Family Planning
Unless the Lord builds the house,
those who build it labour in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city,
the watchman stays awake in vain.
It is in vain that you rise up early
and go late to rest,
eating the bread of anxious toil;
for he gives to his beloved sleep.
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
the fruit of the womb a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
are the children of one’s youth.
Blessed is the man
who fills his quiver with them!
He shall not be put to shame
when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.[1]
Long before Planned Parenthood discovered sex, God created both gender and sex. Sex was His gift to mankind. This gift was to be used in the context of marriage, the life-long union of one man and one woman. The sex husband and wife employed was given by God for comfort and to strengthen companionship. This precious gift was meant to give mutual pleasure to both the man and the woman in their marriage. Also, the divine gift of sex was God’s appointed means by which couples would bring children into the world. Hence, God meant for children to be born into the context of love between husband and wife and within that loving context to grow before the Lord. God intended that children should have both a father and a mother who loved each other.
Though sex is clearly an important part of the Psalm before us, the message for this day focuses less on God’s gracious gift than it does the impact on our lives when we attempt to substitute our best thoughts for God’s good gifts. Whether we submit to God’s gracious intent for our lives or whether we attempt to impose our own limited concepts on the life God has granted us will determine how we live and how we conclude our life.
Before we engage our minds with the text, permit me to state the genesis behind this particular message. The third Sunday of January is the day set aside as Right to Life Sunday. It was January 22, 1973 when seven justices of the United States Supreme Court discovered a “right to privacy” in the Constitution of that great nation. In observing this date of the Sunday nearest that black date in North American history, we join thousands of evangelical churches across the United States and Canada that seek of honour life.
I confess that the subject of life is broader than one message can address. Indeed, the subject of respect for life is a subject greater than a single message can address. Nevertheless, woven throughout the warp and the woof of the Christian Faith is an inherent respect for life—all life. Those who honour life honour God, whether they intended to do so or not. Those who dishonour life, cannot honour God.
Christians are not “anti-abortion,” but rather they are pro-life. We honour the life of an unborn child, which is one great reason that we admonish youth and all young married couples against sex outside of the marriage relationship. We believe it right to treat the elderly with respect, just as we believe it is fitting to respect the vulnerable among us, treating them with consideration. We oppose wanton destruction of our environment, because we know that we are to be stewards of God’s gift of life. We are builders and not destroyers, which means that we conscientiously seek to advance knowledge in every area. We advocate capital punishment because we believe that those who take life must be held accountable and because there can be no restitution for taking a life. All these issues, and many more, depend upon the “right to life.”
Today, however, I wish to focus on this one text because it has so much to teach us concerning the conduct of our lives. Join me in exploration of the subject so that together we may grow in grace and knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Open your Bible to the Psalms and focus on this singular Psalm of Ascent as we seek to discover the mind of the Master.
Man’s Plans — The title of the message, “Family Planning,” is no doubt tinged with considerations that are not intended. I do not intend to invade the bedrooms of the congregation nor lecture on the delicate subject of family size. However, consideration of the first two verses of this Psalm forces us to concede that God is indeed sovereign. The Psalmist avers a neglected truth concerning the Lord God. He affirms that God is sovereign. Man’s efforts are puerile when weighed against the will of God. Ultimately, man’s efforts and man’s plans must be deemed futile and they must come to naught.
The Psalmist, in our text, is teaching us that if our sole focus in planning our life is on the physical, we shall be woefully disappointed. We have a measure of control over life, provided there are no surprises, but we do not have extensive control, for there are always surprises to test our character. Ultimately, the doctrine of divine providence must be considered. If there is one great truth to be drawn from this portion of the text, it is that we neglect the spiritual dimension of life at our own peril.
Specifically, the first two verses of the text speak of building a house and a city. The unspoken assumption is that when one builds a house, his family will live in that house for the remainder of their lives. It speaks of communal aspirations, of building a city. When one builds a city, the natural expectation is increased security and comfort for the entire community and a future for the children of that community. Then the Psalmist makes an observation concerning the rest that the righteous may expect.
An old adage states that man proposes and God disposes. Without doubt there is great truth in that saying. A Latin motto reads, Nisi Dominus Frusta. Those words come from the first words of this Psalm in Latin and means, “Without the Lord, Frustration.” It is the motto of the city of Edinburgh, Scotland. It is affixed to the city’s official documents. It could be attached to the lives of many of our fellow countrymen who attempt to live without considering the will of God.
The American statesman, Benjamin Franklin, was a deist. Franklin, though not a Christian, nevertheless understood the futility of attempting work without God. He expressed that knowledge in his “Speech to the Convention for Forming a Constitution for the United States,” delivered in Philadelphia June 28, 1787.
