Ten Rules for Living (Control Your Tongue)
Exodus 20:16
You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour.[1]
Christians, fellow believers, have caused the death of more of God’s saints than all the inquisitions and pagan attempts aimed at extirpation of the Faith combined. The advance of the Kingdom of God has been more surely halted more frequently by the devilish work of Christians than by all the opposition of all the demonic efforts of those openly opposed to the Faith. The work of God has been damaged sufficiently to render preaching ineffective more often by Christians than by all the attacks of agnostics and atheists. Christians have done this, not through direct assault and attack, but through innuendo, slander and gossip.
An unwarranted word, a slighting remark, a rumour repeated as though true, each alike can assassinate another, destroy reputations and leave such carnage in their wake that recovery may never be fully accomplished in this life.
Is it any wonder that slander and gossip are so thoroughly condemned in the Word? Is it any wonder that so few messages are preached on the topic? By and large, contemporary Christians have become masters of innuendo, and gossip has become the most popular pastime practised wherever the saints of the Most High God gather. Standing opposed to this veritable plague among God’s righteous people is this ninth commandment—You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour.
Among the worst offenders of this rule for living, I regret to say, are religious leaders. They are frequently masters of gossip, at the earliest stage of ministerial development almost unconsciously absorbing the concept that they advance themselves in the Kingdom through destroying their fellow ministers. Do you want the latest dirt on some minister? All you need do is attend the various ministerial meetings. There, the dagger of gossip accomplishes its deadly work while masked in tones of deepest concern for the glory of Christ and for the welfare of the one slandered. What the spokesmen of Christ do, the people over which they have received oversight adopt as the standard for Christian concern. Thus, the plague advances inexorably to kill and destroy the innocent.
While serving in Africa during her first missionary tour there, our daughter Rochelle wrote that she was disappointed that missionaries invest so much time in gossip when they meet together. They do this in the guise of issuing “prayer requests,” a warning flag that what you are about to hear is likely to be sheer gossip, raw innuendo.
At the outset, I believe it would be to our benefit to present concepts which will guide us through the morass of deadly gossip which we seemingly encounter almost daily. In order to avoid repeating anything injurious to another, I recommend that we apply several tests, asking several questions, to discover whether repetition of a story is needful. Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it relevant? Is it beneficial? Does it edify? Does it glorify?
I will speak of these issues again as I draw the message to a conclusion; but we will do well to memorise them at this time and list them in the front of our Bibles. Perhaps we would do well to write them on a card and paste them to our telephones. Let me present these tests once more and request that you write them down. Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it relevant? Is it beneficial? Does it edify? Does it glorify?
I invite you to confront wicked attitudes and evil actions too frequently tolerated. I invite thoughtful contemplation of your role in halting slander and gossip. I invite deliberate rejection of sin tolerated too readily among us as we equip ourselves to halt this veritable plague even now running rampant throughout the churches of Christ. Though we know the rule, recite it with me: You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour. Now join me in exploring this rule for living, that together we may equip ourselves to honour God and to insure that we build one another instead of destroying one another.
What is Meant by Giving False Witness? Superficially, giving false witness would appear to be solely concerned with matters of jurisprudence—issues of law. Without question, this particular matter would be encompassed by this rule for living. Judges and juries cannot make accurate decisions unless they are provided reliable witnesses to events under review. Indeed, false testimony may defeat the ends of justice.
Certainly, we remember that it was the false testimony of men identified to be worthless men who brought about the death of that good man, Naboth [1 Kings 21:8-13]. Searched out by Jezebel, who perhaps did not need to look far since she was herself a slanderous embodiment of evil, these men were willing to sell their testimony for a price. They would lie—it needed but to appeared monetarily profitable to them.
However, one may bear false testimony without ever making a positive statement. Satan bore false testimony against Job when he asked God, Does Job fear God for no reason? [Job 1:9]. The slanderer did not say that Job was a hypocrite and a crook; he is far too shrewd to make such a crude declaration. Instead, he insinuates, asking a question designed to instil doubt. You will recall that it was the same approach which had worked so well in the Garden with our first mother: Did God actually say… [Genesis 3:1]?
The shrewdness of such slander is seen in the fact that it is at once effective and safe. Had Satan declared that Job had stolen a camel or that he had murdered his neighbour, he could have been challenged to prove his statement. By asking the question, however, he put Job under a cloud without incurring any risk! Nobody can punish us for merely asking a question. Does Dave Roszmann eagerly pay his taxes? Does Ian Munro always worship God in sincerity and truth? Is Lynda Stark true to her husband? By thus asking questions, we can obtain all the effect of bearing false testimony without incurring any of the dangers of such slander.
