Our Gay Neighbor

INTRODUCTION

OPENING STORY: I GREW UP IN ATLANTA IN THE 1980S, AND WOULD CONSIDER MYSELF TO HAVE BEEN VERY HOMOPHOBIC…WENT TO CONSERVATIVE BIBLE SCHOOLS, THAT UNFORTUNATELY AT THE TIME, DID NOT CHALLENGE MY THINKING, OR EVEN DEAL WITH THE SUBJECT IN A THOUGHTFUL WAY THAT GAVE ME A PARADIGM FOR HOW TO ENGAGE THEM. THEREFORE, I WAS VERY CONDEMNING AND CLUELESS WHEN I CAME INTO MINISTRY. ALL THAT BEGAN TO CHANGE WHEN I WAS ON A FOUR HOUR TRIP FROM LA TO MEMPHIS AND SAT DOWN NEXT TO A GUY NAMED TOM…A CALL TO MY CHURCH NOT LONG AFTER TO MEET WITH THOSE WHO IDENTIFY AS LGBTQ. SAT WITH THEM. BEGAN WORKING OUT WITH WILSON. KORIE AND I ENJOY RICH FRIENDSHIPS NOW WITH THOSE IN THAT COMMUNITY. PREFACE THIS WITH “I COULD TELL YOU ABOUT”.

POINT: THESE PEOPLE WERE BECOMING JUST THAT, PEOPLE. MOVING FROM POSITION PAPERS AND THEOLOGICAL PROPOSITIONS TO PEOPLE WITH REAL NARRATIVES AND PAINS AND JOYS. THINGS WERE BEGINNING TO CHANGE FOR ME…PROXIMITY BREEDS EMPATHY/DISTANCE BREEDS SUSPICION.

THE TENSION: . RUBBER BAND ILLUSTRATION. THE TENSION. SOME OF YOU ARE HERE AND YOU ARE CROSSING YOUR FINGERS GOING, ALL I WANT TO HEAR IS THYAT IT’S WRONG. TELL ME IT’S WRONG. DANGLE ONE SIDE OF THE RUBBER BAND AND SHOW THEM THAT’S GOOD, BUT ULTIMATELY INEFFECTIVE IN REACHING PEOPLE IN THE WAY OF JESUS. OTHERS OF YOU ARE LIKE IF YOU SAY IT’S WRONG, I’M OUT OF HERE. LET’S JUST LOVE THEM. DANGLE OTHER END AND SHOW THEM THAT’S A DISTORTED VIEW OF LOVE AND GRACE. THE REAL POWER HAPPENS- PULL AT THE TWO ENDS AND SHOW THEM THE TENSION- IN THE TENSION. THIS IS THE WAY OF JESUS. WE MUST HOLD IT IN TENSION.

SO COME ON GO WITH ME INTO THE TENSION.

(I WANT TO BEGIN WITH GRACE AND THEN MOVE INTO TRUTH, AND THEN CONCLUDE WITH SOME HELPFUL CHRISTIANLY WAYS TO ENGAGE OUR FRIENDS IN THE GAY COMMUNITY)

THE GRACE TENSION-

EXPLANATION: SHAME. IS AN EXTREMELY HELPFUL TEXT. NO I AM NOT SAYING PAUL WAS GAY OR STRUGGLED WITH SAME SEX ATTRACTION. IN FACT THE GREAT DEBATE ABOUT PAUL IS WHETHER OR NOT HE HAD A WIFE. HE’S WRITING HERE IN VERY PERSONAL AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL TERMS, ABOUT AN EVENT THAT HAPPENED IN HIS PAST. WE DON’T KNOW FOR SURE WHAT THE EVENT WAS, BUT WHAT WE DO KNOW IS THREE THINGS: 1. WHATEVER IT WAS, IT WAS IN HIS FLESH, IN HIS HUMANITY (V.7); 2. HE FELT IT CONSTANTLY (V.8- THREE TIMES HE PLEADED WITH THE LORD TO TAKE IT AWAY); 3. IT WAS PAINFUL (V.7 IT HARASSED AND TORMENTED HIM). THE VERY FACT THAT PAUL ASKED THE LORD TO TAKE IT AWAY TELLS US IT WAS A SOURCE OF GREAT SHAME.

