The Thriving Church, Part 3: Empathy

Brett Poynter

The Thriving Church • Sermon • Submitted 6 years ago

John 1:14

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John 1:14 CEB

The Word became flesh and made his home among us. We have seen his glory, glory like that of a father’s only son, full of grace and truth.

Hey You! (Get the audience’s attention)

“Pastor, if I raise my finger, will God know which one I’m going to raise even before I raise it?”

Thirteen-year-old Steve attended church every week with his parents. This particular time, he had stayed after the worship service to ask his pastor this pressing question. The pastor replied, “Yes, God knows everything.”

Haunted by the plight of African children suffering from dire famine, Steve then pulled out a Life magazine cover depicting two children tormented by starvation. He asked the logical follow-up, “Well, does God know about this and what’s going to happen to those kids?” The pastor gave a similar response: “Steve, I know you don’t understand, but yes, God knows about that.”

If you were Steve, would you be satisfied with the pastor’s answer to your question? Steve wasn’t. He walked out of his congregation that day and never again worshiped at a Christian church.

The good—even remarkable—news is that Steve was drawn like a magnet to the faith community, and his pastor specifically, for answers to the dilemmas that most troubled him.

The bad—even tragic—news is that his pastor’s shortsighted response repelled him from the faith community. Permanently. Even more disheartening is that the pastor failed to grasp the question behind Steve’s question. Similar to the young people in our congregation, Steve wasn’t merely asking an existential question about the nature of suffering. Likely behind Steve’s rather esoteric inquiry about children in Africa were more personal questions about life and faith. Perhaps Steve wondered why God would allow the suffering he himself had experienced in his 13 years, which included bullying at school, financial struggles at home, and most painfully, being relinquished for adoption by his birth parents. As Steve was trying to make sense of the pain in our world, he wanted his pastor to understand and help him make sense of his own pain.

Maybe you have heard of Steve. His last name is Jobs. Steve Jobs, founder and CEO of Apple, Inc., was a churchgoing teenager who wrestled with big questions. He sought out his church to help him pin down answers, but his congregation failed to understand what he was really asking.

Imagine if Steve had been greeted by a different answer from his pastor. One that was an on-ramp to a deeper discussion about faith rather than a conversational dead end. One that acknowledged Steve’s curiosity about suffering in Africa, as well as Steve’s deeper questions about life goals, divine love, and his own place in the world.

Imagine if the pastor had replied to 13-year-old Steve, “That’s a great question. How about if you and I and your dad meet for breakfast this week and talk about it?” Or imagine if Steve’s parents had been attentive enough to initiate a discussion with Steve themselves. Or that any adult had hit the conversational ball over the net to Steve instead of letting it slowly dribble off

Unfortunately, no adult answered Steve’s questions convincingly. No adult peered under the hood of his words to understand the inner cries that sparked his deep dilemmas. As a result, Steve, like so many young people today, walked away from both faith and the faith community.

Young people like Steve who swim in the deep end of challenging cultural and developmental questions often view the church as merely splashing around in the shallow end. Or worse yet, they perceive us standing on the pool deck, wagging our finger and blowing a whistle at them in condemnation of who they are and what they do.

Instead of staying on the deck, churches that are thriving and growing young dive into the deep waters of teenagers’ and young adults’ lives. Both in young people’s descriptions of their churches and in research findings during site visits, empathizing with today’s young people bubbled to the surface as a core commitment of growing young.

Look!

Reuse slide six core...

Six Core Commitments to Thrive and Grow Young:

Leadership, Empathy, Discipleship/Evangelism, Community, Priorities, Neighbors

Empathy

Discipleship/Evangelism

Community

Priorities

Neighbors

Core Commitment: Empathy

Core Commitment: Empathize with Today’s Young People

In this context of a thriving church, empathy, means feeling with young people.

Empathy, meanw feeling with young people. As defined by Stanford University’s “D” (Design) School, empathizing is

It doesn’t mean superficial or false sympathy. Or judgmentalism cloaked in helpful suggestions.

“Instead of playing video games all day, have you thought about looking online for a job?”

