Living in Belief with Grief

Jewish Meditation Literature

As I have been going through the bible in a year with Kara, I have been introduced to a way of reading through that has just been fascinating. We have the usual 2-4 chapters each day, but we have one Psalm per day as well. On top of that, we are reading in the original order of the TaNaK.

I am finding that in this stage of my life, considering what I have learned in the last few years, it really is like reading it again for the first time. There are still questions, but I am enjoying it immensely.

As we have gone through the Psalms, I have been reading them as Jewish meditation literature. What that mean, in short, is you read it out loud quietly to yourself. You might need to read it a few times. English makes it very difficult to follow the poetry. And look, I am not a poetry guy. But once you are able to see the architecture of the poems, they come alive. When you pray the Psalm’s as though they are your own prayer, they will start to mess with you mind!

One of the Psalm’s, Psalm 43, deals with a theme that we all wrestle with at some point in our lives. The poet is working through a moment in their life where they are feeling like they are being controlled by others, God is their only safe haven and they believe God has tossed them aside. The writer is expressing how to life in belief and grief at the same time.

SLIDE: Living in Belief with Grief

Living in Belief with Grief

Living in belief and grief is a monumental challenge for someone to overcome. The two seem diametrically opposed to each other.

At times it seems there is a conversation going on inside yourself, between your thoughts and your soul.

When this happens you may find yourself stuck, like there is no agreement between your belief and your grief.

The poet gives no indication it is easy, rather the poem expresses how the author found themselves through distress by way of believing. Let’s take a look at Psalm 43 and see if this writer has anything that might apply to us. Remember, it is meditation literature. The best way to read this is to see yourself as the speaker, as though you were speaking the words yourself. Put yourself in the shoes of the author, make them your own. You might find yourself standing in front of a reflective mirror, learning something about you.

SLIDE:

Psalm 43 ESV

Vindicate me, O God, and defend my cause against an ungodly people, from the deceitful and unjust man deliver me! For you are the God in whom I take refuge; why have you rejected me? Why do I go about mourning because of the oppression of the enemy? Send out your light and your truth; let them lead me; let them bring me to your holy hill and to your dwelling! Then I will go to the altar of God, to God my exceeding joy, and I will praise you with the lyre, O God, my God. Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.

Let’s break this down into sections. There may be just five verses, but they are dense with things to say to us.

SLIDE: Vindicate me...

1 Vindicate me, O God, and defend my cause against an ungodly people, from the deceitful and unjust man deliver me!

Have you ever felt like you were living in a nation of people, or even among a few people that just did not understand you? The author is asking God to plead his case to the people around him and also to judge his case. Vindicate would be to render a judgement, but also to defend his case. He is asking God to be he defending attorney and the judge at the same time. That should bring up an image for us, Jesus who represents us before the Father, and the Father who is the judge. It so happens, they are the same.

SLIDE: For you are the God in whom...

2 For you are the God in whom I take refuge; why have you rejected me?

Implication: God is behaving just like the people in the nation! The poet has described his circumstances, and in the middle of those circumstances they feel as though they have been rejected, expelled from God’s presence.

Notice the tension in this statement: I take refuge in you, yet you have expelled me. This is how the author feels at the moment. Their circumstances don’t warrant any belief there is any refuge. They are perplexed by God’s absence in the moment. “I always go to God and He seems to be so distant.” The why is reflecting on the request for God to vindicate, to judge them, at least then they will know why God has rejected them.

SLIDE: Why do I go about mourning...

Why do I go about mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?

Two thoughts here: 1) If God is not with me, then why worry about those against me, I might as well join them, and 2) why am I letting those against me cause me to mourn? Why have I granted them this authority over my soul?

The implication is, “why am I giving so much power over me?” The poet’s decision to mourn is just that, his own decision. He can decide otherwise. But where do you start?

How do you break the logjam in your mind? You invite a third party to the conversation.

SLIDE: Send out your light and your truth

3 Send out your light and your truth; let them lead me; let them bring me to your holy hill and to your dwelling!

You invite Light and Truth to your conversation.

