The Gospel of Mark: For Better — For Worse

Text: Mark 10:1-12

Theme: The Bible’s teaching on divorce.

Do you remember your wedding day? As part of your vows, you probably said these words: "To have and to hold from this day forward; for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; until we are parted by death." Important words, aren’t they? They are words of commitment. They are ++words. Did you think about their meaning when you said them? Have you thought about their meaning since then? Think about them -- for better or for worse. These words are found in most traditional wedding services, unfortunately in far too many cases, “the worse” often outweighs “the better” and the marriage dissolves.

The statistical evidence for this is overwhelming.

In America about 42% of all first marriages will end in divorce within an average 8.2 years after the wedding.

Subsequent marriages fare even worse — 60% of second marriages end in divorce, and 73% of third marriages will end in divorce.

In three-quarters of those divorces, it is the wife who files for the dissolution of the marriage.

There is also a significant difference in divorce rates among economic groups. The divorce rate among higher income couples is 11%, while the divorce rate for lower income couples is 17%. (I guess “poorer” often goes hand-in-hand with “worse”)

Among Evangelical Christians, the percentage is – sadly – not much better with a quarter of Evangelicals divorcing. (That statistic is somewhat skewed because it includes all self-identifying Evangelical Christians whether-or-not they attend church. Across the board, couple who are active in weekly worship, whether it’s in a Church, a Synagogue, or a Mosque — those couple have significantly lower divorce rates. Weekly worshiping together is one of the biggest indicators in the longevity of a marriage)

The good news is that divorce rates have dropped significantly over the last twenty-five years. In 1992, there were 4.8 divorces per 1,000 population. By 2016, this had dropped to 3.2. Those who do tie the knot tend to be older, better off and more highly educated.

What does the church have to say about divorce? Some churches are guilty of twisting the Scriptures to accommodate their own particular bias. We either raise the standard to a level that puts more importance on the institution than on the people involved in the institution. Or, we lower the standard to a point where we place no importance on the institution what-so-ever.

On one hand, well-meaning people raise the standard in their desire to stop divorce. The would maintain that there should be no divorce for any Christian for any reason, and absolutely no remarriage for any Christian at any time, period. The problem is that this can force a believer to remain within an abusive or even dangerous relationship. This may be well-intentioned, but it cannot be biblically substantiated.

On the other hand, there are those well-intentioned people who look at the problem of divorce and say we must not forget that people are involved, and we need to love them, care for them, minister to them, and accept them. What happens is that the standard is lowered to accommodate the believer’s divorce for any reason what-so-ever. While these churches rightly emphasize forgiveness, they end up lowering the standard to the same as the world's. And that is as equally biblically untenable.

The best position for the church to take is the biblical position. So let's look at the elements of this passage in order to discover the plain, biblical teaching concerning marriage. I want us to see The Testing of the Scribes, The Testimony of the Savior, and The Teachings of the Scriptures.

I. THE TESTING OF THE SCRIBES

vv. 1-2 "And rising up, He went from there to the region of Judea, and beyond the Jordan; and crowds gathered around Him again, and, according to His custom, He once more began to teach them. And some Pharisees came up to Him, testing Him, and began to question Him whether it was lawful for a man to divorce a wife."

1. Jesus was engaged in teaching people

a. as always, there were Pharisees in the crowd, listening and plotting to trip Jesus up and publically embarrass him by asking questions designed to put him between a-rock-and-a-hard-place

b. they were always seeking to discredit Jesus, not to learn more about His teaching

2. on this particular day, the scribes would come to Him with a new question

A. THE DISHONESTY OF THE SCRIBES

1. their questions were not asked to elicit information, but to test him

a. you can almost hear the malice in their voice

2. on this occasion, the question of the day is about divorce

ILLUS. Said sarcastically, So tell us “rabbi” ... is it permissible for a man to divorce his wife? You’re a wise man. Tell us. Give us your insight.

