On Relationships in the Church

1 Timothy 5:1,2

Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.

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how me how the members of the church relate to one another, and I will tell you the spiritual condition of that membership. Our response to one another indicates our understanding of Christ and of our call. Our reaction to the demands placed on us by the presence of others reveals our spiritual perception. Though we are urged by various religious organisations to join the church of our choice, we who are conversant with the Word of God know that we are responsible to join the church where He sets us. The foundation for this distinction is found in our text this day. Join me in exploration of Paul’s instruction to Timothy, the Bishop of Ephesus.

The Basis for Our Relationship in the Church is Family — One could easily draw the conclusion that the First Letter to Timothy and the Letter to Titus were drafted at approximately the same time; each deals with similar subject matter. Paul’s missive to Titus addresses the issue of relationship and our treatment of each other in Titus 2:1-8. The passage there is an expanded form of what we see in the letter to Timothy; the seed is clearly present in our text. Relationships in the church are an issue of doctrine.

It is vital to take a moment to explain this issue in order to avoid confusion arising from this assertion. The manner in which I live out my life is dictated by what I believe. Another way of stating this issue is that what I believe is seen in how I live. Perhaps for a brief while I can become an actor, masking my beliefs through acting out a role unrelated to the true me. Eventually, however, beliefs will be expressed through lifestyle. The core values to which I adhere must ultimately dictate how I live. This is in contrast to the popular assertion of recent vintage that it is nobody’s business what one does in private. Eventually, my faith – or lack thereof – dictates how I live.

Permit me to give a couple of examples. If I believe God is just, I will not panic when falsely accused. Though the world seems opposed to me, I will rest in the Lord. If, on the other hand, I think God capricious, regardless of what I say, I will resent every false accusation. If I believe salvation is all of grace and that I cannot add to God’s gracious gift of life, I will serve Him out of a motive of love. I will emphasise freedom in both my service and my life. On the other hand, if I suspect that I must secure my own salvation, I will slavishly attempt to coerce God into accepting me, becoming a virtual serf in the process. My core beliefs must at the last be expressed in the manner in which I live. This is a vital point which must not be overlooked.

The Word of God treats the people of God as a family. This is apparent even from the language of our Lord who not only addressed Holy God as Father, but also taught His disciples to approach the Living God as Father. Even the Model Prayer which Jesus taught His disciples begins by addressing God with the intimate title of Our Father. To be saved is to be born again, or to be born from above, and into the Family of God. Thus, all Christians share in common this Divine parentage. If we believe this, we will, of necessity, be greatly effected by that knowledge. We will relate to one another as members of the same family and not as mere inhabitants of the same world.

Throughout his writings, Paul treats the people of God as though they were family members. Certainly this treatment accords with the revealed mind of God in the Gospels. It would appear that his favourite form of address to those reading his missives is brothers. He addresses the readers as brothers nearly one hundred times in the thirteen epistles which he indisputably authored. This fact sits in contradistinction to use of either the term friends or dear friends, which he employs but six times in those same letters. As Christians, we are family and not merely friends. Here, in our text, he speaks of fathers and brothers, of mothers and sisters.

It is a tragic observation that we ofttimes treat our friends with greater courtesy than we do the members of our family. Similarly, we often form cliques within the assembly because we permit friendships to assume precedence over relationships. Perhaps one reason for this disturbing situation is that we take family for granted; we know that there is a measure of truth in the old adage that blood is thicker than water. In a pinch, we trade on the knowledge that family will close ranks and draw together. However, simply because we know that our family will always be there for us should not give us license to treat them less graciously than we do our friends. If that is true in the physical/social realm of life, how much more should it hold true for the Body of Christ?

Infants are disposable and children unwanted to an astonishing degree today. Melissa Drexler and Amy Grossberg are not monsters different from all other women; they are but two of a long and growing list of self-centred women willing to dispose of their infants rather than be encumbered with them. In is highly inconsistent to punish young women such as these and commend others who choose to kill their children second hand with a physician’s scalpel and suction tube. Even in nearby cities, infants are discarded in garbage bins and left to die from exposure to the elements, not unlike the practise of the ancient Romans. But why shouldn’t young women despise the fruit of the womb since we sanction the slaughter of the unborn? If it is a woman’s right to kill her unborn child, what does it matter if the child is left to die of exposure instead of being slain with sterile instruments in a partial-birth abortion?

