1Cor #17 Singleness vs Marriage 1Cor 7@7-16, 25-40

Intro:

If you find today’s Scripture Reading rather complicated, you are not to be blamed.

@@ Paul is trying to do 2 things here:

1) teach the principles for deciding whether one should remain single or get married and

2) deal with the different groups of people involved: single, engaged, married, widowed, divorced and marriage with an unbelieving spouse.

When he intertwines these 2 things together, you’ll get a complex series of instructions.

So what I’m going to focus on are the principles for deciding whether one should remain single or get married. This issue is important not only to single young people in our church but also to their parents who have to advise them.

I won’t be dealing with the issue of divorce and remarriage which this passage also briefly addresses.

Although my outline has 5 points, none of them have sub-points. So don’t worry. Relax and enjoy God’s Word.

I. Know what gift God has given you v7

1 Corinthians 7:7 KJV 1900

7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.

In the past, it is a shame for a woman to be childless. Hence everyone not only want to get married but also to have children.

Today, being single is quite a common sight in Sg as well as parents not having any children. If you’re still single and you want to find consolation in the Scriptures, may seem to be a comforting passage.

But the reason Paul encourages singleness is so that you can dedicate more of your time for the Lord. If you’re single because you want to have more time for your job, then does not apply to you. Your reason for being single is not biblical.

Hence my message, “Singleness vs Marriage” is about which choice is better if you want to devote your life to God. And the answer is not a straightforward one because you need to take into consideration some other factors.

And the first factor to consider is what gift has God given you? In v7, Paul says that he wish all men would be single like him. “I myself” here is important which he later describes as being completely devoted to God. In v32, he says this:

1 Corinthians 7:32 KJV 1900

32 But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:

1

1 Corinthians 7:7 KJV 1900

7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.

Then he goes on to say that it depends on whether God has given you the gift of singleness or the gift of marriage. Generally, most people will get married and so people don’t consider marriage as a gift. Hence in church circles, we often talk about the gift of singleness.

Then he goes on to say that it depends on whether God has given you the gift of singleness or the gift of marriage. Generally, most people will get married and so people don’t consider marriage as a gift. Hence in church circles, we often talk about the gift of singleness.

Then he goes on to say that it depends on whether God has given you the gift of singleness or the gift of marriage. Generally, most people will get married and so people don’t consider marriage as a gift. Hence in church circles, we often talk about the gift of singleness.

What does the gift of singleness imply? 1st it means that celibacy (i.e. being single) is not a matter of personal preference. If God didn’t give you the gift of celibacy, you’ll find it very hard to be single.

2nd the gift of celibacy is for God’s use and not for your personal use. Some people think that being single is less financially stressful in this life and so they choose being single. Such thinking is foreign to the Scriptures. Every gift of God is to be used for His glory and not for promoting ourselves or making our lives easier.

3rd since celibacy is a gift, don’t expect everyone to have it. In fact, few have it. This means that we should be helping those who want to get married but can’t find a Christian companion.

In China, although I didn’t ask for it, one of my Bible study group brothers was concerned to find a sister for me. So he asked what kind of sister I would like if God were to give me a spouse. I knew he had kind intentions but at that time I wasn’t interested in getting married. So I gave him the hardest criteria I could give to discourage him. And I gave him 3 criteria: 1) she must be very zealous for the Lord, 2) she must be fluent in English and 3) she must not be above 30 years old.

As I expected, that brother told me that the criteria I gave him makes it nearly impossible to find such a sister. Although I did mean to give him a hard time, the Lord heard my criteria. To cut the story short, the Lord brought Shelly to me and she met all the 3 criteria.

The point I want to make is that this brother cares enough for me to think about my personal needs. And our acquaintance is barely a year. This may be the China culture but in this aspect, it is a biblical one.

Now you must not pester a brother to consider a certain sister. We all hate people doing that to us. Just offer your help.

I’m aware that in our culture here, whether a brother or sister wants to get married or be single is none of our business. But the question still is: does he or she want to single for the purpose of being devoted to the Lord? If not, his or her reason is not a biblical one. If your brother is doing something unbiblical, should you not tell him the truth in love?

