Built to last part 3

Built to last Part 3

"Anyone who listens to My teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock.

Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won't collapse because it is built on bedrock.

But anyone who hears My teaching and doesn't obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand.

When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash."

Introduction

Good morning Southpointe, We're in last sermon in the marriage series “Built to Last. This morning I want to talk to you about -- "How To Storm Proof Your Marriage".

. We're in part six -- "How To Storm Proof Your Marriage". Today; "Build to last

The parable of the wise and foolish builders may not seem like much of an application to marriage but I want us to think of it in those terms this morning.

Particularly Matt. 25:25 Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won't collapse because it is built on bedrock.

Two homes are built. One is built on rock, one is built on sand. Two builders. One is wise, one is foolish.

Same circumstances. Violent storms. Yet there are different results. One stands firm and one collapses.

Jesus says the difference is the foundation. I think that's true in a marriage as much as in building a house.

Today I want us to look at external factors that can hurt your marriage.

Jesus says the difference is the foundation. I think that's true in a marriage as much as in building a house. We're going to look at how to storm proof your marriage.

Notice there are three external forces in this passage that tear down a house.

These kinds of things -- rains, winds, floods -- can break up a house.

Today we want to compare rains, winds, and floods to the culture we live in; the crises we live through and the changes we live with.

They are: the culture we live in; the crises we live through (the catastrophes, the calamities); and the changes we live with.

1. THE CULTURE YOU'RE LIVING IN

1. THE CULTURE YOU'RE LIVING IN

This is kind of like the rains. Just as the rains soak everything in sight, the culture will get in our home, our society, our families, our marriages.

There are forces in our society that work against the family.

We have to be aware that culture does influence even Christian marriages. Just like continuous rain has an eroding effect on a house, our culture has an eroding effect on our marriages.

here's no doubt that it's harder to stay married today than at any other time in history.

There's no doubt that it's harder to stay married today than at any other time in history.

In this book called Forecast 2000. One of the disturbing chapters in it is called "The Faltering Family". George Gallup took a nationwide poll to find out what are the cultural factors that hurt a marriage, that we need to be alert to.

1. Alternative lifestyles.

There are so many different opinions and challenging voices today. There's mass confusion regarding what is a real marriage. Even the media promotes unclear roles and goals. How many times do you see a happily married couple on TV? Not often.

2. Sexual immorality.

He talks about the vast majority of teenagers having premarital sex. Half of the men in the nationwide study admitted cheating on their wives. That's a lot of people.

One psychiatrist says, "In my practice I've been particularly struck by how many women have been able to use an affair to raise their consciousness and confidence."

That's the world's value system. That's the culture we live in.

It bugs me that, on television, the only people you see going to bed with each other are not married, or they're married to somebody else.

When was the last time you saw a happily married couple walk into a bedroom together on TV? You don't see it. It's almost as if you can have relations with anybody except your partner.

3. The economy.

3. The economy.

Economic pressures, materialism, this trying to get more and more. The Saddleback Syndrome -- you get yourself committed to a house payment and then you get so in debt that both of you have to hustle to make ends meet and then you don't have time for each other.

The family is deteriorating and everybody's going different directions, with less time.

Gallup says as women have joined the work force in response to economic needs one result has been the increased emotional strain on marriages and families. Face it. Materialism is an external stress.

4. Radical feminism.

"Feminism is a disturbing factor. In its present form appears to exert a destabilizing influence on family relationships, husbands, wives, and children."

Radical feminism is just as self-centered as chauvinism. They are both wrong. It's an attitude of "I'm going to live for me. I'm going to do my own thing. I'm going to do what I want to do regardless of what anybody else thinks. I'm going to look out for my rights and my needs."

A book, New Rules, gives an example: "Among married people I interviewed for this book, those most devoted to self-fulfillment are having the most trouble in their marriages.

Truly committed fulfillment seekers focus so sharply on their own needs that instead of achieving a more intimate, giving, relationship they grow further apart from each other.

People want to enlarge their choices, but by seeking to keep all options open they actually diminish them."

That's the kind of culture we live in.

"Don't be conformed to this world but be transformed."