You see, Satan revealed his cunning by asking a question rather than making an assertion, a question so framed that nobody could give an authoritative answer. One could answer accurately if questioned whether Job had killed his wife, or whether he had robbed the poor, or whether he had lied about his dedication to God. Satan, however, did not question Job’s outward conduct; that was an open book. No! Satan questioned motives and cast doubt on Job’s innermost desires. Anyone other than God hearing the question would draw the conclusion that Job might just be serving God for what he could get out of that service.
Have you ever considered that we can bear false testimony by remaining silent? We can remain dumb as an oyster and slander another. When we hear a disreputable story and remain silent, even though we know the story to be a lie, we are guilty of bearing false testimony. We can bear guilt in this matter of bearing false testimony even though we may speak up, if we speak in a half-hearted manner. This is the case when we:
Damn with faint praise, assent with civil leer,
And without sneering, teach the rest to sneer;
Willing to wound, and yet afraid to strike,
Just hint a fault, and hesitate dislike
[Shakespeare]
This rule for living may be violated by exercise of a critical spirit. Jesus warned us, judge not [Matthew 7:1]. This does not mean, as outsiders and some who are light thinking imagine, that we are not to be discerning. It means that we are to avoid a critical spirit. Mh; krivnete, states the Greek, and you will notice that the word translated judge sounds very much like our word critical. That is precisely the impact of that language. We Christians are to be capable of making decisions based upon the expression of the heart, without being critical. Though we must be willing to forgive and eager to accept those who repent, we are not to be foolish. Jesus cautioned us to be as wise as serpents and innocent as doves [Matthew 10:16]. Likewise, at the same time He warned against a critical spirit, Jesus stated that we will recognise [false prophets] by their fruits [Matthew 7:16-20].
Where I spent my childhood years, vultures are sometimes seen flying across the skies. What does a vulture find when it flies over a landscape such as those verdant Ozark foothills? Perhaps it sees a dead opossum under a dried bush. Again, it may see a dead armadillo stuck down on the roadway. This does not mean that all that is found in south-east Kansas is carrion. That land consists of rolling hills carpeted with long prairie grasses and verdant valleys filled with luscious broadleaf trees. Throughout are small farms with wandering brooks and creeks sluicing through rich pastureland. The area is replete with songbirds and deer and pastures filled with livestock. The vulture misses all this, because it looks only for something rotten.
People, also, may look upon their fellows with similar eyes, seeing only the bad, and all the while assuring themselves there is no good to be found in mankind. In that state of mind, such people are led to quickly slander others, believing only the worst and refusing to believe the good.
Above all else, giving false testimony, however it may be accomplished is the act of slandering others. To slander is to surrender to devilish attitudes or to adopt the viewpoint of the devil. Perhaps you were not aware that the word Satan is the Hebrew term for adversary, and that it conveys the concept of one who opposes through slander. The term @f;c;, is translated by the English concept adversary throughout the Old Testament—for example in 2 Samuel 19:22, 1 Kings 5:4, and in 1 Kings 11:14, 23, 15. Applied to the fallen angel Lucifer, Satan the Adversary takes on a menacing aspect throughout the Word as seen in such places as the first two chapters of Job and in Zechariah 3:1, 2 and 1 Chronicles 21:1.
Likewise, the term devil is also the Greek term for slander or malicious gossip, as it appears in other translations of the New Testament. In the New Testament we discover that slander or malicious gossip is not to be characteristic of the life of the wives of deacons [1 Timothy 3:11]. That same word is translated slanderers in Titus 2:3. The Greek word translated devil and slanderer is diabovlou", and is the root for our English word diabolical. Whenever you permit yourself to listen to malicious talk, whenever you engage in gossip, whenever you slander another, you are acting diabolically, demonically, devilishly. Gossiping, you have adopted the devil’s tactic and you cannot be pleasing to our God. False testimony is slander, gossip, and thus is in utter opposition to all righteousness.
What is the Impact of False Witness? Slander, malicious gossip, were such activity merely an irritant, would be insignificant and unworthy of serious concern by the people of God. However malicious gossip is the cause of great and lasting hurt both to the people of God and to the cause of Christ. Were gossip and slander confined to outsiders, it would be serious enough. Unfortunately, gossip and slander are far too often entrenched within the church and among God’s holy people.
