Be Who You Want Others to Be

What Example?

Sara and I were sitting around a dinner table w/ several couple friends, talking about raising kids, and one of them said a counselor had told them that they should be completely open and honest w/ their kids about all the bad stuff they had done as teenagers and young adults themselves.

The reasoning, they said, was so your kids would know you’ve been there and done that and learned the lessons from it.

So, now they should take your advice and not do it.

I think that is some of the worst advice I have ever heard coming from a counselor.

I am just a pastor, not a trained counselor.

But, one of the things I have learned thru observation of families in the churches I have served is, whether it’s sub-conscious or not, kids will use the behavior of their parents as kids as an excuse to do the same thing. That is, no matter how the consequences are explained later.

I never conducted a scientific poll, but I would say when a young couple has come into my office to talk about their future b/c they were unmarried and pregnant, a very high percentage of these at least one of their parents’ got pregnant before they were married, too.

Sara and I were both saved as teenagers. I was junior in high school and she was a junior in college.

Our families went to church, some of the time, but a number of family members didn’t know Jesus, and neither did we.

We didn’t know each other at the time. My family was in KS while I went to college in TX. Sara’s family still is in Tucson while she went to college in MO.

We met in Dallas at church. By the, we both knew Jesus and had come to faith.

Honestly, we were typical teenagers of the 70s. We were finding our own way doing what our friends were doing.

Neither of us were horrible, but we each have some things from our past we’re not proud of.

So, what did we do when our kids asked us, “Mom, Dad, did you ever do that?”

Let me just say this, never lie to you kids. That will sneak up to you at some point and bite you. It will make whatever the situation is you’re dealing w/ much worse.

But, if you don’t know how to tap dance, yet; I would learn.

Your children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews; someone is going to ask you. They may be looking for ammunition against their parents; your kids.

Be careful.

Whether you want them to or not, they will follow your example. Therefore, do the best you can to give them an example that will keep them out of trouble.

They never saw you do it. But, if they know you did it on some level they say, “What’s dad going to say? He did it. He turned out okay.”

They will find enough trouble on their own anyway. Just don’t give them any sense of encouragement.

This is also true w/in this community. Whether it’s the different boards, associations, clubs we all participate in, neighborhood groups or this church.

When ppl see others do things, say things, either for good or for bad; on some level they take as permission for them to do, too.

Don’t you hate it when you hear that people around town are talking about you in not so favorable terms.

You wouldn’t believe what so-and-so is saying about you.

Listen to this.

They are such gossips.

And, what’s going here. You’re gossiping.

Talking in derogatory terms about a 3rd party, who may have been doing the same about you, but their behavior doesn’t give you permission or justify your behavior.

The bible is fairly clear on this subject. Don’t do it.

But, it’s so much easier to talk about them than it is to talk to them.

How about this, if you’re not going to talk to them, then don’t talk about them either.

The winter series is entitled “Do-Over”.

We’ve been thru Ezra and are deep into Nehemiah, now; ch.5.

Up to this point Nehemiah has had his hands full dealing w/ critics and voices from outside Israel.

Now he has to deal w/ some problems w/in.

What kind of leader is he?

What kind of community member is he?

Does he have the character, integrity, and reputation to call out those who are mistreating others and causing division in the community?

Is his behavior on a high enough standard to call people up to it?

Yes.

Today’s big idea from is this;

Be the person you want the people around you to be whether they are watching or not.

Nehemiah had leaders setting poor examples taking advantage and exploiting ppl who didn’t have resources.

He had to confront the problem head on.

This is the problem as he described in 5:1-5

The Problem Within

Nehemiah 5:1–5 NIV

Now the men and their wives raised a great outcry against their fellow Jews. Some were saying, “We and our sons and daughters are numerous; in order for us to eat and stay alive, we must get grain.” Others were saying, “We are mortgaging our fields, our vineyards and our homes to get grain during the famine.” Still others were saying, “We have had to borrow money to pay the king’s tax on our fields and vineyards. Although we are of the same flesh and blood as our fellow Jews and though our children are as good as theirs, yet we have to subject our sons and daughters to slavery. Some of our daughters have already been enslaved, but we are powerless, because our fields and our vineyards belong to others.”

