GENERAL UNTIL WE HAVE SOME BASIC THINGS IN COMMON. LOVE IS BLIND BUT MARRIAGE IS AN EYE OPENER. YOU WILL SEE SOME THINGS AND WE MUST GO TO THE GREAT FOUNDATION OF JESUS.

THE TENSION OF MARRIAGE: - ONENESS, NOT SAMENESS. HOW DIFFERENT WE ARE IN MARRIAGE…DIFFERENT WAYS OF APPROACHING THE TOOTHPASTE, THE TOILET SEAT, ETC. WE ARE JUST DIFFERENT, AND THE GOAL IS NOT SAMENESS, BUT ONENESS. ONENESS DEFINED IS SOUL LEVEL HARMONY. THERE MUST BE JUST SOME BASIC AGREEMENTS THAT WE HOLD ONTO IN MARRIAGE. AND AT THE TOP OF THE LIST IS JESUS!

HERE’S WHAT THIS MEANS- THE GREATEST THING YOU BRING TO YOUR MARRIAGE IS NOT FINANCIAL SECURITY, BEAUTY OR A GREAT PERSONALITY…BUT IT’S YOUR WALK WITH JESUS.

PARENTS ANALOGY: MARRIED FOR FORTY SEVEN YEARS…MY VISION/IMPRESSION. DAD’S UP EARLY GOING TO THE LOCAL DUNKIN DONUTS WHERE THEY HAVE HIS SEAT RESERVED…MOM IS AT THE KITCHEN TABLE WITH HER BIBLE OPEN AND CUP OF TEA. DAD SAID HE MADE A DECISION DECADES AGO THAT BEFORE HE SPOKE TO ANYONE, HE WOULD SPEAK TO JESUS. THE GREATEST ASSET YOU BRING TO MARRIAGE IS YOUR WALK WITH JESUS.

PRACTICAL APPLICATION: …THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WORKS OF THE FLESH AND FRUIT OF THE HS. PRIMARY DIFFERENCE IS RELATIONAL. WHEN I AM WALKING IN THE FLESH NOTICE THE RESULT- GIVE THE LIST- DISSENSIONS, DIVISIONS, RIVALRIES, JEALOUSY, FITS OF ANGER, RAGE…AND THAT’S HOW MANY OF YOU CAME TO MARRIAGE. DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH CONFLICT. PAST MAY EXPLAIN YOU BUT IT DOESN’T EXCUSE YOU. INSTEAD WE MUST DO - BE FILLED WITH THE HS. PLEROMA, FILLED TO OVERFLOWING! MUTUAL COMMITMENT! CONSTANT FILLING, BECAUSE WE LEAK...

APPLICATION: WHEN YOU’RE FILLED WITH THE HS WHAT HAPPENS IS YOU SERVE ONE ANOTHER. WIFE AND BROKEN FEET…HS SAYS MAKE UP THE BED, SERVE YOUR WIFE, LEAN INTO THIS.

COVENANT OF MARRIAGE

EXPLANATION. MARRIAGE IS A COVENANT, AND NOT A CONTRACT…CONTRACTS ARE PERFORMANCE ORIENTED…THE BIBLE IS FILLED WITH COVENANTS. COVENANTS MEANS THAT WHICH BINDS TWO PARTIES TOGETHER. THERE’S HORIZONTAL AND VERTICAL ONE’S. ONE’S BETWEEN HUMANS, AND HUMANS BETWEEN DEITIES. ALWAYS INVOLVED AN OATH, A DEITY, AND THE SHEDDING OF BLOOD. , GOD’S COVENANT WITH ABRAHAM AND ANIMALS WERE KILLED. GOD WITH THE PEOPLE IN AND HOW MOSES THREW BLOOD ON THE PEOPLE. NEW COVENANT- . WE GOT INTO RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD, BECAUSE GOD, THE DEITY, SENT HIS SON JESUS, WHO THEN SHED HIS BLOOD, AND IT’S A BINDING AGREEMENT- NOTICE THE PHRASE “PROMISED ETERNAL INHERITANCE”. NOTHING WE CAN DO TO GET OUT OF IT.

POINT: MARRIAGE IS A COVENANT. . TWO PEOPLE, OATH BEFORE GOD AND WITNESSES, AND IT IS RATIFIED BY THE CONSUMMATION OF THE MARRIAGE. ANCIENT JEWS THEIR PARENTS WOULD WAIT OUTSIDE THE MARRIAGE CHAMBER WHERE THE BLOODY LINENS WERE BROUGHT. SHEDDING OF BLOOD. SEE . CLEAVING IS A HEBREW WORD WHICH MEANS TO BE GLUED TO EACH OTHER.

