Valentine's Day

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Valentine’s Day

Give me any movie and I’ll point out the lie…
Have you ever thought of your marriage as a service to God?

Marriage is a battleship, not a pleasure cruise.

Your marriage is a ____________________, not a ________________ ____________.
Think about a cruise… no worries about diet, money, jobs, kids, etc…
We go into glutton mode – we leave our worries and cares behind
It’s beyond gluttony, we brag about it!
That’s not real life! That’s Disney…
Think about a battleship… many people running around like one organism
Mess hall, bridge crew, weapons experts, mechanics…
It’s a lot of work, but there’s a lot of work to do!
And then there’s the guys off duty playing cards, watching movies seeing the world...
That’s the fun part – marriage has a fun part, but it’s not the goal of it all
Battleship’s want to fight the good fight, defending the nation, instituting democracy, aiding those in distress…
Marriage does the same… it exists to do the work of God by becoming “holy”
What is holy?
ho·ly (ˈhōlē)
1. dedicated or consecrated to God or a religious purpose; sacred.
“Oh, you’re so holy! Going to bed every night with your warm milk and your sleep hats.”
She says it like it’s a bad thing, but we should strive for that. Being holy is good!
Let me ask you: if you could change the world, would you?
If so, start with your marriage!
Even if you’re not married yet!

Marriage is a part of God’s plan, it is not our idea

That means that we are supposed to be on a mission together.
Just like generals come up with a battle plan, God’s battle plan is to use marriage
If so, start with your marriage!
The reason that’s the best place is because it has a domino effect. If you teach your kids, and they teach theirs, and on and on, you pass on what is good. But it’s not just your kids, it’s your friends and extended family and others who see you…
Ecclesiastes 4:9–12 ESV
9 Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. 10 For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! 11 Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? 12 And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
Fighting the Good Fight
: Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. 10 For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up. 11 Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone? 12 Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
If God has paired us together to fight, what is our battlefield…
The community
The Church
Your family
Each other

The Needs of Men and Women

Disney has ruined marriage
Ephesians 5:33 ESV
33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Give me any movie and I’ll point out the lie…
Have you ever thought of your marriage as a service to God?

Men crave RESPECT, Women crave LOVE

Not to say we don’t need both, but we are wired for it
God’s Purpose for Marriage

Marriage is a battleship, not a pleasure cruise.

Adding more of the wrong one won’t help
Everything we talk about is something YOU can do first!
I recommend you both start making changes right now!
Think about a cruise… no worries about diet, money, jobs, kids, etc…
We go into glutton mode – we leave our worries and cares behind

Love your wife until her C.U.P. runneth over

It’s beyond gluttony, we brag about it!
C – Closeness
U – Understood
That’s not real life! That’s Disney…
Think about a battleship… many people running around like one organism
P – Prized

Men need respect in the 3 “W”’s

Mess hall, bridge crew, weapons experts, mechanics…
It’s a lot of work, but there’s a lot of work to do!
W – Work
And then there’s the guys off duty playing cards and watching movies
W – Wisdom
That’s the fun part – marriage has a fun part, but it’s not the goal of it all
W – Warmth
Battleship’s want to fight the good fight, defending the nation, instituting democracy, aiding those in distress…

Women desire CLOSENESS

Song of Solomon 8:6 ESV
6 Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the Lord.
Song of Solomon 8:6–7 ESV
6 Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the Lord. 7 Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. If a man offered for love all the wealth of his house, he would be utterly despised.
Marriage does the same… it exists to do the work of God by becoming “holy”
Song 8:6-
What is the most common reason listed for divorce? Irreconcilable differences…
What is holy?
You must understand that not all differences are meant to be reconciled
ho·ly (ˈhōlē)
1. dedicated or consecrated to God or a religious purpose; sacred.
We get married knowing that we’re different. Then we end up shocked and in awe because the other person is different. Because we only want them to be different in the fun right ways. We don’t like differences when they challenge us. But those challenging ones refine us, stretch us and mold us so we reflect Christ.
In those moments, you can use the forum of marriage to improve and become more refined. That is becoming more holy, that’s the whole point.
“Oh, you’re so holy! Going to bed every night with your warm milk and your sleep hats.” She says it like it’s a bad thing, but we should strive for that. Being holy is good!
Let me ask you: if you could change the world, would you?
If so, the best place to start is with your marriage!

Marriage is a part of God’s plan; it was not an accident.