The threats I’ve talked about the past 2 weeks from outside were still threatening them. They were physically and emotionally exhausted from it all.

As difficult as it was to deal w/ these threats, threats from w/in are always more difficult and potentially more devastating.

The wall-building was unfinished and still progressing. Then, in the midst of the progress Nehemiah found out that a number of wealthy Israelites were exploiting the poor among them.

There were 4 factors that set the stage for the exploitation.

There was a food shortage. It’s possible there was a famine in the land due to bad weather. Or, it’s possible they were so busy building the wall and watching for a sneak attack from their enemies that their crops were being neglected. A famine of circumstance. Everyone had to eat, though. So, it was a challenge to find enough food to sustain the families as they worked.

There was grain available from farmers of other nations in the area. Some Jews were wealthy enough to buy some w/out assistance.

Those Jews who were not wealthy enough to buy grain had to borrow money from those who were wealthy and they put their houses and farms up as collateral.

Also, they did not have enough money to pay their taxes to the king of Persia so they borrowed even more against their homes from the wealthy Jews.

The Jewish lenders charged their fellow Jewish borrowers and exorbitantly high interest rate taking full advantage of their desperate situation. There weren’t any competing banks to keep the interest rates down.

4. When the borrowers got behind on their payments they had to sell their children into slavery to the Gentile nations around them to pay off the loans. They were losing their homes and farms at the same time they were losing their children.

You can imagine morale was at an all time low as you can imagine. Even though they were making good progress on the wall and their enemies had shown little interest if following thru on their threats of a sneak attack.

What would be left for these poor families after the wall was completed?

They would have no home, farm or business to support themselves b/c the wealthy Jews foreclosed and built up their own estates.

Their kids were gone. Already sold into slavery w/ no way to buy them back.

What would motivate them to work hard and finish when this is what awaited them when they were done?

This is what Nehemiah faced.

In order to get them to stay motivated and finish strong he had to resolve this.

But, this presented a bigger problem than exploiting the poor and destroying their families.

And, it ticked him off.

The leaders in Israel were responsible for the problem and they knew better.

He called them out publicly and pressed them to change their ways and do the right thing.

This is how he did it.

Nehemiah’s Response

Nehemiah 5:6–9 NIV

When I heard their outcry and these charges, I was very angry. I pondered them in my mind and then accused the nobles and officials. I told them, “You are charging your own people interest!” So I called together a large meeting to deal with them and said: “As far as possible, we have bought back our fellow Jews who were sold to the Gentiles. Now you are selling your own people, only for them to be sold back to us!” They kept quiet, because they could find nothing to say. So I continued, “What you are doing is not right. Shouldn’t you walk in the fear of our God to avoid the reproach of our Gentile enemies?

He was burning hot.

The greed, selfishness, insensitivity, and oppression by the nobles and officials who should know better.

The exploitation of the poor!

Jesus was clear and the law before Him about how to treat the poor.

Be generous, gracious, compassionate, considerate just as God had been with them.

No they don’t deserve it. And, no, they can’t repay it.

That’s part of the fundamental definition of grace.

It’s not just undeserved favor. It’s favor that’s impossible to be paid back.

They were not treating people the way God had treated them.

And Nehemiah let them have it.

Wisdom, he cooled off for a couple of days. He said, “I pondered them in my mind.”

That is, he took time to think. He let the emotional pressure out and then responded under control.

Still very man, but w/ control.

Ephesians says not to let the sun go down on your anger. That’s figurative language. Don’t let a lot of time go before facing the situation. But, take enough time so you don’t react in anger.

He didn’t ignore it. He faced it head on.

He called a meeting of those who were responsible to confront them all at once.

The exploitation was bad enough. They were getting wealthier by taking advantage of the poor.

This was in direct disobedience to the law that God gave Moses.

It’s okay to loan money to a fellow Jew but do not charge them any interest…so that God may bless you in all you under take.

Not only were they charging interest they were gouging them.

And, God promised to bless obedience. And, obviously, punish disobedience.

Don’t exploit poor Jews and enslave them.

Love each other more than you love money.

They had just returned from being exiled due to their disobedience to God. The entire nation suffered for the disobedience of a few.

