His Father Never Interfered With Him
When King David was old and well advanced in years, he could not keep warm even when they put covers over him. So his servants said to him, “Let us look for a young virgin to attend the king and take care of him. She can lie beside him so that our lord the king may keep warm.”
Then they searched throughout Israel for a beautiful girl and found Abishag, a Shunammite, and brought her to the king. The girl was very beautiful; she took care of the king and waited on him, but the king had no intimate relations with her.
Now Adonijah, whose mother was Haggith, put himself forward and said, “I will be king.” So he got chariots and horses ready, with fifty men to run ahead of him. (His father had never interfered with him by asking, “Why do you behave as you do?” He was also very handsome and was born next after Absalom.)
Adonijah conferred with Joab son of Zeruiah and with Abiathar the priest, and they gave him their support. But Zadok the priest, Benaiah son of Jehoiada, Nathan the prophet, Shimei and Rei and David’s special guard did not join Adonijah.
Adonijah then sacrificed sheep, cattle and fattened calves at the Stone of Zoheleth near En Rogel. He invited all his brothers, the king’s sons, and all the men of Judah who were royal officials, but he did not invite Nathan the prophet or Benaiah or the special guard or his brother Solomon.
He was the idol of his parents. They adored him and were willing to do anything he requested. He enjoyed total freedom. He would curse his father, slander his mother, berate those in authority, speak harshly of his own friends—all without interference from his father. He was given absolute freedom to do anything he wished.
Though a handsome man and highly gifted, both intellectually and musically, and though later married to a beautiful young woman and having fathered a handsome little boy, he lost everything. He wound up in a divorce court … his reputation shredded, estranged from his son, out of work, his life ruined. His name could have been that of any of several young men and women I have known over the years and with whom I grew to adulthood. In each instance lives were ruined, relationships were destroyed and hearts were broken through negligence in the critical, formative years.
If asked to name the most glaring example of fatherly failures from the pages of the Bible, it is doubtful that any of us would immediately turn out thoughts to the second king of Israel. If we think of his children at all, we think of Solomon and consider him to be a great success.
Without question David was the greatest king to ever rule over the people of God. He towers above all other rulers of Israel. As a king he was without peer. As a father he was an abject failure. At one and the same time David was a stunning success and a dismal failure. As their lives are unveiled through the pages of Holy Writ, not one of David’s children stand the test of careful scrutiny.
Such a state of affairs occurs when fathers fail to properly arrange their priorities to place parenting in its rightful place. Such failure toward children occurs when fathers fail to embrace the responsibilities they have received from God. It is my conviction that we have become a nation of fathers who are failing our children. Already the evidence of this failure is abundantly evident.
In this message, I will focus on a young man who had every expectation of success. That young man was the eldest son in a culture which accorded to the eldest son the rights of primogeniture. He was recognised as exceptionally handsome. He enjoyed the favour of powerful leaders within the nation. Yet, he wound up as a rebel and an outcast. He was slaughtered during a rebellion which he led, with nobody to mourn his passing. How did this happen? What lessons can fathers, and those who may one day be fathers, learn from this sad episode?
Windows of Vulnerability — The young man in focus received the name Adonijah. Likely the name spoke of his father’s aspirations for him, for translated, the name means Yahweh is my master. This young man was plagued with a window of vulnerability. The concept has been popularised in this day by a former President of the United States. The term refers to a point at which a nation has no defence against invasion. Were we to use the term in referring to individuals we would speak of situations in which there was inadequate defence against falling into disgrace or personal defeat.
Focusing on the young man Adonijah we discover not a window of vulnerability, but something approximating a barn door of vulnerability. Adonijah was gifted, assertive and handsome. Tragically, such individuals are open to disastrous falls if not equipped to rely on something other than “self.” Untrained in what an older generation knew as “character,” such individuals assume an inflated opinion of their own importance. Adonijah was susceptible to destruction in at least three areas, according to the Word.
