5 love languages single soldier retreat

Fold paper into 4 squares

Write in one square:

Relationship status: single, divorced, have kids, etc.

Parent situation: divorces, together, remarried, etc.

one thing you hope to learn today

Write in another square:

Any questions on relationships, family, marriage, dating, . I’ll answer some of these in front of the class. be clean

how many of you have had a failed romantic relationship. ?

Words of Affirmation

Video: https://vimeo.com/126138502

Words have power

Growing up in a “negative linguistic environment” - hearing mostly critical and condemning words

Proverb:

“The tongue has the power of life and death.”

Share a story in your table of when words had a negative result

Power of the tongue

For some it will mean learning a whole new vocabulary while seeking to delete the negative words that so freely flow from your moth.

involves listening, really listening, to the affirming words of others.

Story about Brian, not complementing girls because his dad was so negative.

“Women like to be affirmed verbally, just as men like to be affirmed verbally. They tend to pull away from dating partners who do not give affirmation. Lack of verbal affirmation is interpreted as lack of love.”

“If we want to be loved, and all of us do, then the first step is to express love to others.

Affirming your parents,

The next time you call home, state “I love you”

Most guys think they are awesome or nothing and we compensate on how we talk with one another.

Grandpa bob calling girl ugly

me making fun of kristen in public.

Compliments - not demeaning but respectful

ex: You’re in better shape than I am. I’m going to have to practice more before I ride bikes with you again.

That was a great restaurant, thanks for recommending it!

Different dialects of affirming words

Words of Encouragement: to encourage means “to inspire courage. all of us have areas in which we feel insecure. WE lack courage and that lack of courage often hinders us from accomplishing the positive things we would like to do.

words of appreciation: expressing sincere gratitude for some act of service rendered.

Words of praise: recognizing someones accomplishments

in public

what would happen in our platoons if we started praising each other for accomplishments rather than pointing out what was wrong.

Kind words: sometimes our words are saying one thing, but our tone of voice is saying another. sending double messages

Negative words

Cursing or fowel language escalades the problem

Words of affirmation enhanses relationships. harsh, condeming words destroy them.

Answer Questions: pg 54

Gifts

https://vimeo.com/125468851

gifts is a tangible object that says “I was thinking about you. I wanted you to have this. I love you.”

Anthropologist have never discovered a culture where gift giving is not an expression of love. Giving gifts is one of the funamental universal love lanuguages.

Gift comes from the greek word charis = grace or underdserved gift

NOT - a gift by its nature is not payment for services rendered. - not a payment

i will give you (whatever) if you will -. . . “

The person is striking a deal.

A gift is given without strings attached, or it ceases to be a gift.

a gift is a gift only when given as a genuine expression of love, not as an effort to cover over past failures.

Gifts are visual symbols of love.

The gift can be any size, shape, color, or price. it may be purchased, found or made.

cost doesn’t really matter

the army is huge on this.

Great show on netflix Metal of honor.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oG2_RZVmYQ8

“BUT I”M NOT A GIVER?”

love requires effort. love often requires learning a language you have never spoken.

Did anyone have parents bring you a gift when they traveled?

We go to national parks and buy magnets

It’s the thought that counts. it doesn’t have to be expensive.

questions: pg. 69

Acts of Service

Acts of Service

https://vimeo.com/125684359

most major religions call it’s followers to serve, give to others, perform good deeds.

One of the clearest pictures of the essence of the Christian faith is that of Jesus washing the feet of his followers.

serving in freedom not fear.

a doormat is not an inanimate object.

Is service freely given, not out of fear, but out of choice.

“It is more blessed to give than to receive.”

my main love language helping people.

moving to fort campbell with curtis helping me.

Examples: helping a friend study for the promotion board. quiz on the regulations, etc.

Why should I help someone when they can help themselves?

questions: p. 83

Quality Time

https://vimeo.com/126379391

down range we will get

listening

the answer man

Maintain eye contact when you are listening to someone

don’t engage in other activities while you are listening to another individual

listen for feelings.

observe body language

don’t interupt

ask reflective questions.

express understanding

ask if there is anything you might do that would be helpful

quality activities

questions: pg. 97

talking

Physical Touch

https://vimeo.com/124843501

babies need physical touch

all touch is not equal

appropriate and inappropriate touch

implicit and explicit

sex read pg. 104-105

bad

physical and sexual abuse

Questions Back of Chapter: 114

read the rest of the book staring on chapter 9