Colossians 3:20-21

One of the more vivid memories I have is when Sara Frances and I brought Hollis our first child home from the hospital. I was carrying him in his car seat as we walked through the door around the kitchen counter and then I put him down in the car seat on top of the dining room table. I looked at him. And thought, I have no idea what I am supposed to do right now. Can I just leave him here? Should I wake him up, let him sleep? I remember thinking wow I can’t believe the hospital just lets me take him home, don’t I have to pass some kind of test or get a licence or something so I know the rules.

Parenting is rewarding, fun and hard. You can be the most competent person in the world, People might line up listen to you and do what you say.

You know you can be the most competent person in the world, run a fortune 500 company, be a commander of thousands. You could be a wise sage, or philosopher. Or a rough and ready do it your self kind of person that can fix anything. People listen to you do what you say. Yet for all the competence you might have a 3 year old girl who does not want to wear her pants, can bring you to your knees. You can try to reason with, but all your superior knowledge does not matter to her, you can try to bribe her, you can even threaten, you can even try and do it yourself, but it only makes things worse. A 3 year old girl can get the best of anyone.

Yet for all the competence you might have a 3 year old girl who does not want to wear her pants, can bring you to your knees.

Parenting has its joys and challenges.

FCF: One of the greatest challenges in raising children is this, how to require obedience without nagging or belittling your children. You know how do you set good boundaries for them without crushing them. How do you encourage them and challenge them to grow. And then sometimes parenting is just terrifying. The pressure of helping form a human being can bring fear into our lives.

FCF:

It is hard to insist on obeidence because we don’t want to be too harsh , and it is hard not to provke and it is hard with all the pressure to parent

In our passage this morning we are looking at specific instructions about parenting, about raising children. And what we will find in our passage is that

It is hard to insist on obeidence because we don’t want to be too harsh , and it is hard not to provke and it is hard with all the pressure to parent

Because God is the father of his new humanity we should raise our children up in him

Specifically we see that we should raise them up through obedience, through encouragement, and raise them without fear.

Now I want to say a word before we dive in. Some of you hear don’t have children of your own, or if you do they might be grown well that is a whole set of other issues. What I am about to cover might not seem like it applies to you directly, but it does and I don’t want you to check out.

First raising children is not something that the small nuclear family does alone. Households in the Bible included a whole lot more than just mom dad and kids. And in the church we all have a stake in our children. In fact at our baptisms everyone makes a promise to God that we will do all in our power to support them in their life in Christ. We also have Godparents at baptisms and sponsors at Confirmations to help us keep these vows.

And secondly, parents know this and you may remember this. There comes a point in the life of many teenagers that they are convinced their parents know nothing, and the words of a teacher or mentor or coach will carry a special weight in their life. They will be able to hear words from you that would be much harder to hear from their parents.

So first, because God is the father of his new humanity we should

Raise our children up through obedience

Look with me at verse 20

Colossians 3:20 ESV

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

Should Parents should require their children to obey them? God’s anwser to this question is yes.

Children are to obey in everything, that is children should do what their parents say so long as it is not outside God’s will or word.

The family is the fundamental sphere for human development, for becoming the person God created us to be.

In

And by requiring obedience parents set the parameters to provide the space for the child grow and flourish into the people that God made them to be. It pleases God to see his children flourish. So parents require children to stop, look and listen so that don’t get severily hurt, so they can flourish as people.

So parents require children to stop, look and listen so that don’t get severily hurt, so they can flourish as people.

So for example are they required to finish their homework before they can go to a friends house? It depends on how much parents value finishing homework.

People who care about preserving life so we require them stop, look and listen. People who can persevere even when it is hard so parents require a child to finish their homework or do the yard work before they can go over to their friends house.

encourage their children to become the people that God made them to be. People who care about preserving life so we require them stop, look and listen. People who can persevere even when it is hard so parents require a child to finish their homework or do the yard work before they can go over to their friends house.

Why is it pleasing to God?

require a child to finish their homework or do the yard work before they can go over to their friends house.

on People who can persevere even when it is hard so parents require a child to finish their homework or do the yard work before they can go over to their friends house.

Requiring obedience sets the parameters for them to flourish, we have to learn what our limits are as human beings so that we can flourish.