Powell, Kara. Growing Young: Six Essential Strategies to Help Young People Discover and Love Your Church . Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

Empathizing is... “the work you do to understand people. . . . It is your effort to understand the way they do things and why, their physical and emotional needs, how they think about the world, and what is meaningful to them.” - Stanford University Design School

“the work you do to understand people. . . . It is your effort to understand the way they do things and why, their physical and emotional needs, how they think about the world, and what is meaningful to them.” - Stanford University’s Design School

In other words, it’s sitting on the curb of a young person’s life, celebrating their dreams and grieving over their despair.

Empathy Seeks to Understand Today’s Young People

To understand someone we need to understand what’s going on inside, internally, beneath the surface, as well as external cultural forces that influence lives and direction.

Empathizing is what Jesus did.

Jesus Is the Greatest Empathizer

Jesus became one of us.

John 1:14 CEB

The Word became flesh and made his home among us. We have seen his glory, glory like that of a father’s only son, full of grace and truth.

Jesus is acquainted with us. Isa 53:14-15

Isaiah 53:4–5 CEB

4 It was certainly our sickness that he carried, and our sufferings that he bore, but we thought him afflicted, struck down by God and tormented. 5 He was pierced because of our rebellions and crushed because of our crimes. He bore the punishment that made us whole; by his wounds we are healed.

He walked with us. He was living life with us. Yet without sin.

Jesus was tempted in every way that we are. Heb 4:14-15

Hebrews 4:14–15 CEB

14 Also, let’s hold on to the confession since we have a great high priest who passed through the heavens, who is Jesus, God’s Son; 15 because we don’t have a high priest who can’t sympathize with our weaknesses but instead one who was tempted in every way that we are, except without sin.

He experienced rejection, teasing, bullying, financial hardship, relationship letdowns, loss, ridicule, thirst, hunger.

To Begin we need to examine And observe the circumstances of young people today.

Guess what? There are great work done on this already. I will share some of the best and most pertinent and recent research in social science, behavioral science, and practical theology research.

Warning. As we aim to go deep and empathize with young people, we will come across some unsettling news. But it will be tempered with the hope of Jesus and stories of success.

although there will be some detail stats. Don’t worry about remembering them all.

Powell, Kara. Growing Young: Six Essential Strategies to Help Young People Discover and Love Your Church . Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

See!

Observations from Churches That Are Thriving and Growing Young

Empathy is Contagious

It was obvious that young people who are surrounded by empathetic adults often become more empathetic themselves. When teenagers and emerging adults are appreciated, understood, and valued, they become conduits through which empathy flows.

To empathize with young people we have to explore Three Ultimate Questions:

Who am I?

Where do I fit in?

What difference do I make?

Questions chart

Young people experience these questions acutely.

The questions are also relevant for every generation.

We all contends with these. We belonging, identity, purpose.

However, after 30 we don’t dwell on some as much.

But for a young person 15 -29, they are acutely aware of these questions. They feel the pressure constantly.

A later finish line.

The time it takes today’s generation to emerge as adults has changed.

There is an extended adolescence.

Life stages slide

Young people’s journey to identity, belonging, and purpose ends later.

Median age for marriage: 26.5 for women, 28.7 men

5 years later than 50 years ago

2/3 of high school graduates enter college.

More than any other time in history.

Average American holds six different jobs between the ages of 18 and 26.

Parents today provide 11 percent more financial help to young adult children than in 1970.

All of this makes us feel like sometimes 25-year-olds sometimes seem like 15-year-olds.

Powell, Kara. Growing Young: Six Essential Strategies to Help Young People Discover and Love Your Church . Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

Earlier starting Line

Yet the inverse is also true. Sometimes 15-year-olds blow us away with their maturity, acting like 25-year-olds.

Young people’s journey to identity, belonging, and purpose starts earlier.

Powell, Kara. Growing Young: Six Essential Strategies to Help Young People Discover and Love Your Church . Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

Biologically - for example the onset of puberty in girls has plummeted from 16 to 12-13.

Powell, Kara. Growing Young: Six Essential Strategies to Help Young People Discover and Love Your Church . Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

Culturally - tidal wave of pressures, that were once adult concerns. Highly competitive sports in kindergarten to college prep courses in 8th grade.

children have arguably seen more, heard more, and done more than almost any previous generation.