a. in order to understand the full picture of what happened, we must not only read this account in Mark 10, but also its parallel account in Matthew 19

b. here in Mark, the question is about the law of divorce

1) the scribes wanted to know on what grounds it was lawful for a man to divorce a wife

a) Hebrew women were not allowed to divorce their husbands

2) Matthew adds that they asked Him whether it was lawful to divorce a wife for any reason

c. obviously, this was a loaded question

1) what they really wanted to do was to put Jesus in an untenable situation — one that conflicted with the teaching of the leading rabbis of the day

3. there were two schools of thought in Jesus' day concerning divorce

a. they were propagated by two rabbis: Rabbi Hillel and Rabbi Shammai

ILLUS. These are still considered two of the most eminent religious scholars in Judaism. So much so that there were schools of thought named for them — the School of Hillel, and the School of Shammai. Both were Pharisees, and both served on the Jewish Sanhedrin. It was Hillel’s grandson, Gamaliel — who also served on the Sanhedrin — who in Acts 5 counseled the Jewish leaders to essentially leave the Christians alone saying that if the movement was not of God it would fail, and if it was of God, they couldn’t stop it.

b. Rabbi Shammai taught that divorce was only permissible on the grounds of some sexual impropriety

1) his was the more conservative view

c. Rabbi Hillel, on the other hand, had a more progressive view

1) he taught that a man could divorce His wife for any reason what-so-ever

ILLUS. If she burned his breakfast, put too much salt on his porridge, showed disrespect to him, spoke ill of her mother-in-law in her husband’s presence, spoke to a man on the street, or even let her hair down in public, he could divorce her.

2) his view was the precursor to our own “modern” no-fault divorce

d. the view of Rabbi Hillel was the view that was most popular in Jesus' day

1) this is the reason the scribes tested Him

2) they wanted Him to become unpopular with the people and they knew He would not side with this more liberal view

4. but I think there is something more going on here

a. Mark 10:1 says, “Jesus left that place and went into the region of Judea and across the Jordan ... “

1) so what?

b. across the river is Perea, over which Herrod Antipas rules ... remember him?

1) he’s the one who has John the Baptist arrested, and ultimately beheaded, for publically denouncing Antipas divorcing his wife so he could marry Herodias, who was his brother’s wife

2) they are hoping that if Jesus takes a hard-line on divorce, taking sides with the School of Shammai that Herrod just might solve the “Jesus-problem” for them

B. THE FLAWED INTERPRETATION OF THE SCRIBES

1. this entire controversy was based on a passage of Scripture in Deuteronomy 24

a. when Jesus asked them what Moses had commanded, they referred to this passage

Deut. 24:4 "And they said, 'Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.'”

2. the Scribes and Religious leaders of Jesus’ day actually saw this as a command to divorce a wife who displeased them in some way

a. this passage was misunderstood because it was mistranslated for years

1) even in our King James Bible the sense of that mistranslation is perpetuated

b. listen to Deuteronomy 24:1 from the King James:

"When a man hath taken a wife and married her, and it comes to pass that she find no favor in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her, then let him write her a bill of divorcement and give it in her hand and send her out of his house."

1) notice it says "then let him write her a bill of divorcement."

c. now, listen to the New American Standard Version which translates this passage accurately

"When a man takes a wife and marries her and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house."

3. do you hear the difference?

a. the KJV passage can be interpreted as commanding divorce

b. the NASV passage merely gives permission to divorce based on some uncleanness

4. the real issue was what constituted uncleanness

a. Shammai said that it was sexual impropriety

b. Hillel said it was for any reason

1) another rabbi who was of Hillel's school, Rabbi Akiba, took reasoning to its logical conclusion by saying that the indecency meant that a man could divorce his wife when he found another woman who was more beautiful

5. such was the climate in Jesus' day

a. it is not very much different from the climate in our day, is it?

