AFFAIR-PROOFING YOUR MARRIAGE

April 21st and 22nd, 2001

Exodus 20

14 "You shall not commit adultery.

-You could say, DON’T HAVE A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE THAT YOU DON’T HAVE A LIFE COMMITMENT TO.

-That is a very vivid video that is actually designed for the youth to deal with fornication or pre-marital sex.

-It also relates to fleeing lust and entanglements in general.

1.    WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

-We need to define our terms.

-Fornication is pre-marital sex.

-Adultery is sex with someone other than the one you are married to.

-Homosexuality is sex with someone of the same sex. It is always wrong Biblically under every circumstance.

Hebrews 13

4 Marriage should be honoured by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. (NIV)

4 Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge. (NASB)

Marriage bed-koite from which we get the word coitus. In other words, he is obviously making reference to sex even though the word could literally mean bed.

Adulterers- moichos –violaters of the marriage bond

Fornicators – pornous – literally means those who engage in pre-marital sex, sodomy, homosexuality, and it basically relates to the sexually immoral person.

-I was looking up Scriptures on this to preach this message and I was surprised at the straight-forwardness of God in this area.

1Co 5:9 ¶ I have written to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people--

 1Co 5:11 But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat.

 1Co 6:9 ¶ Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders

Re 21:8 But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practise magic arts, the idolaters and all liars--their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulphur. This is the second death."

 Re 22:15 Outside are the dogs, those who practise magic arts, the sexually immoral, the murderers, the idolaters and everyone who loves and practises falsehood.

(NIV)

-What does that mean? Ask the Lord what He meant if that isn’t clear.

2.    WHY IS IT SO IMPORTANT TO GOD?

-The reason sexually immorality is such a big deal to God is because of the impact it has on the family.

Malachi 2

13 "This is another thing you do: you cover the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping and with groaning, because He no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand.

 14 "Yet you say, 'For what reason?' Because the LORD has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.

 15 "But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit. And what did that one do while he was seeking a godly offspring? Take heed then to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth.

 16 "For I hate divorce," says the LORD, the God of Israel, "and him who covers his garment with wrong," says the LORD of hosts. "So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously."

-Here is a quote from Experiencing God that we are going through on Wednesday nights:

“God has given His commands so you may prosper and live life to its fullest measure. Let me give you an example. Suppose the Lord says, “I have a gift for you-a beautiful, wonderful expression of what love is. I will provide you with a spouse-a husband or wife. Your relationship with this person will bring out the very best in you. It will give you the opportunity to experience some of the deepest and most meaningful expressions of human love. That individual will release in you some wonderful things, affirm some things in you, and be there to strengthen you when you lose heart. Within that relationship, your mate will love you, believe in you, and trust you. Out of that relationship I will bless the two of you with children, and those children will sit on your knee and say, ‘Daddy, I love you’” But then He says, “You shall not commit adultery”. Is that command to limit or restrict you? No! It is to protect and free you to experience love at its human best. What happens if you break the command and commit adultery? The love relationship is ruptured between husband and wife. Trust is gone. Hurt sets in. Guilt and bitterness creep in….”

-God has placed sex in the context of a family and a life commitment.

-The commandment is meant to provide a framework within which to enjoy love and a physical relationship.

-The best sex is in a marriage among two people who totally love each other.

-Sex with a stranger  is a 15 minute buzz that sucks the life out of you.

Proverbs 6

23 For these commands are a lamp, this teaching is a light, and the corrections of discipline are the way to life,

 24 keeping you from the immoral woman, from the smooth tongue of the wayward wife.

 25 Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes,

 26 for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread, and the adulteress preys upon your very life.

 27 Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned?

 28 Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched?

 29 So is he who sleeps with another man's wife; no-one who touches her will go unpunished.

3.    WHAT CAUSES ADULTERY?

-It can be:

BOREDOM (DAVID WAS BORED)

UNRESOLVED CONFLICT

UNMET NEEDS

UNFULFILLED EXPECTATIONS

UNDEVELOPED SELF-WORTH

-It can be a number of different reasons but it is summed up in unmet needs.

PUSH THE BOOK

His Needs Her Needs- Normally $16.95 but $10 at church.

-Read list on back cover and Casey Treat’s list.

4.    HOW DO YOU PREVENT ADULTERY?

1.COMMIT TO GOD’S STANDARD

Psalm 119:9

How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word.

-Begin with a decision to obey God.

-FEAR THE LORD!

Genesis 39

6 So he left in Joseph's care everything he had; with Joseph in charge, he did not concern himself with anything except the food he ate. Now Joseph was well-built and handsome,

 7 ¶ and after a while his master's wife took notice of Joseph and said, "Come to bed with me!"

 8 But he refused. "With me in charge," he told her, "my master does not concern himself with anything in the house; everything he owns he has entrusted to my care.

 9 No-one is greater in this house than I am. My master has withheld nothing from me except you, because you are his wife. How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?"

-We see that sexual sin was a major trap to people of God in the Bible: DAVID, JUDAH, SAMSON, AND OTHERS.

-I didn’t see the movie, THE BRIDGES OF MADISON COUNTY.

-I heard that it was very well made and was about a woman who was alone for three days and had an affair. That affair was the thing that motivated her for the rest of her bad life with her pitiful husband.

-It may have been a good movie but it preached the gospel of adultery.

-This commentator remarked that it paints as our culture does, FALLING IN LOVE IS THE HEIGHT OF HUMAN EXPERIENCE.

-The act of falling love as highest value versus loving your spouse and being faithful.

-You hear statements like: God wants me happy.

2. LEARN ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE

KJV

1Pe 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge,

NASB

You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way,

-There are things you need to know about that person.

HIS NEEDS/HER NEEDS

5 LOVE LANGUAGES

SMALLEY MATERIAL

-How important is your marriage to you?

-You will learn about your new car and read the owner’s manual, why not learn about your spouse.

1 Corinthians 7:3 GN

“A man should fulfill his duty as a husband and a woman should fulfill her duty as a wife, and each should satisfy the other’s needs.”

3. GUARD YOUR HEART

Malachi 2

16 "I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment," says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.

-Jesus said that if we commit adultery in our hearts, we are guilty of divorce.

-The thought is the father to the deed.

-Watch being emotionally involved with members of the opposite sex.

-Don’t share some things with others. Make your spouse your first point of important communication.

-It is easy to leave a wife but hard to leave a friend.

-Minimize the opportunity.

-If you find yourself growing very close to someone who isn’t your spouse…..cut off the contact.

-Don’t project availability. (In other words, don’t flirt.)

-Keep away from the bees and you won’t get stung.

4. CHANNEL YOUR SEX DRIVE PROPERLY

1 Thessalonians 4

1 ¶ Finally, brothers, we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living. Now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more.

 2 For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus.

 3 It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality;

 4 that each of you should learn to control his own body {Or learn to live with his own wife; or learn to acquire a wife} in a way that is holy and honourable,

 5 not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God;

 6 and that in this matter no-one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you.

 7 For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.

 8 Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.

-If you are married….enjoy the wife of your youth and be satisfied with her.

-BE SATISFIED. The eyes of men are never satisfied.

-If you are single, channel your energy into CREATIVITY and LEARN TO ACQUIRE A WIFE.

-In very practical ways, WATCH WHAT YOU SEE/CUT OFF TV THAT IS HARMFUL/GET A FILTER ON YOUR INTERNET/WATCH BUSINESS TRAVEL-ESPECIALLY OVERSEAS.

-God loves you and your family.

-Don’t let satan steal from you by painting a picture of greener grass.

-Fertilize your own yard if the grass is looking greener.