Parents give their children a worldview, by requiring obedience they communicate what matters, what does not matter as much. So for example are they required to finish their homework before they can go to a friends house? Requiring obedience in this area passes on values of the importance of education, of discipline and priorities.

Illustration:

When I turned 15 I got my learners permit. That I got a licence to drive a car so long as an adult was in the car with me, I passed the test. And while many parents take their kids to a parking lot for their first time to drive a car or ease them into it, that was not the case with me. We walked out of the DMV and my mom handed me the keys to our white Astro conversion van and said take us home. So I get behind the wheel and drive on one of the busiest streets. My palms are sweating glued to the steering wheel at 10 and 2. At first learning to drive was exhausting trying to remember all sorts of new things, can I turn left at a stoplight if it is green, use your blinker, do I have enough gas, can I merge.

Now

Learning to drive well required me to learn the parameters. Obeying the rules of driving allowed me to flourish as a driver.

Application:

Parents require children to obey for the same reason. So that they can learn to live, to flourish.

So take homework for example. You can’t force a child finish their math homework. They have to choose to do it. But what you can do is set creational limits for them that reflect the real world. So just like if you don’t do your work you don’t get to fun things until your work is finished they are welcome to go to their friends house, or watch tv, or do whatever as soon as they finish their homework.

So for example parents require children to persevere when things get hard by setting limits for our children.

So parents can say yes you can go over to your friends house as soon as you finish your homework.

So parents can say yes you can go over to your friends house as soon as you finish your homework. Because one day they will have a job and one day they will not want to work, but you will have instilled in them a habit of persevering in your work before you rest.

Because one day they will have a job and one day they will not want to work, but you will have instilled in them a habit of persevering in your work before you rest.

And learning to obey means that they will make mistakes and children making mistakes and having to learn obedience is a good thing. So when your child yells at you and tells you that your stupid or I hate you. You are not failing as a parent. It is just one more opportunity for your child to learn that there are consequences if you don’t honor those God has placed in authority over them.

Why is it hard to require obedience

And those of you

Love is not unconditional affirmation

Parents require obedience by setting limits for children, by setting the parameters so that they can learn to become a flourishing human being.

Allow them to make mistakes

We are also to

Raise our children up through encouragement

Look with me at verse 21

Colossians 3:21 ESV

Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

Fathers here can refer to both parents here, but there is a specific eye to the importance of the fathers role. Fathers play an important role in raising children.

90 percent of all runaways and homeless children are from fatherless homes

85% of youths in prison come from fatherless homes

The father

Children without fathers are more often commit sexual assault.

And then the swing statistics show the positive effects of a father who is present.

Why is this? Well there are many reasons, but one fun reason is the simple act of roughhousing. Fathers are much more likely to wrestle with their children. And more than just being fun it is really important to do with children. Roughhousing is one of the most effective ways of developing empathy. You see because when get down on the floor and wrestle with your kids, inevitably one kid gets hurt. And what does dad do? He stops the roughhousing comforts the child until the tears stop and then they pick back up and keep wrestling. It is here that children are learning how to be appropriately aggressive, aggressive and at the same time in tune to the needs and emotion of another. They learn that some things are off limits like punches to the face, or eye gouge. Appropriate aggression with empathy.

Fathers are usually the ones doing this because they enjoy it, they are not setting out to build empathy in their children, but being present and enjoying their kids God is at work raising their children in his likeness.

Parents are not to provoke or embitter their children. Paul is saying don’t require obedience in a way that your children resent you.

Our passage goes on Fathers or parents are not to provoke or embitter their children. Paul is saying don’t require obedience in a way that your children resent you.

Parrents are not to provoke or embitter their children. Paul is saying don’t require obedience in a way that your children resent you.

Because if you do they may become discouraged, that is they may lose heart and give up.

And in this warning we see the positive side of what parents are to do. Parents are to be an encouragement. They are to parent in such a way that emboldens their children. That their child grows having a sense that they are not too much for their parents or not enough for their parents, but that they have what it takes to engage God’s world creatively and effectively.

Parents are to encourage their children by fanning into flame the life of a child so that they have the heart and courage to faithfully love God and neighbor.

