How to Really Love Your Wife
How to Really Love Your Wife
Men’s Breakfast
February 28th, 2004
If you’ve seen the movie Saving Private Ryan you know the scene at the end of the movie where the older man is seen in the cemetery where several of those dead men had given their lives to save his. He asks his wife to; “TELL ME I AM A GOOD MAN.” He desperately wants to know that their lives weren’t sacrificed in vain. It is that way for us as Christians. Jesus gave his life for our lives.
In the same way we are called to give up our lives and sacrifice them for our families. /John 1513 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.[1] /
That is quite a calling and responsibility. I want to look at some practical ways to do that. How do we really love our wives?
Ephesians 5
Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another.
Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.
Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.
/ No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.” This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.[2]/
Actions/action words
· Provides leadership
-This means you pray and seek God’s will for your family. It is getting a vision. You have to have a destination to be a leader.
-This also means being the example for your wife and children to follow. You have to live it to lead them.
· Cherish her
cher•ish \ˈcher-ish\ transitive verb
[Middle English cherisshen, from Middle French cheriss-, stem of cherir to cherish, from Old French, from chier dear, from Latin carus — more at charity]
(14th century)
1 a : to hold dear : feel or show affection for
b : to keep or cultivate with care and affection : nurture
2 : to entertain or harbor in the mind deeply and resolutely 〈still cherishes that memory〉
synonymy see appreciate
[3]
-In other words, you set your mind to appreciate her. You cherish her the same way you care for your own body. How do you treat your foot? Treat your wife at least as good as your foot!
· Go all out
-What does that look like? You know what it means to go all out.
-It is means to not hold back or be stingy.
-We can go all out for a new boat or golf clubs and make our wives buy clothes and jewelry at Wal-Mart.
-This simply means “don’t hold back.”
· A love marked by giving not getting
-In other words the focus of our love for our wives becomes what can I do for you instead of what can you do for me.
-It is simply an attitude.
Jesus said; ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”
-Jesus’ love for us was marked by Him giving His life for us, whether we responded or not.
· Everything he does and says is designed to bring out the best in her
-This is living a life of servant hood. I wish I could say I do this but the truth is that I am still much too selfish.
-Notice especially what it says about what we say.
-Life and death is in the power of the tongue.
-Another translation talks about washing her with the water of the Word. In other words we are to speak what God says about her.
-How many of us are praying regularly for our wives and our marriages?
· Feeds and pampers his wife
-Paul is saying that we should care for our wives the same as we do for ourselves.
-We only give our bodies the best and have no reason to hurt it in any way.
· Leaves his father and mother and cherishes his wife
-The picture here is priority and refocusing our first loyalties.
-We need to make sure that next to the Lord she is the most important thing in our lives.
· Loving himself in loving her
-If you care for your wife properly you are doing yourself a favor.
-If you sow into and give into her life she will return love to you.
-The man is to be the one that brings love into the relationship. The wife returns that love but it must be given first.
-God is the initiator; we return love after He gives it.
The Love Languages
-I mentioned in my message this past week end that people express love and receive love differently.
-In other words, you may really love that person but your expression of it isn’t coming through.
· Words of affirmation
· Quality time
· Receiving gifts
· Acts of service
· Physical touch
-What is your wife’s? What is yours?
-Regardless of what comes natural, you need to learn your wife’s language and speak it.
Discussion
Showing Love for your Wife:
· Provide leadership
· Cherish her
· Go all out
· A love marked by giving, not getting
· All you do and say is designed to bring out the best in her
· Feed and pamper her
· Love yourself by loving her
Love languages:
· Words of affirmation
· Quality time
· Receiving gifts
· Acts of service
· Physical touch
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[1]The Holy Bible : New International Version. 1996, c1984 (Jn 15:12). Grand Rapids: Zondervan.
[2]Peterson, E. H. (1995). The message : New Testament with Psalms and Proverbs (Eph 5:1). Colorado Springs, Colo.: NavPress.
\
\ə\ abut \ə\ kitten, French table \ər\ further \a\ ash \ā\ ace \ä\ mop, mar
\au̇\ out \ch\ chin \e\ bet \ē\ easy \g\ go \i\ hit \ī\ ice \j\ job
\ŋ\ sing \ō\ go \ȯ\ law \ȯi\ boy \th\ thin \ṯẖ\ the \ü\ loot \u̇\ foot
\y\ yet \zh\ vision \ȧ, ḵ, n, œ, œ̄, ue, uē, y\ see Pronunciation Symbols
[3]Merriam-Webster, I. (1996, c1993). Merriam-Webster's collegiate dictionary. Includes index. (10th ed.). Springfield, Mass., U.S.A.: Merriam-Webster.