What if a sister agrees with you but said that she can’t find anyone suitable? Do you love enough to help? Or do you say that’s none of my business. This is why I earlier say that the China culture in this aspect is a biblical one. BTW, I was match-made by Pastor Yeow of PPCC when he was in China as a missionary. He told Shelly that I was a Malaysian and I was just above 30 years old when I was 41 then. And he brought Shelly and introduced her to me. Even after Shelly knew that Pastor Yeow made 2 terrible mistakes, she still took me seriously.

So don’t be afraid to be a matchmaker even if you got all your facts wrong. God can overrule your mistakes and bring a couple together.

@@ Let me put the 3 implications of the gift of celibacy for you to see again:

1) celibacy (i.e. being single) is not a matter of personal preference. It is a gift.

2) the gift of celibacy is for God’s use and not for your personal use. (All of God’s gifts are to be used for His glory)

3) since celibacy is a gift, don’t expect everyone to have it. Actually, few have it.

Knowing what gift God has given you is equivalent to knowing God’s will for your life. This is because you can best serve God with the gift He has given you.

Imagine if Mohammed Ali’s parents had forced him to be a basketball professional and Michael Jordan’s parents had forced him to be a boxing professional. Will either achieve great success? Most likely not, because their gifts lie somewhere else.

II. Marry if you can’t control your sexual desires v8-9

1Co7

1 Corinthians 7:8–9 KJV 1900

8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. 9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

Perhaps you’re asking “how do I know that I’ve the gift of singleness?” These verses tell us one way by which we can know and that is, if you can’t control your sexual desires, it is a strong indication that you don’t have the gift of celibacy.

It does not mean that those with the gift of celibacy don’t have any struggles with their sex drive. It just doesn’t burn or overwhelm them. Their sex drive is under control.

If you look at v8 more carefully, Paul is actually addressing this principle to the unmarried and widows. In Gk, “unmarried” can refer to singles, widows or even those divorced. The word “unmarried” here is masculine in Gk and “widows” is feminine in Gk. Thus the unmarried here must refer to the widowers, the male counterpart of widows.

Now widows or widowers have been married before and so you would think that they shouldn’t have gift of celibacy. But this is not the case as Paul seems to indicate. A widower may not be able to forget his deceased wife and therefore has no desire to find a new wife. But the principle is still the same, can he put his sex drive under control? If not, find a wife.

III. Preferably don’t marry under special circumstances v25-28

1 Corinthians 7:25–28 KJV 1900

25 Now concerning virgins I have no commandment of the Lord: yet I give my judgment, as one that hath obtained mercy of the Lord to be faithful. 26 I suppose therefore that this is good for the present distress, I say, that it is good for a man so to be. 27 Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. 28 But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.

This is the most difficult factor to determine because Paul didn’t describe the distress or circumstances the Cor were then facing. In the whole epistle, you can’t find any indication of persecution even though persecution fits the context best.

In v25, “no commandment of the Lord” means that when Jesus was on earth, He didn’t give any teaching about virgins remaining single. But Paul, being inspired by the Holy Spirit gives us God’s authoritative word regarding this matter. So what we read here is not merely man’s opinion..

In v26, Paul tells the Cor that in view of the “present distress,” don’t get married. v27 but if you are already married, don’t divorce. If you’re a widower (“loosed from a wife”), stay single.

But in v28, he gave a further qualification: marriage is not a sin if they still choose to get married even under difficult circumstances.

The difficulty of this passage rests on v26 “present distress.” We’re not told what it is and commentators have different theories and they don’t agree with each other. Hence the best solution is to say that we don’t know what “distress” or special circumstances the Cor were facing.

But in the context of the passage, whatever “distress” the Cor are having, it is already giving them difficulty to be devoted to the Lord. And if they add on the responsibilities of marriage, it will be even for difficult for them to continue in the faith.

@@ So the principle is: if there are circumstances that already make it difficult for you to believe in Christ (the best e.g. would be persecution), then remain single since marital responsibilities will make it even more difficult for you to continue in the Christian faith.

So how do we apply this principle?

IV. Single people can be more devoted to the Lord v32-33

1 Corinthians 7:32–33 KJV 1900

32 But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: 33 But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.