“In the beginning of the Contest with Great Britain, when we were sensible of danger, we had daily prayer in this room for Divine protection. Our prayers, Sir, were heard, and they were graciously answered. All of us who were engaged in the struggle must have observed frequent instances of a Superintending Providence in our favour. To that kind Providence we owe this happy opportunity of consulting in peace on the means of establishing our future national felicity. And have we now forgotten that powerful Friend? or do we imagine we no longer need His assistance?
“I have lived, Sir, a long time, and the longer I live, the more convincing proofs I see of this truth—that God Governs in the affairs of men. And if a sparrow cannot fall to the ground without His notice, is it probable that an empire can rise without His aid?
“We have been assured, Sir, in the Sacred Writings, that ‘except the Lord build the House, they labour in vain that build it.’ I firmly believe this; and I also believe that without his concurring aid we shall succeed in this political building no better than the Builders of Babel: We shall be divided by our partial local interests; our projects will be confounded, and we ourselves shall become a reproach and bye word down to future ages. And what is worse, mankind may hereafter from this unfortunate instance, despair of establishing Governments by Human wisdom and leave it to chance, war and conquest. I therefore beg leave to move—that henceforth prayers imploring the assistance of Heaven, and its blessing on our deliberations, be held in this Assembly every morning before we proceed to business, and that one or more of the clergy of this city be requested to officiate in that service.”[2]
Perhaps you will recall the words of the Psalmist.
10 The Lord brings the counsel of the nations to nothing;
He frustrates the plans of the peoples.
11 The counsel of the Lord stands forever,
the plans of His heart to all generations.
[Psalm 33:10, 11]
Again, consider the wisdom presented in Proverbs 16:9.
9 The heart of man plans his way,
but the Lord establishes his steps.
Finally, consider Proverbs 19:21.
21 Many are the plans in the mind of a man,
but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.
The Bible is not teaching that we should live a cavalier style of life, giving no consideration to the future. We are responsible to provide for our families, knowing that the issue is not “if” we should die, but rather “that” we must die. A wise man will consider how to care for his wife and children, securing adequate insurance before he is unable to secure it. A wise family will plan for housing and transportation and set aside funds for emergencies. Settle in your mind that the Bible is not teaching that we should ignore reality. It is, however, cautioning us that we are not the masters of our fate. Christians know that they are not the captains of their souls.
Focus momentarily on what the first two verses do teach. In the first place, we know that God works. The Lord does build! The wise man will not only invite the Lord to work in his life, but he will make every effort to see where God is working and there work with Him. Work, therefore, is divine. Yes, it is by the sweat of one’s face that we eat our bread [see Genesis 3:19], but the work itself is an expression of our understanding that we are indeed created in the image of God. If we are willing, the Lord builds the house and watches over the city. Eugene Peterson says that one of the reasons Christians read the Bible repeatedly and carefully is to find out how God works in us and in the world “so that we can work in the Name of Jesus Christ.”[3]
Again, God makes our work meaningful. That which we make without thought of God or His will has no eternal value. It is as we work together with God—whether raising a child, studying for future labours, building with our hands, or even thinking—that we are able to consider our work and say of it that it is good. It is as the Latin motto states, Without God, Frustration. By extension we can say, With God, Satisfaction.
God rewards our work for Him. We have already observed that work without thought of the will of God is worthless. Note in the second verse, however, that He rewards those who wait on Him, those who seek His mind and diligently endeavour to do that will. He gives to His beloved sleep. The clear suggestion is that when we have worked for God, worked together with God, at His direction, we may then lie down and rest knowing that we can leave the results in God’s hand. It was, after all, God who was building, and we were but workers together with God whatever the task.[4]
Perhaps as you listen to these words, you recall Paul’s words to the Colossians. “23 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ” [Colossians 3:23, 24]. Yes, there awaits an inheritance for the faithful Christian, but the Psalmist would have us to know that God does gives reward now, and not the least of His rewards is rest. There are other rewards that God gives; and it is to children—one of God’s great rewards that we now turn our attention.
God’s Plans — The first portion of the Psalm presents one of the great doctrines of the Faith, woefully neglected in our day—divine providence. The Psalmist concluded, however, on a positive note, focusing our attention on the fact that God is gracious to His beloved. For a moment, think with me of who the beloved the Lord might be. According to David, in Psalm 60:5, God’s beloved are those who are delivered, those who receive salvation. In other words, those who are redeemed, who have sought God with their whole heart and discovered that He is a gracious and loving God willing to receive all who come to Him through the Son, are the beloved of God.
One of the great blessings God gives is children. I understand that I must sound antediluvian when I say that Scripture teaches that large families are a sign of God’s blessing. Tim Bayly has stated the situation quite well when he wrote the following, “Raising godly offspring is at the heart of God’s purpose for marriage… Scripture teaches that clouds, fields, orchards, and livestock bear fruit only as God wills it. If He desires to discipline men He withholds these gifts. If He desires to bless, His grace takes the form of rain, corn, grapes, calves.
