How do I get over hurts that hinder hope?

Have you ever been hurt by someone?

Let’s be honest we all have been hurt by someone.

If you are relationship with someone, eventually they will do something that hurts you, whether intentional or not

and conversely you will eventually hurt the ones you love as well

In fact It doesn’t matter how much someone loves you, chances are they will hurt you, and you will hurt them.

kind of depressing isn’t it?

The only way to avoid being hurt would be to never let someone into the place where they could impact you.

That would rob you of ever good thing you could experience in a relationship

I have met people in this state. they have been so hurt, that they cut themselves off from everyone, hoping to never being hurt like that again

But even then a stranger could hurt you.

So the only answer to never been hurt by someone would be to separate yourself from everyone, never having contact with anyone ever again.

Hebrews 10:24–25 NASB95

and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near.

It’s clear God intends us to be in relationship with others,

It’s also clear we can and probably will get hurt in those same relationships.

If you’re Married. Has your spouse ever hurt you. either intentional or unintentional?

Have you ever hurt them?

Have your ever hurt or been hurt by a child or parent?

or sibling

What about a close friend.

The truth is, we can probably all answer yes to to those questions

So that’s where our topic question comes in.

How do I get over hurts that hinder hope?

That’s what I want to deal with today!

You’ve probably heard the expression:

Time heals all wounds. We’ll that’s a lie

In fact if a wound goes untreated it only festers and gets worse.

this is both true in the physical and the mental.

We do have the confidence that is recorded in

Psalm 147:3 NASB95

He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds.

God is willing and ready to heal every hurt you’ve ever experienced

but there are some conditions.

Mark 11:25 NASB95

“Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions.

Matthew 6:14–15 NASB95

“For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. “But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.

The means of getting over hurt will always begin with forgiveness.

until you forgive, you will never be able to walk in wholeness

Colossians 3:13–15 NASB95

bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful.

In my years of counselling people, the #1 obstacle I come across is an unwillingness to forgive a wrong they’ve suffered.

I have found this to be true because many people have a misunderstanding of what forgiveness is:

Forgiveness is not:

1) Forgiveness is not a feeling 

2) Forgiveness is not pretending you were not hurt

3) Forgiveness is not condoning what the person did to you

4) Forgiveness is not trusting the offender

5) Forgiveness is not relieving the person of responsibility

Forgive is:

An act of your will, a decision you make

you choose to forgive and then expect your emotions to come in line with your will

You lead your emotion, instead of being lead by your emotion

If you’ve been hurt, its on you to forgive.

You don’t have to wait until they ask , before you give it

Forgiveness is between you and God

BUT, ......is what I usually hear at this point.

they don’t deserve it!

your absolutely right they don’t. but you do!

you deserve to be set free of that burden you are carrying, Why?

Because you are a child of God, who is destined to live an abundant life.

carrying around unforgiveness only hurts you more .

think about it.

When you hold a grudge against someone, who does it actually hurt.

You!

Even if you find a way to act out against the offender, it will always hurt you more than them

Ephesians 4:31–32 NASB95

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

Jesus tells us a parable about forgiveness

Matthew 18:21–35 NASB95

Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. “For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. “When he had begun to settle them, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. “But since he did not have the means to repay, his lord commanded him to be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment to be made. “So the slave fell to the ground and prostrated himself before him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you everything.’ “And the lord of that slave felt compassion and released him and forgave him the debt. “But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and he seized him and began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay back what you owe.’ “So his fellow slave fell to the ground and began to plead with him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you.’ “But he was unwilling and went and threw him in prison until he should pay back what was owed. “So when his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were deeply grieved and came and reported to their lord all that had happened. “Then summoning him, his lord said to him, ‘You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. ‘Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I had mercy on you?’ “And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him. “My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.”

Forgiveness is NOT an option, but rather an expectation.

So How do you know you have forgiven someone?

Litmus test: Can you honestly pray for God to Bless that person?

Take time to pray, and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal anything you need to offer forgiveness for.

So once you’ve gone through your list and forgiven those you need to forgive

The next step is to seek forgiveness from those you have wronged

Ask Holy Spirit to reveal anything you need to seek forgiveness for

When we hurt others.

Matthew 5:23–24 NASB95

“Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.

We don’t read, “If you have something against your brother,” but instead, “If your brother has been hurt or offended by you.”

In which case we are, in effect, to drop everything and first humble ourselves in that relationship by clearing our conscience,

asking forgiveness when necessary making restitution.

Then, and only then, can we return to the altar to experience unimpeded worship, thus “seeing the Lord’ and being transformed into His image

2 Corinthians 3:18 NASB95

But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.

Christ-likeness is inextricably bound to the health of our relationships.

When it is right to confront.

Once the log is out of our own eye, we can see clearly how to take the speck out of our brother’s eyes

Matthew 7:5 NASB95

“You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, “Nothing can be more cruel than the leniency which abandons others to their sin. Nothing can be more compassionate than the severe reprimand which calls another Christian in one’s community back from the path of sin.”

If the goal is restoration, and it should always be, here is further light from

James 5:19–20 NASB95

My brethren, if any among you strays from the truth and one turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.

But how we go about confrontation is everything!

There is sometimes the need to do intervening in the lives of our brethren, but to do so with a actions not tempered in prayer, a critical spirit or with any malice can leave a jagged, ugly wound and its recipient with a greater desire to close off their hearts in relationships.

Knowing this, God gives very careful instructions in Galatians 6:1 for making accurate incisions.

Galatians 6:1 NASB95

Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted.

In a fallen world, Christians have a risen Savior, an enthroned King Who bids us through obedience to live in His unshakeable Kingdom by loving with His love, forgiving because He has forgiven us, then treating our brethren in such a way that others want to live there, too.

So do you confront them to get your pound of flesh! No

But if you notice a destructive behavior in someone you Love, and desire to see them restored in your relationship, then yes confront them in love, and give them time to deal with it.

Once you’ve given and received forgiveness the next step is to live a life beyond offense

Next week. we will discover what is means to live unoffended

So join us resurrection Sunday. Because the secret of living unoffended comes through the cross!

Let’s pray