Consequently, the elderly are seen as an encumbrance upon the earth, fit only to be removed. This is evident from the general attitudes displayed toward our aged citizens. When the governor of an American state can say that the elderly are obligated to die to make room for the young, and not experience censure by his legislature or from federal officials of his own party, it is apparent that the aged are no longer respected. Again, this attitude should not be a surprise since the generation which follows baby boomers are essentially a generation of survivors. We trained our children to believe that they were selected by mere caprice, their siblings being slain in utero. Consequently, if their parents had the right to determine whether they should live or die, should they not have the same power of life or death over their parents’ lives when the youth have assumed the reigns of government?

I am not alone in wondering if the prophecies of the Apostle are being fulfilled in our day. I speak of the dark prophecies which speak of the conditions prevailing at the end of the age. In a later letter to Timothy, Paul warned: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God — having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them [2 Timothy 3:1-5].

Again, in the opening words of the letter to the Roman saints, the Apostle wrote. Since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them [Romans 1:28-32].

In either of these dark lists occurs the Greek word a[storgo" which is translated without love or heartless. This is a rare word, occurring but twice in the whole of the New Testament, and that in the texts I have cited. I fear that the translation of our text for the word a[storgo" may mask the impact which that word would have had upon the first readers of these two letters. What is known as the alpha privative, the addition of an alpha at the beginning of a word, negates that word. We use either un- or non- to accomplish the same thing in English, though some of the Greek concept still exists in our tongue. Moral is negated when it becomes amoral. Theist is negated when we speak of an atheist.

The thought of the word a[storgo" is that of without natural affection. The charge is that parents will be unkind and cruel to their children. This is in juxtaposition to children who are disobedient to parents [Romans 1:30; 2 Timothy 3:2]. Disobedient children are justly punished with unnatural parents; and, on the contrary, unnatural parents with disobedient children. In the Romans passage, the consequence of rejecting the knowledge of God is that God surrenders the individual to the consequences of human choice. Consequently, families disintegrate and the love of mother for child and of child for father evaporates in the sultry heat of self-exaltation.

The message this day is not intended to be an exposition of the wickedness of mankind, but it is rather an exhortation for the people to God to embrace God’s ideal for His church. What, then, have these dark prophecies to do with our text? The social climate infects the church in far too many cases. We live in a rapidly decaying world and we permit ourselves to be influenced by the social condition to a far greater degree than we could ever imagine. The lack of love for family, the exaltation of self, is imported into the Body of Christ with chilling effect upon our life and love as a people called by the Name of the Son of God. It becomes distressingly easy to enjoy our cliques more than we enjoy the Family of God. Our treatment of one another reflects more of our influence from the world than it does the influence of the Word of God.

If I am wrong, humour me, for it may be that someone among us will be confronted by an attitude which cannot please the Father. If, however, I am right, consider what is being done among us and stop every action which dishonours the Lord our God. Is it not true that we shrink from submitting to the Word of God, considering our own thoughts to have greater validity than does the mind of God? When our actions are at variance to the Word, we defend ourselves though it means we must despise the will of God. When we are offended in some among the people of God, we can always withdraw. We value our self-esteem more than we value pleasing God and more than we value obedience to His Word. There is another church and we can always go there. Instead of seeing one another as family and seeking to build one another, we want what we want and the church be damned.

Since we want what we consider to be best for ourselves, we cease seeking what is best for the Body of Christ. Since we are determined to take care of number one we ignore responsibilities to the Church of the Living God. We care neither that the elderly are ignored nor that we no longer consider one another as family, but instead we think only of our own pleasures. If I attempt to dictate to the people of God, demanding that they conform to me, instead of making every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit, I demonstrate that I do not consider my fellow saints to be part of the same Body. Instead, I am treating them as mere ciphers to be used and abused according to my own whims. God, through Jeremiah, the weeping prophet, addressed His ancient people. Listen to the confrontational words of God’s man.

“Go up and down the streets of Jerusalem,

look around and consider,

search through her squares.

If you can find but one person

who deals honestly and seeks the truth,

I will forgive this city.