Marriage is the place where you see the ugliest parts about you
That means that we are supposed to be on a mission together.
But marriage is also the place where you can learn how to change that
Just like generals come up with a battle plan, God’s battle plan is to use marriage
Think about this… when Scripture explains our relationship with Christ, we are called what?
If so, start with your marriage!
His bride!
Think about what the church does...
Evangelism? Service? Worship?
If Christ and His bride accomplish that, what should our husband and wife picture look like?
Here’s probably the most significant...
Proverbs 22:6 ESV
6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
If you teach your kids, and they teach theirs, and on and on, you pass on what is good.
But it’s not just your kids, it’s your friends and extended family and others who see you…
Fighting the Good Fight
Ecclesiastes 4:9–12 ESV
9 Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. 10 For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! 11 Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? 12 And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
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: Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. 10 For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up. 11 Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone? 12 Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
If God has paired us together to fight, we want to talk about our battlefields…

The Battlefields: Your Community, Church, Family and Each other

Community

1. Community

2. Church

Doesn’t mean these are all the people you fight with… these are the people you fight for...

3. Family

4. Each other

Helping the Community
Loving God is attached to loving people
mat 22:37-40
Matthew 22:37–40 ESV
37 And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 40 On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”
mat 29:37-40
Matthew 19:37-40: Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”
Notice that when Jesus was supposed to name the greatest commandment, He gave two
You can’t have one without the other! Loving God is attached to loving others.
Example: Javi and Nicole work together doing ministry (whether they realize that or not)
People should ask why we’re different… the answer is Jesus!
TALK ABOUT BREE
Bree used to say we were “relationship goals” and a good team because we always caught her
Her strategy was to divide and conquer, but we would always communicate
It’s not just teenagers that want to divide and conquer, but the whole world.
Stress, worries, fears… they all want to split you and your husband. It’s Satan really.
You have to be a team, and the world will respond to that.
Helping the Church

Service in the church is not separate from your role in marriage.

Genesis 2:18 ESV
18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
: And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”
God wants married people to be together in church
Now you may serve together (Carmen and Jeremy)
Or apart (Leon and Angel)
BUT we are not separate entities!
We all know that Leon and Angel are married, and their ministries often overlap
Like last night… Leon was folding napkins
Talk about how Tasha needs me to sit by her
The real problem lies when one person goes to church and the other spouse stays home.
Church is a place to be refueled and built up.
If only one is doing that, you can’t be growing in the same direction.
We used to go to another church, and I stuck it out far past the breaking point. I told had to go. I said he could keep going, but I had to go somewhere else. Dan said “Then we’re leaving, because we have to go to church together.”
Helping your Family

Marriage was designed specifically to grow families!

Genesis 9:7 ESV
7 And you, be fruitful and multiply, increase greatly on the earth and multiply in it.”
For example, Ryan plays Marvin Gaye and Matt and Alison head out the door to...
: And as for you, be fruitful and multiply; Bring forth abundantly in the earth And multiply in it.”
The most obvious purpose for marriage is to make families
EXECUTE THE CROSS ILLUSTRATION
A lot of damage is done if we don’t stick to His plan
That’s why marriage is so important
: But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
1 Timothy 5:8 ESV
8 But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
Our love has to reach our extended families as well, because they are God’s gift to us
I know we don’t always feel that – that might make some of you cringe
This includes in-laws, siblings, parents, etc…
BUT that doesn’t mean you are slaves to them
Sometimes in war, when other soldiers are reckless, they need to become POW’s
To help, sometimes loved one’s need to become _________.
Illustration: Bowe Bergdahl deserved to be captured, hopefully others learned
If your family is messing up, let them reap some consequences
But this is important, do it because you love them
In the story of the prodigal son, the father let the son face his consequences
He ended up learning and became better… but the father was there waiting for his return
Sometimes we need to pray from a distance, and welcome them back when they return
Helping Each Other
Not all _______________________ are meant to be ____________________!
Ephesians 5:22–28 ESV
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
: Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.
God gave men and women each a responsibility for each other
And they are BOTH sacrificial
Love is an ACTION, not a FEELING!

Marriage exposes our weaknesses and gives us a forum to grow

Read the passage from “Sacred Marriage” (pp 86-87)
What is the most common reason listed for divorce? Irreconcilable differences…
You must understand that not all differences are meant to be reconciled
We get married knowing that we’re different. Then we end up shocked and in awe because the other person is different. Because we only want them to be different in the fun right ways. We don’t like differences when they challenge us. But those challenging ones refine us, stretch us and mold us so we reflect Christ.
In those moments, you can use the forum of marriage to improve and become more refined. That is becoming more holy, that’s the whole point.
Marriage is the place where you see the ugliest parts about you
But marriage is also the place where you can learn how to change that
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