Friend or Foe

Friend or Foe - 1 Samuel 18:1-30

PRAY

Let’s get us from last week to this week:

David’s continued path of training/education/preparation (in character and competence for the task the Lord had anointed him for and was preparing him for) would not always be pleasant. Some 14-15 years later David would indeed be equipped to be an excellent king in Israel, but there was yet a long road ahead. In that process, David would find not only a true friend but also a most unnecessary and undesirable foe from a unique source: the royal family. The prince would prove his true friend but the king a most sinister and persistent enemy.

Before our journey through chapter 18 is done, I want us to apply the challenge we find here to our relationships, particularly in the body of Christ. - Our desire should be for the flourishing of others to the glory of God. - In this effort, our own heart motives and maladies prove to be our greatest obstacles.

[We should see the fingerprints of a true Christian spirit versus an unChristian spirit all over this.]

1 Samuel 18:1–7 ESV

As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. And Saul took him that day and would not let him return to his father’s house. Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, and his armor, and even his sword and his bow and his belt. And David went out and was successful wherever Saul sent him, so that Saul set him over the men of war. And this was good in the sight of all the people and also in the sight of Saul’s servants. As they were coming home, when David returned from striking down the Philistine, the women came out of all the cities of Israel, singing and dancing, to meet King Saul, with tambourines, with songs of joy, and with musical instruments. And the women sang to one another as they celebrated, “Saul has struck down his thousands, and David his ten thousands.”

18:1-7 David’s Popularity and Jonathan’s Sincerity

Saul at first brings David into the fold to his own benefit. (see 1 Sam 14:52) - “Keep him close” to keep an eye on him was no doubt also in his mind.

1 Samuel 14:52 ESV

There was hard fighting against the Philistines all the days of Saul. And when Saul saw any strong man, or any valiant man, he attached him to himself.

Jonathan’s love for David…

Jonathan’s love for David is grounded in a common thread, a heart for a shared priority.

Undoubtedly what attracted Jonathan to David was his heroic effort with an outspoken commitment to and confidence in God.

Notice too that we’ve already begun to see that David’s time as a shepherd has prepared him to have a loving, protective heart. So too we will see in the friendship between Jonathan and David that Jonathan is loving and protective as well.

His love for David exemplifies a central Christian ethic: love your neighbor as yourself. - Jonathan loves David as himself.

Mark 12:29–31 ESV

Jesus answered, “The most important is, ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

His love for David stirs him to codify their commitment to one another.

Jonathan and David covenanted their love, their friendship, that they would not make enemies of one another. - a codified commitment and agreement

His love for David displays its sincerity in honoring David without concern for self-importance.

Jonathan honors David. (Rom 12:9-10, see also 12:3)

Romans 12:9–10 ESV

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.

[It is evident that] Jonathan would love to see David flourish. - Christian love seeks the best for the other person. - Jonathan’s example is good, Jesus’ example even better. Php 2:3-8

Philippians 2:3–8 ESV

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

[Now let’s see Saul’s reaction to David’s growing popularity.]

1 Samuel 18:8–21 ESV

And Saul was very angry, and this saying displeased him. He said, “They have ascribed to David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed thousands, and what more can he have but the kingdom?” And Saul eyed David from that day on. The next day a harmful spirit from God rushed upon Saul, and he raved within his house while David was playing the lyre, as he did day by day. Saul had his spear in his hand. And Saul hurled the spear, for he thought, “I will pin David to the wall.” But David evaded him twice. Saul was afraid of David because the Lord was with him but had departed from Saul. So Saul removed him from his presence and made him a commander of a thousand. And he went out and came in before the people. And David had success in all his undertakings, for the Lord was with him. And when Saul saw that he had great success, he stood in fearful awe of him. But all Israel and Judah loved David, for he went out and came in before them. Then Saul said to David, “Here is my elder daughter Merab. I will give her to you for a wife. Only be valiant for me and fight the Lord’s battles.” For Saul thought, “Let not my hand be against him, but let the hand of the Philistines be against him.” And David said to Saul, “Who am I, and who are my relatives, my father’s clan in Israel, that I should be son-in-law to the king?” But at the time when Merab, Saul’s daughter, should have been given to David, she was given to Adriel the Meholathite for a wife. Now Saul’s daughter Michal loved David. And they told Saul, and the thing pleased him. Saul thought, “Let me give her to him, that she may be a snare for him and that the hand of the Philistines may be against him.” Therefore Saul said to David a second time, “You shall now be my son-in-law.”