“So also in our homes. When an expectant mother feels the gentle jab of her baby’s legs she is feeling a form of God’s grace and love.”[5]
It is frightening to trust God; we think that we will do a better job of being in control. However, we each made a mess of our lives when we thought we were in control of them. It wasn’t until God took control that we discovered His peace and joy.
No doubt there are some legitimate concerns about one’s ability to support a large family if God should bless that family. We have all heard of the dangers of overpopulation. Consequently, some people might contend that it is irresponsible to have more than two children, or one child, or any children. Think carefully and you will realise that world hunger does not derive from a surplus of children. Rather world hunger is the result of a deficit of human love and compassion. North America—Canada and the United States—has sent over one trillion dollars in aid to Africa during the past thirty years.[6] Tyrants building their armies and grand palaces for their sycophants have squandered most of those funds.
The answer to hunger is not fewer children. Is it right for the well-fed to mandate such an unbiblical and uncompassionate solution to the hungry of the world? Jesus said, “I was hungry and you gave me food” [Matthew 25:35]. If you are one who advocates a reduction in family size out of concern for world hunger, how much of your money and time (saved by an absence of children) is used to adopt a special needs child, or to become a foster parent, or even to feed the starving of the world?
Tim Bayly startles us when he writes, “Sin often disguises itself as virtue, so it’s not surprising people often argue, ‘it’s good stewardship to have fewer children.’ But this makes God’s gift out to be sinful and the rejection of Divine grace an act of righteousness. The Scriptural truth is that children are a blessing from God.”[7]
While I might caution that contemporary families attempt to play God by “planning” the size of family they will tolerate and by “planning” when children will be permitted to arrive, I would prefer to focus in a more positive fashion on the intent of these verses. There are obvious, though neglected, truths in the latter portion of this Psalm that are worthy of our deepest meditations.
The first truth which merits consideration is that Growth of a family is God’s work. It is true that we know the physiology of procreation. We even teach our elementary school children the mechanics of human sexual reproduction, so there is no particular mystery here. It has been well said that life is sexually transmitted. As a culture, we appear determined to ensure that the youngest members of our society are informed of that fact. What is neglected, and what must be asserted by the faithful is that despite our supposed knowledge, children are a gift of God—a heritage and a reward.
We could rightly assert that God builds the house and the family that lives in it. God guards the city and the families protected by the walls of that city. Families are not the product of legislation—they do not magically appear by some political legerdemain. Families are God’s idea. God gave the first woman to the first man, and He commanded them to “be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it” [Genesis 1:28]. God deserves our gratitude for our families. Therefore, we must look to Him for wisdom to raise our children as He would wish and to treat each member according to His will.
A second truth is that God’s blessing on a city begins with His blessing of families. If the family unit is honoured, the nation prospers. If the family unit is redefined to meet some artificial social standard, the nation will experience declining prosperity. Boice notes that this theme is so vital to the Psalmist that he begins this Psalm with the city before moving to the family, but in the very next Psalm (Psalm 128) he begins with the family and then moves to the city.[8]
Strong families prevent social and cultural rot. This is a theme that begs expansion. A nation that honours the family is a nation that does not see soaring crime or degeneration of language or exaltation of graphic violence as entertainment. On the other hand, when the family is devalued and depreciated throughout society, the natural consequence must, of necessity, lead to increasing crime, increasingly confused sexual identities, loss of moral certitude and ultimately a loss of virtue in every facet of society. What are we witnessing in contemporary Canada?
There is a pattern here that must be recognised if there is any hope of it being reversed. Social censure of large families leads to a depreciation of God’s good gift. Depreciation of God’s gift of family leads to a loss of social and cultural cohesion. Loss of social and cultural cohesion leads to increased signs of social decay. Ultimately, all this leads to a redefinition of what has historically held society together. It is a contemporary statement of Romans 1:18-32.
I wish to be neither inconsiderate nor crude, but two men do not constitute a family. Two women are not a family, even if children should live with them. With all compassion, I am compelled to state the biblical truth that a single mother, however many children may live with her, does not meet the criterion for God’s definition of a family. Such an individual merits our compassion and deserves whatever moral and ethical assistance we can provide as a congregation, but we must truthfully state that a family consists of husband and wife, committed to one another and to the children God grants.
Note also that Family growth is slow and unpretentious. God does not instantly give us families, but rather His blessing is steady and covers years. Perhaps this is to enable us to learn how to appreciate His good gift and to enable us to obtain the skills necessary to treat His gift with the consideration it deserves. We take the growth of families for granted, but without that growth, social decay must inevitably result.
