Relationships

Relationships are often hard.

because you have two or more people with different beliefs interacting.

I remember early on

I remember when Arika and I first got married we had this big disagreement over whether maple syrup goes into the fridge or in the cabinet.

because my family put it in the fridge and hers just put it in the cabinet, which I thought was kinda weird…

But relationships are actually very hard, and not just marriage or dating but all relationships truly.

because like I said there are people coming together who have these different backgrounds and when we come together there are disagreements.

and then on top of all this relationships are constantly moving and shifting around

but then even when we sort through disagreements its still hard because relationships are constantly moving and shifting around.

and like we talked about last week change can often be difficult and especially a change in a relationship can be really hard.

Some of you know this way more then I do, because you have seen these shifts taking place.

the relationship with your spouse has changed in some way

the relationship with your kid or parent has changed

relationships at work have changed.

and when these changes occur it can hit us hard.

and when a shift occurs like this we have to step back and decide how am I going to respond to this change?

How do I respond when my spouses health is failing

How do I respond when my kid has run away from Christ

How do I respond when my boss at work is just a jerk.

How do I respond when (fill in the blank)

And Paul tackles these issues in the passage we will be in today which is

and Paul actually tells them look

and what is so cool about this passage is back in Biblical days the Roman government was trying to make it so every person would conform to the government so they wouldn't have riots and could keep control.

and they realized they could do this if they could control the family and control people at work.

so they would hand out these things called codes (which were kinda like pamphlets) and they told people this is how you treat your wife, this is how you treat your kid, and this is how you treat your slave.

and they were harsh because they would only be addressed to the head male and basically to sum it up, it was saying if someone goes against you, whether that be your wife or kids then you can just go ahead and take their life.

and Paul knows this is happening and he is writing this passage we are reading to battle these codes that the Romans are giving people, because he realizes that they are not healthy and we should be viewing our relationships through Christ.

but if they go against you then you have the right to take their life.

And this passage is a little challenging because we like a step by step process.

you know we want something that tells us okay if your kid is being disrespectful to you do this,

if this situation occurs do this

but Paul does not give us step by step advice, but he actually paints for us a big picture on what our relationships should look like and it is up to us to say how this apply’s in our own life.

So once again we will be in and it says:

Colossians 3:18–4:1 NIV

Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to curry their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for their wrongs, and there is no favoritism. Masters, provide your slaves with what is right and fair, because you know that you also have a Master in heaven.

So Paul starts with marriage and if I had to guess this is probably the most difficult areas for many of us, because there are so many shifts that occur in marriage.

You know Arika and I are getting ready to have a baby and that is going to change our whole relationship and I m sure that many of you remember the shift taking place

and while this is a joyful change its still a change.

but there are also changes in our spouses jobs where we might not see them as much

a shift I am sure many of us have dealt with is a health issue

whether is is through a health issue where we have to help our spouse move around or it could be your spouse is mentally changing, which can be heart breaking, but we have to ask ourselves how is my relationship going to change because of this.

because the person you married years ago changes all of the time.

and Paul here outlines in the middle of the change here is what you should do.

and truthfully what Paul tells us in verses 18 and 19 that we need to respond in love.

He first off tells wives to submit to their husbands, (which this is often taken out of context, because we stop there instead reading what it says next)

because what comes next is that Paul says husbands love your wives and do not be harsh to them.

and the word Paul uses for love is “agape”

and the word agape means Christlike love.

The love that Christ has for us.

and since Christ laid down His life on a cross for us it means that what Paul is saying to husbands is pretty intense.

Paul is saying Love your wife so much that you are willing to lay down your life for them.

and really you get this picture that a good marriage is when spouses are laying down there lives and pursuing God and their spouse through the love of Christ and even if you look at other passages in the Bible you can even see this submission to each other as long as it glorifies God.

and this is hard because Paul is saying when your spouse isn’t being the most enjoyable person in the world Love them and pursue them

when your spouse is going through a health issue it may mean us laying down our life for them.

When your spouse is switching jobs it means we can be there for them.

This means that we do not lash out at them, but it means we show them the love of Christ and really what it all this boils down to is Christ is the head of our marriage.

and if you are having a hard time with this today can I just encourage you not to give up.

