What is a Real Man?

How many of you remember that moment when you first discovered that you were attracted to someone of the opposite gender? Where that boy went from being a cooties-infested yucky face to being McDreamy? Or where that girl went from being an annoyance to the only thing you could think about as you drifted off to bed? It was a powerful, magical moment, wasn’t it?

[WATCH VIDEO: Haven describing her first crush - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LNZwigaQjZg]

I mean, we see that here in this video where this little girl Haven is describing her crush on her friend's older brother Avery. She’s just ... taken in. We all have moments like this. What I find funny about young kids when they experience "first love" is the embarrassment that comes along with it. I mean, Haven did not want to talk to her mom about her crush at the beginning of the video, but as her mom pressed her, she couldn’t help but open up. The feelings she had were bubbling up inside of her… she couldn’t help it.

You see, attraction is a powerful thing. It means something. It was a part of God’s original design, something to draw men and women together so that they can experience something even deeper. Check it out in Genesis in the story of creation:

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Genesis 2:18–23 ESV

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”

God designed man and woman to be together, to be drawn together. To, in some ways, kind of need each other. Check out Adam’s response when God brings Eve before him. He's like, "WHOA! AT LAST! THIS IS THE ONE! WELL DONE, GOD!" The attraction Adam felt drew him and Eve together so that they could become one flesh. Unified. A team.

We live in a time when people—who deny the reality that God exists—when it comes to things like attraction, they try to tell us that the feelings of attraction that we have, that the love and desire we feel for others, is nothing more than a chemical reaction happening at a biological level, and that this chemical reaction has the sole purpose of causing us to find someone to mate with [their terms!] so we can make sure our species continues.

According to them, that is the sole purpose of attraction. It’s about making sure humanity continues. It has nothing to do with love. Nothing to do with commitment and contentment. Nothing to do with feelings. It’s all about making sure one thing happens. Now, I’m no scientist, but that just sounds lame. It makes me wonder if any of these people have ever been in love.

Imagine for a moment their vows at their wedding ... "I promise to have chemical reactions at a biological level that will make me want to want to mate with you." SERIOUSLY! Ladies, how many of you would be like, "Yeah! That’s MY MAN right there!" No way!

Do they know what it’s like? The joy? The wonder of getting to know another person at their deepest level? Of being able to do life with them—through thick and thin? The way I feel about my wife, the way she feels about me, isn’t just a chemical reaction. It’s the beautiful design of the Creator. God has designed us with relationships in mind. We were created for one another … to be in love.

Here’s the problem, though: most people don’t live as if that were the case. We don’t think of this beautiful design when we think about our relationships with other people. I mean, think about your schools for a minute. Think about the things people say about relationships. About how people use and abuse one another all for their own gain. Think about what we see and hear in the media. The way the world sees things is NOT the way that God has designed them.

Over the course of the next five weeks, we’re going to unpack—at least in part—the design that God has for relationships. We’re going to explore a biblical perspective on dating, on marriage, and on how we should view and establish boundaries in those.

But before we get to any of that, we need to first take time to explore ourselves. Before we can understand how to do relationships in a way that reflects the beautiful design, we need to understand how we ourselves operate as men and women who are a part of that system.

Tonight, in Week 1, we are going to answer this question: What makes a real man?

Let's pray.

The world is in trouble. All you have to do is look around or flip on the news for a few minutes and you’ll see it there: violence, theft, neglect, and abuse. We can’t deny it anymore.

Something is seriously wrong.

Out of a desire to make sense of why things are the way they are, we often seek out where the blame should fall: video games, violence in media, racism, and socio-economic status all the usual suspects for the woes of the world. While all of these things are TERRIBLE, I have to be honest in saying that I don’t know that they’re the root issues of the things we’re dealing with.

I think if we were to peel enough layers back and expose the heart of our problem as a society, we would see that all of the things we experience on a day-to-day basis are merely symptoms of what the real issue is: Men are no longer men the way God intended them to be.

Our society has warped the definition of manhood and turned it into something that it was never meant to be. If I were to take a random sampling of men and ask them, "What does it mean to be a man?" I bet I would probably get some of the following answers:

• A real man is tough and feels no emotions.

• A real man gets any girl he wants.

• A real man has it all: Ripped. Wealthy. Powerful. Popular.

• A real man can make others submit to him.

• A real man answers to no one.

These are all thoughts and ideas that are reinforced by the images we are bombarded with in the media. Just consider the movies Hollywood makes. Listen to the music that record labels produce. Examine the lives of the celebrities we idolize.

This warped understanding of manhood is all around us.

When we hear these messages as often as we do, they start to shape our hopes, which in turn begin to shape our reality.

We have way too many guys who are chasing after an ideal that was never meant to be. There are real consequences when this happens.

When men refuse to be men, the world falls apart.

Here’s what I mean by this statement:

• When men refuse to take responsibility for their lives and for the lives of those they’ve been entrusted with (such as their wife and children), their families are the ones who pay the price.

• When men refuse to grow up and instead continue to act like little boys, their lives come crashing down around them.

This is a statement that sociologists and researchers would back up. These aren’t religious researchers who have an agenda—these are secular researchers. People who have no connection to the church and no ulterior motives. It’s what the Bible declares to be true, and the research backs it up.

This is something we also see all too well here in our own city. Gibsonton is well-known for a lot of things, and sadly most of them aren’t good: Gang activity. Drug use. Teen pregnancy. While everyone bears the burden for the decisions they have made as an individual, ultimately the majority of these issues can be traced back to the same thing: dad wasn’t being dad.

