Priorities in a Godly Marriage
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6 The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully.
28 For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it?
“The end of a thing is better than its beginning.”
That is a passage about money.
Have you ever thought about the last day of your marriage?
Paul was asking the Corinthians to give generously in support of the church in Jerusalem.
In a since you are sayi
Too many couples put their best energies into the first day of their marriage. The cake, flowers, clothing, and photos have to be perfect. But, while a wonderful first day of marriage is important, it’s the last day that really counts.
With his call to give was a promise that they would be blessed.
Will the last day of your marriage be when you sign the divorce papers thinking “I never thought it would end this way.”
Will the last day of your marriage come prematurely through divorce? Will the last day of your marriage be filled with regrets as you stand over the coffin of your spouse? Or, by God’s grace, will the last day be a day to rejoice in a life lived together and a day to remember the gift your spouse was to you while on earth? - Real Marriage by Mark and Grace Driscoll
He is not trying to motivate them by promising a big return.
Will the last day be filled with regrets as you stand over the coffin
He is encouraging them with a promise
28 For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it?
“If you give freely, generously, and faithfully there is a reward for you.”
Giving for Paul was investing and the investment would pay dividends of growing faith in God, a gratefulness to God, an attentiveness to the needs of others, and a freedom from the bondage of greed.
The principle is true as well in other areas of life.
What you invest determines what you get in the end.
The issues we deal with in marriage do not
A strong, lasting marriage doesn’t happen because we chose the “right” person.
It doesn’t happen by chance, like rolling the dice.
It happens when we understand and commit ourselves to God’s purpose and design for marriage.
It happens when we understand the proper posture of a Godly marriage.
And it happens when we properly order our priorities in our marriage.
Making a plan for our Marriages
Making a plan for our Marriages
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28 For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it?
6 The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully.
6 Or is it only Barnabas and I who have no right to refrain from working for a living?
When you are building a house you most likely don’t walk out into a field and just start building.
28 For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it?
8 And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.
You start with a plan, an image of what you want the house to look like when it is finished.
From there you have work backward to know what it will take to accomplish the finished product.
Marriages are similar to houses in this way
Most people go into marriage like someone building a home without a plan.
They start building walls and laying bricks, and nailing shingles without ever thinking “What do we want this thing to look like?”
So bad habits are started. Expectations are formed and disappointments are come.
As passion and romance wear off, the connections you thought were there are found to be absent.
When you step back several years in you realize that the marriage that exists was never what you imagined it would be.
There are all kinds of reasons marriages become unhealthy, but often we just let things get in the way.
Did you ever make a plan or simply react to things as they came?
Marriages are disrupted with all kinds of distractions.
Marriages are disrupted with all kinds of distractions.
Our marriages are full of distractions.
Our marriages are full of distractions.
Children
Children
Jobs
Finances
Hobbies
Extended Family
Friends
When children are born and our attention is pulled away from our spouse, without a plan and intentionality distance is formed and marriages are damaged.
How do we deal with the distractions of marriage?
When jobs become taxing and stressful and we do not have a plan
A lot of the time we simply react-
Children make life busy and time is taken up raising them.
Jobs get challenging, money gets tight and stress begins to build.
As more things come life seems to almost feel out of control.
If we are going to keep distractions and changes from destroying our marriages we have to get our priorities in order.
This passage is about money, Paul is challenging the Corinthians to give in support of the church in Jerusalem.
Getting our priorities straight
Getting our priorities straight
Building or remodeling a home requires you start with a plan (what do you want it to look like when we are finished).
He isn’t telling them to give more so they can receive more.
I believe God created a hierarchy of priorities for married couples.
It is a promise he is speaking over them. “If you give from a generous, faith-filled, and gracious heart you will receive blessings from the Lord.”
Our priorities are the things we give our attention, time, and money to.
He is talking about investment, what you give freely and sacrificially will reap reward in your life.
They are what we deem most important.
We know this principle is true in life right.
When our priorities are out if order our lives get out of alignment.
If you work out and eat well your body will be healthier.
A few years ago a pastor shared a list of 6 biblical priorities for families.
If you invest your money in good, wise ways you are more likely to reap dividends.
If you invest time and energy into something it is more than likely (barring any unforeseen setback) going to reap
This is obviously not foolproof as things out of our control can adversely affect our efforts, but generally speaking...
This principle is true in marriage as well.
What we willingly and intentionally invest into our marriages dramatically effects the health and stability of our marriage.
One of the biggest challenges marriages face is the lack of intentionality.
