Loving our Enemies - Harder than it Sounds

Jesus does not mean, “take the abuse”

Before we even begin to dig into our gospel lesson today, I want to be very clear on one thing. Jesus’ command to love our enemies is not a call to allow ourselves to be abused, physically or mentally. Unfortunately, Christ’s words of “turning the other cheek” have been misused and misinterpreted, sometimes causing individuals in abusive relationships to feel like they are failing God if they try to get out of those relationships.

The first is that

So let me say without any room for interpretation, Jesus is not telling people who are abused to just ‘take the abuse’ and move on.

Throughout the gospels, we hear Christ continually standing up for the vulnerable people in our society and advocating for their protection. Even in our reading from Genesis we hear Joseph say that God preserves life. God loves justice and stands with and for the oppressed.

So sometimes loving our enemies means walking away from them. Sometimes it means holding them accountable.

And please, if you know someone else who is in an abusive relationship, encourage them likewise. Encourage them to seek help.

Now before I even begin to dig deeper into this text I want to make one thing clear: Jesus’ command to love our enemies isn’t a call to allow ourselves to be abused. For centuries some churches had taught that Jesus’ call to “turn the other cheek” meant that battered wives should allow themselves to be beaten and that minorities should put up with unjust situations. Let me just say unequivocally: Compelling a person to stay in an abusive situation is a misuse of the Gospel. As Joseph says in our first reading, our God preserves life. God loves justice and stands for the oppressed. So sometimes loving our enemies means walking away from them. Sometimes it means holding them accountable.

Thank you, I feel that needed to be said before anything more.

Thomas Merton

Ok, so Jesus isn’t talking about staying in abusive relationships.

Loving your enemy also isn’t about excusing bad behavior. We are supposed to turn the other cheek… not look the other way.

The call to love our enemy is a call to recognize the brokenness of the other person—recognize that which is making them do bad things, rather than writing them off as a monster.

The call to love our enemy is a call to recognize the brokenness of the other person that is making them do bad things, rather than writing them off as a monster.

Thomas Merton who was an American Trappist monk, writer, theologian, poet, social activist, and scholar had some words on this that I find helpful.

American Trappist monk, writer, theologian, poet, social activist, and scholar Thomas Merton had some words on this that I find helpful.

“Do not be too quick,” he wrote, “to assume that your enemy is a savage just because he is your enemy. Perhaps he is your enemy because he thinks you are a savage. Or perhaps he is afraid of you because he feels you are afraid of him. And perhaps if he believed you were capable of loving him he would no longer be your enemy.

“Do not be too quick,” he wrote, “to assume that your enemy is a savage just because he is your enemy. Perhaps he is your enemy because he thinks you are a savage. Or perhaps he is afraid of you because he feels you are afraid of him. And perhaps if he believed you were capable of loving him he would no longer be your enemy.

"Do not be too quick to assume that your enemy is an enemy of God just because he is your enemy. Perhaps he is your enemy precisely because he can find nothing in you that gives glory to God. Perhaps he fears you because he can find nothing in you of God's love and God's kindness and God's patience and mercy and understanding of the weakness of men.

"Do not be too quick to condemn the man who no longer believes in God. For it is perhaps your own coldness and avarice and mediocrity and materialism and sensuality and selfishness that have killed his faith.”

In other words, the brokenness in a relationship generally is not a one way street. There is a reason for that brokenness. There is a reason, even if it might be hidden, as to why a person acts out in a way that causes us hurt.

Sometimes I think we like to interpret his teaching to mean that we are to love people that our country doesn’t like. That perhaps we’re called to love people who live in North Korea, Iran, or other hotbeds of the world. And, from a broad perspective, that’s probably not a bad idea—but I sense that while God would certainly approve of loving those opponents of our nation, that this text goes far more personal than loving someone 10,000 miles away that we’ll likely never meet.

Martin Luther King Jr.

Sometimes we interpret this text to mean that we should not have any enemies. Ideally, I think this would be great. But Jesus wouldn’t have to say “love your enemies” if we didn’t have enemies to name in the first place. There are people that do harm to us.