The way our society views manhood is jacked up.

Being a man is not about conquering other people. It’s not about acquiring things. It’s not about how many notches you get on your bed post.

Those are the things a boy focuses on.

For all the young guys in this room, know this:

God is not calling you to be a boy. He’s calling you to be a man.

You need to know this: you will NEVER be able to find out what a REAL man is by looking to the world. As great as Hollywood movies are, they just don’t do masculinity justice. If you take your cues from what you see on TV or on the field with professional athletes, you will only RUIN your life and the lives of those you love.

So, if we can’t look to the world to find out what a man is, where can we look? Well, the Bible has an answer ... and you guessed it: Jesus. He was the ultimate man. He was the God-man. The only one worth modeling our lives after.

In Jesus’ life, we see everything a man should and could be.

So, what makes a real man?

Three things I want to focus on—three activities—three ways of life that will change you, and those you love, for the better.

[1] A REAL MAN IS SOMEONE WHO LOVES LIKE JESUS LOVED.

There is a notion out there that says men don’t love—at least in the way we commonly perceive the idea of love. Sure, men might feign love to get what they want from people, but deep down, they don’t have that emotion. Gooey feelings are for women. Men are suppose to be stoic. Unmoving. Unaffected.

This sounds good for a Western movie, but when we look at Jesus, we see an entirely different example. Jesus loved with a PASSION. Heck, He even told His disciples that LOVE was the most important thing for someone to pursue.

Check out what He told His disciples about love:

Matthew 22:36–40 ESV

“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”

Matthew 22

For Jesus, love was the MOST IMPORTANT thing! More important than any other commandment. It means we should pay attention and ask why that is.

This love EMPOWERED Jesus to do RADICAL things.

• He was able to look at the woman who was caught in the act of adultery and give her a second chance on life.

• He was able to engage with the Samaritan woman at the well who had been rejected by society and speak words of life to her, which ultimately led to her deliverance from shame and guilt.

• He was able to restore Peter after His denial and empower Him for a lifetime of service.

The love Jesus had for people not only changed lives—it changed the entire world. That is the same kind of love men are called to live out in their lives. Men are called to love God with a passion and to love others with a passion.

As men are faithful in doing this, they breathe hope and life into a world that is filled with death and despair.

Real men love.

[2] A REAL MAN IS SOMEONE WHO SERVES LIKE JESUS SERVED.

This is a counter-cultural idea, as well. Contrary to what the world will tell you, true greatness is not found in being served, but instead it’s found in serving others. Jesus didn’t come to Earth to have His every whim met, but instead He came to seek, find, save, and serve.

Mark 10:43–45 ESV

But it shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Jesus set an example for all men.

When it comes to the relationships a man has in life—he must know that other people are not placed there to make their life easier. Other people are not his servants.

• When a man has a wife one day, she is not there to do everything he doesn’t want to. She’s not there to clean and cook.

• When a man has children one day, he needs to recognize that they are not there to serve him. They aren’t there to do his chores and to mow the lawn to free him up to do things he wants to do, like watch football.

The charge given to men, by God, is to follow the example of Christ.

Real men serve.

[3] A REAL MAN IS SOMEONE WHO SACRIFICES LIKE JESUS SACRIFICED.

Even though He didn’t have to, Jesus willingly gave up His life for the sake of those who didn’t deserve it: us.

He laid everything aside so that we might know the joys of loving and being loved by His Father. He made the ultimate sacrifice so that we could experience His blessing.

Philippians 2:6–8 ESV

who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

Men are called to sacrifice so that others can experiencing blessings, as well. They are to lay aside hopes, ambitions, dreams, and their very lives if need be for the sake of those we have been entrusted with.

Being a man is not about getting others to sacrifice things so he can achieve his dreams, but instead it’s about laying aside his own will and desires so he can help others achieve theirs.

Real men sacrifice.

Deep down, I think we all know these things are true. Even though we can try to deny it and live our lives in a way that attempts to ignore it, this truth will still remain: The measure of a man is not in what he’s accomplished or achieved for himself, but rather it’s in what he’s given up and sacrificed for others.

Today, in our world, we’re catching glimpses of this in action, and when we hear about it, deep down something resonates with us, something that feels more real than any of the junk the world tries to sell us about being a man. We hear stories, and our gut reaction says, "That’s what being a man is about."

Several years ago, there was a tragic mass shooting at a movie theater in Colorado. During the shooting, multiple men dove on top of their girlfriends to protect their lives. They died so that the women could live. That’s what being a man is about.

CLOSING CHALLENGES—

• To the GUYS: ACT LIKE MEN. Do it the way God designed you. Love. Serve. Sacrifice. Do these things, and you can’t go wrong. Find men in your lives who can mentor you. You can learn how to install a flat screen TV from a YouTube video, but you can only learn the essence of manhood through relationships with other men.

• To the LADIES: don’t settle for a guy who won’t act and live like a man. Pursue Jesus, and don’t settle for someone who acts like a boy and lives selfishly.

When men live their lives as men should—the way Jesus did—the world won’t fall apart. It won’t come crashing down around them. They won’t leave a trail of broken, hurting people in their path. They won’t be living a life filled with shame and regret. In reality, they will do just the opposite. Instead of despair, they will bring hope. Instead of hurt, they will bring joy. Instead of death, they will bring life.

Our world is in need of REAL men—will you be one?

Let's pray.