He's not talking about how you look or how you dress. He's talking about your value system. I like Phillips version.

"Don't let the world squeeze you in its mold." Even materialism: Get all you can, can all you get, sit on the can and spoil the rest. Be aware of those kinds of things.

"Don't let the world squeeze you in its mold."

Materialism motto: Get all you can, can all you get, sit on the can and spoil the rest. Be aware of those kinds of things.

"Do not follow the crowd in doing wrong."

his is a good verse for teenagers but adults do the same thing. If they got a new video system, we've got to get a new video system. They've got a Winnebago, we've got to get a Winnebago. We have to be aware of the culture we live in. It's like rain, it erodes God's values for the family.

We have to be aware of the culture we live in. It's like rain, it erodes God's values for the family.

2. THE CRISES WE LIVE THROUGH

I'm talking about those things that turn your life upside down, that come in every marriage -- external forces that throw you in low gear and you wonder what's going to happen.

hese are the floods of adversity. They overwhelm you and you're up to your neck and you think you're going to go under. The most devastating form of natural calamity is a flood.

These are the floods of adversity. They overwhelm you and you're up to your neck and you think you're going to go under.

The greatest calamity that's happened in the last 200 years happened in 1887 in China. It was the Yellow River Flood and seven million people were killed.

Floods are devastating. Floods inevitably flow into your marriage if you stay together for any length of time.

It may be an accident, a bankruptcy, a cancer, a rebellious child that ends up in jail, a prolonged illness.

It may be all kinds of things - At this point many people will simply walk out. They think, "I can't handle this."

You get under pressure financially and think, "Maybe it would be better to split up and start over instead of trying to face all these bills."

One of the tests of your marriage strengths is how do you handle it when your lifestyle is turned upside down. How do you handle it?

The key is commitment, for better or for worse.

The key is commitment, for better or for worse.

One of the thoughts that have been going through my mind is "In sickness and in health..." It's commitment that makes a difference.

How do you handle those kinds of things? One of the thoughts that have been going through my mind is "In sickness and in health..." It's commitment that makes a difference.

This month’s issue of Psychology Today cover article, "Why Marriages Last." They went back and asked people who had been married an extended period of time why they got married and what kept them together.

What came up over and over again is in a crisis the only thing that holds you together is commitment.

One woman who had been married for 35 years said, "You can't run home to mother when the first sign of trouble appears."

A man who had been married 20 years: "Commitment means a willingness to be unhappy for a while." You don't just jump off the ship the first sign of trouble.

How many of you would admit that in some time in your marriage you have been unhappy for a while? That's called commitment. That means you stuck with it even if it wasn't any fun.

It's not always fun. There are crises that come into your marriage and are going to happen.

Successful marriages simply have the attitude of "We're in this together. We're a team. We're allies. We'll work on it. We will make it work." When two become one it means when one hurts the other hurts.

It's interesting to me that David in the Psalms used this idea of floods to constantly refer to how he felt toward overwhelming problems.

The floods of danger have engulfed me... the floods of depression have overcome me. ... The floods of my enemies and my problems...."

Over and over again he uses this illustration of floods representing the overwhelming diversities, the casualties, the things that come in from the outside that you can't control.

Some of you are in that situation right now. You're marriage is going through deep waters. You know you're just barely keeping your neck above water.

You're treading water and getting tired. It's tough.

What do you do when you're in a marriage and you've got a problem that is so severe but you can't do anything about it. It's beyond your control?

God tells us what to do in : He tells us to do three things when we're facing a situation.

But now, O Jacob, listen to the LORD who created you. O Israel, the One who formed you says, "Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are Mine.

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.

He says three things:

+ "But now this is what the Lord says, `He who created you, O Jacob, He who formed you, O Israel, `Fear not, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by my name. You are mine. When you pass through the waters I will be with you. When you pass through the rivers they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned. The flames will not set you ablaze.'" He says three things:

A. Relax in God's plan.

You might as well relax. You can't do anything about it anyway. Worrying never solved a problem. It's like rocking in a rocking chair -- a lot of motion but no progress.

Don't worry. Fear not. There are 365 "fear not"s in the Bible, one for every day of the year. He says, “Don't be afraid.” Why? "For I have redeemed you." He's saying, “I've got a plan.”

