When plans are changed, will you love Me?

Matthew 1:18-25 Loving God when family doesn’t look as it should. The greatest joy in life is often found in the context of family, where love and support is given, were people are nurtured, a place where people feel safe, where they can be themselves. I have been thinking How amazing it would be if we could cultivate a family life where God felt loved. Where our relationships, our words, our actions and everything else that goes to make up our lives as families, caused God to know that He is loved. However, for some the family is far from a safe place, it is not a place of love and joy. Sometimes we open the door of our families to sinful behaviour, to wrong influences, to loveless activities. Sometimes we sacrifice family harmony to selfishness, and before long our homes become places where God feels rejected or abandoned, our homes cease to be loving, nurturing, safe places. At other times God sends circumstances into our lives that bring chaos, confusion and fear. Sometimes there are people and families who are trying their best to live for God, then God begins to move in their lives in ways they could never expect, and life just get more messy, dreams die, family life becomes difficult, relationships are strained, the future looks bleak, and you you can’t understand why God would let all this happen. We are going to take a fresh look at the Christmas story and try to learn how we can love God through our families. We are going to look at the life of Joseph, for he has a lot to teach us about loving God in the context of family. If you think about it for a moment there was nothing special about the family Jesus was born into; yes Joseph was from the line of David, but he poor, and of very little influence. It seems like other families would have been better prepared Jesus for his ministry as the Son of God. It might have been important for the Messiah—like the prophet Samuel and John the Baptist—to grow up in a priestly household. He could have devoted days to prayer and the study of Scripture as well as had daily access to the temple precincts. Or, perhaps the Messiah could have been raised within a Pharisees household as was true for the Apostle Paul (Acts 23:6). This lay movement was highly devoted to God and zealous for the application of Old Testament Scriptures (Torah and tradition) to daily living. However God wanted His Son to live in an ordinary family. Joseph is a very interesting person; when we think of the Christmas story Joseph is probably the person who gets the least attention. We talk a lot about Mary, we are fascinated by the wise men, the shepherds and the angels, but Joseph, we are inclined to ignore him, we don’t get too excited about him, we don’t hear too many sermons about him. Yet Joseph teaches us a lot about how to love God when family life is not what you had hoped. How to love God when your hopes and dreams come crashing down. How to love God when your plans fall apart. How to love God when your heart is full of fear. It may be, that one of the reasons why we find it easy to ignore Joseph is because he is a quiet man. He is mentioned 12 times in the New Testament, but we have no record of him ever speaking, he is silent, yet when we take a close look at his life, he teaches us a lot 1. Joseph and Mary were betrothed. The first stage of the betrothal was finding a suitable spouse for the bride or bridegroom. In the ancient Near Eastern culture, this was most often initiated by the families of the bride and groom. Though a young man could make his preference for a wife known to his family, his parents may or may not have agreed to pursue his wishes. Young men and women were pledged to each other at ages as young as twelve or thirteen. The second stage was the betrothal ceremony. I remember when I was growing up I was often told that when the bible talked about being betrothed it was like our engagement. It’s not. The betrothal was entered into, it was absolutely binding. It lasted for one year. During that year the couple were known as man and wife, although they had not the rights of man and wife. It could not be terminated in any other way than by divorce or death. In the Jewish law we frequently find what is to us a curious phrase. A girl whose fiancée had died during the year of betrothal is called "a virgin who is a widow".During the betrothal ceremony the Man gave his bride to be a glass of wine, which only drank if she was prepared to absolutely faithful and totally committed to him. So it was during this time that Mary conceived, and herein lies the problem, during the betrothal period sexual relationships were not permitted, even though Mary and Joseph were known as husband and wife. What was Joseph going to do? How should he respond to this? 2. Joseph need to find the balance between justice and mercy. Joseph was a righteous man, he was what was known in Judaism a tsaddiyq. The NIV text says that Joseph was ‘faithful to the law.’ and he was, but the term righteous means a lot more. ‘Biblical righteousness is inevitably social, because it is about relationships. When most modern people see the word “righteousness” in the Bible, they tend to think of it in terms of private morality, such as sexual chastity or diligence in prayer and Bible study. But in the Bible tzadeqah refers to day-to-day living in which a person conducts all relationships in family and society with fairness, generosity, and equity.’ Tim Keller John Ortberg speaking about tsaddiyq says ‘Joseph did not eat unclean food. He didn't mix with the wrong kinds of people. He didn't keep his carpentry shop open on the Sabbath to make a few extra drachmas. He was a tsaddîyq; that was his identity. Everybody knew this about him. Nobody invited Joseph over to have ham sandwiches with tax collectors and prostitutes. Joseph has a dilemma, he wants to be righteous and do what the law requires, but if he does that, then he will be putting Mary in a position where she will be publicly shamed. Matthew tells us that ‘he did not want to expose her to public disgrace.’ Joseph believing that Mary had been unfaithful to him, wanted to protect Mary, he wanted to shield her from public ridicule. The word used for disgrace means to make someone a public example, or to make them a sorry spectacle. What should he do? He sees his wife pregnant, and he knows that he is not the father, what is he feeling? Is he feeling angry? Humiliated? Confused? Betrayed? Did he feel all his hopes and dreams were gone? Probably, but he was also feeling love, and he does not want Mary to be publicly humiliated, so he is not going to drag her in front of a public court to get his pound of flesh. Why not? Because he wants to protect her, he wants to shield her. His love for Mary was greater than his dreams, hopes and expectations. Therefore, he decided to take a course of action that would cause the least shame to Mary. So he chaoses to divorce her quietly. How was that done? The two parties could get together before two or three witnesses and write out a private bill of which did not state the reason for the divorce such as is indicated in Deuteronomy 24. I think this is amazing, Joseph wants to do what is right, he wants to be truthful, but not at the expense of love. If we stand for truth without expressing love then we are not really standing for truth. In every family things arise that can cause this tension between doing what is right and showing love. Sometimes as Christians we can be too black and white in our thinking, we can lean towards a judgemental attitude towards those who have done wrong, or we perceive as doing wrong, without wrestling with our God given responsibility to love that person. Showing grace is always appropriate, we will never be able to confront others without grace. John Ortberg says, ‘Is it possible that anxiety removal is not God's number one goal for Joseph—or maybe for you and me? Is it possible that in getting his world turned upside down, in having to struggle between what he thought a tsaddîyq—a righteous man—ought to do, and his longing to show compassion to this young girl, maybe Joseph was being prepared by God to come to a new understanding of what righteousness is? Joseph anger In Matthew 1:20 we read these words ‘But after he considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream.’ One interesting idea that is presented is that translation of the Greek word “enthymeomai” as “considered” may not be accurate in Matthew 1:20. While not an incorrect translation of the word, enthymeomai has an alternate meaning of “becoming angry”. This translation brings an entirely different perspective to this part of the story. Joseph was not some flat character in a story, but was a real person with understandable emotions. He was not some kind of emotional-less person with robotic obedience, but he had to work through his feelings. He needed to think through his anger in order to move forward in a positive way. If you are anything like me, it is very easy to allow your emotions to become a motivator for action, especially anger. Joseph had a right to be angry, but he did not allow his anger to make him impulsive, he knew that all these circumstances were not solely about him, so he took a step back, and began to process what was going on inside him. He was able to make a gracious decision to divorce Mary quietly because he did not want to react out of his anger, but he thought it through. Sometimes justified anger can lead to wrong decisions, even sinful decisions. In refusing to allow his anger to become a catalyst for action Joseph was able to make the grace filled choice to divorce Mary quietly. It is impossible for anger and grace to be in our hearts at the same time. If we want to protect the life of Jesus in our families then there can be no place for uncontrolled or defining anger. To be known as an angry person is one of the saddest indictments anyone can ever receive. It is hard living with an angry person, someone who uses their anger to control and manipulate and family members have to walk on egg shells in case the angry person blows. The angry person in the home is like the screaming toddler who needs to be the centre of attention. So the question we need to ask is this, is anger a continual factor in our lives as families? Joseph thought his way through his anger and in doing so was able to embrace God’s purposes for his life. 3. Joseph’s revelation. Let us look again at verses 19-20 Because Joseph her husband was faithful to the law, and yet did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly. 20 But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. Do you notice anything strange about these two verses? They seem to be the wrong way round. It would have been easier if the angel of the Lord had come to Joseph before Mary had conceived, if the angel had come and told Joseph what was going to happen, it would have made a life a lot easier. That is what the angel Gabriel did with Mary. Mary this is what is going to happen. But with Joseph it is the other way round. One writer wrote this. ‘The circumstances in which this mystery is revealed to him, precisely when he is reflecting on these things is not without significance. God could have clearly spared him suffering by acquainting him with the divine plan at the same time, for example, as he revealed it to the virgin Mary. [In Luke’s Gospel.] She too would have been spared the anguish of seeing Joseph suffer and of herself having to keep a secret that otherwise would have immediately resolved the problem. God does not pay attention to the way men sees things… For some time he permits Joseph to debate in anguished confusion, understanding nothing and seeing no clear way out, not knowing exactly what he ought to do in a situation as unforeseeable as it was delicate and painful. It was only when arrived at an honourable solution consonant with his imperfect knowledge of reality that God intervened by the means of an angel.. only then, and not earlier did God let him know what was necessary for him in order to rectify his erroneous decision.’ Douglas Wirth. Joseph was full of fear, he knew that he could never marry Mary now, for to do so would mean at least his reputation would have been ruined, and possibly his own family disown him, which would mean he would be disinherited. The interesting thing is this, God did nothing to change the circumstances that cause Joseph to fear. In fact, God tells him to do the very thing he is afraid of. The angel went on to say that his son would be called Immanuel which means God with us. Joseph I want you to do the very thing you are afraid to do, but I want you to know that I am Immanuel. Sometimes we would rather have changed circumstances than know the reality of God with us. J C Ryle writes that Immanuel promises to be "with us daily to pardon and forgive; with us daily to sanctify and strengthen; with us daily to defend and keep; with us daily to lead and to guide; with us in sorrow, and with us in joy; with us in sickness, and with us in health; with us in life, and with us in death; with us in time, and with us in eternity." The name Immanuel sums up God’s heart, and all his purposes for his Son Jesus, It encapsulates God’s longing for us, it expresses our greatest need and depicts the best source of courage and devotion. Conclusion Maybe you can identify with Joseph, you have all these conflicting emotions raging in your heart, you feel disappointed and confused, the neat black and white boxes you have used to contain your life have all be destroyed. Maybe, God is wrestling with you as he did with Joseph so you can build a home where Jesus will feel loved. At this time God confirmed and challenged what Joseph believed and how he thought so he could embrace the mystery of the incarnation. For Joseph this was a spiritual rite of passage, it was Gods way of bringing him to maturity, so he could provide a home where God was loved.