Slander has led directly to the death of the innocent, as it did in the case of Naboth. It was the maliciously insistent statements of the satanically inspired religious leaders which brought about the crucifixion of Christ, which set the stage for the death of the most of His Apostles, and which lies behind the continued assault on the saints since that time.
I recall demeaning rumours concerning a beautiful and talented young woman who was finally destroyed by those same rumours. The malicious gossips whispered that she was an easy mark for lascivious young men, a boy toy. Ultimately, she committed suicide, motivated to perform her desperate deed in part because of the wicked gossip of unthinking evil men and women. That such an event could happen lends new understanding to David’s lament:
My soul is in the midst of lions;
I lie amid fiery beasts—
the children of man, whose teeth are spears and arrows,
whose tongues are sharp swords
[Psalm 57:4].
No doubt, it was the ability to destroy with words which led Agur, whose sayings are included among those of the wise man, to observe:
There are those who are clean in their own eyes
but are not cleansed of their filth.
There are those—how lofty their eyes,
How high their eyelids lift!
There are those whose teeth are swords,
whose fangs are knives
[Proverbs 30:12-14].
Were the effect of slander confined to bringing about the murder of the innocent, it would be cruel enough, but slander destroys the innocent through destroying reputations, through turning good people into bad because they have been lied about. For every person hounded to death or brought to the point of desperation through the gossip and slander of the wicked, scores of others have been harmed in ways which are not always readily seen. Relationships are severed, reputations are left in tatters, and all because of the malicious talk of gossips.
They said and I heard are the two greatest liars ever to have walked the earth. Such terms should never be employed by the saints of the Most High God. False testimony makes it easier for the victim to go wrong and harder for such a one to do right. Repeating such slander says that we have no confidence in the one spoken against. Thus demeaned, the victims find it easier to justify turning from righteousness and to evil. How many Christians have left the church because of the slander of some long-tongued, beady-eyed, demonically inspired gossip!
I am distressed at the way in which Christians shelter this evil among themselves. It is a sorrowful observation that ministers, especially, appear to think that the way to advance themselves is through tearing down fellow servants of the Risen Christ. Should it be mentioned that a particular church is enjoying the blessing of God and growing, you may be certain that some concerned soul will cast aspersion on the report by asking, “Yes, but how is it growing?” Should a particular church be facing difficulties, inevitably it seems there is one eager to question both the ability of the pastor and his call. Heaven forbid that a pastor should be human enough to face personal problems, much less admit human weakness; such is certain to lubricate the tongues of fellow Christians. Through the years of my walk before the Lord I have learned to immediately put up my guard and to be alert to what must soon follow at the first words: I heard.
There are cultures wherein people seem especially characterised by eagerness to gossip. Tragically, churches established among such ethnic groups are prone to engage in the rankest forms of gossip and slander. People cannot gather without discussing another not present, without discussing the latest dirt, without discussing the personal problems of some unfortunate individual who would welcome a helping hand but receives instead the destruction of character through the acid of slander and gossip. Often this gossip has been honed to artful innuendo so that it is actually admired within the culture.
After awhile, the malicious tales which are bruited about take on a life of their own and at last outgrow the original telling. Then, the stories grow and newly created details are added and soon no one can discover what the original tale might have been. Since the subject of gossip is unavailable to respond to the slander, there are no mechanisms to halt the damage. Such trivial points do not suffice to halt the rumour mongering or the tale bearing.
If the victims of gossip are injured by the malicious slander of the tale bearers, how much more are those who receive the defamation! The gossip does something to the hearer. Where there is no ear there can be no sound. If nobody tuned in to the calumny of the malicious talker, quiet would soon prevail. However, when someone listens, the slanderer is encouraged to keep on spewing forth the deadly toxins which destroys reputations and assassinates character. Whether one intends to repeat what is heard or not, the fact that a hearing is provided encourages the gossip to continue.
Imagine for a moment that someone was to approach you tomorrow and say, “Here is a beautiful ring I want you to keep for me. I stole it last week. You may have a chance to sell it; in case you do, I will make it worth your while.” One does not make such a proposition except he believed the one receiving the offer is also a thief. The one who receives stolen goods is as guilty as is the thief.
Just so, the one who spills the foul sewage of gossip into our ears believes that we are a liar just as she is. Were our hearts searched by the light of the Living God, how many stolen reputations would be found on our premises? To listen is to share the guilt of the slanderer. Thus, slander hurts the one who receives the report.
