How Boundaries are Developed: Part 2

Recap: Boundary Development

Hatching

Practicing

Rapprochement

Boundary Injuries: What Goes Wrong?

Boundary Problems are rooted in thousands of encounters with others as well as in our own nature and personality.

The most important boundary conflicts, however, occur in the crucial first few years of life.

So lets talk about different kind of boundary injuries!

Withdrawal From Boundaries

Ingrid’s Story

“Good relationships are built on the freedom to refuse and confront”

For developing children, they are not reacting for fear of a loss of love.

Developing children need their parents to stay connected with them even when they disagree with them.

When parents detach from their children when they are misbehaving instead of staying connected with the child and dealing with the problem, God’s love is horribly misrepresented.

When a child’s disobedience is met with conditional love, they are made to feel responsible for their parents emotions. this is bad.

Hostility Against Boundaries

This injury occurs when the child’s attempt to separate his or herself is met with hostility ( angry words, physical punishment, or inappropriate consequences).

this pressures the child to become a people pleaser.

“if you disagree with me, I’ll...” “you’ll do it my way or else...” “ Don’t question your mother.” “you need an attitude adjustment.”

How does God discipline us?

Overcontrol

controlling the child in such a way that there is no room for them to make mistakes.

this leads to a child that will struggle with dependency and difficulty in setting and keeping boundaries

Lack of Limits

Eileen’s Story

this kind of person has never been allowed to have limits and has always been enabled with out learning

this person will struggle with hearing other’s boundaries and/or needs.

Inconsistent Limits

combination of strict and lax limits for a child

leads to confusion of boundaries

Trauma

defined; it is an intensely painful emotional experience rather than a character pattern

trauma is different for different people