Lets Talk About SeX!

In this series, we’ve been exploring how men and women come together to fulfill the beautiful design of the Creator. So far, we’ve covered men, women, dating, and marriage.

Tonight, we're finishing our series on the beautiful design of the Creator as we talk about sex.

But school changed a lot of that for me. It took something that was foreign and strange and weird, and it helped me understand how it all works. I learned all about the anatomy of a male and the anatomy of a female and how those two things can come together and work their magic to make a baby. For a 4th grader, that was just awkward! Any of you guys feel that in your classes? Yeah … I was so unprepared for what they were teaching me! I had no frame of reference to understand it, and nobody to process it with. So, I did the only thing I knew to do. I took my teacher's word for what sex was and what its purpose was. Something purely physical—something natural all people engage in.

Looking back, I wish things had gone a bit differently. I wish my school didn’t just teach me the physical aspects of sex, I wish they taught me the true value of it. Sure, I knew if you wanted kids, there were certain things you needed to do with someone else. But it always seemed like there was something more to it … or at least that there should be.

It wasn’t until I started following Jesus that I started to discover the answers I was looking for: the true value and meaning behind sex.

Tonight, I want to do two things:

First, I want to help you guys understand how sex fits into the beautiful design of the Creator.

Second, I want to give you guys a principle that will help guide you as you navigate setting boundaries for yourself while you are still dating.

Let's pray.

I think sometimes, a lot of us in the church fall prey to the lie that tells us that there is something taboo about sex. Something that feels unholy, dirty, gross … right? Sure, we’ll joke about it in the locker room or with our friends when we’re hanging out, but it’s not something we sit down and have an honest conversation about it often—especially not at church. Something just feels weird about that ... like, are we really allowed to have this conversation?

Contrary to what you might think, sex is not dirty. It is not gross. There are certainly forms of sexuality that have been perverted and turned into those things—but in and of itself, sex is far from either of them. Sexuality, in its proper context, is one of the most beautiful and fulfilling things on this planet.

Believe it or not, the Bible has a LOT to say about sex. I mean, think about it: God created everything, right? We saw that in . So, when he surveyed everything He had created and said it is "very good," we can assume that God wasn’t just talking about lions and forests and oceans. He was also talking about sex. Let that sink in for a bit: God invented sex, and He declared it to be "very good."

It’s not just some perversion that came into the world with sin, like some people will tell you. They try to call sex the "original sin." That’s bogus! The original sin was pride! That’s what caused the fall. Sex was God’s design from the beginning!

Since this is the case, we have to come to grips with the reality that we are all sexual beings. God has created us to need, want, and desire physical intimacy with another person. Many of you guys are starting to ask questions about this side of you. When you guys hit puberty, some things started changing inside of you as your body began to develop, and suddenly you’ve been thinking things you never would have thought you would think when you were younger.

I want you to know, THAT’S OK. It’s perfectly normal. Bet you didn’t think you were going to hear that tonight, did you?

God has designed you to operate in a certain way. Sex was always a part of the beautiful design. There is nothing dirty or gross about it. However, for sex to be the thing God designed it to be—it must happen within its proper context, which is marriage. In the fireplace ... totally awesome. In your bed, totally destructive.

We need a Biblical perspective on it, and here’s why this is so important. Our world has a jacked-up perspective about sex. Don’t believe me? These were the lyrics of a song by the band Bloodhound Gang that was popular when I was your age:

“You and me baby ain’t nothing but mammals, so let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.”

These lyrics perfectly summarize the view that our world has about sex. It says that it is nothing more than a physical act. That it is nothing more than two people getting together for the sole purpose of gratifying their own sexual appetite.

Recently, there was a movie and book called 50 Shades of Grey that was arguing for this same line of thought. And people were EATING IT UP. Same for the books. Just look at how much money they made. Our world is SO CONFUSED when it comes to understanding the true value of the gift of sexuality that God has given us.

These twisted views are SO DESTRUCTIVE. They take somebody who has been created in the image of God—don’t ever forget that—and they turn them into an object that is to be used, abused, and taken advantage of until they are no longer desired or needed. There is nothing good or holy about the objectification of people.

God has a beautiful design for sex. And to discover this design, we’re going to turn to His Word.

If you have your Bibles, go ahead and flip over to Song of Solomon chapter 4. If you guys have never had a chance to read the story that’s in this book, I would highly encourage you to do so. Find somebody older—maybe a parent or a youth leader—and have them walk through it with you. You will have questions as you read it that they can help you answer.

Song of Solomon is a story that is all about the beautiful design that God intends for relationships.

In it, we see a relationship unfolding where Solomon, son of David and King of Israel, is pursuing the heart of a woman he’s fallen in love with. Beginning in chapter 1, the story follows Solomon’s courtship of the woman and his constant wooing of her heart. And as the story progresses, we see this relationship develop in a way that will ultimately lead to the marriage ceremony.

All throughout their relationship, Solomon made sure that they kept themselves from giving in to their desires before the appropriate time. In 3:3, Solomon tells his fiancé to not awaken love before it’s time. He acknowledges the desire they both feel but recognizes that it can and should be fulfilled in its proper context. For them, that is marriage.

This brings us up to chapter 4—which is the night of the wedding. They had done the hard work of building a relationship and living to the standards set before, and now that the ceremony was over, it was time for them to enjoy the good gift of sexuality that God had given to them.

Before we read it, you must understand some things about the context. Solomon is going to say a lot of things to his bride that are going to seem weird to us. Some of the compliments he gives her would probably just freak most girls out nowadays. However, were you to understand the society and culture at the time, you would understand that Solomon is really telling his bride that she not only matches the standards of beauty that their world holds up—she blows them away. They don’t hold a candle next to her.