POINT: THE GAY COMMUNITY IS NUANCED, SO I NEED TO BE CAREFUL HERE. HOWEVER, IN MY FRIENDSHIPS AND CONVERSATIONS WITH THEM, I HAVE HEARD AN UNCANNY NARRATIVE. MANY SAY FROM THE EARLIEST THEY CAN REMEMBER THEY CAN RECALL BEING DIFFERENT, AND THE FIRST THING THEY FELT ABOUT THIS DIFFERENCE IN THEIR SEXUALITY WAS NOT CONFIDENCE OR BOLDNESS BUT SHAME…AND, FOR THOSE WITH RELIGIOUS EXPOSURE, IT’S NOT THAT UNCOMMON TO HEAR THEM SAY THINGS LIKE THEY PRAYED, LIKE PAUL, AND ASKED FOR GOD TO TAKE IT AWAY.

Wesley Hill, a graduate of Wheaton College, and a professor who himself struggles with SSA writes these words, “Finally, in my life and in the lives of many others, shame has been a constant struggle in the effort to live out the life of Christ and his Spirit in homosexual terms. Guilt over homosexual sin, a nagging, unshakable feeling of being ‘damaged goods,’ a sense of being broken beyond repair- and therefore of being regularly, unavoidably displeasing to God- these all seem endemic to much homosexual Christian experience”- WESLEY HILL, WASHED AND WAITING. TO STRUGGLE WITH SSA IS TO BE FAMILIAR WITH SHAME. WHEN YOU REALLY UNDERSTAND THIS, THIS SHOULD INSTIGATE GRACE.

EXPLANATION: SUFFICIENT GRACE. VERSE 9. GOD’S RESPONSE. I’M NOT GOING TO FIX IT RIGHT NOW, IF EVER ON THIS SIDE OF HEAVEN, YOU’LL HAVE TO TRUST ME WITH IT. ALL OF US HAVE THIS BTW. HEBREWS CALLS IT THE SIN THAT SO EASILY ENTANGLES US. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR OUR FRIENDS WITH PEOPLE IN THE GAY COMMUNITY? GOD COULD VERY WELL BE SAYING, I’VE HEARD YOUR PRAYERS, AND LIKE I DID WITH PAUL, I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS AWAY FROM YOU RIGHT NOW, BUT YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO LEAN INTO ME AND TRUST ME FOR IT BY GOD’S GRACE. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR US IN THE HETEROSEXUAL COMMUNITY AS IT RELATES TO HOW WE RELATE TO THEM? THE PRESSURE IS OFF! WE ARE NOT CALLED TO TRY TO MAKE ANYONE STRAIGHT...

Nick Roen, a follower of Jesus who himself struggles with SSA says this, “Then one day it hit me. I realized that heterosexuality is not my ultimate goal- holiness is. And my holiness is not ultimately contingent on the reversal of my attractions. In fact, promising orientation change can be quite harmful. In reality, there is no set of prescribed steps that will definitely lead to a reversal in attraction, and this type of thinking can make orientation change into an idol that must be achieved or all is lost. If my hope rested in becoming straight, then I would have no ground for hope at all. And here’s the thing: my sanctification here on earth may or may not include a change in my attractions. In conforming me into the image of Christ, God may see fit to leave my orientation unchanged until the day I die, for the purpose of my ultimate holiness. My SSA might be one of the ‘thorns’ that he leaves to increase my faith and display his power and grace in my life”- Nick Roen.

POINT: WE ALL STRUGGLE WITH SIN AND CAN BE RIGHT IN THE HEART OF GOD’S WILL. SAME IS TRUE FOR PEOPLE IN SSA. GOD SAYS HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT. BOTH QUALITY AND QUANTITY.

FLIGHT FUEL ILLUSTRATION: A FLIGHT TO LA WILL NOT GET THE SAME AMOUNT OF FUEL AS A FLIGHT TO NYC. THE SIZE OF THE AIRPLANE AND THE DISTANCE DETERMINES THE AMOUNT OF FUEL. FUEL IS THE GRACE, BUT THAT GRACE IS TAILOR MADE. GOD KNOWS YOU UNIQUELY. HE KNOWS YOUR STRUGGLE, AND HE HAS GIVEN YOU SUFFICIENT, TAILOR MADE GRACE! GRACE...