And, they were doing it again.

This was their do-over and they were repeating more of the same mistakes they had before.

Not only was Nehemiah a leader of the ppl which gave him the authority to confront them, he was a leader who led by example.

This gave him a solid foundation from which to challenge those who were being so blatantly disobedient.

He told them that he and some others had loaned money and grain to their fellow Jews but w/out interest.

It was w/in the law to make the loan.

And, Nehemiah and these others had pooled their money and bought back some of the children who were still enslaved in Persia so they could join them in freedom in the PL.

Using their own resources. Practicing grace.

Doing for others what God had done for them. He paid for them out of His resources.

God redeemed Israel out of slavery in Egypt and Persia. And, God redeems believers out of slavery to sin.

Paying the price with His own child.

Now these wealthy Jews were putting the poorer Jews in a position where they had to sell their children into slavery to survive.

Like a revolving door. And now there were even more children who needed t/b redeemed.

One of their responsibilities was to represent God to their neighboring nations. These outsiders would form their opinion of God based on how the insiders behaved and treated each other.

So, what do you think this did to God’s reputation in the region?

Love God and Love Each Other indeed.

They didn’t act like they believed it was as important as God said it was. The most important thing they could do.

They wanted to get rich and richer.

Sometimes people can think God has blessed them when in reality they have just discovered how to take advantage of people on their own.

God is not pleased.

Nehemiah challenged them to solve the problem. They couldn’t just start fresh from where they were.

They had to figure out a way to make things right w/ those who had already been taken advantage of.

Morale had to come up and they were close to finishing the wall.

Here’s what they did.

The Solution

Nehemiah 5:

Nehemiah 5:10–13 NIV

I and my brothers and my men are also lending the people money and grain. But let us stop charging interest! Give back to them immediately their fields, vineyards, olive groves and houses, and also the interest you are charging them—one percent of the money, grain, new wine and olive oil.” “We will give it back,” they said. “And we will not demand anything more from them. We will do as you say.” Then I summoned the priests and made the nobles and officials take an oath to do what they had promised. I also shook out the folds of my robe and said, “In this way may God shake out of their house and possessions anyone who does not keep this promise. So may such a person be shaken out and emptied!” At this the whole assembly said, “Amen,” and praised the Lord. And the people did as they had promised.

Those who had taken possession of the land they had foreclosed on were instructed to give it all back.

How would these poor families make a living once the wall was finished if they had not land, no farm or vineyard to go back to?

How would they pay their taxes?

How would they avoid the trouble they were in now w/ no means of earning a living?

Don’t forgive the loans, give them their land back and return the interest they’d already paid.

The wealthy didn’t need it. They already had an abundance.

Maybe these poor famiies could still pay off their debt in time when they weren’t busy building the wall. They could get back to their vineyards and farms, earn enough to live on and pay back the now interest-free loans.

They will have their entire family, kids and all, to help them work the fields.

Everybody wins and God is pleased.

The people responded favorably in that moment.

You know how peer pressure, the emotion of the moment, and a public confrontation can influence only temporarily.

Nehemiah had to get them to follow thru on this commitment so he called the priests and had the people make a commitment to God, not just each other or the poor families.

This is like a marriage vow. Yes, the couple is promising each other that they will remain faithful. But, they are also making the promise to God that they will love each other the way God loves them; unconditionally and sacrificially.

So, if the vow is broken, It’s not just broken between spouses but also between the unfaithful spouse and God.

That’s a much bigger problem when God is let down.

Nehemiah shook the lint and dust out of the folds of his garment symbolically of how God would shake those who renege on this promise out of the land and His favor.

The people followed thru and did what they promised.

They responded b/c they respected Nehemiah and a big reason why is b/c he didn’t ask them to do anything he wasn’t already doing himself.

He wasn’t guilty like they were. He wasn’t neutral on the issue. He had done what they had, but he did it right and they knew it.

His character and reputation earned him the right to confront them and they respected him for it.

Not only did he live his life as an example in this situation, he was promoted by the king to governor of the region and he continued to live an exemplary life.