18:8-21 Jealousy Rules over Saul

Jealousy Reigns in Saul’s Heart (displeased, dangerous, deceitful, distracted/derailed)

Jealousy Makes Saul…

Jealousy causes Saul to be displeased when he ought to be thankful.

He makes him fearful of a friend’s success, blessing by God. (fearful for the absolute worst reason - bc God was with David) - ESVSB footnote that is RIGHT ON the money: “Saul’s primary concern was not the Lord’s honor or the people’s welfare but himself.”

Jealousy makes Saul unreasonable, a danger to his friends (and to himself).

He makes an enemy out of a friend. - Saul DID NOT need to make an enemy of David.

Jealousy causes Saul to use other loved ones as pons, as weapons. (making ill use of Michal’s love for David)

Jealousy twists Saul’s heart to the point of using a brother’s designs for God’s glory as a weapon against him. (17b only be valiant for me and fight the Lord’s battles - using David’s zeal for God against him)

Jealousy makes Saul lose all sight of who the true enemy is. (esp. 25c)

Saul’s jealousy succeeds in only making himself more miserable, in ensuring his demise. (Jealousy also harms others who aren’t the intended object.)

[How does David fair in this process?]

1 Samuel 18:22–30 ESV

And Saul commanded his servants, “Speak to David in private and say, ‘Behold, the king has delight in you, and all his servants love you. Now then become the king’s son-in-law.’ ” And Saul’s servants spoke those words in the ears of David. And David said, “Does it seem to you a little thing to become the king’s son-in-law, since I am a poor man and have no reputation?” And the servants of Saul told him, “Thus and so did David speak.” Then Saul said, “Thus shall you say to David, ‘The king desires no bride-price except a hundred foreskins of the Philistines, that he may be avenged of the king’s enemies.’ ” Now Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines. And when his servants told David these words, it pleased David well to be the king’s son-in-law. Before the time had expired, David arose and went, along with his men, and killed two hundred of the Philistines. And David brought their foreskins, which were given in full number to the king, that he might become the king’s son-in-law. And Saul gave him his daughter Michal for a wife. But when Saul saw and knew that the Lord was with David, and that Michal, Saul’s daughter, loved him, Saul was even more afraid of David. So Saul was David’s enemy continually. Then the commanders of the Philistines came out to battle, and as often as they came out David had more success than all the servants of Saul, so that his name was highly esteemed.

18:22-30 Meanwhile, the Lord Still Rules over David

Since the Lord reigns in David’s heart, David remains genuine.

David Remains…

Humble - His response to Saul’s servants.

Sincere in his efforts to serve and honor the king. - His response to Saul’s bride-price of valor. (It pleased David well to be the King’s son-in-law if he could honor the king and fight God’s enemies in the process.)

Successful in God’s hands - Because God is with David, his attempts to bring David down only build David up. (I wish it was always the case that our jealousy and envious attempts to harm the object of our jealousy failed miserably. Unfortunately things like bullying and jealousy and strife among teammates does greatly harm each other and does hinder the progress of the body of Christ.)

Thankfully though, God IS always bigger and in control even over the evil intent of the enemy (under the guise of a friend).

God honors David and God honors Jonathan. Saul gets on the fruit of his envy—heaps of misery.

(Additional) Application

What about when we don’t just “click” like David and Jonathan. - (We make the extra effort to) Love Your Neighbor as Yourself [in the context of Luke 10 and “who is my neighbor,” Jesus tells the parable of the good Samaritan]

It also isn’t uncommon that we can make life and ministry more difficult for one another.

A Christian Approach to Conflict Resolution: 7 Steps

Give one another the benefit of the doubt.

Let the small stuff slide.

Mind the plank (in your own eye).

Take it directly to the person.

Communicate openly but sensitively.

Encourage as well as challenge.

Give one another grace (room and time) to grow.

[rinse and repeat]

Here’s a recommendation that I have for keeping jealousy at bay AND digging up envy by the roots - Pray like Col 1:9-14

Colossians 1:9–14 ESV

And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him: bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; being strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy; giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

We must submit to the rule of Christ. “The only right choice is to relinquish any thought of attempting to maintain control and authority over our own lives, and to submit to Him alone who is qualified to reign.” (Bob Deffinbaugh)