Adonijah was susceptible to flattery. Joab and Abiathar flattered him, inflating his already exaggerated estimate of self-importance. One thing alone was more important to Joab than loyalty to his sovereign, and that was his own survival. He was determined to survive as Field Marshal of the army of Israel. He had repeatedly demonstrated that amazing characteristic which permitted him to survive in spite of repeated threat.
When David had first moved to assume the mantle of sovereign of the united Jewish kingdom, Abner had consulted with him to deliver the remaining tribes into David’s hand. Abner was Field Marshal of the Hebrew forces under Saul, while Joab was David’s loyal lieutenant. Abner had served Saul and later served Saul’s son, but now he was prepared to serve David in order to unite the kingdom. After meeting with David to work through the details of this bloodless transfer, Abner left David’s presence under a pledge of peace, but Joab was informed of the plan to unite the kingdom. Certainly, he wished the kingdom united; but he saw the immediate threat to his own position.
Listen to the Word of God. Joab then left David and sent messengers after Abner, and they brought him back from the well of Sirah. But David did not know it. Now when Abner returned to Hebron, Joab took him aside into the gateway, as though to speak with him privately. And there … Joab stabbed him in the stomach, and he died [2 Samuel 3:26, 27].
When Absalom, another of David’s sons, was at last defeated after leading a disastrous rebellion against David, Joab brutally murdered him. Though David had straitly charged the army that they were to deal gently with his child, Joab ignored the charge, in part to protect himself from any future threat to power.
One of the men… told Joab, “I just saw Absalom hanging in an oak tree.”
Joab said to the man who had told him this, “What! You saw him? Why didn’t you strike him to the ground right there? Then I would have had to give you ten shekels of silver and a warrior’s belt.”
But the man replied, “Even if a thousand shekels were weighed out into my hands, I would not lift my hand against the king’s son. In our hearing the king commanded you and Abishai and Ittai, ‘Protect the young man Absalom for my sake.’ And if I had put my life in jeopardy—and nothing is hidden from the king—you would have kept your distance from me.”
Joab said, “I’m not going to wait like this for you.” So he took three javelins in his hand and plunged them into Absalom’s heart while Absalom was still alive in the oak tree. And ten of Joab’s armour-bearers surrounded Absalom, struck him and killed him [2 Samuel 18:10-15].
David had at last had enough of Joab’s brutality in pursuit of his own power and endeavoured to replace him with a man named Amasa during a time when the kingdom was threatened. Joab did not hesitate to kill Amasa in a most brutal and cowardly display of pursuit of his own ends. Again, the Word of God exposes his cowardice and savagery. While they were at the great rock in Gibeon, Amasa came to meet them. Joab was wearing his military tunic, and strapped over it at his waist was a belt with a dagger in its sheath. As he stepped forward, it dropped out of its sheath.
Joab said to Amasa, “How are you, my brother?” Then Joab took Amasa by the beard with his right hand to kiss him. Amasa was not on his guard against the dagger in Joab’s hand, and Joab plunged it into his belly, and his intestines spilled out on the ground. Without being stabbed again, Amasa died…
One of Joab’s men stood beside Amasa and said, “Whoever favours Joab, and whoever is for David, let him follow Joab!” Amasa lay wallowing in his blood in the middle of the road, and the man saw that all the troops came to a halt there [2 Samuel 20:8-12].
Now, David was old and nearing death. Joab, true to form, was greatly concerned for his own future, even though he also had grown quite elderly. He was therefore willing to participate in the palace intrigue to ensure himself a future. He cast his lot with Adonijah, entering into dialogue with him. The text makes it clear that he agreed with Adonijah’s claim to the throne.
