Boundaries Chapter Two

Recap: A Day in a Boundaryless Life

Sherrie’s life was crazy, her relationships with her family were strained and she couldn’t grasp the Joy of the Lord.

We discussed that many people suffer from a lack of setting boundaries

Chapter 2: What does a Boundary look like?

Invisible Property Lines and Responsibility

Physical Boundaries and Spiritual Boundaries

Physical Boundaries are very easy to spot- Fenses, property lines, deeds

Invisible Property Lines and Responsibility

· We understand physical boundaries- fences, property lines, etc.

· These kinds of Boundaries have responsibilities

· So do boundaries in the Spiritual world, the concern is identifying the lines

· Where do your responsibilities start and stop?

· These kind of boundaries define your soul, help you guard and maintain it.

Me and Not Me

· Boundaries define us- what is me and what is not me.

· Boundaries lead us to a healthy sense of self ownership.

· This gives us the freedom to take responsibility of our lives- options begin to open up, but when we don’t understand where our boundaries start and stop, we become very limited in our choices.

To and For

· ;

Galatians 6:2 NASB95

Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.

Galatians 6:5 NASB95

For each one will bear his own load.

· As Christians we are responsible to others and responsible for ourselves

· We are to carry each other’s burdens, but we also are responsible for our own load

· Boulders and Knapsacks

· Life’s boulders- Crisis an tragedies

· Life’s knapsack- feelings, attitudes and behaviors

Nature of Boundaries

Good in, Bad Out

·

Proverbs 4:23 NASB95

Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life.

· Boundaries are like a fence- they keep the good in and bad out

· Sometimes we do just the opposite! So our fences need gates.

· For Example- Confessing a sin or pain to God brings healing (pg. 33)

· Boundaries are NOT walls! The bible is clear that believers should not be walled off, but a part of a community.

· Good boundaries are permeable enough to let the Good in and keep the Bad out.

· Mary’s Story pg. 34

God and Boundaries

· The very nature of God gives us the concept of Boundaries.

· God is separate from creation, He tells us who he is and who he is not.

· The Trinity maintains boundaries

· God limits what he will allow in his presence.

Examples of Boundaries

“Boundaries are anything that helps to differentiate you from someone else, or shows where you begin and end.”

Skin

· The most basic boundary that defines you and I is our physical skin.

· Your physical self is the first way that you learn that you are separate from others- its something you slowly learn as an infant.

· Skin keeps out bad and the keeps in Good.

· Victims of Sexual abuse often have a poor sense of boundaries pg. 36

Words

· While boundaries are invisible in a spiritual sense, words can set boundaries

The basic boundary- setting word is no. it lets others know that you exist apart form them and that you are in control of you. Being clear about your no- and your yes- is a them that runs through the Bible.

No is a confrontational word. The bible says that we are to confront people we love, saying, “No, that behavior is not okay. I will not participate in that.” the word no is also important in setting limits on abuse.

· The bible also warns us against giving to others “reluctantly or under compulsion” .

· Words define your property for others as you communicate your feelings, intentions or dislikes.

Truth

· Knowing God’s truth about the world sets healthy limits on ourselves

· Knowing the truth of who we are sets limits on ourselves as well.

· Not accepting these truths leads to scattered and tumultuous living.

Geographical Distance

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Proverbs 22:3 NASB95

The prudent sees the evil and hides himself, But the naive go on, and are punished for it.

· Sometimes setting a boundary is physically removing yourself from a situation.

Time

· “Taking time off from a person or a project can be a way of regaining ownership over some out-of-control aspect of your life where boundaries need to be set.” Pg. 38

· One example is adult children.

Emotional Distance

· Emotional distance is a temporary boundary to give your heart the space it needs to be safe.

Other people

· When creating boundaries, a person needs the body of Christ to love and support them.

· Creating boundaries always involves a support group.

Consequences

· Trespassing carries consequences.

· Boundaries have to carry consequences when crossed.

Examples:

1) temporary leaving an alcoholic spouse if they continue to drink or beat you.

2) kicking an adult child out if they continue to use drugs under your roof

3) Etc.

·

2 Thessalonians 3:10 NASB95

For even when we were with you, we used to give you this order: if anyone is not willing to work, then he is not to eat, either.

2 Thessalonians 3:10 NASB95

For even when we were with you, we used to give you this order: if anyone is not willing to work, then he is not to eat, either.

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Proverbs 16:26 NASB95

A worker’s appetite works for him, For his hunger urges him on.

Proverbs 16:26 NASB95

A worker’s appetite works for him, For his hunger urges him on.