Character Continued

Nehemiah 5:14–19 NIV

Moreover, from the twentieth year of King Artaxerxes, when I was appointed to be their governor in the land of Judah, until his thirty-second year—twelve years—neither I nor my brothers ate the food allotted to the governor. But the earlier governors—those preceding me—placed a heavy burden on the people and took forty shekels of silver from them in addition to food and wine. Their assistants also lorded it over the people. But out of reverence for God I did not act like that. Instead, I devoted myself to the work on this wall. All my men were assembled there for the work; we did not acquire any land. Furthermore, a hundred and fifty Jews and officials ate at my table, as well as those who came to us from the surrounding nations. Each day one ox, six choice sheep and some poultry were prepared for me, and every ten days an abundant supply of wine of all kinds. In spite of all this, I never demanded the food allotted to the governor, because the demands were heavy on these people. Remember me with favor, my God, for all I have done for these people.

Nehemiah 5:14-

The people respected Nehemiah and so did the king.

He appointed him governor.

And, as governor one of the perks was a food allowance. This was so he could eat better than everyone else and an honor. And, he could regularly host dinner parties and feed his guests well.

This allowance came from collecting taxes from the people.

Nehemiah refused to tax the people for this. He paid for his own food and the food of his dinner parties, and he had them, out of his own pocket.

His predecessors didn’t care. They collected the tax.

Nehemiah didn’t do this b/c the ppl were worth it. No one is. He did it out of reverence for God. God is worth it.

And he knew God treated him in a way he was not worthy of so he committed to do the same to the rest of his ppl.

Not only was he careful not to abuse his position or anybody else, he treated them better than they deserved.

He kept working on the wall even in his high position. He was not afraid to get his hands dirty right next to all the other workers.

He had every right to sit in his governor’s mansion and let everyone else do the hard work but he would not do that.

He was a positive example of God’s law, not just for those who were paying attention, but for those who had no clue about the law, too.

He knew if he were in their position that’s the kind of governor he would have wanted.

Doing everything right is no guarantee that those you hope to influence will also do things right. But, you’ll be right w/ God.

And, you’re not doing for them anyway. You do it out of reverence and respect for God b/c no one is worth being treated the way God treats us.

At the very least, you won’t give anyone else the excuse to make a mess of their life even if you made the same mess somewhere in your past.

Be the person you want the people around you to be whether they notice or not.

God is.

Applications

Example

Be a good example and treat people the way you want t/b treated.

If you don’t like ppl who are too sensitive, don’t be sensitive.

If you don’t like gossips, don’t gossip.

If you like being given the benefit of the doubt, then give the benefit of the doubt.

There are so many other characteristics of being a good example. Maybe I didn’t mention whatever is most important to you.

God will show you where you can be a better example. That’s conviction.

Don’t settle for being a poor example. Be who you want the ppl around you to be.

Representative

Remember, not only are the ppl in this community, and in your family, forming an opinion of you based on your behavior. They are also forming an opinion of God.

They are determining whether or not they want anything to do w/ God and God’s ppl as they observe how you act and what you say.

We learn God’s character by studying and internalizing God’s word.

That’s where we learn what to expect of God and what He expects of us.

Reflect his character, take on His traits, and treat everyone in MP the same way God treated you.

Speak to them the way God speaks to you.

Do for them the way God does for you.

Be attractive. Do all that you can to encourage ppl to get closer to God.

Worth it?

Nobody is worth this.

That’s the point.

Don’t justify your own poor treatment of others by their poor treatment of you.

That’s easy. That’s natural.

Do the hard thing, the supernatural thing by treating everyone better than they deserve.

Begin at home.

Ephesians 5:21 NIV

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

This is in the context of marriage.

The chapter starts out walk in love, walk in the light, and live as wise.

Don’t do it b/c your spouse is worth it. They aren’t I assure you.

Don’t think everyone else’s spouse is worth it , just not yours. None of us are.

Do it b/c you love Jesus. Treat everyone in your family, in your organization, club, association, and church the way Jesus treats you.

Remember He gave everything to you while you were rebelling against Him.

This is no guarantee that you can get everyone to treat you right or do the right things always.

But, you’ll be right w/ God. And you won’t give anyone an excuse to behave badly.

Be the person you want the people around you to be whether they notice or not.