Abiathar was operating under the knowledge of a curse imposed from his childhood. It is worthwhile to remind ourselves of the curse placed on the house of Eli. He was a pretender to the role of priest, for he was proscribed from functioning in that divine role. God had removed his family from divine service long years before. Now a man of God came to Eli and said to him, “This is what the LORD says: ‘Did I not clearly reveal myself to your father’s house when they were in Egypt under Pharaoh? I chose your father out of all the tribes of Israel to be my priest, to go up to my altar, to burn incense, and to wear an ephod in my presence. I also gave your father’s house all the offerings made with fire by the Israelites. Why do you scorn my sacrifice and offering that I prescribed for my dwelling? Why do you honour your sons more than me by fattening yourselves on the choice parts of every offering made by my people Israel?’
“Therefore the LORD, the God of Israel, declares: ‘I promised that your house and your father’s house would minister before me forever.’ But now the LORD declares: ‘Far be it from me! Those who honour me I will honour, but those who despise me will be disdained. The time is coming when I will cut short your strength and the strength of your father’s house, so that there will not be an old man in your family line and you will see distress in my dwelling. Although good will be done to Israel, in your family line there will never be an old man. Every one of you that I do not cut off from my altar will be spared only to blind your eyes with tears and to grieve your heart, and all your descendants will die in the prime of life.
“‘And what happens to your two sons, Hophni and Phinehas, will be a sign to you—they will both die on the same day. I will raise up for myself a faithful priest, who will do according to what is in my heart and mind. I will firmly establish his house, and he will minister before my anointed one always. Then everyone left in your family line will come and bow down before him for a piece of silver and a crust of bread and plead, “Appoint me to some priestly office so I can have food to eat”’ [1 Samuel 2:27-36].
Abiathar struggled against the Word and against the will of God, thinking, no doubt, to remake himself into a kingmaker thus circumventing the mind of God. His desire to promote his own interest led to foolishness. His clumsy attempts merely served as the vehicle for the fulfilment of the will of God, both with respect to the kingship and with respect to the priesthood.
Adonijah opened a window of vulnerability when he listened to the siren song of flattery. Flattery is always employed to advance the flatterer’s interests and not the one flattered. I wonder if Solomon, penning the Proverbs thought of Adonijah?
A lying tongue hates those it hurts,
and a flattering mouth works ruin
[Proverbs 26:28].
I wonder if Adonijah had not at some point heard his father singing.
Help, LORD, for the godly are no more;
the faithful have vanished from among men.
Everyone lies to his neighbour;
their flattering lips speak with deception.
May the LORD cut off all flattering lips
and every boastful tongue
[Psalm 12:1-3].
Had not Adonijah at some point heard the Sweet Singer of Israel singing:
An oracle is within my heart
concerning the sinfulness of the wicked:
There is no fear of God
before his eyes.
For in his own eyes he flatters himself
too much to detect or hate his sin.
The words of his mouth are wicked and deceitful;
he has ceased to be wise and to do good.
Even on his bed he plots evil;
he commits himself to a sinful course
and does not reject what is wrong
[Psalm 36:1-4].
Adonijah’s actions proved he was possessed of a window of vulnerability in his susceptibility to flattery. As others spoke glowingly of his right to reign their words fuelled his overweening ego, leading him ever deeper into rebellion against God.
Now Adonijah… put himself forward and said, “I will be king.” So he got chariots and horses ready, with fifty men to run ahead of him” [1 Kings 1:5]. God was to appoint the king! Adonijah ignored the Word of God given through the Law; God alone was to choose the king [cf. Deuteronomy 17:14, 15]. Adonijah rebelled against God. He ignored those awful words which Samuel recited to the first king of Israel.
Rebellion is like the sin of divination,
and arrogance like the evil of idolatry
[1 Samuel 15:23a].
Adonijah’s rebellion opened a second window of vulnerability.
A third window of vulnerability was Adonijah’s godlessness. By this I do not mean to imply that he was a profligate, a murderer or a thief. He simply saw that religion was a tool to gain his own ends rather than the outward expression of man awed by God. The word which is translated godless in the Hebrew Bible is powerfully suggestive. In Proverbs 11:9 the Hebrew word #nEj; is rendered godless. The concept conveyed by this word is to be irreligious or to incline away from true religion. When the Hebrew was translated into Greek the translators properly chose the word ajsebw'n. The word referred to one who had neither respect nor awe.