Perhaps a few friends note the birth of a new child, but for the most part, other than a notice posted in the newspaper, the event passes unnoticed by the most of society. Family and friends join in celebration of special events, such as a birthday, a high school graduation, or even the marriage of a child; but for the most part these events pass quietly and uneventfully. If the truth is known, sometimes even parents forget these significant dates. This is stated to stress that family growth is a process. Thus, whether society is strengthened or weakened is dependent upon a process that moves at the pace of life. While social and cultural decay can sap political will and national courage in one generation, reversing the decay will likely require several generations.
Ultimately, the Psalmist teaches us that We cannot raise our families without God. Attempting to build a house without God is folly. Attempting to watch over a city without God is doomed to failure. These truths having been stated, it is utter foolishness to attempt to raise a family without God. A house is an inanimate object, and sound workmanship will benefit the building in any case, even if ultimately its existence is dependent upon God. In the ancient world, the enemies of a city were usually from outside the walls, and the walls would, at least for a time, keep the enemy at bay.
What about us? What about our children? What about our families? We are speaking of families—living beings with eternal souls. Our children and their eternal welfare are our responsibility. The enemies of our families surround us, and we find that we are ill-equipped to resist their destructive power. In fact, we carry the seeds of our own destruction within ourselves. We are sinful people. Our spirits are rebellious. There is an inborn tendency to turn our backs on God. Consequently, our children are rebellious, obstinate, self-centred and wayward. Tragically, our children more often direct our paths than we direct their paths, with disastrous results.
Our children are often more attuned to the siren song of this dying world than they are to the words of life. Instead of seeking to know God, they want to be entertained, and we are too tired to resist their insistent appeals. Church is boring, so we attempt to jazz it up. How can you make God who is life more exciting? We must train our children to hear His voice and see His hand instead of trying to waken dormant prurient interests. Our children must be taught to pray, expecting that their loving Father in Heaven will hear their petitions. Families must set aside time to read the Word of God together as children are prepared for worship on the coming Lord’s Day. Families have forgotten how to sit together, demonstrating respect for the preached Word of God.
We are obligated to seek God’s help and do all that we are told if we will raise our children well. We must pray for our children, teach them the Word of God, bring them to church, teaching them to honour the preaching of the Word by listening and learning. We are wrong to imagine that we must entertain our children instead of teaching them to respect the worship of God. Above all, we are responsible to set an example for our children, living for God and honouring His instructions, beginning with the instruction to receive children as a precious gift instead of acting as though we are in control of this Divine gift.
Most of all, we are responsible to lead our children to faith in the Living Christ. Parents are responsible to speak to their children, training them in the Faith and pleading with them to believe the message of life. It is a dreadful thought that a child should grow to adulthood and reject the faith of his mother and father. Should that be the case, let it not be true that we are parents have neglected our responsibility. While the world stands, let us determine that we will lovingly represent Christ before our children.
You who are youth, have you believed this message of life? Have you confessed Christ as Lord? Have you obeyed Him in His call to openly identify with Him in baptism? If you are not obedient now, when will you begin to be obedient? This is the Word of God to which you are accountable.
“If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved. For the Scripture says, ‘Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame.’ For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; the same Lord is Lord of all, bestowing his riches on all who call on him. For ‘everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved’”
[Romans 10:9-13].
The message concludes with a plea for those who are outside of the grace of God to come that they may receive the gift of life. If you have not placed your faith in Christ the Lord, do so now. If you have yet to obey His command to openly identify with Him through baptism, come requesting that ordinance now. If you have yet to unite with this congregation, and such is the will of God, come that we may receive you according to the instructions of the Word. Perhaps there are parents who need to obey the Word so that they will be able to lead their children as they ought. Come now, making the necessary change so that our families may be kept in the love of God. Amen.
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[1] Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version Ó 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
[2] The speech is found on various sites on the World Wide Web, but this was copied from http://www.cooperativeindividualism.org/franklin_benjamin_state_representation.html
[3] Eugene H. Peterson, A Long Obedience in the Same Direction: Discipleship in an Instant Society (InterVarsity Press, Downers Grove, IL 1980) 104
[4] These observations were drawn from James Montgomery Boice, Psalms, Volume 3, Psalm 107-150 (Baker, Grand Rapids, MI 1998) 1118-9
[5] Timothy Bayly, The Place of Children in Christian Marriage: Raising Up a Godly Seed, Journal for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, Volume 3, Number 4, Winter, 1998, 14
[6] Elizabeth Nickson, Green Power, Black Death (National Post, 9 January 2004) http://www.canada.com/national/nationalpost/news/comment/story.html?id=d6493809-fdcc-4320-a481-626cdbab65e3
[7] Bayly, op. cit., 15
[8] Boice, op. cit. 1120