Married with Children
Becoming the Family of God • Sermon • Submitted
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Wives
Wives
They say marriage is three rings: engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering
Rod Stewart once said, “Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.”
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
Following theme of v. 21
21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Everyone to submit to each other, and wives submit to your husbands
We’re ALL called to submit! Not just wives to husbands...
“All Christians submit to each other, and how much more should wives submit to their husbands!”
Sometimes it’s harder to submit to spouses - long term GF/BF
First met vs. together for awhile… things start to bother you!
Things start to bother you!
Paul, understanding it’s hard for wives to submit, tells them to do so
Year one, man speaks, woman listens. Year two, woman speaks, man listens. Year ten, both speak, neighbors listen.
What Submission IS:
What Submission IS:
Let’s define “submit”
Greek - hypotasso: to be put in subjection to (your husband)
1. It IS self surrender
1. It IS self surrender
Wait, I have to think of myself as less than my husband? YES!!
3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.
We should always be concerned for others as higher than yourself!
Why wouldn’t you put your husband there? Why wouldn’t you think of him as higher than others?
Marriage is not a place for each person to take what they want
It’s a place to give the other what they need
If BOTH are doing that, you will also get what you want!
23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
2. It IS about trust
2. It IS about trust
Submission takes trust
I must submit to Matt - he is my boss
When he tells me to do something, I trust he has the best interest of the church (and me) at heart
If I didn’t trust Matt, I would leave
3. It IS your responsibility
3. It IS your responsibility
Who picks your husband? YOU!
This is why it is important to pick the right one!
If he’s bad, YOU are responsible for picking the wrong guy!
That means you are empowered to choose!
This is the guy you should trust to lead you
When you date, ask “Could this be the person I want to lead me and my kids?”
What Submission is NOT:
What Submission is NOT:
We defined what submission IS, let’s define what it IS NOT:
1. It is NOT inferiority!
1. It is NOT inferiority!
I am under the policeman’s authority
Doesn’t mean he has more value or importance - just authority
2. It is NOT slavery
2. It is NOT slavery
This is not about fulfilling every desire for a man you hate
It is about respecting someone who deserves it
33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Respect should be earned, but it should also be given
3. It is NOT for everyone
3. It is NOT for everyone
For Christians, and for wives
Doesn’t mean women can’t be doctors, politicians, business owners or supervisors
3. It IS about the marriage!
It’s about your MARRIAGE
If you are his boss at work, be his boss!
But in marriage, it’s designed differently...
Is the idea of submitting to your husband hard for you ladies?
16 To the woman he said,
“I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing;
in pain you shall bring forth children.
Your desire shall be contrary to your husband,
but he shall rule over you.”
Means that women will desire to rule over their husbands, and men must fight for it
They say marriage is a man losing his “bachelor’s” degree and a woman getter her “master’s”
That is a result of sin
Often, women want things done a certain way. Men don’t care about it at all
Women want control, men want to be left alone --- that’s sin!
Ladies, do you want control?
What do you think about this list (Ten Commandments)
No female friends
No social media
No make friends with partners. Must be single males only.
Must work minimum 50 hours a week
No smoking
Can drink but only 2 times a year or less and not get drunk
No playstation/game machines
No porn
Must keep house clean at all times
No going out without me
I wonder if he gets to make rules for her...
No shopping
Must have dinner ready by 5:30 every night
Must keep hair shoulder length or longer
Must play sports
No pajamas until 8:00p, must change by 9:00a
Must wear makeup daily
Sound fair?
Here’s why God did that:
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
Eph 5:25
Notice that this instruction is longer - probably because He knows the woman’s job is tough
eph 5:25-
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body.
Notice that this instruction is longer - probably because He knows the woman’s job is tough
So He explains the reasons why in detail
1. It’s about your relationship with God
1. It’s about your relationship with God
Notice “as to the Lord”
Doesn’t mean “just like you do with God,” means “do this for God”
2. It’s about letting him do his job
2. It’s about letting him do his job
He is the head, he cannot be that with your submission
If you block him, you are going against God
3. It’s a picture of the Church
3. It’s a picture of the Church
Marriage is an opportunity to mirror God’s design for all of us
If the woman is leading, it’s like man leading instead of Jesus
When NOT to submit
When NOT to submit
Sin
Incapacitated
Abusive
Adultery
Husbands
Husbands
You are to LOVE
Your wife should submit, but you should love
So you should never be a tyrant
Paul uses agape here
Eros (desire), Storge (family), philia (brotherly), and agape
God does love this way, but it does not mean Godly love
It is a mindful love - requires intentional action
Unearned love
Men, you are responsible for making a decision to love your wife everyday
Regardless of what she does!
All of a sudden, men are put in an unfair situation...
Notice, both women submitting and men loving requires the trust of the other person
So there is potential for one person to abuse the efforts of the other
Just like the ladies, a man’s obligation works the same way
1. It IS self surrender
1. It IS self surrender
2. It IS about trust
2. It IS about trust
3. It IS your responsibility
3. It IS your responsibility
28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body.
You are to love your bride as your own body!
How many of you love yourself?
All of you do! Watch...
Do you feed yourself good food?
Do you entertain yourself with good shows and music?
Do you do things that make you feel good?
Do you work to get better things for yourself?
Do you go to the doctor when your sick?
Do you get rest when you’re tired?
YES! And someday you should do the same things for your wife.
Watch this:
31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
eph 5:31
God doesn’t say love her like your body. He says love her because she IS your body!
A marriage is so tight you are the SAME PERSON!
So what does this all mean now? None of you are married...
Someday you probably will be...
You should prepare now!
5 Love Languages
5 Love Languages
Love Language Quiz
Acts of Service
Quality Time
Physical Touch
Gifts
Words of Affirmation
Explain why you need to know yours and your partner’s
Here is the secret to a happy marriage:
33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.