Illustration:

So enjoy a good fire. And I use to early in the morning before everyone got up when it was cold outside go upstairs and get a fire started so that when everyone else woke up they came up to a nice warm fire. And when getting the fire started, it can be helpful to just blow ever so much on the embers and kindling. So that a newly emerging flame would grow stronger with the air. Now if I blew too hard sometimes I would blow the flame out, and I would have to relight it. But once the flame grew large the more air you blew the flame just grew bigger and bigger.

Application:

Encouraging our children is like fanning the flame. If we provoke or embitter our children it is like giving them more wind then their fire can handle and their flame goes out. They become discouraged.

But if we are going to encourage our kids we do need to fan the flame so they grow or else, when they get older the slightest breeze might snuff them out.

Children need just enough physical emotional spiritual challenge. Like joints and muscles need stresses to develop property without it they atrophy. But too much they become discouraged.

So what this means is parents need think about their children's growth and provide them opportunities to grow that is appropriate to their maturity.

So

Now encouragement does require a

So if you have never taught your daughter how to drive a stick shift truck, don’t ask her to back one up to a tailor. It will only discourage her and frustrate you.

At the same time we make sure our kids do difficult things that stretch them so they grow. This is how you en-courage a child. It is more than just being positive and cheering them on. It is providing them the opportunity to exercise courage and grow, and risk and stick to something, to do something meaningful.

If you push too hard the flame can die out, if you don’t push at all the flame won’t grow, but just the right amount of challenge stretching them allows them to grow and flourish.

Oh and if you want to see your child beam have give them the opportunity to accomplish something difficult.

So

And oh fathers, after your son or daughter has done something hard, risked doing something worth while, engaged in something potentially frightening, where there is a potential of failure, you can look his or her eyes and say; well done. You have what it takes.

As you breath this encouraging wind into their life, the fire within them will burn bright.

after doing something worth while, something hard, something potentially frightening, a father can look his son in the eyes and say; well done. You have what it takes.

We are to raise them up through encouragement, and

Raise them up with out fear

Model

This passage that we are reading we must remember takes place within a context of the whole book, and the whole Bible.

Paul can speak to parents this way, because earlier he has spoken of God as our Father.

Look with me at chapter 1 verse 12

Colossians 1:12 ESV

giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light.

God the father has qualified you, past tense. In Christ you have already been qualified. This means that because of Jesus all your mistakes, all your faults, all your sins past, present and future are not counted against you. What qualifies you before God the father is the life of Jesus.

Illustration:

So let’s say you go to a banker for a loan and you don’t have good credit. And well there is not much you can do about it your not qualified for the loan, but if someone with excellent credit is qualified they can co-sign with you. In walks the wealthy bankers son and says I’ll co-sign. So he does the funds are yours, your qualified, because of someone else.

Application:

Jesus co-signed the papers for us with his life so that we would be qualified to inherit God’s riches.

Your job as a parent is not what qualifies you. Sometimes we parents can look to the success of our kids for our salvation. When our kids flourishing is too important we parent out of fear. We are afraid that if we don’t do this or if we have done this that our children won’t flourish.

Here is the deal parents, at some level we will fail our children. Maybe we will not be emotionally present enough for them, or instill enough discipline for them, and we will fail our children in ways that we aren't even aware of ourselves, and might not only find out until our kids have grown.

Does this mean we throw in the towel? No, but what it does mean is that when we fail we can admit it because our salvation is not on the line. We can seek forgiveness, we can make every effort to change the ways that we fall short. And we can continually go to Jesus for help.

What children need is not perfect parents, or parents who know all the answers, or parents who have figured it all out, what children need most is parents who know they need Jesus.

This means that parents your job of parenting is not what qualifies you. You can raise your children without fear. Your standing before God does not depend on your parenting or how well your kids turn out.

You can raise your children without fear. Your standing before God does not depend on your parenting or how well your kids turn out.

For as we look to Jesus for our salvation, our worth, our significance we show them where the true source of meaning and all delight is found.

Conclusion:

In the Old Testament God reveals him self as YHWH, his covenant name. I am who I am. His holiness and majesty, the demand for humility in humanity. While this does not go away in the New Testament something is added, a new factor that was not so much thought of, a new way of relating to God, as Jesus taught us to pray by saying our Father. Father is God’s new covenant name. And Christians are his children. As we raise our kids and look after the needs of our children we do so because we have a heavenly father who is raising us and looking after our needs, and who loves us as his own children.

Jesus

To be right with a judge is a great thing, but to be lo