God Help the Home

Intro:

AG: Today everybody’s talking about how bad it is. Life today is so bad. The country is so evil. People are so wicked. We need to get back to the way things were in the Bible. Well, guess what, no thanks. If you really knew what life was like in Jesus’ day, you wouldn’t want to go back there.

Jesus came into a world that was bloodthirsty and violent. Filled with death and disease, full of prostitution and sexual sin, paganism. The Roman leaders had orgies and homosexual sex in the palaces. And unlike current politicians, they didn’t even have to deny it.

And in the area of marriage, things couldn’t have been worse. Marriage in Jesus’ day had disintegrated to the point where it was no longer honored, valued, cherished. It wasn’t until death do us part, it was until I (the man) want out.

A big part of the problem was that women weren’t valued. They had no rights. They were treated as a piece of property or as slaves. One Rabbi is quoted as saying, “I would rather be a Gentile or a dog than to be a woman.”

One of the things that’s so amazing about Jesus’ ministry is how much value he places on women.

He had women disciples – didn’t happen in those days.

He interacts personally with them – didn’t happen.

He stands up for women; didn’t happen.

Christianity sometimes gets a bad rap for being chauvinistic, but Jesus and the Gospel have been liberating women for 2,000 years. In the places where the Gospel hasn’t liberated women, especially Islamic countries, women still are treated as property.

Because of the low view of women, there was a low view of marriage. It stands to reason that if a woman is my property, I should be able to treat her however I want. She’s mine. And if I don’t want her anymore, I can get rid of her. Throw her out. That was actually a common practice – it was known as putting her out / putting away. If a man was no longer interested, for whatever reason, he could just put her out – kick her out. She’d be left defenseless – had no rights, no job, no place to live – often forced to prostitution or into another, possibly illegal relationship. And this caused a lot of problems. Keep this in mind as we read Matthew 5:31-32

Matthew 5:31–32 ESV

“It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

TS: Jesus again uses the familiar pattern of contrasting the teachings they had heard with the teaching of God’s word.

Speaking to the Very ones who invented cheap disposable marriages, Jesus called them back to God’s plan.

RS: I doubt there is anything we could talk about today that has caused more hurt to the collective group assembled here than this topic of divorce. It has touched every family in some way.

Research shows us the majority of marriages ending in divorce have average levels of happiness and conflict. In other words, these are not deeply troubled, physically or emotionally abusive relationships, although even those are not always irreversibly broken. In short, most of the marriages that end in divorce are just plain average, or "good enough." Instead of throwing in the towel, these average marriages could be improved over time – if the spouses stayed together.

Even though divorce is fairly common, It’s also incredibly painful…

Stress charts that show the levels of stress caused by various occurrences in our lives.

Studies reveal divorce is more stressful than any other single event except the death of a spouse.

It causes more stress than being fired, more stress than a jail term, and more stress than the death of a close friend and a mortgage foreclosure combined.

At least death brings some closure – it’s over.

With divorce it’s never over. Your former spouse is still out there somewhere, walking around, and in most cases dealing with you. The pain just keeps coming

In order to understand God’s will on this issue, we must first understand:

God’s View of Marriage

God designed marriage for a purpose:

Genesis 1:26–27 ESV

Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

Genesis 2:24–25 ESV

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

We were made in God’s image and husband and wife were brought together as one to serve God as one.

Adam was incomplete without Eve

God created her, literally custom made her, for Adam and the two became 1!

God’s desire is for two to walk together and serve the Lord side by side for life.

God’s plan was and remains that a man and woman submitting to Christ and each other, loving the each other for the rest of their lives.

Literally, the two become one

There’s no divorce in that plan.

God’s plan for marriage is that it be a life-long covenant.

This is no mere contract based on performance;

if you do this, then I’ll do that.

Marriage isn’t a transaction.

Lawn service is a transaction;

it’s a contract.

Committed to my lawn partner as long as he cuts my lawn.

Marriage is a covenant.

I swear to God to be faithful until death, no matter what you do or what happens to you. Go back and watch your wedding video.

IL: (John and Lucille Womack – 63 years. Dementia for about 5 yrs. Alz for over 2. John’s not in the marriage for what he can get out of it – there’s very little he gets at this point. He’s in a covenant with God.

Matthew 19:1–6 ESV

Now when Jesus had finished these sayings, he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. And large crowds followed him, and he healed them there. And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

In Ephesians 5 we learn that marriage is a picture of Christ’s love for His bride, the church.

Paul addresses many issues among the believers in Eph 5. He finally reaches this:

Ephesians 5:21–25 ESV

submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

As believers, we submit to one another, that includes husbands and wives.

Then, specifially in the home:

wives submit to the husband

follow his leadership

Husbands, love her like Christ does the church

How did He love the church?

sacrificially! He gave His life for us. He put aside all selfish thought and self-preservation and went to the cross for 1 purpose: to benefit us!

Men, that is the call God has given to us as husbands!

Put her needs ahead of our own.

Do what is best for the family, not for yourself.