Consider that the one giving false testimony strikes the deadliest blow at himself. The slanderer is paid in his own coin. Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgement you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you [Matthew 7:1, 2]. Again, Jesus warned, by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned [Matthew 12:37]. If I am harsh in my judgement of my fellow saints, I shall be judged harshly both by other saints and by God Himself. As a general rule, we get what we give. Complaining that no one ever has a kind word for you is another way of saying that you never have a kind word to say of others.
We must avoid gossip and slander as well because the habit brings in its wake a peculiar blindness. The keener we become to see the faults of others, the greater our own blindness to faults found in our own life. This is the Word of Christ Himself. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye [Matthew 7:3-5].
The more we are conscious of error in the life of others, the less conscious we are of error in our own life. The more the slanderer tears his neighbour down, the more he thinks he builds himself up. Such a person hangs a ball and chain on his own soul and makes progress toward pleasing God an impossibility.
How Shall We Keep This Rule for Living? Would that the people of God would stop all gossip by insisting that the victim be present before the tale is told. The simple solution to the plague of gossip is for the people of God to refuse to accept any tale about another until that person is present to either verify or refute the story being told. When you feel that you must receive a story about another, make it a practise to take out a sheet of paper and write down the account. Then, ask the one relating the story to sign the paper so that you will have verification that the tale was told by that person on the date noted with the signature. Were the gossip compelled to face the knowledge that she could not deny her culpability, most slander would cease. Were the slanderer forced to confront the result of his mischief, knowing that he was accountable, he would likely remain silent.
At the beginning of the message, I recommended several questions to ask before ever retelling a tale. Do you recall those questions to ask yourself? I will provide them once more and then think about them briefly in their turn. Write the questions down for future reference. The questions to ask before ever receiving a tale about another are these. Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it relevant? Is it beneficial? Does it edify? Does it glorify?
Is it true? No Christian should ever be guilty of repeating that of which she is uncertain. Though we may couch our language with every sort of disclaimer, if we do not know the matter to be truth, let us determine that we will be silent, not saying anything. Let us not be guilty of spreading slander and gossip, whether on purpose or unwittingly. If we do not know a matter to be truth, we should determine that we will say nothing before spreading a tale which is possibly untrue. If it is assuredly untrue, we should be silent—for the sake of Christ, for the sake of the one about whom the story is related, for the sake of the one to whom we are tempted to retell the story, for our own sake and for the sake of our witness. We are to speak the truth in love [Ephesians 4:15].
Is it necessary? Most of the matters we think so important need not be repeated. Before we ever speak to another, repeating some matter we have heard, we should ask, “Does this person need to hear this? Does this tale need to be told?” If those to whom we are tempted to speak are young Christians, why burden them with the sins of the saints? If they are mature Christians, why seek to destroy them through filling their ears with slander and gossip? If they are outsiders, why confirm their suspicions about Christians as gossips and slanderers?
Is it relevant? Does the matter you are so eager to relate to another bear relevance to your relationship with them or to their relationship to another or to their walk with Christ? Will it really be important for them to hear what you are so eager to divulge? Perhaps our conversation is such that the matter we are tempted to relate appears relevant, but we need to think before we speak and assure ourselves that the issue will still be relevant tomorrow. We need to insure that we will not later regret having spoken the word after the heat of the moment has dissipated.
Is it beneficial? Will knowing the matter I am about to divulge make the one receiving it better? Will knowledge of the matter make them stronger in their Christian walk? Will they benefit from this knowledge? We are responsible to always seek the welfare of our fellow believers. If our conversation fails to meet the test of benefiting those to whom we speak, we should remain silent. We should always seek the welfare of our fellow saints, not their harm or injury. Slander and gossip benefit no one, but instead is utterly destructive to the cause of Christ and to the growth of the saints.
Does it edify? We should ask whether relating information we hold will build the one receiving it. Will the one hearing my “news” be strengthened in Christ? Will this one hearing the matter be equipped to honour God because of what I am about to relate? If it does not build them up, I should refrain from speaking. Christians are to build one another in the Faith; and anything which fails to build another is unworthy of Christian effort. Above all else, let us determine that we will be builders and not destroyers. Let us be such as strengthen the work of God and not as those who destroy His work.
Does it glorify? Above all else, we who name the Name of Christ are responsible to glorify Him through our life and with our speech. Therefore, we ought always to ask whether relating a matter to another will glorify Christ? Were He standing among us, would He speak as we are tempted to speak? Would Jesus pass on the latest scuttlebutt about some fellow believer? Would Jesus gossip about the sins of the saints? Would Jesus endeavour to destroy the wicked through gossip and slander? The answer is self-evident. Jesus would do only that which glorifies, and gossip and slander were far from His lips.
