How To Treat a Friend
How To Treat a Friend
June 28th, 2003 and June 29th, 2003
Philemon-The Story
Paul the apostle had traveled through Colossae on one of his trips. In the course of doing so he left a house church in the home of a wealthy gentile Christian, Philemon. He along with his wife Apphia and son Archippus were obviously overseeing the work there. Paul had made his trip from Jerusalem to Rome to stand before Caesar. Philemon had a slave named Onesimus who obviously had run away to Rome and in so doing had harmed his master and maybe even stolen something valuable. Amazingly he comes in contact with Paul. Paul in the chains of Rome met Onesimus who though now a runaway was in the chains of sin. He leads Philemon to the Lord and knows he has to send him back to not break the laws. He writes a letter and sends it back with Onesimus asking Philemon to accept him back.
Philemon-The Text
Paul, a prisoner of Christ Jesus,(notice that although Paul is a prisoner of Rome he calls himself a prisoner of Christ Jesus.) and Timothy our brother,
To Philemon (one who kisses) our dear friend and fellow worker, 2 to Apphia (dear one) our sister, to Archippus (horse chief or chief of the horses-perhaps to describe his job) our fellow soldier and to the church that meets in your home (Paul obviously wrote this as a personal letter but he also intended for it to be read to the church and probably to the church in Colossae as well. Isn’t it funny how your personal relationships at some point become public, there are no secrets)
3 Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
4 I always thank my God as I remember you in my prayers, 5 because I hear about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints. 6 I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have a full understanding of every good thing we have in Christ. (Paul tells them that as they share what they have in Christ it will give them a fuller understanding of what they have) 7 Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the saints. (Paul is very tactful and begins by encouraging Philemon for his attitude and past works)
8 Therefore, although in Christ I could be bold and order you to do what you ought to do, 9 yet I appeal to you on the basis of love. (Paul didn’t issue a papal edict or a commandment based on his authority-he appealed as a friend for a friend on the basis of love) I then, as Paul—an old man and now also a prisoner of Christ Jesus— 10 I appeal to you for my son Onesimus, a who became my son while I was in chains. 11 Formerly he was useless to you, but now he has become useful both to you and to me. (This is a play on words by Paul. Onesimus, the runaway slave’s name means “useful”. He says in other words, he hasn’t been living up to his name. Useful was useless but he has become useful to us both. He then says something in verse 20 that is from the same root word, I hope to get some benefit or usefulness from you now.)
12 I am sending him—who is my very heart—back to you. 13 I would have liked to keep him with me so that he could take your place in helping me while I am in chains for the gospel. 14 But I did not want to do anything without your consent, so that any favor you do will be spontaneous and not forced. 15 Perhaps the reason he was separated from you for a little while was that you might have him back for good— 16 no longer as a slave, but better than a slave, as a dear brother. He is very dear to me but even dearer to you, both as a man and as a brother in the Lord. (Paul raised the status of Philemon. He was no longer to be regarded as just a slave but as a “man” and as a “brother”. Remember the placard of many of the black civil rights demonstraters in the 60s. “I AM A MAN”.)
17 So if you consider me a partner, welcome him as you would welcome me. (Accept Him back with full rights as a Christian Romans 15:7 says “Christ accepted you, so you should accept each other, which will bring glory to God.” NCV)
18 If he has done you any wrong or owes you anything, charge it to me. 19 I, Paul, am writing this with my own hand. I will pay it back—not to mention that you owe me your very self. 20 I do wish, brother, that I may have some benefit from you in the Lord; refresh my heart in Christ. 21 Confident of your obedience, I write to you, knowing that you will do even more than I ask.
22 And one thing more: Prepare a guest room for me, because I hope to be restored to you in answer to your prayers.
23 Epaphras, my fellow prisoner in Christ Jesus, sends you greetings. 24 And so do Mark, Aristarchus, Demas and Luke, my fellow workers.
25 The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit.
/[1]/
-It is very interesting that Mark is with Paul. If you remember Paul and Barnabas had a parting of the ways over mark. Paul didn’t think Mark was up to another missionary journey. Here he obviously has been restored to him.
-Paul says in 2 Timothy that Demas deserted him because he loved the world.
-It is good to see Paul was writing from the perspective of having been there.
-He could probably benefit from this sermon today like all of us can use a refresher.
PHILEMON-THE APPLICATION
So how do you treat a friend based on Paul’s actions and words?
1. REACH OUT TO THEM
-Onesimus was a loser in society. Paul had nothing to gain by his association with him.
-He wasn’t going to get any business contacts, free use of his lake condo, meet any attractive girls, or get a step up in life by hanging with him.
-In the pecking order of life he didn’t stack up.
-Jesus upended that pecking order. It is carnal and worldly.
-Onesimus was a runaway slave with debt. He couldn’t even take him out to eat.
-If someone comes to the church or the youth group or the small group do you associate with them or are you afraid they will taint your image?
-Real life fleshed out Christianity waits at the door for the oppressed and disenfranchised and reaches out to them.
-James tells us not to show favoritism to the wealthy and put down the down and outers.
-When I lived in Scotland and traveled there the English looked down on the Scottish. They still do as far as I can tell. I had an immigrations officer make fun of the place I was going to visit friends once.
-This is a good place to say; “WHAT WOULD JESUS DO”?
-Jesus was a friend of the societal outcasts. He took a beating for it to. He was called “a friend of sinners”.
-Are you secure enough to reach out?
-Onesimus was a loser. Can you help a loser?
-Look at the good Samaritan. He reached out when the religious people thought they were above it.
2. TELL THEM ABOUT JESUS FIRST/DON’T TRY TO FIX THEM
-I’m not taking away from being practical. Just remember what is most important.
-Paul didn’t lead a political campaign to free Onesimus. He won him to Jesus.
-Jesus helped and fed people but His emphasis was always their hearts.
-A true friend will lead you to their most important friend.
-Evangelism is introducing new friends to old friends.
-Do you believe in hell?
-Do you believe that if someone doesn’t receive Jesus they spend eternity in torment separated from God?
-You only believe it if you are acting on it. What are you doing to keep your friends from going there?
3. GO TO BAT FOR YOUR FRIENDS
-This is where Paul wrote a letter and did all he could to restore the relationship.
-He offers to pay for any damages personally, again, like the Good Samaritan.
-There is speculation that Onesimus is the same Onesimus who later became a bishop or oversee in a region.
-Who knows how important that person is that you are reaching out to.
-Restore relationships if you can. Introduce your new friends to your old friends. Don’t be ashamed of them.
-Paul told Philemon to;
RECEIVE HIM
FORGIVE HIM
ACKNOWLEDGE HIS NEW STATUS
-We regard no man after the flesh even though we once regarded Jesus in that way.
-You really only love God to the extent that you demonstrate it to people.
-Stop closing your eyes and jumping until you reach out to that person that is here that looks like a cow at a new gate at a service.
-God is sending us His treasures, don’t demean them and insult your creator and their creator.
-Walk in love with people.
-Make new friends. Get out of your circle and don’t be so selfish.
-Mark Hankins said a couple of weeks ago that he had a tape series called; YOU COULD PROBABLY WHIP A SKUNK BUT YOU WOULDN’T WANT TO”.
-Why is that? Even if you win you still smell like a skunk.
-How do you treat a friend? Like Paul told Philemon to. Like Jesus would.
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a Onesimus means useful.
[1]The Holy Bible : New International Version, Phm 1-25. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1996, c1984.