PROBLEM: MARRIAGE IS NOW APPROACHED FROM A CONSUMER PERSPECTIVE AND NOT A COVENANTAL PERSPECTIVE. “When dating or living together, you have to prove your value daily by impressing and enticing. You have to show that the chemistry is there and the relationship is fun and fulfilling or it will be over. We are still basically in a consumer relationship, and that means constant promotion and marketing. The legal bond of marriage, however, creates a space of security where we can open up and reveal our true selves. We can be vulnerable, no longer having to keep up facades. We don’t have to keep selling ourselves. We can lay the last layer of our defenses down and be completely naked, both physically and in every other way”- Tim Keller, The Meaning of Marriage. THIS IS WHY SEX IS SO IMPORTANT AND IS TO BE DONE ONLY WITHIN THE CONFINES OF MARRIAGE. FOR TWO REASONS: EVERY TIME WE HAVE SEX WE RENEW THE COVENANT WITH OUR SPOUSE; AND TWO WE ARE SAYING I SEE ALL OF YOU, THE BEST AND THE WORST, AND I STILL WANT YOU…YOU ARE SAFE AND SECURE HERE WITH ME.

ILLUSTRATION: TO GET A TASTE FOR COVENANT CONSIDER JUST ABOUT EVERY PARENT WITH THEIR KIDS. THAT CHILD BRINGS NOTHING TO THE TABLE. THEY COME INTO THIS WORLD PROFOUNDLY NEEDY. THEY ARE SELFISH, AND AT TIMES DISRESPECTFUL, AND DID I SAY SELFISH? OUR RELATIONSHIP IS NOT A YOU DO YOUR PART AND I’LL DO MY PART. NOR IS IT AN I’M IN THIS ONLY WHEN YOU MAKE ME HAPPY. BUT WE KEEP SHOWING UP AND PROVIDING AND GIVING AND GIVING AND GIVING, AND ALONG THE WAY WE COMMUNICATE THE PROFOUND MESSAGE YOU ARE SAFE AND SECURE, AND THIS IS NOT QUID PRO QUO. AND YET WE NEVER MADE A COVENANT WITH THEM. WE NEVER TOOK OATHS. THIS IS WHAT MARRIAGE IS SUPPOSED TO BE.

ILLUSTRATION: ONE OF THE MOST MOVING BOOKS I READ LAST YEAR WAS THE BOOK, MY LOVELY WIFE IN THE PSYCH WORLD. IT IS THE TRUE STORY OF COMMITMENT, OF A HUSBAND WHOSE WIFE HAS HAD SEVERAL MENTAL BREAKDOWNS WHICH HAS FORCED HIM TO QUIT HIS JOBS AND GIVE UP SOME OF HIS DREAMS. AND YET HE KEEPS SHOWING UP AND SHOWING UP, EVEN THOUGH SHE DOESN’T HAVE THE CAPACITY TO MAKE HIM HAPPY. READ PASSAGE ON PAGE 152…NOW WHY WAS I SO MOVED TO TEARS, AND WHY ARE YOU SO MOVED? DON’T YOU SEE? BECAUSE THIS PASSAGE ANNOUNCES THE GOSPEL IN A RICH AND LOUD AND COMPELLING WAY!

UNTIL WE SEE OURSELVES IN OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD AS THIS WOMAN- SICK, AND GOD AS MARK WHO KEEPS SHOWING UP, WE WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND THE GOSPEL. AND EVERY TIME YOUR SPOUSE GOES THROUGH A SPELL WHERE HE’S NOT MAKING YOU HAPPY BUT MAD, YOU CAN EITHER QUIT, OR STRAP IN LIKE ULYSSEYS TO THE MAST AND SAY I’M HANGING IN HERE…AND YOU KNOW WHAT THE STATISTICS SAY? EVERY MARRIED COUPLE WHO GOES THROUGH UNHAPPINESS, IF THEY WILL ONLY COMMIT TO SEE IT THROUGH, 2/3 OF THEM WILL NOT ONLY MAKE IT, BUT WILL END UP FINDING HAPPINESS ON THE OTHER SIDE. THAT’S THE GOSPEL