Chapter 5: Ten Laws of Boundaries Pt. 1

“God’s world is set up with laws and principles. Spiritual realities are as real as gravity, and if you do not know them, you will discover their effects”

Law 1: The Law of Sowing and Reaping

Galatians 6:7–8 NASB95

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.

When God says that we will reap what we sow, he’s not punishing us. Instead he is talking about how things are.

Examples: poor budgeting may result in unpaid bills or a lack of groceries; Eating well and exercising may result in less heath problems

Sometimes others interrupt natural consequences. Interrupters often don’t have boundaries and harm those they “seek to help” by not allowing them to learn from their consequences.

These people are called codependents- they “cosign the note” of life paying for it physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Law 2: The Law of Responsibility

Simply put, this is taking responsibility for ourselves.

We cannot be others - we cannot feel, think, behave, or work through disappointment that limits bring on others. Really, we can’t grow for others!

We can certainly love others and are called to do so, but rescuing others from their consequences only enables them to do it again.

Law 3: The Law of Power

This asks the question, what is within my power to do and what is not?

we are prone to a sinful nature () , but this doesn’t mean we don have power to do somethings that will bring fruits of victory later.

We have Power to:

agree with the truth about our problems - confession

submit our inability to God - trust

search and ask God and others to reveal more and more about what is within our boundaries

turn from the evil that you find within you - repentance

humble ourselves and ask God and others to help us with our developmental injuries and leftover childhood needs

seek out those whom you have injured and make amends () - reconciliation

We do not have power over: everything outside of our boundaries.

Law 4: The Law of Respect

respecting or honoring the boundaries of others.

Examples of not respecting boundaries - Pg. 91

Remember, when we judge other’s boundaries, Our boundaries will be judged.

“when we accept others’ freedom, we don’t get angry, fell guilty, or withdraw our love when they set boundaries with us. when we accept others’ freedom, we feel better about our own.”

Law 5: The Law of Motivation

Why do we do what we do?

Story of Stan pp. 92-93.

False Motives

False Motives:

Fear of Loss of love or abandonment- people who say yest and then resent saying yes fear losing love. they give to get love, and when they don’t get it, they feel abandoned

Fear of others’ anger- because of old hurts and poor boundaries, some people cannot stand for anyone to be mad at them.

Fear of loneliness- some people give in to others because they feel that will win love and end their loneliness.

Fear of losing the “good me” inside - they think to love is to always say yes, anything less is bad.

guilt- these folks try to do enough good things to overcome the guilt inside and feel good about themselves. when they say no, they feel bad.

pay back- receiving guilt messages. Some people feel that they must “pay back” for all that they have been given.

Approval - seeking the approval of a “symbolic parent.”

Over-identification with others’s loss - many times people have not dealt with their own disappointments and losses, so when ever they deprive someone else with a no, they “feel” the other person’s sadness to the 9th degree. they cannot stand to hurt someone that badly so they comply.