6. I'm sure all ears were opened as the crowd waited to hear His response

II. THE TESTIMONY OF THE SAVIOR

Mark 10:3-4 "And He answered and said to them, “What did Moses command you?” They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.” NASB95

1. ya know, you’ve really got to wonder about the mental viability of the Scribes

a. every time they try to entrap Jesus, He makes them look like idiots

b. He does it again in this exchange

2. Jesus did what He was so adept at doing – He cut right to the heart of the issue

Mark 10:5 "But Jesus said to them, 'Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment."

a. rather than entering into a debate over what the "indecency" was, He told the scribes why Moses wrote the commandment concerning divorce

1) Jesus said that it was for the hardness of heart of the people

2) here is the fundamental reason for divorce throughout the ages – hearts that grow hard, cold and insensitive to the needs of one’s spouse

3. as he so often does, Jesus is going to use this opportunity to teach about the true nature of the marriage contract

A. GOD’S INTENT FOR MARRIAGE

Mark 10:6-9 "But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and the two shall become one flesh; consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.'"

1. Jesus points all the way back to creation to show them God's original intention for marriage

a. it’s not a matter of sexual or social convenience for the male of the species

b. it’s not a way for the alpha-male and alpha-female to keep their superior genes going

2. since the dawn of God’s creative effort in Eden, His intention was for one man to be committed to one women for life as they established a home

a. this was God's original intent

b. and that is still His desire for marriage

3. because of this, verse 7 indicates that the man should leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and those two shall become one flesh

a. marriage involves leaving and cleaving

b. in that process that process, verse 8 indicates that they are no longer two, but one flesh

1) they are to be bonded together physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually

c. this relationship is so important – so critical – that God gives a strong prohibition against anyone trying to separate this union

4. the scribes tested Jesus by asking, "What do you think about divorce?"

a. Jesus responded to them by saying, "What do you think about marriage?"

b. He then proceeds to tell them what God thinks about marriage by pointing them to the very Scriptures that they sought to use against Him

1) you’d think these guys would learn

c. God sees marriage as two people becoming one, committed to one another, in a covenant relationship which lasts a lifetime

5. but we still have the question: What about divorce?

a. does the Scripture have anything to say about that?

6. divorce is real – divorce happens – even among people who profess to be Christians and are active in their church

a. are there any guidelines?

b. is there any sure word from God?

c. how do we deal with people who get divorced?

d. are there any biblical grounds for divorce?

1) all of these are questions which need answers

III. THE TEACHING OF THE SCRIPTURES

1. what does Jesus of God say concerning this issue?

A. BIBLICAL EXCEPTIONS TO DIVORCE

1. the first biblical exception to divorce is marital unfaithfulness

Mark 10:10-12 "And in the house the disciples began questioning Him about this again. And He said to them, 'Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.'"

b. in order to understand this passage, we must look at the parallel passage in Matthew 19

1) there, Jesus says virtually the same thing, only He adds what is known as the exception clause

Matthew 19:9, "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife except for immorality and marries another woman commits adultery."

1) this exception is also found in our Lord’s Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5:32

c. the first biblical exception to divorce is marital unfaithfulness

1) the difference between Jesus and the Scribes interpretation of the Old Testament is that Jesus – like Moses – allows for divorce, but does not command it

2) adultery has a devastating impact on marriage, but does not have to end in divorce

d. Jesus tells us that if a man divorces his wife for anything less than adultery, he then causes her to commit adultery and commits adultery himself

2. the second biblical exception to divorce is when an unbelieving partner leaves a believer

1 Corinthians 7:8-15 "But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife. But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace." NASB95

a. the Apostle first addresses single people

1) he tells them that if you are single and can remain single, do so, but if you have a need to marry, then that is OK too

2) some people can lead a celibate life – some cannot

3) the key here is Paul’s comment even as I

a) Paul is talking about remaining single for the sake of the Gospel — the in remaining single, one can pour his or her whole life into serving Christ

b. the Apostle secondly addresses two Christians married to one another – vv. 10-11 "But to the married I give instructions, not I but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband. But if she does leave, let her remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband; and that the husband should not send his wife away."