What I mean is husbands and wives become disconnected from one another because they don’t
Heading 2kd
Heading 2kd
1) Spending time together
1) Spending time together
The 6 P’s of Priorities
The 6 P’s of Priorities
Daily, weekly, monthly
1) Person of God
1) Person of God
The number one relationship in your marriage is your relationship with the God.
33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
God’s greatest commandment is to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.”
It comes before loving anything else, including your spouse, children, extended family, friends...
Your spouse cannot be your God, don’t put that responsibility on them.
2) Your Partner
2) Your Partner
Have a regular time for just you time.
2) Your Partner
2) Your Partner
says that a man will leave his father and mother and become “one flesh” with his wife.
The first relationship given to man was with God, the second was with his wife.
They become “one flesh” the closest relationship in all of creation.
paints the picture of a husband’s and wife’s priories in marriage.
Husbands are to love and lead their wives
Wives are to follow and help their husbands in their leadership.
Embracing your spouse as the most important human relationship in your life forces you to make choices the put him/her before other things, even good things.
3) Being a Parent
3) Being a Parent
Don’t neglect one another.
3) Being a Parent
3) Being a Parent
The third relationship in creation is with your children.
Though this relationship is deeply significant, when our relationship with our children distract us from loving our spouses we have gotten our priorities out of order.
Our children often become idols, and our marriages often become the sacrificial lamb.
We spend thousands of dollars on sports and activities and rarely spend money going on a date with our spouse
We spend hours at ball games, dance recitals, and slaving over homework, but rarely spend intentional, uninterrupted time with our spouse.
We devote our entire home to our kids, every room having toys and kids stuff, even opening out bedroom and OUR BEDS to our kids.
Example: Co-sleeping is not healthy for marriage
says we should not deprive one another from sexual intimacy, expect if we agree to spend a limited season in prayer.
The warning is that when we are not sexually intimate in marriage we are giving Satan an open door into our marriages.
Protect your marriage bed, protect your bedroom.
It is hard to say no and to build the necessary boundaries, but your kids need your marriage to be strong more than they need to be the center of your attention.
- Posture of sex, but also posture of time
4) Parishioner
4) Parishioner
This may seem out of order.
It is more important to be a part of a church than to provide for my family?
In God’s economy the church family and the home are interconnected.
Church is the family of God.
49 And stretching out his hand toward his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! 50 For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”
Matt
Jesus makes the case that the “church” - his followers were His family not just the ones he shares blood with.
God wants us to invest not just in our family but invest our family in the church.
2)
2)
5) Provider
5) Provider
Your responsibility to provide for your family is not at the expense of your family.
We often make an idol of our lifestyle, sacrificing our responsibilities to love and lead our wives and train our children in the way of the Lord at the alter of money or career.
10 For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs.
When we love money, position, or success more than our spouse or family our priorities are out of order and destruction is sure to follow.
6) Playing
6) Playing
What do you sacrifice for entertainment?
Notice 2 things:
1. Recreation/hobbies are the last of the 6 priorities
Your hobbies are not more important than your relationship with God, your spouse, your children, your church family, or your job.
They are
2. Recreation/hobbies are on the list
But your hobbies are important and your time with friends pursuing and enjoying a hobby is important.
Make a plan, communicate with your spouse, and make sure your priorities are in the right place.
Is your love for hunting, gaming, or whatever worth losing your marriage?
Is your love for shopping, sports, or whatever worth losing your marriage?
Protect Your Priorities
Protect Your Priorities
1) Set your mind on things above.
1) Set your mind on things above.
1 If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.
1 If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. 3 For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.
1 If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.
33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
M
Let your pursuit of God be the driving force behind your priorities.
2) Cultivate your marriage.
2) Cultivate your marriage.
Be intentional about spending time with your spouse.
Don’t let the distractions of life get in the way of your pursuit of your spouse.
Go on dates, have sex, laugh with one another, cultivate your friendship, fight fairly, foster regular and deep conversation.
3) Develop a vision for your marriage.
3) Develop a vision for your marriage.
4) Let God’s Word determine your priorities.
4) Let God’s Word determine your priorities.
What do you want that last day to look life.
When your tired and it would just be easier not to fight your kids back into their beds, keep in mind.
When work begins to intrude on your time with your family and distract you from your spouse, remember your spouse needs your more than they need that bigger paycheck.
Develop a vision for your marriage, write it down, memorize it, remind each other of it, and fight to keep your priorities in order so that God will be glorified and your marriage will satisfy.