Marriage, Singleness, and Identity
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Welcome
If you’re new, thanks for joining us today. We’re excited to celebrate what God has done and is doing through the ministry of the Refuge as we celebrate several men who have completed this morning.
At Veritas, we go through books of the Bible and learn from what God has spoken to us through the Scriptures.
Today, we’re in … if you don’t have a Bible, you can grab one in the pew right in front of you… and that is our gift to you.
We’re bouncing around a bit, but next week we’ll be looking at Christian accountability and forgiveness, and the end of that passage dovetails into this one today… So Jesus finishes talking about forgiveness and then jumps into this text.
If you’re able, out of reverence for the Word of God, please stand for the reading of Scripture this morning.
Now when Jesus had finished these sayings, he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea beyond the Jordan.
And large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.
And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?”
He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female,
and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?
So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?”
He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.
And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”
The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.”
But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given.
For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”
Jesus has a large crowd around him, he’s healing and caring for the sick.
Then the religious leaders try to catch him in a trap again, they’re trying to come against Jesus.
Faithlife Study Bible Chapter 19
in order to test him Their real intention is to discredit Jesus by getting Him to contradict what Moses taught about divorce (compare Matt 16:1; 22:18, 35).
There were several leaders in the religious community, of the day, that were in disagreement over the issue of divorce.
Today, it’s apparent that once again Jesus is addressing a interpersonal conflict over what is an appropriate view regarding marriage, the most sacred of human relationships.
So we will examine (1) the essence of identity, gender, and marriage as seen in (vs. 1-9), (2) the gift of singleness as seen in (vs. 10-12), and we will briefly discuss (3) how this fits within God’s wider plan of redemption and hope for all people.
The Essence of Identity, Gender, and Marriage (vs. 1-9)
Now when Jesus had finished these sayings, he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea beyond the Jordan.
And large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.
And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?”
He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female,
and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?
So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?”
He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.
And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”
The religious leaders are confronting Jesus & When the religious leaders refer to Moses law, they’re referring to what is written in the Old Testament book of Deuteronomy.
“When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house,
and if she goes and becomes another man’s wife,
and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife,
then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the Lord. And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance.
feut 24:1
“When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house,
Deut
Up to this point, the pharisees thought the “certificate” is what made the act of divorce okay… and Jesus is saying, “NO!”
Jesus essentially tells the religious leaders, “they’re missing the entire point of marriage. They’re completely wrong about marriage.”
Marriage exists to point us towards God and point us towards the gospel!
Marriage is the only relationship that could be likened to God’s relationship as the Trinity (Father, Spirit, and Son).
Marriage is the only relationship that could be likened to God’s relationship as the Trinity (Father, Spirit, and Son).
The Trinity of Father, Spirit, Son has always existed in perfect, harmonious, and sacrificial love! This is the ideal — this is the perfection of God.
In the beginning, marriage was meant to mirror this reality…
Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.”
And God set them in the expanse of the heavens to give light on the earth,
And God made the two great lights—the greater light to rule the day and the lesser light to rule the night—and the stars.
As image bearers, we are made to reflect God’s perfect nature, and in turn, ascribe to him glory, which is our greatest virtue, our highest aim — our reason for existence!
This is the source of genuine joy and meaning — to be in healthy relationships that honor God and point to his perfect love!
This was distorted by sin — and ultimately, the reality of marriage was distorted as well.
In antiquity, at the time of Jesus, women who were divorced could not survive in society and were placed in the margins.
women who were divorced could not survive in society and were placed in the margins
men were divorcing their wives if they found “any indecency” with them
And what was happening was that men were divorcing their wives if they found “any indecency” with them… and this included any and everything:
they didn’t like what they made for supper, they didn’t like how they looked anymore, they wanted to marry someone else.
For these reasons, they would divorce, and they would back it up by using the Bible — which they did WRONGLY!
Jesus goes back to the original intent of marriage being a lifelong aim.
matthew 19:4
He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female,
and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?
So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
Jesus quotes & makes reference to … “I have made you uniquely male and female...” And I love how he finishes this:
And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day.