1) here we have two Christians married to one another

2) Paul simply says, stay together – if there is no unfaithfulness, stay together

c. it is interesting that he does make a provision for a separation

1) no where does the Bible teach that the wife has an obligation to stay in a home with an abusive man who threatens her physical welfare or the welfare of her children

2) but if she leaves under those circumstances, she is either to be reconciled unto her husband, or to remain unmarried

ILLUS. Most of you here this evening are familiar with the name Fanny Crosby. She was one of the most prolific hymn authors in the history of Christendom, writing over 8,000 hymns and gospel songs. She was known as the "Queen of Gospel Song Writers." Crosby also wrote more than 1,000 secular poems, had four books of poetry published, as well as two best-selling autobiographies. Additionally, she co-wrote popular secular songs, as well as political and patriotic songs and at least five cantatas on biblical and patriotic. She was committed to Christian rescue missions and was known for her public speaking. She also had a strained marriage. She married Alexander van Alstyne. He was also blind, and was a student of her’s at the New York School for the Blind, and then a teacher. He was an accomplished organist, and wrote some of the music for Fanny’s hymns. In 1859, Alexander and Fanny had a daughter named Frances who died soon after of Typhoid Fever. After the death of their daughter, Alexander became increasingly reclusive. For many years, the Fanny and her husband had — according to their friends — "a most unusual married life." They lived together only intermittently, and by 1880, they had separated, living both separately and independently due to a rift in their marriage of uncertain origin. Despite living separately for more than two decades, Crosby insisted that they "maintained an amiable relationship", kept in contact with one another, and even ministered together on occasions. Alexander died in 1902, and in 1903, in her autobiography, she wrote of their marriage, "He had his faults—and so have I mine, but notwithstanding these, we loved each other to the last"

3) outside of marital infidelity, there is no biblical reason why two Christians should divorce

d. Paul lastly addresses a mixed marriage - that is a Christian who is married to an unbeliever in vv. 12-15

1) the teaching here is quite simple: If you are a believer married to an unbeliever, stay with them – God may use you to bring them to saving faith

e. but then verse 15 gives us the only other biblical grounds for divorce

1) when an unbelieving partner leaves a believer, the believer is to let that partner leave

2) the Apostle writes, "the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases"

3) I believe what the Scripture is teaching here is that Christians should stay with non-Christians as long as the non-Christian is willing

4) but if the non-Christian leaves the Christian and divorces him, then the Christian is released from that marriage biblically, and is free to remarry

3. to sum up, there are only three things that release a marriage partner from a marriage: a. Number 1 - the death of one marriage partner

b. Number 2 - sexual unfaithfulness by a marriage partner; and

c. Number 3 - the desertion and divorce by an unbelieving marriage partner

4. here is the plain teaching of Scripture

IV. SOME BIBLICAL EXHORTATIONS

1. there are biblical grounds for a divorce, but what about those who have divorced outside those grounds?

a. to those folks, the church must be honest

1) we have to say that what they have done is to sin against God and against their partner

b. if there is the possibility, they need to go and be reconciled to the one they divorced

1) if not, if one of them has remarried, then they must simply cast themselves on the mercy of God in repentance and ask for forgiveness

2) they must call it what it is - sin

2. at the same time, let me hasten to add that the sin of divorce is not the unpardonable sin

a. the sinner who casts himself upon Jesus in sincere repentance will find forgiveness

1) and we must forgive those whom God forgives

3. the best defense against divorce is a sound marriage

Ephesians 4:22-33

a. the best game plan for a sound marriage is wrapped up in the word commitment

1) commitment means first, I am committed to God: to be obedient to Him, to follow His word, to put Him first in my life

2) if a man and a woman are committed to God, they have a foundation for a marriage that will be divorce-proof

3) but commitment also means that I am committed to my marriage partner

4) if I committed to God, to His Word and to my spouse, divorce is not an option

We can divorce-proof our marriages if both partners will live according to God's original purpose. As we put Jesus first, and as we both move together closer to Him, we will be pulled closer together. And God will give us a wonderful marriage that is founded upon the rock which cannot be moved.

If a person has strong religious beliefs, the risk of divorce is 14 percent less and having no religious affiliation makes you 14 percent more likely to get divorced.