You may not see it, you may not understand it, you may not recognize it, but there is a purpose behind this problem and God's purpose is always greater than any problem you'll face.

Even though you don't see it, you relax in God's plan. What option do you have, worry?

You can't do anything about it. Worrying doesn't change the past. It doesn't resolve the future. All it does is mess up today. Relax in God's plan.

B. Recognize God's presence.

Often times we will say "Lord, do You know the problem I'm going through right now?" God says, “I've got your number, I know where you are, I can get in touch with you anytime you need Me. Any time you need Me, I'm there." Relax in God's plan.

B. Recognize God's presence.

When you're in a situation beyond your control, recognize His presence.

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you."

If you're a Christian, you never go through a flood by yourself. God is with you, you're not alone. He's here. Recognize God's presence.

C. Rely on God's protection.

Have this attitude, "God, we're trusting You to see us through this. We don't like it. We don't want it. We don't enjoy it.

Have the attitude, "God, we're trusting You to see us through this. We don't like it. We don't want it. We don't enjoy it. God, we're going through a difficult time in our marriage right now, but we're going to trust You to see us through. We're going to realize that You won't let us get burned." Rely on God's protection.

God, we're going through a difficult time in our marriage right now, but we're going to trust You to see us through.

We're going to realize that You won't let us get burned." Rely on God's protection.

Notice the Isaiah 43:2 says, "When you walk around the fire." No, it doesn't say that. "When you walk over the fire." It doesn't say that. It says, "When you go through the fire."

Why does God do that? Why doesn't He just say, “You can avoid this one. Let's go around it this time." No. It's always through the fire, through the water.

That's how He solves problems. He doesn't take you around them. He takes you through the fire, through the water.

And notice the speed at which you go through. "When you walk." I don't like that word either!

When I'm going through the fire, I want to hop, skip and jump. I want to get it over as quickly as possible.

"Lord, why do I have to walk?"

Have you ever had days like this.... months like this? Some of you have had years like this. "Lord, why do I have to walk?"

How do you get through a flood in your marriage? One day at a time. One step at a time.

When you have a crisis that wants to blow away your marriage you really have two options -- you can either walk out or walk through.

When you have a crisis that wants to blow away your marriage you really have two options -- you can either walk out or walk through.

That's it. You can walk out -- and a lot of people do it. Or you walk through it. That's commitment. That's what gives you a stable marriage.

3. THE CHANGES YOU LIVE WITH

3. BE PREPARED FOR THE CHANGES YOU LIVE WITH

The fact is, your marriage is always changing. It is always either getting better or it's getting worse.

The fact is, your marriage is always changing. It is dynamic. It is not static. It is always either getting better or it's getting worse.

It is always improving or it is deteriorating. It just does not stand still. It's always either decaying or it is growing.

If you're not growing together, you're growing apart.

The key to successful marriage is you grow together.

One of the most common complaints I hear in counseling is "We just outgrew each other." That could have been avoided.

"He's not the same man or woman that I married."You've both changed. You can't stop change. You are changing.

Your spouse is changing. The winds of change blow many couples apart.

During the life of your marriage you will change emotionally, you will change intellectually, you will change spiritually, you will change in every different way.

During the life of your marriage you will change emotionally, you will change intellectually, you will change spiritually, you will change in every different way. Have you noticed yet that your body is changing? It's changing whether you like it or not. Somebody said, "Marrying for looks is like buying a car for the paint job." Regardless of the engine, it's a great paint job! The paint peals and cracks.

Have you noticed yet that your body is changing? It's changing whether you like it or not.

Somebody said, "Marrying for looks is like buying a car for the paint job." Regardless of the engine, it's a great paint job! The paint peals and cracks.

Change is not always for the better but it is a fact of life. Are you going to put up with it or walk out?.

Change is not always for the better but it is a fact of life. Are you going to put up with it or walk out?. In Elizabeth Elliot's book Let Me Be a Woman she talks about how marriage is constantly changing. Talking to wives she says, "The fact is your provider may someday lose his job. Your strength may show unexpected weakness. Your knight in armor may experience a public defeat. Your teacher may make a serious mistake that you warned him about. Your lover may become a helpless patient -- sick, sore, sad -- needing your presence and care every minute of the day and night. `This isn't the man I married,' you will say, and it will be true. But you married him for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, and those tremendous promises took into account the possibility of radical change. That's why the promises were necessary."