Few takeaways here:
God makes human beings as male or female ().
We are not ambiguous creatures that create our own definition biologically. We are made this way, and God calls it good.
Furthermore, the Bible gives no indication that either Male or Female makes for a better or more exceptional sex.
Human beings, whether male or female are image bearers of God and are, therefore, infinitely valued by God.
God created human beings as male and female, but our worth is not limited to our sexuality.
Our culture wants to say that our identity is completely wrapped up in our sexuality.
But we are more than that! We are made by God and we are made for God.
True life isn’t found by exploring whatever sexual desires we experience.
True life isn’t found merely in identifying sexually.
True life is found in God. And that is true for every person, despite what proclivities or desires we experience.
Identity, simplified, boils down to what we ultimately find meaning in or derive our purpose from.
My identity, the most important definitions of me boil down to the fact that, “I am...”
We use, “I am
And the most fundamental response to what I am, biblically, is that I am and you are A CHILD OF THE LIVING GOD!
So fundamentally, my identity is in who God says I am not in what I say I am or in what culture says I am or in what someone else says that I am.
I am labeled by God and that is a good thing… because God values each of us greatly!
Many of our expectations about marriage are wrong.
One fallacy of marriage is related to our expectations = “if it’s good then it should be easy...”
That’s simply not true!
Then why did God permit marriage in the Old Testament, that what the religious leaders are asking???
And Jesus responds, because of sin.
fallacy = “if it’s good then it should be easy...”
matthew 19:
He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.
Essentially, Jesus is saying, “divorce is not ideal, but sometimes divorce happens — because of sin.”
But divorce isn’t something we should celebrate or be flippant about.
And I think one of the reasons this is so hard is that we, like this early community we’re reading about today, are so selfish! ALL OF US!!!
In the book the meaning of marriage, Tim Keller starts off the first chapter by digging into our assumptions and expectations about marriage. He says:
In the book the meaning of marriage, Tim Keller starts off the first chapter by digging into our assumptions and expectations about marriage. He says "Both men and women today want a marriage in which they can receive emotional and sexual satisfaction from someone who will simply let them "be themselves."
"Both men and women today want a marriage in which they can receive emotional and sexual satisfaction from someone who will simply let them "be themselves."
We expect the other person to meet our needs, do what we wish, make us happy — without any expectation or assumption that maybe we need to change, maybe we need to grow, maybe we need to serve.
c
[SIDENOTE] I want to make very clear what I AM NOT SAYING RIGHT HERE —
If you’re in an abusive relationship in any way, I am not saying you should suck it up and stay with that person.
You deserve to demand that any abuse stop and I believe you have every right to refuse & to do whatever is necessary to get out of that situation — and as a church, we want to you to know we will do whatever we can to help you!
Spousal and relational abuse is all too common and often goes unreported.
Spousal and relational abuse is all too common and often goes unreported.
No one should be expected to remain in an abusive relationship.
And if you’re an abuser, “WOE TO YOU. GOD WILL NOT DEAL KINDLY WITH YOU UNLESS YOU TURN FROM YOUR WAYS.” This is serious and we must acknowledge it.
Now I recognize that this is not in this passage, but I felt the need to clarify that point, as I do not want anyone here today to misunderstand the point Jesus is trying to make or that I am trying to make.
so one issue = if it’s good then it should be easy...”...
What Jesus is acknowledging is similar to what he’s been saying throughout Matthew and particularly around these chapters — relationships matter, (1) ultimately our relationship with God and what follows is (2) our relationship with others. Marriage falls in the later category and shouldn’t be seen as a way to exploit someone else or be selfish.
Healthy relationships are hard, especially marriage.
But this should not be an excuse for selfishness… We should take our focus off ourself and focus our attention towards God — he’s the only one that can cleanse us from our selfishness & wretchedness.
We will consider that more briefly...
The Gift of Singleness (vs. 10-12)
The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.”
But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given.
For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”
This is really important for the church to recognize. And I don’t have time to belabor it here — but often I think we can emphasize marriage to the point that singles can feel as though they are less human… and this is not what the Bible teaches.
