Dealing With Excess Baggage

Series Intro

People often look at happy images of relationships on social media and say, “I want that,” but they don’t really know what “that” is. They don’t know what’s behind that perfect photo.

They don’t know that the guy is tired because this is there 17th time posing for this same photo and all 17 looked fine to him.

Some of us think that relationship goals is shown in the romantic vacations and long walks, but relationships are much more complicated than that. The real secret to a great relationship/marriage goes far deeper than just a hashtag.

Our understanding of a healthy relationship should not be based on the latest reality show or trending couple. Our understanding of a healthy relationship must be based on the word of God.

Because if we are honest most of us have gone after that what the world says is relationship goals only to end up with bad credit, blocked numbers, more weight and a lot of explaining to do.

In this series we are going to learn how to both develop and achieve biblical relationship goals. Over the next four weeks we are going to learn a lot… we are going to laugh a lot, we are going to be challenged a lot. You will not want to miss a Sunday this month. God has given me much to share that’s going to be helpful for us all. Y’all ready…?

Judges 16:16–22 ESV

16 And when she pressed him hard with her words day after day, and urged him, his soul was vexed to death. 17 And he told her all his heart, and said to her, “A razor has never come upon my head, for I have been a Nazirite to God from my mother’s womb. If my head is shaved, then my strength will leave me, and I shall become weak and be like any other man.” 18 When Delilah saw that he had told her all his heart, she sent and called the lords of the Philistines, saying, “Come up again, for he has told me all his heart.” Then the lords of the Philistines came up to her and brought the money in their hands. 19 She made him sleep on her knees. And she called a man and had him shave off the seven locks of his head. Then she began to torment him, and his strength left him. 20 And she said, “The Philistines are upon you, Samson!” And he awoke from his sleep and said, “I will go out as at other times and shake myself free.” But he did not know that the Lord had left him. 21 And the Philistines seized him and gouged out his eyes and brought him down to Gaza and bound him with bronze shackles. And he ground at the mill in the prison. 22 But the hair of his head began to grow again after it had been shaved.

Sermon Intro

I’ve been in ministry for 19 years and over that time I’ve had the opportunity to council many couples. I’ve had friends call me from out of town to share with me some of the struggles from their relationships.

And one of the said truths is some relationships that seemingly had everything going for end… ended in disaster because of excess baggage.

Background

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I. The Problem Of Not Knowing Your Value

The story of Samson begins in Judges 13 where we learn that Israel has done evil in the sight of God and they are under the oppression of the Philistines. A man named Manoah and his wife were living in a place called Zorah and they were without child because his wife was barren.

They are oppressed by the Philistines and had been oppressed for many years, and Manoah’s wife is barren. In their time they would not be living the blessed life.

Then the bible tells us that an angel of the Lord appeared to Manoah’s wife and here’s what the angel said, “Get ready… things are about to turn around for you. You were barren but you are about to be pregnant with purpose and promise. You are going to have a child and your child is going to be a Nazirite to God (set aside for a special purpose) from the womb and he will begin to save Israel from the hand of your Philistine oppressors.”

Before he was born, God said he was special, God said he had a purpose.

Chapter 13 ends by saying… he grew up and the Lord blessed him.

Then the problem comes in Chap. 14 it says that Sampson left his own people and went down to Timnah and he saw the daughters of the Philistines then he wanted to marry the Philistine.

His God given purpose was to save Isarel from the Philistine oppression but Samson ends up going to them and falling in love.

Listen there is a danger in not knowing your value, not knowing your purpose.

You will think that the person oppressing you is doing it to help you

And the truth of the matter is there are toxic relationships that persists because somebody doesn’t know their value.

There are toxic relationships that persist where someone is being abused verbally or even physically because they don’t know their value.

And you begin to convence yourself that that toxic relationship is toxic because you have to get better, you’ll be convinced that you need the help of the person hurting you.

When you don’t know your self worth and purpose you will end up sleeping with the enemy and calling it fun.

Samson finds himself in Philistine terortory not realzing that he was in bed with the enemy.

Listen if you don’t know your value you’ll find yourself surrounded by enemies and not even know it.

Not only that not knowing your value cause you think your enemy is hurting you to help you.

When you don’t know your value.... you’ll settle for less than you deserve.

You’ll settle for less than you deserve

He said in vs. 3 “she is right in my eyes.”

You will allow others to miss treat you

After Samson gets the Philistine wife… she sides with the Philistines and tells them one of Samson’s secrets.

Listen when you don’t know your value you will often settle for someone who doesn’t value you and who may work against you.

She tells them one of Samson’s secrets… Samson gets upset… goes back to his dads house to blow of some steam… and when he goes back home… to be with his wife… somebody else is sleeping in his bed… and his father in law says… she’s now with your best man.

Listen my brothers and my sisters… when you don’t know who and who’s you are … when you don’t know your value you will allow others to devalue you.

When you don’t know your value you will settle for people who don’t value you.

When you don’t know your value… you will carry around with you the negative perceptions....

the negative words...

the negative actions that other people have thrown on you…

you will begin to walk around with other peoples baggage and treat it like your own.

Samson was born with purpose but the text suggest he didn’t know it.

Samson’s relationship issues began because he didn’t know his value.

Watch this… that bad relationship became baggage that Samson carried around with him.

Experiencing that bad relationship messed up Samson’s view of relationships.

Samson now has relationship baggage

And his baggage caused him to struggle with intimacy.

Story of the teacher abusing $100 bill.

II. Fear of Real Intimacy

Let me say this now… Intimacy is more than what you do in the bed.

Intimacy can be described this way

Intimacy = In to me you see

Real intimacy makes us feel alive like we've been found, as if someone finally took the time to peer into the depths of our soul and really see us there.

After Samson experienced that bad relationship… .and the blow back from it.... you ever had a bad relationship that just wouldn’t leave you alone after you left it.

I mean you broke up with him because he wasn’t good for you but your friends get mad because they liked him?

You broke up with her but because she wasn’t right for you but everytime your out in public you run into one of her cousins who’s always ready to fight…

Samson had blow back from the break up but then after that the problems from that relationship experience stayed with him and I know it because chapter 16 opens up saying “Samson went to Gaza and there he hooked up with a prostitute”.

III. Leaving Excess Baggage

You running around saying, somebody ain’t man enough for you… because they can’t accept you for who you are… NO THEY CAN’T GET TO WHO YOU ARE BECAUSE OF ALL OF THIS MESS.

You running around talking about you want a real woman… you ain’t got time for games… well she ain’t got time for the bags… Latasha left, the bags Nichole left, the Bags Michelle left.

The first goal of having a successful relationship is letting go of the baggage from previous relationships.

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