I confess that I struggled with this message. I am not different from any of you. Slanderous things have been said about me at various times during my service as a minister of Christ. Gossip about me and about my family has been bruited about at different times. On one occasion a woman who was a notorious gossip within a church I pastored, noted to be extremely malicious in her speech about others, became angry with me and began to have roast pastor at her home each week. She invited the ladies missionary society to meet at her home, ostensibly to discuss missions, but more particularly to devour the pastor.
The following Sunday she came to me at the conclusion of the service and smiled sweetly as she inquired: “How do you deal with all your problems?”
“Madam,” I replied, “I outlive them. I bury most of my problems.”
There are members of this church that grumble and complain about this pastor. You speak ill of me behind my back. Word comes to me and I am aware of your slander. Some distort what is said in sermons, speaking ill to other fellow Christians, but they have never come to me so that I could correct their misinformation and soothe their tortured souls.
I confess that I was tempted to name names, striking out at my tormentors. But for the grace of God, I suppose that I would have lashed out at my tormentors. Two thoughts keep me from reacting in that fashion. The first restraint on responding to slander is that Christ our example did not so retaliate when he was slandered.
To this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly [1 Peter 2:21-23].
Peter counsels restraint when victimised through use of comforting words. Who is there to harm you if you are zealous for what is good? But even if you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, but in your hearts regard Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defence to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behaviour in Christ may be put to shame [1 Peter 3:13-16].
The second restraint against reacting to provocation by slander is the knowledge that God is a perfect judge, and that He has promised to come for His own. That promise is my comfort and my hope. The author of that Hebrews letter quoted Moses to remind his readers that we know him who said, “Vengeance is mine; I will repay.” And again, “The Lord will judge his people.” Indeed, we agree that it is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God [Hebrews 10:30-31].
We commit into His perfect hands judgement of those surrendered to the devilish temptation to destroy others and the work of God with their mouths. However, with His coming is the comfort that we shall see with our own eyes Him we have known and served. His coming encourages, just as that same author states when he reminds us in Hebrews 13:5, 6: he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” So we can confidently say,
“The Lord is my helper;
I will not fear;
what can man do to me?”
If I could, I would today strike a deathblow to all gossip and to all grumbling and to all slander. Though I cannot cause slander and gossip to cease, I can yet plead with you, the people of God, to determine that each of you will refuse to receive gossip, and that each of us will assuredly refuse to spread rumour and gossip through bearing tales about another. Assuredly I plead with each believer to this day repent of past sin and to confess that there shall be no further surrender to this temptation to do the work of the Accuser of our brothers through slandering another.
If you have been caught in the web of such sin, perhaps this is the appropriate time to go to the one you have slandered ‘ere this day is out and confess that you have wronged that one. Ask forgiveness and seek to purify that relationship by humbly confessing your sin to the one you have injured and confess that you need forgiveness. If you know one has been hurt by your gossip, do not give your eyes rest until you have set the matter straight by seeking to make restitution.
James said, the tongue is a fire [James 3:6]. Perhaps it will be that as you have destroyed with the burning words of days past you will now be able to warm the chilled heart and thaw the frozen relationship with words of kindness and confession. Perhaps God will give you opportunity through your contrition to build another and to encourage that one to again walk in the way of righteousness.
If you are a victim of gossip, may I encourage you to commit yourself to Christ, the Righteous Judge. May I urge you to forgive your tormentor. Though I would not ask you to cease vigilance against the gossip anymore than I would urge you to cease watching a ravening wolf, I would ask you to forgive for Christ’s sake and for the sake of His claim on your life.
Our Lord will come again and He will set all things right at His coming. Then, we who have endeavoured to honour Him in all things will receive the only commendation which matters, the words Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master [Matthew 25:21, 23]!
That commendation can be God’s promise for anyone hearing this message today. You need but submit to Christ as Lord, receiving His grace and His forgiveness. We do the work of the evil one, slandering Christ when we deny the grace He extends us. I urge each individual today to insure that you have acted on the knowledge of the grace of God extended to each one.
God’s Word extends the gracious promise, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved. For the Scripture says, “Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame.” For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; the same Lord is Lord of all, bestowing his riches on all who call on him. For “everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved” [Romans 10:9-13].
Each believer encourages you to be saved today. Come, confessing Christ, as we stand and as we sing. May angels attend you in the way as you now come to Christ and into the fellowship of His church. Amen.
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[1] Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version Ó 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.