To be godless, therefore, is simply to refuse to hold God and holy things in awe. It is to refuse to worship. Adonijah, despite his name which meant Yahweh is my master, refused to have any master other than himself. Quite frankly, religion was for him a tool to be used to further his own interest! Why else invite Abiathar the priest in his intrigue? Why else exclude Nathan or Benaiah, godly men who gave wise counsel to his father?
An Internal Push — If the windows of vulnerability were present and open, Adonijah was also plagued with internal drives which demanded that these windows must be opened. The pressures which pushed opened the windows of vulnerability were internal. It is never outward pressures which expose an individual to moral assault and ultimately lead to self-destruction. Internally, Adonijah was an exceptionally proud man. All he knew and all he had experienced served as fuel to his ego. He was very handsome. He was next in line for the throne from man’s point of view.
Absalom had murdered Amnon in retaliation for raping his sister Tamar. Absalom had in turn been killed during the rebellion which he led against his father. Daniel, also known as Kileab, was never heard from other than to note that he had been born. Such information leads us to believe that he was either dead of incapable of ruling. Thus, it was Adonijah who was next in line for the throne. All this information served to build his own estimate of himself and his own importance. He had a right to the throne.
We live in a tragic day in which our children are taught their rights from earliest days. Early in life children know their rights and are quick to inform their parents of those rights. Unfortunately, our contemporary education system seems less capable of teaching responsibilities to those same children. Adonijah failed to balance rights against responsibility, especially as measured against the presence of God.
There are two thoughts from the Proverbs which are of great worth in this context.
Let another praise you, and not your own mouth;
someone else, and not your own lips.
…
The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold,
but man is tested by the praise he receives
[Proverbs 27:2, 21].
Consider as well the words which are found in Proverbs 29:23.
A man’s pride brings him low,
but a man of lowly spirit gains honour.
David had been small enough in his own eyes to be great before the Lord; Adonijah had never been small in his own eyes and was thus resisted by God Himself.
Fateful Neglect — Behind Adonijah’s pride lay an awful neglect of him as a child. David failed his own son! The Word of God is shocking in its openness of this matter. His father had never interfered with him by asking, “Why do you behave as you do?” [1 Kings 1:6]. Not once had David corrected his son. Not once had David taken the time to sit with the young man to direct him or to instruct him. The lad grew up thinking that the sun rose and set on him because he was worthy.
David had been a shepherd whom God elevated to a position of trust and responsibility. Adonijah, however, had invested nothing into life and yet he seemed somehow convinced that life owed him everything. He did not know how to assume responsibility with grace and humility.
A father is to instruct his children. God Himself set the example with the Children of Israel. Love the LORD your God and keep his requirements, his decrees, his laws and his commands always. Remember today that your children were not the ones who saw and experienced the discipline of the LORD your God: his majesty, his mighty hand, his outstretched arm [Deuteronomy 11:1, 2]. The concept carries over into the Wisdom Literature.
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge,
but fools despise wisdom and discipline.
Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction
and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.
[Proverbs 1:7, 8].
Listen, my sons, to a father’s instruction;
pay attention and gain understanding.
[Proverbs 4:1].
The wise in heart are called discerning,
and pleasant words promote instruction.
Understanding is a fountain of life to those who have it,
but folly brings punishment to fools.
A wise man’s heart guides his mouth,
and his lips promote instruction
[Proverbs 16:21-23].
Apply your heart to instruction
and your ears to words of knowledge.
Do not withhold discipline from a child;
if you punish him with the rod, he will not die.
Punish him with the rod
and save his soul from death
[Proverbs 23:12-14].