What are you going to do? What's your option? You have four options regarding change:

What are you going to do? What's your option? When the rains of culture and the floods of diversity and the winds of change beat against your marriage, are you going to have a solid foundation? You have four options regarding change:

1. You can reject it.

You can say, "I won't accept it. I am not getting older." It's a form of denial. "We will not change. I will always be the same and so will you."

2. You can resist it.

"You'll never get me to do something like that! I'll never try that." (Like the two caterpillars talking to each other looking at a butterfly. One says to the other, "You'll never get me up in one of those things!")

3. You can resent it.

"She's just not the girl I married. I've been cheated and now I'm trapped. I'm in a hopeless situation! I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask for him/her to be like that." Changes in your life will always either make you bitter or better. It's your response.

4. You can relish it.

Take advantage of it. Make the most of it. Learn from it. Let it be an opportunity for growth. Let it keep you from being bored for the rest of your life.

If a person never changes, you've got them all figured out, you're going to get bored. One of the things I love about my wife is she is complex enough I think it's going to take me the rest of my life to understand her.

The bottom line is God wants to use your marriage for His glory and your growth.

The moment you stop growing, you start dying.

Keep on growing. Intellectually, emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally, sexually -- any way you can grow.

Jesus said one man built his house on a rock, one man built his house on sand -- those are value systems.

Some of you are going through deep waters right now. You're tempted to give up. You feel like throwing in the towel. You think you're going under for the last time and will drown. You're saying it isn't worth it and you're tempted to walk out.

Some of you have gone through some changes that you didn't like and, in truth, your spouse has changed radically from when you married them. But you promised "til death do us part." You've got to be willing to change and grow. When you take on that attitude, then the energy you've been using to think "Maybe I ought to get out of this" you start putting into the situation and it gets better. You transfer that energy into constructive development.

Jesus said one man built his house on a rock, one man built his house on sand -- those are value systems.

What is the Rock? What is the foundation for a stable marriage?

For no one can lay any foundation other than the one we already have—Jesus Christ.

The foundation for a stable marriage is Jesus Christ. It's a person. On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.

1 Corinthian 3:11. Paul is talking about laying a foundation. He says everybody ought to be careful how he builds in verse 10 then v. 11 "For no one can lay any foundation other than the one which is already laid which is Christ Jesus." The foundation for a stable marriage is Jesus Christ. It's a person. On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.

Some of you are going through some tough times right now in your marriage and it's difficult for you. Maybe there have been some value systems that have been allowed in from culture. "Everybody else is getting divorced; maybe we ought to... Everybody else is having an affair. I don't want to look odd. Maybe I better have one." Some of you are going through some floods right now. You're in pain. The Bible says God knows your number. He cares for you. He loves you. He says relax in My plan. Remember My presence. I will never leave you or forsake you. I'm with you always. Rely on My protection. You're not going to get burned if you keep your life in My hands."

Whether you've been married for 5 years or 15 years or 50 years and whether you have another 5 years or 50 years left in your marriage, I challenge you to make the rest of your marriage the best of your marriage. I challenge you to build it on a foundation. Frankly, I don't know how marriages stick together in our world today without Jesus Christ. He is the foundation.

I would invite you to pray a prayer right now in your heart, "Jesus Christ, I don't understand it all, but I want You to be the foundation of my life and I want You to be the foundation of my marriage. I ask You to guide me and direct me and be the basis on which I can stand the storms that are going to come in my life." They are inevitable. "Lord, as much as I know how, I want to give You my life. Jesus Christ, save my life and save my marriage. Be the foundation from here on out." The Bible says, "Whoever calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." It's a promise. God says, "You do your part, I'll do My part." If you prayed that prayer and you meant it, it doesn't matter the words you said but if you just said, "My basic attitude toward Christ is Yes, I want Him" the Bible says He will save you. He will become the foundation of your life.