Although they say, ‘As surely as the LORD lives,’

still they are swearing falsely.

…

“Why should I forgive you?

Your children have forsaken me

and sworn by gods that are not gods.

I supplied all their needs,

yet they committed adultery

and thronged to the houses of prostitutes.

They are well-fed, lusty stallions,

each neighing for another man’s wife.

Should I not punish them for this?”

declares the LORD.

“Should I not avenge myself

on such a nation as this?”

[Jeremiah 5:1,2,7-9]

At the heart of Jeremiah’s condemnation is the loss of consideration for one another as members of the same family. Instead, there is only the exaltation of self. God’s ancient people had begun to use one another instead of enjoying one another. Consider carefully the fact that these words condemning ancient Israel were delivered shortly prior to God’s awesome judgement of His chosen people by the cruel Chaldeans. In similar fashion, if we fail to heed the apostolic injunction to receive one another as family, to treat one another with consideration and courtesy, we place ourselves in a position to receive awesome judgement. Whether as individuals, or as a congregation, or as a denomination, we must remember that there are consequences to our choices.

What I would have you take from this portion of the message is that the foundation for relationships in the church is that we are members of the same family. We have one Father – God. We are each born into His family by the work of His good Spirit. Therefore, every relationship in the church has this singular fundamental that we are members of the One Family. If we understand this truth we are set free of thinking that we can take advantage of one another in any way. We must, by conviction, determine that we will treat one another with respect and with dignity since we share this common heritage and since we share this common birth.

The Expression of Our Relationships is Dictated by Age and Gender — In this text we are taught to respect both age and gender. In particular we are responsible to avoid treating older men harshly. Instead, we are to treat the elderly with respect and gentleness and especially treat older men as if they were our fathers. Likewise, older women are to receive respect, being treated with dignity befitting their age. We are particularly to treat older women as though they were our mothers. Younger men and women are to be treated with consideration and modesty, just as we would show consideration and modesty toward our brother or our sister. If you carefully focus on Paul’s instruction, you realise that age and gender determine in no small measure how we are to treat one another.

I am humbled at the emphasis found within the Word of God which emphasises that believers respect the elderly. One example is the instruction which is given in Leviticus 19:32. Rise in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly and revere your God. I am the LORD. Other instruction and examples of this principle are given in such diverse passages as Lamentations 5:12; Proverbs 23:22; and Job 32:4. Of course, our text provides quite a strong statement requiring the man of God, and by extension each Christian, to show respect for the aged. The Fifth Commandment is applicable in this context. Honour your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you [Exodus 20:12]. China is one of the oldest civilised nations; one great reason it has existed so long is that it has obeyed the Fifth Commandment. God has blessed despite China’s lack of Christian conviction and principle.

Let’s establish that we are to discriminate on the basis of age. We are to respect those who are aged. Life experience counts for something. This is not to say that the elderly are always wise, but it is to say that we are to demonstrate respect because of their age. First, we should respect the experiences through which they have passed. The elderly could teach us something, if only to tell us what to avoid because of their own observations. Their experiences have no doubt taught them patience which would benefit any of us. Again, we should show consideration toward the elderly simply because they are experiencing diminished strength and stamina. As a general rule, we are responsible to protect the weak, and the aged are generally weak physically.

That the older men may be wrong is apparent from Paul’s instruction to Timothy. When the Apostle says do not rebuke an older man harshly, it is apparent that older men may require confrontation. However, in confronting the error of older men, we are taught to encourage them, choosing to demonstrate consideration for their frailty. The encouragement we are to render is nothing short of the same encouragement which we receive from Christ and from His Good Spirit. Parakavlei is the word Paul employs, the same root as used of the Holy Spirit when He is introduced as our Counsellor [John 16:7] and of Christ our Lord in His role as the One who speaks in our defence [1 John 2:1].

What is true of us in our treatment of older men holds true in our treatment of older women. This is far more than common courtesy; it is an expression of respect for God’s grace. We recognise that age is a mark of Divine blessing. Listen to the words of the Wise Man as he reflects on the sign of age.

Grey hair is a crown of splendour;

it is attained by a righteous life.

…

The glory of young men is their strength,

Grey hair the splendour of the old.