Marriage is a gift of God, but so is singleness.
Some people are called to be single, and to make the most of their singleness by devoting their whole life to God, friendship, and ministry.
Jesus never married.
Paul never married.
So who are we to say that the appropriate path will always include marriage? It’s not.
The Bible teaches that singleness is a gift.
And there are some who will not be attracted to the opposite sex, but want to remain faithful to the Bible’s sexual ethic, and therefore, will remain single. Are they less human? NO.
If we neglect this truth, we are neglecting an important aspect of Scripture and we are not serving our Christian brothers and sisters who embrace being single.
The church community should be a place for married and single folks to thrive in their relationship with God and one another.
For the sake of the kingdom of heaven (vs. 12b)
For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”
maathew 19:12
All of this — identity language — marriage, singleness, what we do with life is aimed towards one destination and that is heaven!
And as Christians, we work to live for God’s Kingdom now… we love as Jesus loved, we serve as Jesus served, we live, to the best of our ability, as Jesus lived.
Because here’s reality: Marriage is hard. Singleness is hard. Rooting our identity in Christ is hard.
In reality, all of life’s relationships are hard to manage and none of us do this perfectly and that’s why we need Jesus & that is precisely why we need one another!
In fact, in — Jesus meets with a woman of Samaria (Samarians and jews never interacted, they hated each other)
But Jesus, a jewish man, talks with this Samarian women, who we come to find out has had 5 husbands, is living with someone who isn’t her husband & Jesus essentially tells her:
“You’re trying to find your identity in earthly relationships — you’re trying to find your hope in earthly things… and you keep coming up empty...”
john 4:13-
Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again,
but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”
Friend, I don’t know what you’re wrestling with this morning — but I do know that:
self-absorbed living will not satisfy you —
I do know that trying to find hope in yourself and in your longings and in your sexuality will not satisfy you —
I do know that even trying to find identity in a good thing like marriage will not satisfy you...
As Jesus tells the Samaritan women in — only God, only Jesus offers true life and the invitation is to have a relationship with him.
Every good relationship is a foreshadowing of the greatest relationship — the need for us to have a relationship with God.
That what you need, that’s what I need.
Application:
Community Group Reflection:
Read . What does Jesus mean when he says in verse 8, “because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so?”
Read . In what ways had the Pharisees misunderstood and misused the Bible’s teaching concerning divorce and marriage?
Read . What is the purpose of what Jesus is communicating in these verses? Why is it important for the church to prioritize single and married adults simultaneously?
COMMUNION
L: In the night in which he was betrayed, Our lord Jesus took bread,He gave thanks; broke it, and gave it to his disciples, saying: Take and eat; this is my body, given for you.Do this for the remembrance of me.
NOTES:
L: Again, after supper,He took the cup, gave thanks, and gave it for all to drink, saying; this cup is The new covenant in my blood, shed for you and for all people for the forgiveness of sin.Do this for the remembrance of me. Silent Reflection – to prepare our hearts toCome to the Lords table
fallacy = “if it’s good then it should be easy...”
L: Jesus' death brings us life and this meal reminds us that we are fed by Jesus and forgiven because of Jesus.
God’s purpose
C: We rejoice that You have died, have risen, and are now with the Father advocating for us. Amen.
The tragedy
L: With our money, time, and talent we give generously, knowing that through Your Son, Jesus, You have generously given to us.
our hope when it’s hard
C: We rejoice that You have given everything and we joyfully give everything back to Your care. Amen.
L: If you believe Jesus died to forgive you your sins you are welcome to come,
L: Come for all is ready
BENEDICTION
As you go, trust not in your own wisdom or abilities, but heed the call of scripture to seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, having faith that all things needed will be provided for you as you live for the glory of God. Peace be with you.
duet 24:1-4 —> ..
marriage exists to point us towards God and points us towards the gospel
a display of the trinity
, where Jesus shows love to a woman, not celebrating her divorce, but showing her love and care
10-12
the value of singleness
you aren’t less of a human or of a christian if you’re single