Can I encourage you to just take a step back and ask how would Christ want me to respond to this and how can I serve my spouse even when they are not reflecting Christ in there life.

So Paul moves on and now he is talking to the relationship between parents and children.

and Paul tells children to obey their parents and he says for fathers but really it is meant for all parents to not to be harsh on your children or they will become discouraged.

and truthfully this part of this passage is pretty simple because its saying kids listen to your parents, because I know this can be a little suprising but they are often times looking out for you

and its telling parents to not be to harsh on your kids, because they are kids and when we are overly hard we are just tearing them down.

but parents I want you to catch something else and I know I don’t have a ton of experience parenting but there is something God is wanting you to do as a parent,

because the reason Paul is telling our children to obey us is because he is assuming we are following Christ.

and if we are not following Christ it causes issues.

have any of you ever played that telephone game where you start with a message and you pass it down from person to person and then by the end the message ends up being something crazy

you know the message starts out as “hi how are you?” and ends up some how being the lyrics of “santa clause is coming to town”

but really thats kinda what we do with our children, when we are not living lives for Christ.

because we are communicating to them who God is through the way we live and the way we treat them.

and we can choose to either communicate who God is clearly or we can warp who He is to them by allowing sin to creep into our lives and what often happens is they run away from God and even often times they will push away from us.

So Paul is telling us obey our parents and and give grace to our children. Really the grace that Christ gave us.

That doesn't mean having no discipline but its stepping back and asking God how do you want me to handle this.

what is it you want me to do?

How can I respond the way you are calling me to?

because one thing I know about our God is that His grace transforms us.

and if His grace transforms us imagine how that will shape our children

Finally the last area Paul brings up beginning in verse 22 is the relationship between slave and master, and I do not want to go to deep into this but this passage specifically is probably referring to a different type of slave which would have been almost like a hired worker, but the Bible actually talks about liberating slaves, it never says slavery is okay.

and in this passage if we were to bring this passage into modern America the relationship would be between a supervisor and employee.

and Paul starts out by telling us to obey our earthly masters (basically our bosses) and not only obey but to work our hardest for them.

Which is hard because if you have ever had a boss who was awful you know how hard that is.

I remember working at a company where a new boss was overseeing our department and they fired a few people in our department who were amazing and were treating everyone awful where people were quitting almost every week.

and I remember we couldn't stand them, but Paul is tells us look I want you to not only just deal with them, but I want you to work hard for them and do your best because they really are not your true masters but I am.

and its easy to read this and go okay Paul thats easy to say but you don’t know my boss, you don’t know my teacher they are a wicked person,

but Paul is writing this letter while literally bound in chains in prison.

and he is going “I know”

but you have a chance to represent Christ in your work place.

and then Paul reminds the masters or the bosses he says that they are to treat their workers well, because they are not the true boss because the true leader is God.

And you know Paul emphasizes these three relationships that we talked about but really what Paul is getting at is that he wants us to take a step back and evaluate what does every relationship we have look like when it glorifies Christ?

what does my ex’s relationship look like through the lens of Christ

What does my relationship with my grandparents look like through the lens of Christ

what does my relationship look like with my neighbor, my girlfriend, and even my enemy when I look at the relationship through the lens of Christ.

and there is a common thread that I noticed here because when all of the people in the relationship are striving to grow closer to Christ often times these relational aspects tend to work out.

look at this ladder with me. (we are going to do some geometry)

do you see how the ladder makes a triangle and both sides of the ladder lean into the top

if we consider the top of the triangle to be God and the each side someone in a relationship look what happens as I come closer to the top because as I am moving closer to God, I move closer to the person who I am in a relationship with wether that be in Marriage, with my children, with my coworker or anything.

but its true because as we grow closer to God he restores the relationships in our lives and bring us closer to others.

when we place God first in our life all of the relationships in our life life begin to fall into place, because God will not map out everything for us but hes going to guide us and show us each step we can take.

So ultimately I just want to encourage you today.

Some of us are having a hard time with some sort of relationship in our life, maybe its your spouse, maybe its your boss or kid or parent, but what would it look like to give that to Christ this morning.

because Christ will guide you on how to navigate this relationship and he will show you the way to move into he is calling you to be.

But it starts with laying down ourselves to Christ.