The Hebrew word which is translated in these verses by our English word instruction and sometimes by our word discipline involves more than merely telling a child how to do a task. The concept involves investing your life in that child to provide a model for the doing of the task. Instruction may mean at times applying the board of education to the seat of learning, if that is called for. At all times instruction will mean taking a genuine interest in the development of the child, providing guidance for the child. Instruction will always mean taking time to explain convictions and purpose so that the child will have a basis for future reasoning.
As a father, David failed in this critical area of providing instruction for his children. How sordid is the story of the family of Israel’s greatest king! Amnon raped his sister Tamar. Though he knew of the monstrous act, David didn’t even rebuke Amnon for this despicable deed. David chose to let the incident slide. Perhaps he thought that he would be thought ill of if others learned of the event. Perhaps he feared conflict with his wives. Whatever the case David failed to care for the critical need at the time it occurred. His negligence resulted in yet further grief when Absalom took matters into his own hands to avenge the disgrace of his sister. Absalom murdered Amnon and then fled into hiding—and yet David failed to deal with the situation. Joab arranged for Absalom to come home and still David had no time to invest in the young man which only encouraged him to rebel against the throne, leading to his own death. Clearly, David failed to heed the teachings of Scripture.
The consequences of neglect in this area of life are fatal. Ultimately, it matters little how much money you provided for your children. It is of little consequence how well known you were among the people of this world if your children never knew you. I know a man, literally a pioneer pastor in the Province of British Columbia. He retired prematurely from the ministry. Of four children, not one is now serving God. Not one professes to know God … and he is crushed.
We have witnessed far too many lives giving evidence of the bitter harvest from homes in which the business of life was neglected. Mommy Dearest tells the tragic life of the children of a noted Hollywood star. The son of one of the greatest singers of modern times writes of the fact that his father never had time for him. This man is thus ill equipped for the business of life. The daughter of one of the great missionary leaders of our day speaks in deep distress at the knowledge that her father was so busy for God and he ultimately forsook his family, separating from his wife.
The governments of Canada and the United States are struggling to address the issue of youth violence, and in particular to find the cause of the multiplying incidents of school shootings. While multiple causes may be suggested I would recommend that we who are fathers bear an awesome responsibility for the conduct of our children. I do not mean that we directly incite violence, but I do mean that failure to invest our lives in our children ensures a bitter harvest of grief.
Applications — I recommend several applications which flow quite naturally from this account of a king who, though successful in his reign as sovereign over the land, was nevertheless a failure as a father.
1. Hear your children as they speak to determine where they need instruction. I know that teens withdraw and that they consider it uncool to talk with their parents, but the responsibility is ours. Especially is this true for fathers.
2. Invest quality time with each of your children. Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is to go fishing. Sometimes your most spiritual act is wrestling on the floor with your children. Give your children the gift of yourself.
3. Employ discipline judiciously. I don’t mean to give license to injure children, nor do I infer that a beating is all that discipline means. Discipline speaks of discipling, and we who are fathers are responsible to disciple our children to ourselves. We are to so model righteousness that our children emulate us. However, this does not mean that we must neglect punishment if such is called for, only employ wisdom and justice in administration of any punishment.
4. Provide a model. Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ was the admonition of the Apostle to the Corinthian church [1 Corinthians 11:1]. Good advice for the leaders of a congregation and excellent advice for fathers. Godly fathers produce godly children.
5. Lead your families. Men have been feminised by governmental and social pressures, but I solemnly affirm that it is the father who must give an answer for the conduct of his family. Men, lead your families. Lead them to Christ. Lead them to worship. Lead them to service.
To those whose children are grown, perhaps it is not too late to seek forgiveness for our failures. Some of us likely need to ask our children to forgive us. Some of us need to even now endeavour to invest our lives in our grandchildren. All of us need to assume responsibility for the children who pass in and out before us in our churches, endeavouring to provide an example of godliness whether the fathers of those children ever assume their responsibility or not. Who knows but that we may be the instrument God uses to glorify His Name through the salvation of this child. Amen.