Light and truth are trying to take you back in your mind to when Israel was led around by a column of fire in the wilderness. To a time when the fire of God raged in the Tabernacle. The truth is a desire to return to a time when you could plead your case before God, he would hear it and he would rule justly.

SLIDE: let them lead me;

Let the light and truth lead me, question, lead me where? The author is longing to return to a time when the people simply followed the column of fire and pillar of smoke. When the pillar of fire was with Israel, no enemy could withstand the power and presence of Yahweh. The poet is asking God to send light and truth to lead him.

Light to show the way…Truth to calm their mind.

SLIDE: let them bring me to your holy hill and

Ah, that is where we are headed, that is where we want to go, to God’s Holy Hill. Where is that? Jerusalem.

SLIDE: and to your dwelling?

Even more specific, to the place that God dwells. Where is that for this Old Testament writer? In the Holy of Holies, deep in the center of the Temple/Tabernacle. The place where the high priest goes in but once a year. The poet wants to be with God in his dwelling.

God’s dwelling is the place of refuge. That is important, keep that in mind.

SLIDE: Then I will go...

4 Then I will go to the altar of God, to God my exceeding joy, and I will praise you with the lyre, O God, my God.

The light and truth will lead the poet to the altar of God, to God who is exceeding joy!

What is the antidote to distress? Joy. What is the source of joy for this poet? God.

What is the result? The poet breaks out in song and praise for his God.

By inviting God into the conversation, being led to this moment of reminding, the writer has begun a journey towards joy.

We are never given an indication the author made it to the altar of God, but does it really matter? Even if it is only a thought, the mere memory, the mental image of this moment is enough to break the tie between his mind and his soul.

At this point, the author resumes the internal conversation, but this time they are thinking from a very different perspective.

SLIDE: Why are you cast down...

5 Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?

What a brilliant question the author asks of himself! There is some very specific language in this verse.

“Cast down” - We see this term used all over the Old Testament when someone has died and goes to Sheol, to that place under the earth where the dead reside.

“Turmoil” - We see this term used across the Old Testament when the people are groaning, complaining, but it gives a sense of chaos.

And here is what the poet does, he does the whole “mind over matter” thing with his soul.

SLIDE: Hope in God...

Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.

There is an answer to his plea, and the author is going to praise God regardless of the internal war that is waged. It would seem that light and truth have led him to the altar of God and this moment.

But did you notice something…there was no trial, there was no judgement, there is no indication that God changed any circumstance for this poet. It is not as if all the people suddenly switched from evil, unloving ways to good, loving ways. There is no indication the oppression of his enemies stopped.

Rather, the writer has seen a way through this moment by inviting God into the conversation, making a plea for light and truth.

SLIDE: What does this mean for us?

What does this mean for us?

In happy and healthy times it is human nature to be outgoing and positive when you consider life.

In times of distress it is human nature to withdrawal and be alone, to see yourself as rejected.

SLIDE: Image of scroll

This is not new to our modern time. There is an ancient Egyptian text from approximately 1300 BC that has been titled “Dispute over Suicide” where the author has captured his internal dialog with his own soul.

He suggests to his soul that the miseries of life make suicide attractive. His soul suggests that death that way is a bit too gloomy.

Interesting that in what this Egyptian writes, there is no solution presented. But its existence is a testimony to this problem existing for a long, long time.

When you find yourself in despair, it destroys the positive view on your life and your world, but that is not the worst.

Despair turns you against yourself. When the pressures of life, people, job, relationships, etc., all come down on you, it will cause introversion, you will withdrawal from others and ultimately from God.

SLIDE: God in your mind will break the bind

God in your mind will break the bind

For our poet, they invite God into the dialogue to break the bind.

He stops talking to himself and starts talking to God, which puts deliverance in view for him.

When you put the memories and burdens aside and make your plea to God to deliver you, you take a step forward on a path that leads to freedom and restoration. Freedom and restoration that will result in praise and will bring about mental and spiritual health.