EXPLANATION: IDENTITY. VERSES 9-10. THE REASON WHY WE DON’T KNOW ABOUT PAUL’S STRUGGLE IS BECAUSE PAUL MADE A KEY, STRATEGIC DECISION- TO BOAST IN HIS NEW IDENTITY IN CHRIST, AND NOT IN HIS STRUGGLE. DON’T LET YOUR BROKENNESS DOMINATE YOU! LET YOUR CHRIST DOMINATE YOU! IN FACT, PAUL DECIDED TO LET HIS SHAME DRIVE HIM TO CHRIST. WHAT THIS MEANS IS WE ENCOURAGE OUR FRIENDS IN THE GAY COMMUNITY TO FLEE TO CHRIST AND NOT THEIR STRUGGLES.

JOHN NEWTON ILLUSTRATION: WAS IN THE SLAVE TRADE…CAME TO CHRIST AND STRUGGLED FOR YEARS WITH THE SHAME OF HIS PAST. BUT HE MADE A DECISION TO PUT HIS IDENTITY IN HIS JESUSNESS, AND NOT HIS BROKENNESS. HE ONCE WROTE THESE WORDS: “ALTHOUGH MY MEMORY’S FADING, I REMEMBER TWO THINGS VERY CLEARLY: I AM A GREAT SINNER AND CHRIST IS A GREAT SAVIOR”- JOHN NEWTON.

TRUTH-

EXPLANATION: THIS IS SO HARD FOR ME GIVEN MY RELATIONSHIPS. THE BIBLE SAYS THAT WHEN THEY SAW JESUS, THEY SAW A MAN FULL OF GRACE AND TRUTH. AS WE TALKED ABOUT THE OTHER DAY, PEOPLE TODAY TEND TO LOOK INWARD FOR TRUTH. WHOLE IDEA OF TOLERANCE. BUT TOLERANCE IS A MEANS, NOT AN END. THE END FOR OUR CULTURE IS PERSONAL HAPPINESS ON THEIR TERMS. SO WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY IS GREAT, JUST AS LONG AS IT DOESN’T INFRINGE ON MY PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS. THE BIBLE POINTS IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION. GOD IS FOR OUR HAPPINESS, BUT HAPPINESS IS NOT TO BE FOUND ON OUR TERMS, BUT ON GOD, OUR MAKER’S TERMS. - IN YOUR PRESENCE IS FULLNESS OF JOY. AND OUR LOCUS FOR TRUTH IS THE SCRIPTURES. SO WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY ABOUT OUR FRIENDS IN THE GAY COMMUNITY. DON’T WANT TO GET INTO SODOM AND GOM…OR . THE ARC OF SCRIPTURE. LOOK AT . GOD CREATES MAN AND WOMAN FOR THE EXPRESSED PURPOSE OF PROCREATION. TWO WOMEN OR TWO MEN CANNOT DO THIS. IT’S OUTSIDE THE CREATED ORDER.

IMPLICATION: LONELINESS. WHAT THIS MEANS IS IF YOU ARE SSA AND CHRISTIAN, A LIFE OF CELIBACY IS TO STRUGGLE WITH LONELINESS. THAT’S WHY CHRISTIAN HOSPITALITY TO THOSE IN THE GAY COMMUNITY IS SO KEY.

EXPLANATION: WHAT ABOUT THOSE WHOSE NARRATIVE IS FROM THE EARLIEST THEY COULD REMEMBER THEY FELT SSA? ADAM DID THIS AND NOT GOD. .

EXPLANATION: HOMOSEXUALITY IS A SIN, NOT THE SIN WORSE THAN OTHERS. . THIS LIST IS A COMPREHENSIVE ONE GOING AFTER CONSERVATIVES (GREEDY, SWINDLERS) AND LIBERALS (SEXUAL IMMORALITY). IT’S IN THE MIDDLE. AND SUCH WERE SOME OF YOU! CHRIST KNOWS AND DIED FOR YOU AND WELCOMES YOU AND SO MUST WE!

CONCLUSION: SEVEN PRACTICAL THINGS TO ENGAGING OUR FRIENDS IN THE GAY COMMUNITY:

GOAL IS HOLINESS NOT HETERO.

HANG OUT ON THEIR TURF- J CAN’T WHISPER

PEOPLE TO BE LOVED, NOT PROBLEMS TO BE SOLVED.

PRAY

RELATIONAL DEPOSITS BEFORE HARD TRUTH. SHAY AND YOLANDA.

STAND YOUR GROUND.

YOU CAN LOVE AND DISAGREE WITHOUT BEING A BIGOT.

ILLUSTRATION: GET IN HERE AND BRING YOUR FRIEND!