[Proverbs 16:31; 20:29]

Though it may not be considered politically correct, we are required to discriminate on the basis of gender also. There is a distinction between male and female. Woman was created as man’s complement. Man is completed by woman, and woman is complete in man. This is not a situation in which one gender is superior to the other; neither does such a statement require inferiority in the relationship. It is certain that there is a distinction between divinely assigned roles in the marriage relationship. Because of these distinctions, we are responsible to treat men and women as brothers and as sisters.

Instead of seeing young males and young females, we must determine that we will receive one another as members of one family, related by the Blood of Christ. We are to determine that we will treat younger males as brothers and younger females as sisters. This means in short that we are to see the person, refusing to focus on bodily distinctions. This is nothing less than a pointed reminder of the doctrine of the church which states that together – and only together – we comprise the Body of Christ. Thus, each individual placed within the Body of Christ is not only to be received as a gifted individual, but each person is to be received as Christ’s gracious gift to the whole Body.

The Caution in Our Relationships Relates to Purity — We must not think as the world thinks. We must not tolerate the attitudes of this dying world within the Church. Man and woman are sexual beings, but their sexuality is to be expressed in those roles which God assigned. Specifically, singles are to dedicate themselves to God’s service, as is taught in such detail in 1 Corinthians 7:8,9,17 ff. Those who are married are to reserve themselves for one another [1 Corinthians 7:10-16]. Marriage must be honoured by all, and the marriage bed kept pure [Hebrews 13:4].

Above all else, we are responsible to treat one another with absolute purity. Let me provide a passage of the Word which emphasises this truth through rather pointed teaching. Early in his ministry the Apostle wrote these words to the Thessalonian saints. It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honourable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.

Now about brotherly love we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other. And in fact, you do love all the brothers throughout Macedonia. Yet we urge you, brothers, to do so more and more [1 Thessalonians 4:3-10].

We are to treat one another with absolute purity – aJgneiva. Our attitudes and our actions are to be chaste. This is a part of our sanctification. As believers in the Lord Jesus, we are to avoid sexual immorality. Part of this spiritual maturation process occurs as we learn to control our own body in a way that is holy and honourable. We are to avoid passionate lust which characterises the heathen, who do not know God. We must not wrong our fellow worshippers nor take advantage of our fellow saints. The manner in which we avoid these sinful attitudes and actions is through the practise of brotherly love. As we deliberately endeavour to replace the thoughts of this fallen world with the mind of Christ we move from seeing one another as mere means to self-gratification and begin to view one another as precious members of one family.

As Christians we should be marked by the love we have for one another. The love of Christ is so vastly different from the tawdry substitute in which the world trades that there is no comparison. Yet, as we love one another deeply from the heart, the world notices and is attracted to Christ by the practise of our Faith. This is practical theology! The love we express to one another is not self-serving, but it rather seeks the good of those we love. The world cannot help but notice such love.

I don’t know that I am deeply concerned that we are tempted to immorality in our relationships within this assembly. Nevertheless, I note that the issue is presented forcefully and frequently in the writings of the Apostle. I dare not ignore the frequency of apostolic warnings. Neither may I trust the human heart. The Word is presented as a caution. If I have no deep and abiding concerns about immorality among us, I am deeply concerned that we make every effort to demonstrate respect for one another and to treat one another with dignity befitting fellow members of the Family of God.

The message is intended to be a challenge to each of us to review our relationship to one another. It is an encouragement to each of us to remember our responsibility before God to respect His grace shown toward the elderly among us. Who are the elderly? If an individual is significantly older than you are, to you that is your elder. Treat all such people with respect and thank the gracious Lord that He has entrusted such precious individuals to our fellowship. Let us review our relationship to one another on the basis of gender. Too frequently we become such good friends that our conduct tends to demonstrate disrespect for the gender difference. Such familiarity may be misinterpreted, either by the one with whom we are familiar or by fellow worshippers or by some who do not have the Spirit of God. Undue familiarity can too readily lead to dangerous liaisons, opening us to temptations beyond our capacity to endure.

In every relationship, let us each determine that we will honour the Lord who saves us. In every relationship, let us each determine that we will treat one another with respect and in absolute purity. Let us determine that we will demonstrate the love of God so that in all things He may be glorified. Amen.