1Co

Here is the reason why Paul is encouraging people to be single but we need to be careful. Firstly, when Paul in v32 says that “the unmarried cares for the things of the Lord and how he may please the Lord,” Paul is not saying that all unmarried people do that.

Rather Paul is saying that the unmarried has more opportunity to please the Lord as they are not distracted by the responsibilities of marriage. Hence in v33 Paul is also not saying that married people only care for the things of the world and how to please his wife. Paul is saying that married people has less time for the Lord as they have to take care of the family.

And he makes this clear in v35 when he says:

1 Corinthians 7:35 KJV 1900

35 And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.

The KJV is not very clear in this verse, so now I’m going to refer the NASB which will render this verse more clearly.

1 Corinthians 7:35 NASB95

35 This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.

The goal for celibacy is to have “undistracted devotion to the Lord.” In other words, celibacy has the potential of enabling one to be more devoted to the Lord. Whether that will happen or not depends on the individual.

But it is a real and practical potential. Apostle Paul, Amy Carmichael (missionary to India) and John Stott (UK theologian and author) could do great things for God because they were single.

@@ Rhena Taylor (woman missionary to Kenya) says this:

“Being single has meant that I am free to take risks that I might not take were I mother of a family dependent on me. Being single has given me freedom to move around the world without having to pack up a household first.”

However there are dangers in being single. The most obvious one is the unholy sexual desires. God has designed sex to be played out only in marriage. So if you’ve the gift of celibacy, zealously guard your body because it’s not your own. It belongs to Christ. We saw this in my previous message.

@@ 2ndly, John Stott said,

“Apart from sexual temptation, the greatest danger which I think we face as singles is self-centeredness. We may live alone and have total freedom to plan our own schedule with nobody else to modify it or even give us advice. If we are not careful, we may find the whole world revolving around ourselves.”

Our lives should revolve around Christ, not ourselves. If it is ourselves, we become selfish people.

V. Single women may be holy both in body and spirit v34

1 Corinthians 7:34 KJV 1900

34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

v34 has some textual issues and I’m not going to deal them here especially the first sentence. You can go home and look up other translations to see how v34 is rendered.

So we focus just on the 2nd sentence. It says the unmarried woman cares for the things of the Lord that she may be holy both in body and in spirit.

What does it mean to be holy both in body and in spirit? Most commentators will say that the “body and spirit” must not be seen as separate entities but rather one’s total being. Every human has a body and a spirit.

While this is true, it doesn’t explain why Paul is addressing only the unmarried woman and not both man and woman like what he did in previous verses.

So I think Paul is referring to childbearing and child feeding. In Paul’s day, there is no milk power and refrigerator and hence there is only one way of feeding your baby: mother’s milk. Today we breastfeed a child for about a year. So from conception to weaning a child from the mother’s milk is about 2 years. And in those days 5 or 6 children was a common thing and if take the number of children and multiply that by 2 years, that is a very long time.

So Paul is saying here that a single woman could have given more years to the Lord than a mother with a couple of children. The word “holy” can mean “set apart” and so the meaning would be a single woman can set apart all her time without childbearing taking up her time for the Lord.

Despite all the advantageous of celibacy we saw today, let’s hear from John Stott again who has been single for over 70 years (he died at 90):

“God’s general will for His human creation is marriage. We single people must not resist this truth. Marriage is the norm. Singleness is the abnorm.”

Conclusion:

When you decide whether to be single or married, make sure that you do it first for the Lord. If you’ve the gift of celibacy, be single for Christ. If not, get married for Christ. In all things, God must be the center of your life.

Although marriage is the norm, don’t assume it. If you can serve God without feeling very lonely, and your sex drive doesn’t overwhelm you, you may have the gift of celibacy. Use it for the Lord. You can do many more things for Him as a single.

If you’ve determined that you don’t have the gift of celibacy or you want to get married, start praying for a spouse, don’t wait for Prince Charming or Sleeping Beauty to come. A good spouse is from the Lord.

And if you don’t even know if you should get married or stay single, prayed to the Lord about it. But do note the principles we’ve seen this morning. When I was in China, my prayer to God was like this: God if you want me to get married, I’ll get married. God’s answer was a resounding yes. 2 days later, I met Shelly. She has been praying 1 year that for a preacher husband. God was so merciful to me!