Relationships and Leadership

Introduction:

Life is all about relationships. No man is an island unto himself. No one can successfully navigate life in a healthy manner without others. Likewise, ministry in the church is also about relationships. When relationships suffer, the life of the church suffers and ministry is ineffective, weak or non-existent. Another things happens, confusion. Main things like gospel witness and mission to the world become secondary.

Young Timothy has been placed in Ephesus, a place swirling with theological controversy and relationship problems. He has already been reminded by Paul to pursue godliness and to be an example of such to the believers there. He is also exhorted to stay grounded in the word and to remember his calling/gift and to be diligent in his life and doctrine. Paul begins by giving him instructions concerning relationships.

I. Family Manners

, “Do not rebuke an older man, but exhort him as a father, younger men as brothers, 2 older women as mothers, and with all propriety, the younger women as sisters.”

One of my favorite word pictures for the church is that of a family. Brothers, Sisters, Fathers and Mothers. With Timothy’s youth, he faced a tricky situation with the older members of this church. However, he was not to faint when it came to necessary correction. However, the manner of delivering this correction needed to be respectful. We all would do well to remember that we can be right about something and still wrong due to the way we deliver the message.

Do not rebuke an older man, but exhort him as a father, younger men as brothers, 2 older women as mothers, and with all propriety, the younger women as sisters.

One of my favorite word pictures for the church is that of a family. Brothers, Sisters, Fathers and Mothers. With Timothy’s youth, he faced a tricky situation with the older members of this church. However, he was not to faint when it came to necessary correction. However, the manner of delivering this correction needed to be respectful. We all would do well to remember that we can be right about something and still wrong due to the way we deliver the message.

The word “rebuke” here refers to a severe verbal pounding. Timothy was not to speak to the older men in this way. The word exhort is a more subtle and kinder approach that would serve as a corrective word to these older men. Timothy was to avoid smug, pompous or arrogant approaches and also not to talk down to the younger men. The younger women were to be treated like sisters. A good brother would die to protect his sister. Be honorable and protective toward them. Do we see how that treating one another like family makes a difference?

A church that spans all ages and genders can only function properly when people know their roles and treat each other like family. This is echoing Paul’s words in 3:15 when he remarked concerning how one should conduct themselves in the church of God, a pillar and buttress of truth.” This pleases and honors God.

II. Honor and Care for Widows In Need

Care for widows was deeply rooted in Jewish tradition and is also a clear teaching from God.

Widows

, “You shall not mistreat any widow or fatherless child. If you do mistreat them, and they cry out to me, I will surely hear their cry.”

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The words of the Old Testament and the example of Jesus enforce the truth concerning the honor and care for widows and orphans.

records how the NT church carried out a food distribution for widows.

, “ religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.”

records how the NT church carried out a food distribution for widows. However, only real widows were to be assisted. This implies that there were abuses taking place. Some who proposed to be in need actually were not. Benevolence on the part of the church always requires great discernment. This means sometimes clear but firm guidelines have to be established. This is the instruction Paul is giving to Timothy.

A. Be Discerning with Benevolence

the word “honor” concerns financial support and proper care. Paul uses the term “truly widows” three times in verses 3, 5 and 16.

Verse 5 adds another distinction - “left all alone” - obviously referring to the fact that she has no family to help support her. So a member of the church who is a widow, is destitute and is all alone with no family is to be cared for by the church.

Another distinction the scripture adds here concerns a widow who is godly. “has put her hope in God and continues night and day in her petitions and prayers..”

“however, she who is self-indulgent is dead even while she lives.” These factors give guidance for discerning true need from those who are not qualified for the church’s support.

What about those who don’t qualify for the church’s assistance? Well, their families were to take care of them.

B. The Significance of the Family

verse 4, “But if any widow has children or grandchildren, they must learn to practice godliness toward their own family first and to repay their parents, for this pleases God.”

It is a sad commentary on the state of our culture today when children who are able will not look after and take care of their parents.

It is to our shame that in Western nations the children often leave parents to their own devices or to social welfare programs. It certainly should not be so among God’s people.