At 15, young people carry more access to the world via the mobile devices in their pockets than their parents could ever fathom as teenagers. And yet at 25, they still rely on those same parents to fund the mobile plan that gives them that constant access to the world.

Fifteen is the new 25. Twenty-five is the new 15.

Yes, it is that complicated.

Today’s culture creates pervasive stress.

Powell, Kara. Growing Young: Six Essential Strategies to Help Young People Discover and Love Your Church . Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

Over eighty percent of young people connected to a church agree that their involvement decreases their stress.

Powell, Kara. Growing Young: Six Essential Strategies to Help Young People Discover and Love Your Church . Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

Over 80 percent of the young people in the congregations we surveyed agree that their church involvement decreases their stress. Even though church activities and leadership often make young people busier, there’s a significant upside. Congregational involvement seems to lessen anxiety by reminding young people of what’s important and inviting them to step away from the chaos of their lives to refocus on loving God and others.

Churches that are growing young empathize with young people and become a place that decreases stress.

The National Study of Youth and Religion (NSYR), a comprehensive sociological study of the faith of over 2,000 13- to 17-year-olds nationwide, uncovered some good news:

American teenagers are not hostile toward religion because they don’t care about it much.

Churches that are growing young empathize with young people and become a place that offers a compelling faith community.

Digital technology

It’s tempting for older generations to greet young people riveted to their devices with four words: “Put that thing down.” But a better—and growing young—response is to understand why they hunger for that digital connection. As technology scholar and researcher danah boyd suggests, “Fear is not the solution; empathy is.”

22 Young people use social media for one major reason: connection. Digital media offers young people desperate for community unprecedented access to their friends, family, and the rest of the world.

Churches growing young appreciate and empathize with how technology is a double-edged sword for young people eager to belong.

Digital media magnifies any cracks or holes that exist in young people’s social support structure. Pictures and social media posts about Tuesday afternoon study sessions and Friday night parties can make young people feel like “everyone else” has more friends.23 For teenagers and young adults desperate for a sense of belonging, technology provides quick bursts of momentum that can end up fizzing out.

Adult Abandonment

teenagers who viewed neighbors, relatives, teachers, coaches, pastors, priests, and parents as too busy or too self-absorbed to invest in them without an agenda. The family, once a hub of belonging for young people, now increases pressure and a sense of loneliness.

Powell, Kara. Growing Young: Six Essential Strategies to Help Young People Discover and Love Your Church . Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

Churches that grow young recognize the absence of caring adults and healthy families in a young person’s life and become a place that provides the needed support.

See! (Explain the passage)

Powell, Kara. Growing Young: Six Essential Strategies to Help Young People Discover and Love Your Church . Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

See! (Explain the passage)

Do!

MARK WARNER, sentaor, governor, capital investor, lawyer. vice chair senate intelligence committee. As a young voter, he couldn’t empathize with me and therefore no connection was made and I didn’t vote for him.

Ideas For Action

Pray

New chart

Young people’s deepest questions about identity are best answered by God’s grace.

Teenagers’ and emerging adults’ need to belong is ultimately met through the unconditional love of community.

Young people’s hunger for purpose is satisfied by being involved in God’s mission in the world.

Table needs a new column. Grace. Love. Mission.

Respond with Grace, Love, and Mission.

Powell, Kara. Growing Young: Six Essential Strategies to Help Young People Discover and Love Your Church . Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

Replay your own journey.

Ask why.

Stereotype no more.

An unemployed 24-year-old = lazy

Stop judging and appreciate the unique hurdles young people experience today.

Powell, Kara. Growing Young: Six Essential Strategies to Help Young People Discover and Love Your Church . Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

The Thriving Church, Part 3: Empathy

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Core Commitment: Empathy

Core Commitment: Empathize with Today’s Young People

Observations from Churches That Are Thriving and Growing Young

Observations from Churches That Are Thriving and Growing Young

Questions chart

Life stages slide

Fifteen is the new 25. Twenty-five is the new 15.

Ideas For Action

New chart