In a sermon written in a Georgia jail and preached just after the bus protest in Montgomery, Alabama, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said this about loving your enemies:

After noting that hate is just as injurious to the hater as the hated, Dr. King says,

“Of course this is not practical; life is a matter of getting even, of hitting back, of dog eat dog… My friends, we have followed the so-called practical way for too long a time now, and it has led... to deeper confusion and chaos. Time is cluttered with the wreckage of communities which surrendered to hatred and violence. For the salvation of our nation and the salvation of mankind, we must follow another way. This does not mean that we abandon our righteous efforts. With every ounce of our energy we must continue to rid this nation of the incubus of segregation. But we shall not in the process relinquish our privilege and our obligation to love. While abhorring segregation, we shall love the segregationist. This is the only way to create the beloved community."

Powerful words. In the midst of the Civil Rights movement of the 60’s the African-American communities were under siege for seeking EQUAL rights. And as violence would break out against African-Americans, as the KKK was in full swing with cross burnings and lynchings… the question was how to respond.

Shall we stand and fight back? Shall we fight fire with fire and attack our oppressors until they relent? Or shall we run away? Shall we say that the fight is simply not worth it and let the system continue on as it has always been?

Martin Luther King Jr. speaks of this third option… this option that Christ spoke of… “we shall love the segregationist” “love your enemies.”

It was brilliant. It made the difference and helped to being changing the course of our country. Loving one’s enemies, rather than dismissing and dehumanizing them.

Christ for Us

But what about when we are hurt not only by an idea such as racism, sexism, or other isms—what about when we not only feel pain based on an ism but instead based on personal anguish caused by another?

I have heard countless such stories where a person had good reason to NOT love their enemy. And I wish to share one with you today… not one that I have heard, but one that I lived.

Many years ago I lost my oldest brother to suicide while I was in college. I’ve talked about that before and the pain involved in it. But rarely have I shared the other emotions that I experienced in that time.

You see, after his death I came to blame a particular individual for driving him to suicide. I believed then and still think its quite likely today that if it had not been for that person, my brother would still be alive today. I would still have the chance to call him up during the week and hear how life is going. But instead, he’s gone.

And the reason I blamed this person was because they feathered the anger within him against the world. Every time he would start to calm down, they would enrage him by asking how could he be calm in a world where such injustices had been done to him. That person tried with all of their might to egg my brother on—why? Because they hoped that he would file law suits over things that happened in the past—injustices that had indeed occurred. But injustices that he had worked hard to put behind him. And they hoped that through those law suits, their own financial status in life would improve as the one who helped him get that money.

The anger seeped so deeply within him that when it looked as though the lawsuits that he had not even wanted in the first place were not going to happen—he took his own life. And I… I was left without a brother and also filled with anger. My anger, however, was directed at the person that I blamed for his death.

For the first two years I prayed for that person and for myself nearly every day. Each time I thought of them, I would feel my blood pressure rise. And I hated feeling that anger.

Eventually, through prayer and therapy, the anger subsided. I never got a chance to speak to that person again before they died to a drug overdose. And I do regret that missed chance to reconnect with someone that I felt such frustration with. And while I don’t know if my prayers for that person did any good for her or not—I do know that they did good for me. I was not consumed by my anger. I was not consumed by my hatred.

Instead… I was consumed by the knowledge of God’s redeeming and unearned love and grace both for myself and… for my enemy. God cared for the person that I felt had caused me so much grief—and eventually I did too.

I share that story not because it is easy… but because it is hard. To admit that we have brokenness in our lives is not easy—even when we are speaking of a brokenness of the past that has since found much healing.

But that is also the reality of loving our enemies.

Loving our enemies means recognition that there is a brokenness in our world, in our society… in our individual lives.

Loving our enemies means that we do not simply dismiss or dehumanize the people who frustrate us… but that we seek to love them even if it has to be from a distance for a time.

If I had the opportunity today to speak with the person who I blamed for my brother’s death… I believe I would. But I needed time

Loving our enemies means trying to live lives that are not motivated by anger, hate, and frustration but by generosity, grace, and love.

Loving our enemies means acting in a way that feels very unnatural… of no longer living in the tit-for-tat dog-eat-dog world where we punch back… but instead we listen to the call of Christ in the midst of the mayhem that sometimes darkens our lives.

Loving our enemies means remember that those that we are frustrated with do not live perfect lives… but that neither do we. We all fall short. We all need God’s grace. And we all can come to the table together… seeking the body and blood of life.

God be with you this Sunday and in these upcoming days. And I encourage you to hear the call of Christ… and love your enemies. Love those who irritate, frustrate, and anger you. And if you need help, don’t be afraid to seek it.

Let us pray...

Amen.