That’s God’s plan for marriage. It’s not a contract, it’s a covenant. And when we see it done right, it’s a beautiful thing.)

God never wanted people to experience the pain of divorce.

God’s intention for marriage explains His view of divorce.

Sadly, God knew the fall would happen and when you bring sinful human beings together, it would damage even the sacred union of marriage.

Let us now see

God’s view of Divorce

Because God has such a high view of marriage:

Remember, Jesus is speaking to arrogant men ho though their marriage was disposable. They could put her aside for any reason at all.

Jesus recalls them to the fact that divorce isn’t light nor is it easy in God’s eyes.

Matthew 19:7–12 ESV

They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”

Jesus said God made provision for divorce because of sin.

God knew sin and its consequences would sometimes destroy homes.

Jesus focuses their attention on God’s original allowance:

adultery

When one spouse violates the vow by committing adultery or being found to be sexually immoral when they were married, then divorce could occur.

The Law never made allowance for a man to throw out his wife for not cooking the cake the way Momma did!

In fact, notice what it says in Mal 2:14-16:

Malachi 2:13–16 NASB95

“This is another thing you do: you cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and with groaning, because He no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. “Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. “But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit. And what did that one do while he was seeking a godly offspring? Take heed then to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth. “For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the Lord of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”

GOD Hates Divorce

(THE ACT, not the person, GOD LOVES US)

I believe He hates it because it always involves unfaithfulness to the solemn covenant of marriage that two partners have entered into before Him, and because it brings harmful consequences to those partners and their children (Mal. 2:14-16).

It is the ripping apart of 1 person which had been formed when they were married (the 2 had become 1)

Divorce in the Scripture is permitted only because of man’s sin not his happiness, tastes, nor boredom.

Since divorce is only a concession to man’s sin and is not part of God’s original plan for marriage, all believers should hate divorce as God does and pursue it only when there is no other recourse.

Jesus gave one Biblical reason for divorce (in contrast with the ease at which a man could “put away” his wife.

Know THIS: divorce, even if for the wrong reasons, can be forgiven. All sin can.

Also notice, that Jesus granted an exception- adultery.

If one spouse cheats on the other, the innocent party is free to divorce and it is as if they were never married in GOD’s eyes.

GOD speaking through Paul explains a second exception:

1 Corinthians 7:12–16 ESV

To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

If one is saved and is abandoned by the lost one, they are free.

God again knows that sinful humans live lives which cause harm to others.

If an unbeliever abandons a believer, the believer is a victim!

Notice in both, there is no command requiring you to get divorced. If reconciliation is possible, then by all means be reconciled.

1 Corinthians 7:10–11 ESV

To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.

However, the easy path of “falling out of love” or “growing apart” isn’t what GOD planned.

Too many enter marriage with an escape hatch mentality:

separate bank accounts

Keeping secrets

Having an way out, “just in case”

My counsel based on God’s word is if that is where you are BEFORE the wedding, don’t say “I Do!”

If that is where you are in your marriage: Seek help to become one.

Let go and trust.

Help for the Hurting

Know this today.

Divorce doesn’t solve problems, it creates new ones.

If you’ve ever gotten a divorce or walked with someone through a divorce, then you know there’s nothing easy about it.

It’s messy, it’s hard. People get hurt. The couple, the kids, the extended family, the friends – everybody’s affected. Financially it’s devastating. Most divorced people experience some form of depression, loneliness, anxiety.

Some of you are struggling in your marriage- fight, fight…for your marriage.

Fight to keep your vows.

Fight to keep your covenant w/ God.

It’s not all about happiness, it’s about holiness.

Hang in there and do it for God.

Before you even mention the word divorce, get tons of counseling, tons of help, read the Bible 20 times, do 5000 push-ups, climb MT. Everest.

Exhaust all other options.

Don’t throw it away lightly.

BUT, there may be times it is unavoidable.

You may find yourself abandoned.

You may be violated by such a breach of trust due to adultery that you can’t go on.

God can heal you.

God can make you whole again.

He know we are broken and fragile beings.

Even if you were the one who broke your vows, He can forgive all sin when we repent.

THE CHALLENGE

Honestly, I think the challenge today is for those who are still married.

Are you doing everything you can to make your marriage awesome?

You get out what you put in. Are you giving everything you’ve got to the one you’ve given your life to? Under extreme conditions you may need to separate for a while; you may even need to get divorced. But are you doing everything you can to avoid it?

The position Jesus takes on divorce is extreme. It’s radical. It’s totally counter-culture then and now

To a world like his and ours that says, if your spouse doesn’t make you happy, why are you still there, Jesus’ teaching sounds like some form of medieval torture.

How could anybody want me to be unhappy? How could God want me to stay in a situation that makes me unhappy?

B/c God’s more concerned about your holiness than your happiness. And He knows better than anybody that the only way to be truly happy is to be holy. He’s got an eternity of happiness lined up for anybody who’s willing to pay the price and pursue holiness.

And really that’s the challenge for all of us. Single, married, divorced, divorcing, happily married, unhappily married – are we going to do life God’s way or our way? Are we going to follow Jesus or follow our feelings?