Knute Larson, I & II Thessalonians, I & II Timothy, Titus, Philemon, vol. 9, Holman New Testament Commentary (Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 2000), 222.

Illustrate: watched my mother care for both her father and mother till their death.

C. The Requirement of Godliness

Verse 8, “But if anyone does not provide for his own, that is his own household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

Even the pagan Romans took care of their parents. Christian sons and daughters are responsible for the care of widows and helpless parents and grandparents. Emotional neglect and even abandonment of parents and widows by their children is a wicked fact that illustrates the degrading of a society and its godlessness.

The church cannot meet every need - it is called to only meet real needs, qualifying needs..far too many today take advantage of God’s church..the church is not a charity - it is the household of God.

We need to remember something else here…the reality of abandonment. Women and children who have been abandoned by their husbands and fathers…this is prevalent today but is certainly applicable to the tenor of the instructions Paul is giving Timothy here I believe. Godly and single mothers are essentially today a new class of “widows”. Our American culture has produced this category that would have been a rarity in the ancient world of Ephesus.

Verses 9-16 reflect specific instructions given to the situation Timothy faced in Ephesus. The age restriction should not be viewed by us as a directive across all times for the church, but for the specific situation Timothy faced in his time. Apparently there was an official list used in Ephesus. Paul’s concern is that those on the list qualified. This echoes is previous instructions. So, Paul gives some guidance here for young Timothy in how to manage this list appropriately. Widows were to be a certain age and they were not only to receive but also to serve. Younger widows were to be encouraged to re-marry.

However, the principles laid forth are timeless. This principle reflects the truth that discernment is needed in this matter. Carelessness in this matter could lead to division and harm to the church and its testimony as well as the spiritual health of individual women.

Conclusion:

The church, then, is not to give indiscriminate handouts. Each family bears the primary responsibility for providing for its own “needy.” The church should not weaken this God-given duty by assuming the care of everyone.

Nor is need alone sufficient reason for financial support. For the sake of the church’s reputation, the church should give financial backing only to those who exhibit true need along with spiritual maturity and service. By implication, since the church is obligated to care for these people, the name of Christ is dishonored if this duty is neglected.

Paul gave directives for a purposeful life: an older widow’s good deeds, a younger woman’s godly home. God and his church confirm the significance of every person, regardless of age, sex, or marital status.

God has set forth a welfare structure of compassion which guards against abuse, recognizes true need, and affirms the dignity and value of each individual.

The church exists as God’s holy community, his gathered witness to the world. Its primary function is to bring believers together for worship in order to honor Jesus Christ as Lord. The church is to teach biblical truth and hold believers accountable for their conduct and spiritual development. It is to function as a community of care for those who follow Christ. It is a gathering of diverse people drawn together and unified by their love and obedience to Christ. Though the church is open to all people, its first obligation is to those who are followers of Christ.

Knute Larson, I & II Thessalonians, I & II Timothy, Titus, Philemon, vol. 9, Holman New Testament Commentary (Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 2000), 225–226.

God does not expect the church to meet every need in the world. When the church assumes responsibilities for which it was not designed, it is crippled. So is the institution whose duty it assumes.

Paul emphasized the need for the family to care for its own members, particularly widows. In our own day we might extend this family responsibility to providing spiritual training, education, and social activities.

None of these activities are wrong for the church. But a danger occurs when the church assumes the business for which the family was created. By releasing the family from more and more responsibilities, the very thing we wish to preserve and strengthen (the family) is weakened.

Perhaps the church should be putting back upon parents and families the obligations that God gave them. We should hold them accountable for the spiritual welfare and development of their children, the care and support of aging parents, and provision for family members without a job. When the church takes on these family responsibilities, the church is, in Paul’s words, “burdened.” In addition, the family becomes incompetent. The church and family might do better if the church would educate its members, provide ministry opportunities in which the entire family could participate, and then release them—to spend time together.

Knute Larson, I & II Thessalonians, I & II Timothy, Titus, Philemon, vol. 9, Holman New Testament Commentary (Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 2000), 231–232.

“If we love, we can never observe the other person with detachment, for he is always and at every moment a living claim to our love and service.”

Dietrich Bonhoeffer