This chapter represents a BEAUTIFUL picture of what happens when you step into the design of the Creator. Solomon did it right. He worked hard at loving, affirming, and building up his bride before they ever stepped into that bedroom. He didn’t go in there like a mammal to do it like they do on the Discovery Channel. He went in as a husband who loves, cherishes, and affirms the value, dignity, and worth of the woman he just pledged himself to for life.

This is the beautiful design of the Creator. It is only within the confines of marriage—where both parties are mutually submitting to one another and loving one another that sex, as God designed it, can find its true value and purpose.

There are four things that are revealed as this interaction between Solomon and his wife unfolds that reveal to us what sex—the way God designed it—produces.

[1] GOD-HONORING SEX PRODUCES ROMANCE.

Solomon was a baller. Did you notice how much time he spent in praising and wooing his wife? He started by praising her hair, and then he worked his way all the way down to her feet. He was captivated by her, and he wanted her to know it. The beauty of most of the poetry is lost on us—but there is no doubt that it worked for her. His romance overwhelmed her. By the time he got done she was like, "It’s on."

Sex is not just a physical act. When two people come together, one is not simply making love to a body—they are making love to a soul. Romance will ALWAYS be a part of God-honoring sexuality, because romance doesn’t objectify someone. It celebrates and honors them.

[2] GOD-HONORING SEX PRODUCES PASSION.

Passion here does not mean an uncontrollable lust. It’s not something that takes over that one becomes powerless to resist. That’s the passion the world promotes. God-honoring passion is when all the desire and devotion that once feels is channeled into the covenant relationship, they have with one person.

Did you feel the passion of Solomon’s words? Did you sense the passion of his bride’s response? These were not two people engaging in some act out of a physical lust they felt for one another. There was something so much deeper driving their desire. There was commitment—a oneness—a bond of unity that brought them closer than they could have ever imagined. This stoked the fires of passion in them, and when finally, these desires could be awakened in their proper context—marriage—it was game on.

[3] GOD-HONORING SEX PRODUCES HOLINESS.

In the last part of what we read—in 5:1—God looks upon the newly married couple and He encourages them to eat, to drink, to enjoy one another’s love.

That may be weird to think about but remember this: God created sex and He called it very good. When two people make all the right decisions in their relationship leading up to marriage, and when they are committed to loving and serving one another—there is nothing wrong with them enjoying one another’s bodies in marriage. It’s something that’s encouraged!

It’s something that produces holiness as the couple is drawn closer to one another and to God through it.

[4] GOD-HONORING SEX PRODUCES FULFILLMENT.

Do you ever wonder why those movies like 50 Shades of Grey are so popular? Do you wonder why people flock to see them? It’s because people feel a sense of emptiness in their own lives. They are searching for satisfaction and fulfillment in all the wrong places, and it’s just leaving them empty. Just ask anyone who is moving on from relationship to relationship searching for something real.

It can’t be found anywhere outside of the design of the Creator. When Solomon and his bride were finally able to come together as man and wife—after they had spent so much time waiting and holding back their desires—not only do we see romance, passion, and holiness, we see them experience fulfillment.

Fulfillment in knowing they don’t have to keep searching for something real; that they don’t have to give parts of themselves away that they don’t want to in order to receive love; that they don’t have to feel like an object that is used and abused for someone else’s pleasure.

In its proper context, God-honoring sexuality produces a deep and abiding sense of fulfillment—of knowing you are loved, cared for, and desired by another. But not only that, it also provides the security of knowing you have someone else with you do life with.

Sex, as God has designed it, and as His Word decreed it, is VERY GOOD. But only when it takes place in is proper context. Outside of the design, it will hurt you.

To wrap up, I want to spend a few minutes talking about boundaries.

While there are a lot of specific directions, I can give you guys about how to establish clear boundaries for yourselves before you’re married, I think we’d be better off narrowing our focus to one principle. It’s something that was taught by Jesus—and it’s one you probably are very familiar with. If you were to commit yourself to living out this principle in your life, I guarantee you that you won’t have any regrets from this day forward about things you wish you hadn’t done.

When asked what the most important commandment was, Jesus responded by saying:

“You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your being, with all your mind, and with all your strength. The second is this, you will love your neighbor as yourself.” []

Commit yourself to living those two things out, and you won’t go wrong. It’ll be impossible.

If you ever find yourself in a situation where things are about to get physical with someone, I want you to stop and ask these two questions: Am I showing love to God with what I’m doing right now? and Am I showing love to this other person right now?

Actively engaging in anything sexual outside of marriage is NOT a way to show God love, and it is NOT a way to show someone else love. It’s a way to show yourself love. And self-love, at the expense of others, is not love; it’s hated. It’s saying I want what I want, regardless of what it means for you. That’s not love. It’s pride. And that was the original sin.

So, if the answer is now, you need to STOP. Take a walk somewhere. Get out of whatever situation you are in and allow clear thinking to prevail. Giving in during a moment of passion isn’t worth the pain and baggage that you’ll carry with you down the road. It’s just not.

A word to those who’ve already messed up in this area: know that there is always grace. You don’t have to be defined by your past. You can make decisions today that will set you up for victory in your future. The Bible teaches us that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ. This means that there is no shame. There is no judgment. There is no fear. God can take your broken life—with all your regrets—and He can turn it into a BEAUTIFUL masterpiece. God redeems. You heard my wife share how this happened in her life. If that’s you tonight, know that it can happen for you as well.

My hope and my prayer are that you guys won’t fall prey to the lies the Enemy wants you to believe about sex. Guys, sex in marriage is FAR BETTER than any of the counterfeit garbage this world is throwing at you. Don’t settle. You were made for more than that.

Let's pray.